27. Jackson

CHAPTER 27

JACKSON

I 'm woken up by a banging on the door. "Go away!" I yell.

The hammering doesn't stop, though, and putting a pillow over my head doesn't make it go away.

With the game and everything else that's going on right now, I'm doing some stress relief the best way I know how. And that is to lie down and watch baseball movies that I've seen a hundred times before. Matt hasn't texted me again, and Freya still hasn't answered my message — and I'm now starting to really have doubts about our big win.

I am going to yell at whoever this is so hard they're not even going to know what's?—

"Freya?" I gasp as I swing open the front door. "I wasn't expecting to see you here. What's wrong?"

A rush of fear hits me as I imagine all the scenarios that could have happened to bring her here, crying on my doorstep. A million things could have gone wrong, but anything that makes Freya cry… it's got to be bad.

I don't stop for more questions. Instead, I lead her through to the living room and sit her down on the sofa. "Okay," I start. "You know I love having you here, and you're always welcome. And it's really good to see you. But I need to know what's going on right now before I start to get real worried."

She lets out a watery chuckle. "I'm fine. And so is Matt. Honestly."

I sit next to her, keeping a respectable distance between us.

"I just have something to tell you," she says.

"You're not making me feel better about this."

She reaches out her hand to take mine, and I have to actively remember how to breathe. It feels so damn good to have her hand in mine again. It's only been a week and a half, but that's a week and a half too long. I almost blurt that out, but she needs to give me her news first, so I bite my tongue.

She takes deep breath and then just says it straight. "Jackson, I'm pregnant."

"You're what ?"

"Pregnant. With your baby."

"Mine?"

She shakes her head. "Who else's do you think? You know I've been faithful to you this whole time. There's nobody else's it could be."

"What?" I say, my brain still trying to wrap itself around the news. "Wait — no, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant?—"

"I'm teasing," she says, smiling hard and squeezing my hand.

"You're pregnant," I say again, not sure what else to say. I'm sure my face is doing something weird right now, something inconvenient and inappropriate, but really, how are you supposed to react when the woman you love bursts into your house in floods of tears and announces that she's carrying your baby inside her?

"I know this probably isn't what you were wanting to hear," she says shakily, closing her eyes as she activates business mode. "But I needed to tell you the truth. I'm not saying you have to talk to me, and if you don't want to be involved, I get it. I won't ask you for anything if you don't want me to. If you want us to leave you alone forever, then I will."

"Freya," I interrupt as gently as I can, "what makes you think I'd ever, ever not want to be involved with you or our baby?"

Her mouth opens and closes a few times as she tries to understand what's going on. I take advantage of the silence to make my own confession. "Freya, believe me, there is no world where I don't want you back. You broke my heart when you left. You absolutely shattered it."

"I'm sorry," she whispers, tears welling in her eyes again.

"No, but you're right," I say. I need to get this out. "All the things you said about me not listening to you, about me not making time — I understand now, I think. I have big dreams. You know that. Everyone knows that. I want them more than anything. But… I guess… well, I don't want them more than I want you . I can't promise I'll be perfect, but I'll try to be better. I'll make more time for you and give you everything you deserve. If you want me back at all, I'm yours."

I run a hand through my hair, letting out a breath. "I wasn't expecting to have a kid ever , if I'm honest, but the idea of having one with you? It's…" I flounder for the words. This is going nothing like how I'd daydreamed it would go, and it doesn't help that she's not sticking to the script, but I make the best landing I can. "Look, whatever you decide is your decision, but I'll be here for you no matter what. I'm sorry I let you down, and I promise to try not to again."

"Jackson," she says softly, and I hold my breath for the hit, "you're going to be a wonderful father."

With that she bursts into tears again, and I bundle her up in my arms, pulling her in tight. "I love you, Jackson," she mumbles into my chest. "I'm so sorry for pushing you away without talking to you."

"And I'm sorry for the same. But hey…" I shuffle to look in her eye, stroking her cheekbone gently with my thumb. "For real, make me one promise, okay? Promise you'll tell me if you feel like I'm not listening. I can sit here and make you all the sweet promises you want. But if I don't know what you're thinking, I can't put it right."

"Okay, deal," she says.

"I love you, Freya," I say, and any other words we might have left in us are lost as our lips crash together, tasting of salt and regret and the future yet to come, hand in hand.