Kimera

I sank to the floor with my back against the door and let the tears fall. Why did he have to go and say all that? He just had to go and present me with my dream when I knew it wasn’t ever going to happen, not now. There was a tiny part of me that had wondered if he might be interested in more than just someone to tease and argue with from the start. That thought had filled me with excitement. I’d been tempted to see if it could become more if he was serious, but not now. It would’ve been hard to do it with my past but add this latest horror to it, and I wouldn’t do that to him.

There was obviously something wrong with me. I attracted monsters, and even if I knew he was the exception, I wouldn’t let the ones who’d touched my life ruin his. If he knew everything, he’d run a mile anyway. It was better to let him think I didn’t want him than to tell him the truth. Which was horrible on more than one front. It meant my friendship with Troian would have to be abandoned. There would be no way I could be her friend and not see him or at least hear about him. When he found another woman, I knew Troian would mention her, and it would hurt too much. God, why did my life have to be so unfair? Sobs shook my whole body. Toro whined and nuzzled my cheek. I rubbed his ears. “It’s just you and me, Toro,” I whispered brokenly.

Images of that night weeks ago and of the past assailed me. I screamed, “Why?” Hate and despair filled me. Slowly, I got to my feet. It was time to dull the pain. It had been a long time since I had the urge to do this but today was my breaking point. My newest monsters might be gone, but the past wasn’t.