22 - CLARA

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I 'm watching him through one open eye as he drifts off to sleep.

I see his eyes close, and his body relax, and then the strange blue light leaks out past his eyelids and he smiles. Like he's hiding a secret.

But then the smile drops and he sighs. A very long, tired sigh.

He's already asleep, I can tell. But he's dreaming or something. Because he's unsettled.

Then the blue light is gone and whatever that dream was, it's over.

I hold my breath, waiting to see if he wakes up. When he doesn't—when he starts breathing deeper—I move around a little. Making some noise. Testing to see how tired he really is. He looks absolutely exhausted. The dark shadows around his eyes are a stark contrast to his pale face under the dim lights of the dingy quarters, making him look like a specter.

But he also looks… very… fit. So while he may be sleeping, I'm not convinced that it's deep. So I wait a little longer.

When he doesn't move for several more minutes, I get up and walk over to the door, trying the handle again. It turns, but the door does not budge.

I press my lips into the doorframe crack and whisper, "Hello?" then look over my shoulder to see if I woke Tyse.

He's out cold. So I try again, this time adding the name he used earlier. "Anneeta? Are you there?" I have no idea who this Anneeta is, or whether or not she's the one responsible for the door locking, but it can't hurt at this point. I need to get out of here. I don't understand what's going on. This can't be the tower. I'm dreaming, or something. Or dead.

That thought sends a shiver up my spine.

But then I think of Haryet. I need to find Haryet. I mean, I get that Imogen and the others—the Mabels, and Piper, and the rest—they're probably dead. Their trip into the tower was years ago. But Haryet was yesterday. Or… the day before. I'm not really sure how much time has passed. But it's two days, max. She has to be here.

Wherever ‘here' is.

He says this is Tau City, but what I saw outside was not my Tau City. The towers were so tall. And bright. It was so bright. Like the people down there have never even considered the idea that spark should be rationed. Also, I could only sort of see the canal. It was there, I saw the shimmer that indicates water where the canal should be, but it wasn't bright blue like it is at home. I don't know what's going on with that. It's not even important, I guess.

Haryet is important.

Because there is no god here. Tyse said the god has been dead for hundreds of years. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or why it's happening this way. The only thing that matters is that there is no evidence that a god lives like… this .

So I believe him.

And if there is no god here, then my duty is over.

I suck in a long breath, hold it for a moment, and then let it out.

What's in the place of that breath is something I never thought I'd have again.

Hope.

Because if there is no god, and if my duty is over, then I am free to go home.

Which means my dreams of a life with Finn aren't dead.

I still hate him. But… in a I-love-him way, of course. You don't throw away your lifelong love over a trip into the tower. Not when it turns out the whole thing was either a total fabrication or a mistake. If there's a chance to salvage our relationship and make that off-the-cuff dream of him being a scholar, and me being a wife and mother, come true, then I'm here for it.

All I have to do is find my way back to the door. Which, according to the man-baby sleeping in that chair across the room, is a million levels below ground.

But it can't be a million. And while he is a very fit specimen of a man, he's definitely not a god, he's just a regular guy. Of… whatever species he belongs to. With weird blue lights in his eyes. And kinda hot. Maybe even… very hot.

I turn, leaning back against the door, and stare at the man across the room. Standing up, he's extremely tall. But even sitting down, he takes up a lot of space. His hair is something between brown and ginger. That little bit of red could be from the lighting in here—which is a warm tone—but his beard also has some red in it. The sides of his head are shaved, but the rest is long and tied back at the nape of his neck.

Almost his entire upper body is covered in tattoos, but what's not appears to be scarred. I can't see them well from here, but I got a good enough look while we were facing off in the argument.

The tattoos and scars aren't the only notable things about his upper body. He's muscular. He did, after all, carry me up a million flights of stairs to save my life.

Apparently.

I get a little lost looking at him, but shake myself out of it. The point is—going back down those stairs has got to be a whole lot easier than going up them. And that's my plan. Get out of here, go down, find the door, and go home.

I pause to smile. Then a chuckle escapes past my lips. Because I am imagining what the people of Tau City will think when they see me. When they realize a Maiden has returned.

I will have answers for them. We will never send another girl into that tower. The Extraction will be over, Finn and I will be married, and Tau City will live happily ever after.

A small snort comes out with the next laugh. It's a ridiculous dream, I get it.

But it doesn't seem unattainable.

I mean, that door has to be somewhere. All I have to do is find it.

I turn back around and knock softly on the door in front of me, giving it one more try. "Hello? Anneeta? Anyone? Can you hear me?" I press my ear to the cold metal, listening.

But it's completely silent out there.

So I sigh, and look back at the bed. Then at the man sleeping in the chair.

I will admit that he looks dangerous. Like he was in a war. My eyes dart over to that weapon of his hanging in the belt on the chair. It was very heavy. Took two hands for me to lift it. I know Tau City has weapons, but I've never seen anything like that. And those darts it shot—my eyes glide up to the ceiling where the evidence of my stupidity remains.

I could've shot him. I nearly did.

My gaze wanders back down to the man in the chair again. This time I study those scars of his and decide it wouldn't have been the first time he was shot.

This is when I realize I'm still wearing his jacket. I look down at it—trying not to see the slutty dress I'm still wearing—and find there are patches sewn on the shoulders and front. They all look very official, but other than that, they are beyond my comprehension. Tau City had a patrol, of course, but they all wore regular clothes. Certainly nothing like this jacket.

Which is another difference—the clothing. His clothes are very strange. Granted, I haven't seen a good enough sample size of people here to make any kind of fashion determination, but he's definitely not wearing gauzy desert robes or oversized linen pants. His pants are black and have a lot of pockets. I've actually never seen a garment like that and black isn't a common color in my version of Tau City. Everything is a soothing neutral, the colors of sand and sun-bleached blue.

"If you're not gonna sleep on the bed, then I will."

The man's words surprise me. I was too busy staring at his body and studying his clothes to realize he had woken up.

Tyse stands up, rubbing his hands down his exhausted face, and then sighs. "I'm not holding ya prisoner." But just as he says these words, that blue light is back in his eyes. Talking to him. Maybe even disagreeing with him. "If you can get the door open, feel free to leave."

Then, as if that's the last thing he ever expects to say to me, he flops onto the bed, facedown.

I stand still, holding my breath, waiting to see what happens next.

But all I hear is the soft sound of a sleeping man.

Which is just great. I had a bed and now I don't.

I suppose I'll have to take the chair. Because the door is most definitely locked and it's probably that weird time of the night when everyone in the city is soundly sleeping so there's no hope that anyone will wander by outside to ask for help.

The problem is, I don't think I can sleep. Not in a strange room with a strange man.

This makes me actually chuckle out loud because that's the least of my problems. I'm in a strange place with no god. A place that calls itself Tau City, but is most certainly not my version of Tau City.

It feels like a… fiction. Something made up. Like a fantasy story in a children's book.

I cross the room and sink into the chair. Then I turn to the side and sigh. I'm not going to freak out. I refuse to be afraid.

If I came here, I can leave here.

And that's exactly what I plan to do.

I wake to the sound of voices . Lots of voices. Sitting up, I realize the door has been opened and people are out in the hallway. It's what I wanted, but I find myself in a nearly blind panic and unable to move because the reality of my situation feels a lot scarier this morning than it did last night.

I look to my right, scanning for Tyse. But the curtain to the bathroom is open and I don't think his quarters have any other rooms. So he left. And he left the door open so I would know it's unlocked.

Does he want me to leave?

Probably. Most likely he left hoping I'd be gone when he got back so he wouldn't have to see me again.

A man walks by and I catch his eye, which causes him to do a full stop. "Hi." He's turned now, like he's going to enter the room, and I'm about to panic when he's shoved forward so forcefully, he disappears from view. All I catch is the hard thump of a body hitting the floor, then Tyse is standing in the doorway in profile, looking at the man he just pushed.

"Keep walking, Asrel. And if you ever take another peek into my room without permission, I'll scoop your eyes out with a spoon."

Even though that threat wasn't directed at me, the image alone is enough to make me draw back.

Tyse enters holding two brown paper bags. His blue eyes meet mine as he kicks the door closed with his foot. "You're awake."

"And still here, much to your dismay."

He narrows his eyes at me, but doesn't respond. Just brings the bags around to a little table next to the chair. "Don't know what kind of food they've got in your parallel universe, but here in Tau City we usually have bacon, biscuits, and coffee. So that's what's on the menu for breakfast." He points to the bags, then grabs the footstool in front of the chair and pulls it up to the side table, taking a seat.

I open the bag, take out the biscuit sandwiches wrapped up in white paper, and place them both on the table while he opens the other bag and brings out two thermoses of coffee, putting one in front of me and one in front of him.

It's a bit weird to be eating with a complete stranger after spending the night in his quarters. But, actually, that's the least weird thing about my life at the moment. And I'm very hungry, so I concentrate on eating. The food is good. Tastes normal. The coffee is also pretty ordinary. But this just adds to the dissociation I'm feeling. It's all very familiar, but strange at the same time.

Disconcerting is the word I'm looking for.

It's silent for a few minutes, but then he's already done with his food and gulping down his coffee. After that, he leans back on the footstool and braces his elbows on the bed, staring at me.

"What?" I ask, my mouth full of bacon and biscuit.

"You."

I cover my lips with my hand. "What about me?"

"I asked all around about a party down in the dungeon levels, but no one seems to recall one."

I swallow, then take a breath. "I told you. I came through the God's Tower door from Tau City."

"Woman, this is Tau City."

I don't know how to explain it, so I shrug. "It's a different Tau City. I don't know. I walked through the door and the next thing I knew, I'm lying on your bed and you're in the shower. That's it. That's all I have."

"Well, you fell and hit your head or something. It gave you a memory hole. That's the only explanation."

"Or," I sneer, "I really did walk through the God's Tower door and woke up here."

He sighs, then reaches a hand into his pocket and pulls out a small device, holding it up to show me. "Should I call Stayn then?"

"Who the hell is Stayn?"

"My friend. The patrol chief. I told you, he sent me down into the lower levels to find the disturbance that was setting off his sensors." Now he points to me. "You were the disturbance. And if you're just gonna lie to me, well, I don't like liars. So I'm just gonna report you and be done with the whole fucking thing."

"I don't know what you want me to say to that."

"I want you to tell me the truth."

"I did ."

"Well, your definition of truth and my definition of truth don't seem to come from the same dictionary."

I put the bacon biscuit back on the paper and let out a frustrated breath. "OK. Fine. I'm… a… tavern whore. Hence the dress. I was at a party in the dungeon of the ruined God's Tower, got drunk, passed out, and woke up here." I smile. "Happy now?"

He's definitely not happy. "Now you're just fuckin' with me."

"And you're not listening." I get up, take off his jacket, drop it into the chair, and walk across the room.

"Where ya going?"

I don't say anything. I'm so angry. Also scared. And… sad. And… many, many, many other emotions. Confused, and frustrated, and…

He's behind me, grabbing my arm, and pulling me away from the door. "Just stop. Sit down."

But I don't. I yank my arm out of his grip, grab the handle of the door, and pull. I'm kind of expecting it to be locked again, because I'm convinced that he was the one who locked it last night in the first place so I had to stay over. But I'm wrong. It opens right up and all the strange voices that were mostly silent a moment ago come rushing at me.

No one is directly in front of the door, but when I step out and look to my right, there is a small crowd gathered by a large, open stairwell. They are laughing and talking. And when I look to my left, I see that man who peeked into Tyse's quarters at me. The one he pushed away from the door.

This man grins at me, his eyes flashing. Then he takes a good, long look at me, lingering on my breasts, which are mostly visible because this dress wasn't made for an up-city Maiden, it was made for a down-city tavern whore.

And that man down the hall is looking at me like he would like to pay me coin to spend an hour in his room.

I turn away and head for the stairs. I don't know much about anything around here, but I do know that down is my answer.

A few people remark about my dress as I push my way through the crowd and enter the open, twisting stairwell that descends in a wide spiral. We are ten stories up, so that's a long way down. After a few floors I pause and look over the railing, straight down into some kind of lobby far below.

"Clara Birch!" The sound of someone calling my name in this unfamiliar place takes me by surprise. I look up and find Tyse on the tenth floor above me, also hanging over the railing. "Just stop. Wait right there. I'm coming down."

All of these words come out as a command. Like I am someone who takes orders from him. Which just makes me angry. But what makes me even angrier is that he has called the attention of everyone on the stairwell within hearing distance. These people must number in the hundreds, surely. People on the stairs, crowds gathering on the balconies—all the way up and down. And all of them, on every level within earshot, stop what they are doing to look at me.

I glance back up at Tyse, find him shaking his head at me and warning me with a pointing finger, and then restart my escape with more earnest intentions. Feet flying down the stairs, weaving in between slow crowds in front of me and another horde coming up at me, gasping for breath because all of the emotions I possess seem to be building up inside of me at once and I'm trying not to cry.

"Clara Birch!" He yells it again . "Stop! Someone stop her!"

"Oh!" This comes out of my mouth as I grab the railing and look up, pointing. "He's trying to hurt me! Someone stop him !"

Then I continue my descent as he yells obscenities at me. People have stopped on the steps, confused, trying to sort out what is happening. But in my experience, people only want to know what's happening if it's something they can passively watch and don't have to get involved in. Something they can gossip about later. As soon as you start asking them to actually do something, they tend to pretend they can't hear you.

And we have both asked for help.

What to do now?

Even if this Tyse is some well-known, well-respected figure in this place, I'm a woman. Scantily clad, at that. And I'm running away from him.

They're not gonna stop me.

They're not gonna stop him, either. He really does look like a man you do not want to piss off. But I don't care. I've got a lead. And that's what I concentrate on. Getting down these stairs as fast as I can and escaping.

The lobby is suddenly in view. Ground level. A daytime view outside. Hundreds of people, and something that might be a little indoor market that comes off as very down-city.

Then I am out of steps. And confused. Because Tyse said he found me below ground and there are no more steps. I look both left and right, trying to find a way forward in the few seconds I have before he catches up with me, but there are no options but left or right or out of the building.

I head towards the exit, pushing my way through a thick crowd of people waiting in a haphazard line for something at a booth.

Tyse is calling my name again. "Clara! Stop!"

I don't stop. I push past a final crowd and make a dash for the exit. Then I am running under the great arches—and this is what makes me halt, turn, and look up.

Because I know this archway.

When I last saw it, there was a massive black door covering the opening, but this is it. This is the door to the God's Tower. The very one I walked through.

My eyes slowly crawl up the building, taking in all the familiar details. Then I look around and realize I'm standing on the God's Tower stage, except the smooth, polished stone floor that I remember is now cracked, and crumbling, and looking very ancient.

Then I see the city. I saw it last night, but it was dark, and lit up, and nothing like it looks right now.

I'm so stunned, my mouth drops open. I haven't moved. I'm standing in the center of the archway and people are flowing past me like I'm a rock in a river. But then they start pushing me. Snarling at me.

"Get out of the way."

"Move along!"

Then there is a hand on my arm. And when I look up, those unnaturally lit-up blue eyes are looking back at me. He doesn't say anything, just sighs and pulls me over to the right, getting me out of the flood of people.

I am taken to a spot that I am very familiar with because this was where I stood each and every time I was on this stage watching a friend walk through that same door I just came out of.

The hope dies. Instantly. There is no going back. There is no saving my old life.

I just walked through the tower god's door.

That was my plan, wasn't it?

And this place, this city—it's not my Tau City.

"Here. Sit." Tyse is pointing to a step. Which is the exact same step the Matrons stood on during the Extraction last night.

I don't sit. Instead I take a look around. A good look around. From ten stories up I could tell it was some kind of ruin, but from the ground I see it for what it really is. The Maiden Tower—what's left of it, anyway—is directly on my right. Most of the tower is gone. There's no roof. But the archways above the doors are familiar. I look up, counting the floors. My floor is missing. Just sky. But that's where I lived. Hundreds of years ago, apparently.

I look back down, my gaze wandering over to the bridge that spans the canal—which is not filled with cyan-blue water, but something much darker—and ending at the Extraction Tower on my left. Finn's tower. Or rather, where it would've been. Because this one is just a foundation.

Finally, I look straight down the canal. The banks used to be sandy, and pretty, and lined with sandstone boulders with little waterfalls spilling over them in some places. But these banks are made of some building material I can't even name. It looks unnatural and cold. Nothing but smooth, sharp edges.

Just like the new towers that have replaced the white conical ones with sun-bleached blue domes that I remember. They are tall—very, very tall. Much taller than anything from my Tau City. And they look like spikes. So many of them, all clustered together. So close I get a feeling of claustrophobia just looking at them. Some of them are made of glass and glimmer in the dull sunlight like mirrors. Others are made of that same smooth material acting as banks on the canal. I can count at least a dozen bridges, but they are not the simple ones my feet used to travel across. There are two-wheeled machines I've never seen before with people on them, going every which way.

And the noise. It's distant from here. Beyond what used to be the Extraction and Maiden Districts and well into what used to be the Canal District where everyone in up-city used to shop. So the noises of this city, from where I'm standing, are a bit muffled. But even from here I can tell that there is nothing calm about it. It's a frantic clamor of commotion.

"Are you OK?"

I don't answer him. Mostly because I'm not OK, but also I don't owe him an answer. He's no one to me. He's not even nice. Back in my old life I would not have looked twice at a man like Tyse. Even if we were from the same world, we would not be from the same world.

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you, but just take a seat. Relax. Give yourself a minute."

I don't have many options—none, really—so I lower myself down onto the step.

Tyse joins me, leaning back on his elbows and kicking his legs out. Then he sighs. "I've been here seven years and I'm still kinda stunned at it myself. So I get it."

"No offense"—I don't look at him, just stare straight ahead—"but unless you walked through that tower door behind me and ended up in a whole other reality, I don't think you do."

"True. I didn't come through a tower door. But I did come through the tunnels. And maybe it's not another reality, but after spending three years in the Omega Outlands doing shit I can't tell ya about, 'cause then I'd have to kill ya, it sure did feel like one to me."

I turn my head to look at him. "You were some kind of soldier."

He side-eyes me, grinning. "What gave it away?"

I chuckle, despite all the confusion running through my mind. "Well… everything, actually. That weapon of yours. I could barely lift it, it's so heavy. And the jacket. With the patches." I pause for a moment and we stare at each other. "And the tattoos. And scars. You look like you've been hit with those crazy darts before."

"Told ya it wouldn't kill me. They're not meant to kill. Just fuck you up so royally you're out of the game."

"Is that why you're here then? Those darts took you out of the game?"

"Nah. Wasn't the darts. Was this shit, actually." He points to his eyes. "The augments."

"I don't even know what that means."

He blows out a long breath. "Tech. Biotech inside my brain. But it went bad a long time ago so… yeah. That was it for me. All the plans were ruined. All the work, worthless. And then I got on a train, went through the tunnels, and got off here. So that's where I stayed. So I get it. It is a different world from the one I came from."

"You didn't assimilate well?"

"What makes you think I'm not assimilated?" He and I stare at each other for a moment. Then he chuckles. "Fine. I'm a little bit antisocial. But I didn't always live in the tower. I went to the War College." He nods his head towards the city in front of us. "That building right there, the one made of blue glass. The Empire Building. That's War College."

"If they kicked you out of the military, then why did you bother?"

"Why did I bother going to War College? It was the best offer I had at the time. But… as you might've guessed, it was not my thing. So I left during the middle of the second year and came here." He tilts his head back, looking up at the tower behind us. "The God's Tower ruin. The spark was free, no rent, and people leave me alone. That's really all I want now. Just to be left alone. Which is why I maybe might've come off as a dick up there."

I'm looking at him as he says all this, but I look away now, focusing on the blue building he pointed out. "You look a little young to be such a cynic."

"Do I?" He huffs and sits up, drawing his legs back so he can rest his elbows on his knees. "Well, in my experience it doesn't take much to be disillusioned with this fucking world."

"I guess I'm in the middle of learning that lesson as we speak."

"Why's that?"

"Because that's the fucking door I came through." I point to the opening behind me, that actually doesn't have a door. "And I just walked back out of it. So… well. My big plan was to do just that. Find the door and walk back through."

"You thought it would… what? Take you back home, like magic?"

I shrug, a little bit defensive. "It sure acted magical when I walked through it the first time."

He's silent for a few moments, then turns a little to look at me. "Clara. It's possible that it happened that way, I guess. But… it's more probable that… I dunno, someone hurt you, maybe? And this has affected your memory in some way. Or perhaps the spark fucked you up because you were overexposed and not used to it. You were down there for a whole day, at least. There's an electromagnetic field in the tower. And it's more powerful than I ever thought it could be in the lower levels. A field like that affects your brain. It does, it really does. I saw it weaponized while I was in the Sweep."

"The Sweep? Like the Great Sweep that dusted the Earth with sand?"

"No. Well, I guess they're related. A little bit. The Great Sweep did what you say, but it's the name of the military branch I was in. Sweep."

"Well, sweep, in that context, sounds a lot like killing."

"That was pretty much the idea, I think."

I side-eye him, reevaluating. He's dangerous. Probably very dangerous.

But I don't ask any more questions. It's none of my business what he's done in his past.

After a few minutes of this silence he stands up. And I find him looking down at me when I look up at him. "What do you want to do, Clara? Do you want me to call Stayn and report you? Take you down to patrol?"

"Do I have another option?"

He shrugs. "I'll tell Stayn I found a vagrant and it's taken care of. Then we go back upstairs and I'll get you some clothes. You can't wear that dress around here. It's not safe."

"Then what?"

"I dunno. I'll help you figure it out."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you help me? According to you I'm an up-city Birch."

He laughs. It's a real laugh, too. His eyes—while no longer glowing—light up in a different way. "It was a good joke though, right?"

"Birch. Bitch. I guess it was." Then I laugh too. And when he extends his hand, I take it. Letting him pull me to my feet and lead the way back inside the tower.