Kimera Chapter 12

I tossed and turned all night. My dreams were filled with memories and nightmares about Paden. I was up and down several times. When I was awake, I couldn’t stop thinking about Spawn. I was still stunned he’d come all the way here to find me. I’d been mortified that he had to find out about my past the way he did, if at all. However, as last evening progressed and we talked more with Claudia and Sonny, my mortification lessened.

More than anything, as I thought about Paden, the angrier I got. I didn’t want him to continue to affect my relationships or my happiness. I’d never been able to fully trust a man since him. This led me to only have a couple of actual boyfriends. I’d never been comfortable enough with them to tell them what happened to me when I was a teen, nor to fully open up and commit to them. Sexually, it was hard to relax, and I know it was a big part of what led to us never lasting. However, I didn’t want that to happen with Spawn. I’d tried since meeting him that day at the hospital to deny he did anything other than make me mad, but I’d been lying to myself or trying to. Being away for these past couple of weeks had been hard, and it had as much to do with leaving Troian as it did with leaving him. I missed seeing and being with him.

Every single day, he’d come to see me, or I’d see him at the clubhouse. Even after my kidnapping, I tried to push him away, but I wanted him near, too. I think the shock of what almost happened to me on top of what did happen when I was a kid and how similar they would’ve been, in a way had pushed me to try to protect myself.

Now, with him confessing how he felt about me and asking that I call him Aidan, it opened my eyes to what I’d deep down subconsciously wanted, which was for Spawn to be as attracted to me and to want me as much as I did him. You’d think realizing this would make the next part easy, but it didn’t. I had to figure out how to tell him all that and then carry it through. I was nervous as hell about having a physical relationship with him.

What if I froze or freaked out during sex? What if I couldn’t satisfy him? Or if he wanted things I couldn’t give him, and if I said no, would he say so long? Getting out of my own head enough to relax and enjoy sex in the past had been an issue. I went around and around in circles in my brain, which explained why I was dragging this morning and was willing to kill to get good coffee.

Last night when he walked me to my room, he’d pointed next door and said that was his room. I was surprised but pleased. We planned to go get breakfast at nine, and he said he’d come get me. I was dressed and pacing as I watched the minutes tick closer to the designated time. Even though I was expecting him, I still jumped when there was a hard knock at the door.

Smoothing my sweaty hands down my jeans, I hurried to answer the door. His sexy, smiling face greeted me and made me long to kiss him. I smiled back. “Good m━” I was cut off by him stepping into me and taking my mouth as he backed me into my room, letting the door slam shut behind him. One of his hands buried in my hair and held my head while the other tugged me against him.

His mouth ravished mine, and I got lost. Up until now, his few kisses had been mere pecks. This was a full-on devouring, and my whole body went up in flames as he did it. I clutched him close and stood on my tiptoes so he wouldn’t have to stoop so low. As I kissed him back eagerly, he let out a low growl, then I was lifted up by him, and he walked me backward until he reached my bed. He lay me down and hovered over top of me, kissing me. I tugged on his hair and teased his tongue back. I don’t know how long we kissed before he reluctantly parted our mouths. I whimpered and tried to chase his mouth with mine, but he moved out of reach.

His expression was slumberous and full of heat. “Shit, we’ve gotta stop, Hotcake, or I’m gonna explode and end up doing something I know you’re not ready for. Jesus, that’s the best fucking kiss of my life. I didn’t mean to let it get that crazy, but I’m not mad it did. Come on, we need to get the hell outta here before I attack you again,” he muttered hoarsely.

“Well, I didn’t mind it, in case you didn’t notice,” I said with a grin.

He groaned. “God, don’t tell me that. You’re supposed to be helping me resist, not encouraging me! Nope, I’m not letting you lead me astray, woman. Up, we’re going to get breakfast.”

I pouted as he got up and then helped me to my feet. He headed for the door at a trot. I barely had enough time to grab my purse before he had me out the door, and we were on our way to the elevator.

I tried not to giggle as I overheard him muttering. “Eggs, bacon, no kisses. Coffee, hash browns, no, you can’t kiss her again. Pancakes, waffles, God, her lips are sweet like strawberries.”

I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. “Aidan, are you trying to talk yourself out of kissing me or what?”

We stepped onto the elevator alone. He grimaced. “I’m trying to convince myself that food is more important than your kisses, but my brain and body are fighting me.”

I tried not to look at his zipper, but I couldn’t stop myself. The bulge I saw there made me gulp. God, he looked huge. I felt the heat in my cheeks. I quickly glanced up and caught him smirking at me. “Stop,” I ordered.

He grinned. “Stop what? I’m not doing anything. I’m just standing here minding my business.”

“Yeah, like you didn’t start all this by attacking me at the door. What’ll you do if there’s a little old lady in the lobby? You’ll give her a heart attack sporting that.”

“Baby, it might just make her day, or if she’s with her man, make his week,” he joked.

“You’re terrible,” I told him as the door opened and we got out.

Immediately, I spotted three older ladies in the lobby. I laughed, and they glanced over at me. I saw their eyes widen as they got a look at him. I couldn’t blame them. He was something else to look at. He came up beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. As we passed them, he gave them a big smile and said in that deep voice of his, “Ladies, looking good.”

I heard them sigh as we walked by. I glanced back to find them watching his ass. I held in my glee until we were outside, and then I let it out. “O-oh, my God, you just made their month, and they were checking out your ass. I can’t take you anywhere, can I?”

“Babe, don’t get jealous. You’re the only one I see or want. Who cares if they use me as spank bank material later? You can have the real thing, not just an image.”

“You’re just so modest, aren’t you?” I pretended to sniff. He walked me over to my car and his bike. I took my keys out of my jeans pocket, but he snatched them away before I could unlock my car and backed me up against it.

“I like to tease, but I can promise you one thing for sure. You’re the only one I’ll let touch me, and it’s you I dream about. Shit, sorry, I don’t mean to come on so hard. I’ll tone it down. I promise.” He began to ease back, but I grabbed his hips to stop him.

His erection hadn’t gone away, and the feel of it digging into me was turning me on. With anyone else, I’d be running a mile, but not him. “I really enjoyed our kiss and the fun stuff, too. I can’t promise nothing will freak me out or make me hesitate, but I don’t want you to walk around scared to say or do anything, either. Just be yourself, and we’ll figure it out as we go.”

Excitement filled his face. “Does this mean what I hope it does? Are you willing to see where this goes between us? You know what I want. I wasn’t blowing smoke last night when I said those things about kids and marriage.”

I gulped. I was hoping he meant it but to hear him say it aloud was scary but also exhilarating. “I’m starting to see that. And yes, it means we’ll see how it goes. Now, take me to get breakfast and coffee before I savage someone. Lesson one, I’m not a morning person unless I have my caffeine,” I admitted.

“Just give me a minute,” he said right before he kissed me again.

I melted even faster than last time. By the time he lifted his head, I was panting and ready to drag him back upstairs for an intense kissing session, but my stomach growled, making its need for food obvious. He winked as he moved me aside, got the car unlocked, and opened my door. It was then I realized we were on the passenger side. “I’m driving. You’re not dressed to ride, and I can’t be away from you this morning, not even for a few minutes,” he said.

I let him help me into the car. He even went as far as to latch my seatbelt, but I think he did it so he could rub his hand over my body even though it wasn’t anywhere offensive, just my stomach and thighs. I fought to calm down as he rounded the hood and went to get in. I laughed when he grunted and had to unlatch the seat and push it back as far as it would go. His legs were so long they wouldn’t even fit between the seat and the dash when he tried to sit. He did it standing outside the car.

“Goddamn, that’s one way to take someone out at the knees. I’ll have to remember to check before trying to get in an automobile after you’ve driven it. Where to? I assume since you’ve been here and grew up here, you know the best places to go for breakfast?”

“I do. Head west on the main road in front of the hotel, and I’ll direct you from there. It’s only a couple of miles away. It’s called Paulette’s, and they do breakfast the best anywhere around here, in my opinion. Their coffee is great, too.”

“Can’t wait,” he said as he put it into drive, and we took off.

In a matter of a few minutes, we were parking. The parking lot was still more than half full. Everywhere you looked around town, you could see the holiday lights and decorations up. That’s when the date registered with me. I’d been in such a fog of trying to recover from my kidnapping and then trying to find Paden I hadn’t paid much attention. I knew it was Christmas because Claudia and Sonny had put up a tree and some decorations for the kids, but it hadn’t clicked that it was this close. People and businesses seemed to put up their stuff earlier and earlier every year.

“Aidan, I just remembered! It’s Christmas in a week. You can’t stay here for that. The whole club will be having their huge celebration. I heard the old ladies planning it. Why don’t you head back? You can do your research online from anywhere. After Christmas, once we find him, you can come back. No way will I have you miss it with your club.”

He studied me in silence for several moments before he answered me. “Babe, I’m not going back unless you are too. If we stay here, we can celebrate together and be there next year. I won’t die if I miss one Christmas with the club.”

He got out and came around to open my door as I sat there, thinking over what he had just said. When I got out, I answered him, “I don’t want you to do that. You should be around your family.”

“So should you, and as of now, they’re your family too. So, if you miss it, I do, too. End of discussion.”

He held my hand as we walked into the restaurant. The chatter of voices was loud. Staff was bustling around like busy bees. We stood and waited to be seated. “I haven’t had a family since I lost my granny. It hasn’t been a big thing in my life, having no one to share it with. I won’t notice if I miss it, not like you will. And what about actual family? Do you have any? I’ve never thought to ask. If you do, won’t they expect to see you too?”

He didn’t answer right away since a hostess came up to seat us. She looked harassed as she grabbed two menus and showed us to a table. After a quick, “Someone will be over to take your drink orders soon,” she hurried off again.

He didn’t open his menu. Instead, he was watching me. “Not having had a real Christmas since you were ten is even more reason to celebrate it this year and every year. As for your question about whether I have an actual family, I do. I have both my parents, a younger sister, and a nephew. Unfortunately, we don’t get to spend Christmas together unless I go to them. They all live in Butte, Montana.”

“That’s where you grew up? Was it on a ranch with horses and cows?” I asked a little excitedly. I’d always loved the thought of living on a ranch for some reason. It had left me with the desire to learn to ride, but I’d never learned. As much as I thought horses were beautiful creatures, they were scary. I tried to picture him dressed as a cowboy. I couldn’t. He looked like an ideal biker in his cut and with his tattoos.

“It’s a small one, not a great big one like you see on TV or read about in books, but yes, we had horses and a few cattle. I was born and raised there. I was put on my first horse when I was two, I think.”

Again, conversation halted while a waitress came to take our drink orders and ask us what we wanted to eat. I knew what I wanted, but he hadn’t gotten a chance to look over the menu, so all we gave her was our drink orders. She was a young girl, maybe eighteen at the most. She gave Spawn an awed look tinged with wariness.

After she walked off, I teased him. “I think you might’ve stunned our waitress. She’s never seen anyone like you, it seems. I wasn’t sure if she was going to run or ask you to take her for a ride…on your motorcycle.”

He rolled his eyes. “I didn’t notice. A lot of people are scared of bikers, and others think we’re something special. We’re just people who live a different life than them. That’s what attracts people like her.”

“No, it’s not. You can’t be oblivious to the fact you’re very easy to look at, Spawn. A man like you will always attract attention, and women will want to be with you, even some men.” Thinking about it, I felt sick. He’d always have women throwing themselves at him. How in the world could I ever keep his interest? My appetite fled.

He grabbed my hand across the table. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. You went from happy and smiling to frowning and looking upset. What brought that on?”

I glanced down at the table and traced the wood grain with my fingernail. I didn’t want to tell him. He waited. Sighing because I knew he wouldn’t let it go, I answered him. “It was me recognizing that a man like you will have women wanting you and offering themselves to you all the time. I don’t believe I can compete with that. There’ll be a lot of them, I imagine, who’ll have much more to offer you than me. Maybe we should reconsider pursuing a relationship.”

I sucked in a startled breath as he let go of my hand and stood up. He had a grim expression on his face. Here it was. He was leaving, I thought. Only that wasn’t what he did. Rather, he came to my side of the table and yanked out a chair to sit right beside me. He hooked his arm around me and tugged me flush against his side. He regarded me with an intense scowl.

“That’s the one and only time I want to hear that crap outta you. I’m not some fickle young horny idiot running around trying to score as much pussy as he can get. Have I slept with women? Yes. Did it mean anything to me? Not in a long time. But that’s not us, Kimera. What I feel already for you is so damn fierce there’s no way I’ll want another woman, no matter what she offers me. I know what and who I want. It’s you,” he growled before kissing me.

I don’t know what would’ve happened if our waitress bringing our drinks hadn’t interrupted us. Probably me making a fool of myself and getting us arrested as I stripped in the middle of the restaurant. I blushed, which made him grin. He didn’t apologize to her for the display, nor did he move back to the other side of the table.

He asked her to give him a minute to look at the menu. I was surprised when she stood there waiting for him. I filled the silence with my order, although it was hard for me to talk. It wasn’t long until he gave her his, and she went on her way. As soon as she was gone, he faced me again. “Did that clear up your doubts, or do I need to take it further?”

“You can’t do that, or we’ll be arrested,” I hissed.

“It would be worth it. Is that what you want?” He inched closer.

I hurriedly put my hand over his mouth. He chuckled. “Behave, you’re giving me and every other woman in here a heart attack. I’ll accept your declaration, but I have another question. But first, tell me about your family.”

I sat back as he told me about growing up in Montana and his family. I felt sorry for his poor sister and her son. To think the boy’s dad wanted nothing to do with him. What was wrong with people? Why have kids if you don’t want them? My parents had been the same.

“Your nephew is lucky he has your parents, you, and your sister. It sounds like his dad is like my parents. Some people don’t deserve to have kids. He’s better off without him.”

“You said your parents gave you to your granny. Why? Do you mind me asking?”

“No, it’s alright. They just weren’t cut out to be parents, according to Granny. They barely paid attention to me. She was always taking me for days on end so I wouldn’t be neglected. They were more into lazing about, smoking weed, and partying with their friends who were like them. She kept begging them to stop, but they didn’t. Finally, one day, they came to her with me and said they were done. They said I was too much work and they gave me to her. I’m not sure legally if they severed their parental rights themselves or if she made them, but I never saw them again. I don’t remember what they look like.”

“It’s the best thing they could’ve done, babe. God knows what would’ve happened to you if you had stayed with them. At least you had your granny for those next seven years. I wish you still had her. My parents were the complete opposite. They’ve always been loving, and I’ve never doubted they wanted me or my sister. I’m more than happy to share them with you. They’ll love you.”

“Whoa, hold on, I’m not ready to meet your folks yet, but thank you. Can I ask if you’re so close, why do you live in Virginia, and they live in Montana? I understand why you left originally, but that was years ago.”

He gave me an uncomfortable grimace. Uh oh, what was up with that? I waited for him to answer. After almost a minute of silence, he answered me. “Originally, it was all because of that woman I told you about before. Now, don’t get upset and start thinking the shit you were a few minutes ago. Let me explain. I said I hadn’t had a woman mean anything to me in a long time.” He paused.

“Back home, the woman I told you about was when I was in my early twenties. She and I had dated for two years. I was all into her, and I thought she had the same feelings about me. Only in the end she broke up with me, claiming she was in love with another man. I tried to change her mind, but then I found out she’d been seeing him behind my back for months. I knew it was no use. It was the prospect of seeing them together all over town that made me leave Montana, as I said. I had a bike even then, so I got on it and just started to wander the country. I don’t know what I was looking for other than to escape. It was the night I was in a bar near Bristol and ended up meeting Mayhem that changed it all for me. I’d seen lots of bikers and found their life appealing. He invited me to come to the clubhouse, which I did. I’ve been there ever since.”

“No one could blame you for staying away from seeing your first love happy and having a life,” I said.

“No, that hasn’t been a factor in years. Yes, at first, I stayed away because of what I thought was a broken heart. Only as the years have passed and I’ve watched my friends and brothers find their true loves have I come to realize it was never love between us. I was in love with the thought of it. I lusted after her, and it wounded my pride to have her choose another man over me. I stay in Virginia because I like it, and I have the kind of life I love there. Hell, I’ve tried for years to get my family to move closer to me. Dad and Mom are getting older, and they can’t keep doing the stuff on the ranch forever. My sister tries to help as much as she can, but she works and has Tommie. Maybe one day they’ll move. I think six grandbabies would be the thing to do the trick,” he added with a wink.

That made me laugh. “Keep it up, mister, and you’ll have me running for the hills. I was only teasing you about six. You’re assuming I’ll be a good mom. What if I suck at it? Other than Granny, I had some bad examples.”

“Baby, I have no doubt you’ll make a great mom. You’re a compassionate woman who helps others. Look at what you did for Troian more than once and how you’re trying to help Claudia. No, you’ll do more than fine at it. Hey, here comes our food. We can continue this discussion after I get you fed. I’ve been taking my life into my hands, distracting you long enough.”

We ate a leisurely breakfast, and I got my caffeine fix, which he drank as much as me, so I thought he might be as much of a caffeine hound as I was in the mornings. He wouldn’t let me pay and left a sizable tip for the waitress. By the time we left, it was almost eleven. Knowing Sonny and Claudia would be at work, we headed back to the hotel. I thought we could spend time doing some research. I was anxious to find Paden.