CHAPTER 18

It was the semifinal match for Aspen and DJ, and Kendra wished she could just sit in the stands and watch them play instead of having to stand off to the side in the tunnel and interview the coach of one of the other pairs playing in the next match. The interview was only supposed to last a minute, but the guy was dragging out his answers, making it difficult for her to hand it back over to the studio. Kendra was a pro, though, so she caught him mid-breath.

“And we’re excited to watch your team compete tonight. Coming up right after this match.” She handed it back to the studio.

“I wasn’t done answering your question,” he said when Kendra went to walk away.

“Sorry. We had to hand it back. The match is back after the timeout.”

“Can I finish the answer when they go to another timeout?” he asked.

“Not tonight. Sorry,” she replied and then walked out of the tunnel and stood at where the sand met the concrete.

She’d never had someone ask to do another interview just to complete the answer to her question, but it was his first season as a coach on the tour, and it didn’t sound like he’d done a lot of interviews in his day, so she wasn’t too bothered by it.

“Cut!” Aspen yelled.

Kendra sighed as she took her in. This woman was the perfect specimen of a beach volleyball player – all long legs and arms, with that flat stomach and small breasts tucked inside that bikini top – and Kendra wished they’d had more time together before they’d both had to travel for this event. That night at the party had been fun. Aspen dropping her off and walking Kendra to her front door because Kendra had still been a little tipsy had been fun, too, and she’d almost invited Aspen in. She hadn’t, but not because of any real self-control. It had only been because she’d wanted to respect Aspen’s early morning practice.

Kendra had wanted to hang out with her on this trip, but Aspen had been busy. After her match the previous night, she’d been invited to do a sit-down interview with a magazine covering beach volleyball, and that had gone until after nine. Aspen had texted her, though, and they’d talked that way until a little after ten when Aspen had told her that she was going to try to get some sleep. Kendra wasn’t sure if Aspen had any plans for tonight after this semi, but if she and DJ won, Kendra would probably ask if she wanted to hang out. If they lost, though, she was pretty sure Aspen would just want to spend time with DJ, going over what happened, so she wouldn’t put that out there if they didn’t win tonight.

DJ and Aspen earned the point and were up by two in the second set. They’d lost the first set, though, which rarely happened. This was the main reason Kendra didn’t want to do her job tonight and wanted to be a spectator. As a former athlete herself, she knew how important it was for Aspen and DJ to experience a first-set loss because it allowed them to practice coming from behind. They were well on their way now, with nineteen points and only two more to earn to get the win in this set and the chance to win the whole match in the third set, which would only go to fifteen points. DJ was up at the service line. When the ball hit the net but managed to roll to the other side, their opponent couldn’t get to it, so DJ got the point, and they only needed one more to earn another set.

“Come on, DJ,” Kendra muttered to herself.

DJ served an easy ball, probably trying to keep it in and play defense instead of risking a service error. When the other team played it back over the net, Aspen was there, digging it out. DJ set it, and Aspen hit a pokey that the other team wasn’t ready for. The ball landed just inbounds at the back line, earning them the set win.

Kendra put her earpiece back in and walked over to the other team’s bench. She’d be interviewing them right now about the win in the first set and the loss in the second because it was more likely that she’d be interviewing Aspen and DJ with a win after the match. She did her job, though admittedly, she was a little more focused on the woman sitting on the opposite bench than was called for.

When she headed back to her waiting spot, Kendra caught Aspen’s eye. Aspen winked at her, and that bravado and confidence she possessed, even after losing the first set by three points, was contagious. Just by watching this woman play, Kendra felt more confident, for some reason, and when Aspen served and earned them the first point of the match, Kendra knew they’d pull it off.

◆◆◆

“So, tell me, how does it feel to make yet another final?” she asked before she bit into another French fry at their table later.

“You asked me that for the camera earlier,” Aspen pointed out and took a sip of her water.

“I’m asking you to really answer it now, not for the camera.”

“I like that we lost first. We had to pull it together, and we did,” DJ replied instead.

Kendra looked over at the woman who had been standing nearby when she’d offered to buy Aspen a late dinner at this hot dog stand on the beach.

“What she said,” Aspen added with a nod toward DJ.

“Cheater,” Kendra teased.

“Hey, DJ?” Aspen asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you done with your food?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Any chance you want to go study the film from the match?”

“No. I’m taking the night off. Tomorrow morning is film time.”

Aspen looked disappointed. Kendra felt like maybe they were two lesbians who were somehow dating without realizing it because she wanted to be alone with Aspen, too. Still, neither of them had said anything yet about the near-constant flirting, the texting, the winking on center court, and all the time they’d been spending together.

“Can you maybe just not be here right now, then?” Aspen asked DJ directly. “I need to talk to Kendra about something.”

“Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I guess I did just invite myself here, huh? I’ll be in the room.”

“Okay,” Aspen said.

“Night, Kendra.”

“Good night, DJ,” Kendra replied and smiled as she watched her walk away. “You need to tell me something?” she asked Aspen then.

“No, I just wanted to hang out alone. I love DJ, but we spend all day, every day together. Sometimes, I could use a break. Just like, I’m sure, she could use one from me, too.”

“You are a lot sometimes,” Kendra teased.

“Shut up.” Aspen laughed. “So, were you nervous? Did you think we’d lose?”

“No, I knew you’d win.”

“Really? I wasn’t so sure after that first set.”

“Yes, you were,” Kendra stated.

“Fine. We’d played slow in the first set, so I was sure we just needed to speed up and we’d be fine. But I’m trying not to sound like a narcissist here, Kendra.”

“You are far from narcissistic, Aspen Ashley.”

“Yeah?”

Kendra nodded.

“Can I ask you something? And you can choose not to answer, if you want.”

“Sure,” Kendra told her and then sipped on her vanilla milkshake.

“Would you have pursued beach or indoor if you’d been able to play on? You played both in high school. I was curious.”

Kendra set her milkshake back on the small folding table the hot dog stand owner must have set up daily near the front of the stand.

“It’s okay. Forget it. Sorry, I brought it up.”

“Why did you?” Kendra asked.

“Because I want to get to know you better. I know you loved volleyball, so I wanted to know which one you would have picked if you’d gone pro.” Aspen picked up Kendra’s milkshake then and took a sip through her straw, which made Kendra glare playfully at her. “What? I won today. I can have a sip.”

Kendra wanted to tell her that she could have a lot more than that, and she didn’t even have to win a beach volleyball match to get it, but she sensed this was maybe an important conversation, so a comment like that would have to wait.

“Beach.”

“Yeah?”

“I secretly – well, not-so-secretly – wanted both. I’m actually a little jealous of your former partner because she played pro beach first and almost qualified for the Olympics before she made the US national team and would probably play indoor in the Games. That’s not exactly easy to do, and I wanted that. Well, I wanted to win a medal in both.”

“Dreaming big, huh?” Aspen asked.

“I was seventeen, so, yeah. I was good enough that major colleges were courting me, but that was for indoor because there weren’t beach teams in college yet. I would’ve played for one of them and then gone to the beach after, I think.”

“Where would you have gone?”

“I got offers from Stanford, Nebraska, Florida State, Oklahoma, Washington–”

“Jesus, Kendra. You got offers from Stanford and Nebraska?”

“More than that. I had ten serious offers, and I’d done three campus visits as well. I don’t know where I would’ve actually gone, but I’d narrowed it down to Stanford and Washington. At that point in time, I wanted to get away from So-Cal for a bit, and those are two good volleyball schools. Nebraska is great, too, so they were my third choice.”

“That’s crazy. You were kicking ass, huh?”

“So were you. How many offers did you get? Be honest.”

“A few.”

“I said, ‘Be honest,’ not, ‘Be modest.’”

“Over twenty. But my high school was a volleyball feeder school, so it was more about that than me. People have to know you’re there to get you an offer, and–”

“Stop being modest. You are the best beach player in the world right now. Just enjoy it. Most of us would kill to be you, Aspen.”

“Should I be worried about what was in my water?” Aspen asked and lifted up the bottle, jokingly looking at it.

Kendra laughed and said, “No. You’re safe from me.”

Aspen set the bottle down and said, “I know you don’t talk about it, and that’s totally fine, but… I mean, I said this before, but if you do ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Kendra looked off at the water. The moon was high, and the beach lights, along with the lights from the hot dog stand, meant that she could still see it, and she considered how to respond. If she ever really wanted to have a chance with someone and make it last, she’d have to find a way to talk about it. Her last ex-girlfriend had been her longest relationship, and the fact that Kendra was so closed off when it came to this had been a thorn in their relationship’s side since the beginning, but it had gotten worse the longer they were together when her ex had expected them to be close enough and strong enough for Kendra to tell her.

“I was playing in a match when it happened.”

Aspen didn’t say anything. She sat there and looked at Kendra as if expecting her to continue, so Kendra cleared her throat.

“It was the fifth set, and we’d played two matches that day. Technically, the rules said that a player could only play in a total of six sets in a day, even if there was a doubleheader, meaning I should’ve been subbed out because our first match went to four sets, and I’d played every point of that one, too. Anyway, I went to serve, tossed the ball, jumped, and I don’t know what happened next because the next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm and terrified parents staring down at me. I’d never really been sick as a kid, so no one had ever checked my heart. Well, not since I was born. And they didn’t pick it up then, so no one knew that there was a problem. We found out then, and I was told that I shouldn’t play anymore. Not that I couldn’t, but that I shouldn’t. My coach got into trouble, and we also had to forfeit the second match because she didn’t sit me when she should have. My parents told me I couldn’t play anymore, but I didn’t want to stop playing. I was about to turn eighteen and thought I could do whatever I wanted, so, on my birthday, I celebrated by playing just for fun with the team I’d been forced to leave behind. We all went to the gym without anyone knowing and played a game. I felt fine. I wasn’t even tired or breathing hard. I thought maybe they’d gotten it wrong. Then, toward the end of the game, I passed out for a minute, and even though I came to my senses right after, they freaked out and called my parents. That was the last time I played competitively, if you can call a pick-up game with your team on your birthday competitive.”

“What happened?”

“Do you want the doctor speak?”

“No, I want you to tell me how you want to tell me,” Aspen replied.

“Something with my blood pressure. It went really low. We’d just stopped for a minute to get some water. I was sitting down on the gym floor, and I felt a little dizzy, and then, I felt nothing. I woke up shortly after and tried to tell the team that I was fine, but they’d already called my parents. They showed up a few minutes later, and back to the hospital I went. The doctors didn’t want to repair anything back then, though, saying it would be too risky. And I was fine for a while after that. No issues for years. I’d almost forgotten about it. Then, when I was twenty-five, I passed out again in the same way and went to my cardiologist. He told me I needed surgery, so I had it.” Kendra looked down at her shirt-covered chest. “It’s fine now. All repaired. And I haven’t had any issues since, but like I told you, I go to the doctor at least twice a year just to be safe.”

“I’m glad you’re okay now,” Aspen said.

“That’s it?”

“What else should I say?”

“I don’t know. I don’t tell people about this, so… I don’t know what to expect, honestly.”

“I’m glad you’re here, sitting with me,” Aspen added. “And I’m glad you’re okay, Kendra. I wish it wouldn’t have happened to you so you could’ve had all your dreams come true.” She took Kendra’s vanilla shake, and Kendra thought she was going to steal another drink, but she didn’t. Instead, she held it out for Kendra, who took it. “I think you deserve another one of these, don’t you?” When Kendra just smiled at her in response, Aspen offered, “I’m buying this time. Then, we can walk back to the hotel.”