40 - FINN

CHAPTER FORTY

" H ello, son." Just the sound of my father's voice is enough to make my whole chest hurt. I wouldn't call him my best friend. I wouldn't call him a friend at all, actually. He was my father . And that's so much more than a friend.

He was my whole world. And I miss him. It hasn't even been a full week, but in this moment, I feel like it's been a thousand years since I talked to him last.

"If you're watching this…" He pauses to smile and chuckle a little. "Well, things must've gone terribly awry. I'm probably dead. But"—he puts up a hand—"don't worry. If I died trying, it still would've been worth it. Because I can't live with the lies. I did it when I was your age because… well, my father assured me that it was the right thing to do. And I trusted him, just like you trust me. But it's not the right thing to do and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I told you otherwise. I'm not going to talk you into it the way he did me. You're better than that, Finn. You're better than me. You're better than any of the other Extraction Masters that came before you. And I am truly happy to make that ultimate sacrifice if it means you have the information you need to make a different decision. So if I'm dead right now, know that I did not die in vain. Because you will do what I could not."

Jasina turns her head to look at me. "What is he talking about?"

"I'm not sure. Just listen. I don't want to miss anything."

"What I'm going to tell you now is the truth," my father says. "And if you tell anyone, they will call it lies. They might even convince you that I'm crazy. Or that you misheard. I hope that your trust in me is still solid. Because the truth is the only way out.

"First of all, the tower. The tower is many things but it is not a god. It's not alive, it's not sentient, it's not in control of anything. You see, the Extraction Master is what controls the tower."

"What?" Jasina looks at me again. "I don't understand."

"Just listen , Jasina." I don't mean to snap at her, but this is too important for interruptions.

"Are you listening, Finn?" my father asks.

Shit. He's asking me a question. "Am I supposed to answer him?"

"Finn?" My father's face shows a look of confusion.

I'm so confused. "Is he… in there ?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you asking me a question? Am I allowed to talk now?"

I shoot her a look. "Don't be a child, Jasina. This is important."

She huffs, frustrated with me. But then decides to simply answer my question. "No. He's not in there, it's just… like… it's him , but not him. I don't know how to explain it. But he's not in there."

"If that's not him, then why is it asking me questions?"

"Maybe… it needs… prompting? To continue? Maybe it needs to hear your voice?"

"So I should answer it?"

"Well, it stopped talking so I think it's waiting for you. Just tell him you're listening."

"I'm listening."

My father's confused look changes to satisfaction. "Good. This was a security check." Jasina makes a noise of satisfaction in front of me, but doesn't remark about her good guess. "When I ask you questions from now on, you will be required to answer. Your voice is the key to the truth. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Excellent. In addition to unlocking the truth, your voice is a key to all Looking Glass rooms. You are an Extraction Master and your security protocols were automatically programmed into the mainframe upon my death. Remember this for later."

"That's it, I'm taking notes." Jasina forces her way out of the circle and then starts tapping on the glass until she finds whatever the hell she's looking for. I don't even bother asking, because my father is still talking.

"The first thing you need to know is that the gods are real. There is no god in that tower but they do exist in other places. Spark Maidens are food for these gods."

My head starts spinning. There is a terrible, awful ache in my chest, and for a moment, I think I might actually pass the fuck out. Because he just said… food .

I fed the woman I love to a god. I really did. And I knew this was a possibility, but it was something far-fetched. Something inconceivable. Something… impossible .

And now it is not only conceivable, it is real .

"Finn? Are you paying attention? I'm trying to write as fast as I can, but it's taking too long to find the right letters!"

I turn and realize Jasina is the tapping out words on the glass. She is frantically trying to write down everything my father is saying by tapping on letters that are lit up on the glass.

She yells at me. " Pay attention !"

I turn back to my father and force myself to listen.

Something about trains. Something about tunnels. There are other places outside of Tau City. And men who aren't men, but something called augments.

"And the bookshelves, Finn," my father continues. "The ones outside this room. They are hidden doors to secret passageways that lead to towers. One to the Maiden Tower—it opens up into the Little Sister dorm—but the other one leads to the God's Tower. This is the important one and here is what you need to do…"

I listen and Jasina taps behind me . My father goes on at length, taking great pains to give me details, most of which I can't make sense of. But I trust him and I know that if I do as he says, one day I will understand.

When he finally stops, after he says a final goodbye and the triangle ceiling tiles return to the view of the night sky and a clock appears counting down ten hours, I let out a long breath and turn to look at Jasina. She's still tapping on the glass, trying to get the last of his words down, so I wait until she stops before asking, "Can we watch it again?"

She looks bewildered for a moment. Her hair is a bit messy, her face is pale, and she's slightly out of breath. "Let me try."

If she wasn't here, I'd be lost right now. There's no way I'd have figured out this glass top, not the way she did. I'd have missed the message. Hell, I'm fairly certain it would've never occurred to me to take notes .

"I don't think so, Finn. I think the clock up there?" We both look up at the countdown. "It was a signal that the message was over."

"Yeah, I figured."

"But I need a notepad and a pencil. Oh!" She holds up a finger. "In your desk." Then she's rushing to the door and pulling it open. The night sky disappears and so does the countdown, but we know that's because the door is open and that seal has been broken.

I follow her out. "How do you know what's in my desk?"

But she's not at the desk. She's staring at the window. And when I turn my gaze to the window, I realize why. There is a bright cyan-blue light floating up from down below.

"What the hell is that?" I walk over to the window and look down, squinting my eyes, because…

"Is that… Clara, Finn? Kissing some man?"

It is. But not. It's… like an outline of Clara made of spark. And she is kissing a man, also just an outline of blue spark—in fact everything is blue spark down there. I've processed this for barely a second when movement above draws my attention to a bubble of spark rising up past the dome of the Extraction Tower. There is a man floating in the middle of this bubble. The same man who is kissing my Clara in the apparition down below. Only he's not an outline, he's… like real .

We lock eyes. His narrow. Then they suddenly light up—like there's spark inside him.

And then, even from all the way up here and from behind glass, I begin to hear the crowd.

Dozens of people have gathered and all of them are watching Clara Birch kiss a man who looks nothing like the god I imagined inside that tower.

Who isn't a god. Can't be a god. Because my father just told me that there are no gods in the tower.

Did he actually say that? It's… life-altering, this revelation. And yet, it's like it hasn't hit me yet. I can't seem to make any sense of things. Especially this man floating out in front of my tower.

But he's not a man, either.

My father made that clear as well. And even though his speech didn't come with a picture of what this man is, I don't need a picture.

I know .

Men who aren't men, but something called augments.

He's an augment .