14. 14

14

Ember (now eighteen)

I was reeling from the last couple of weeks, losing Mr E, losing my marbles, as far as my family were concerned, and having mandatory psychiatric intervention again, after yet another ‘suicide attempt’ even though I hadn’t even made it that far.

I did finally pass my exams, but my family was still pissed about Mr E, and concerned about my mental health after his impact on me. Those were their words; ‘his impact on me’. I only wish there had been some ‘impact’ before he was taken away from me.

I knew my dads had reported him, and tried to lose him his job, but I had no idea how any of that had played out in the end, because I’d been left out of any conversations, and caught eavesdropping enough times that they just weren’t talking about it anymore.

I tried looking him up, but suddenly there were parental controls on my technology, plus they’d made him block my number, and they’d deleted his from my phone, and… well, that meant the only thing I had was his address, right? Was he still living there? Could I find him? I needed to talk to him, because I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

All I did was think about him, and it didn’t matter where I was, or what I was doing, he was always on my mind. Sometimes I’d want to tell him something I’d seen or heard, because I knew it’d make him smile, or laugh. Sometimes I just wanted to feel his arms around me again.

I was furious with my parents for poking their noses into my relationship, or budding relationship, and separating me from the only man who’d ever made me feel safe and interested in him.

Before Mr E, before Ethan , my only experiences of anything remotely sexual had been forced attempts on me, by that asshole at the first senior school I went to. He wasn’t the only one who touched me, or taunted me, but he was the one who’d forced me on my knees to suck him, and the only one who’d molested me physically. He’d made me believe that it was all I deserved, that his touch was my punishment for being who I was.

I knew he was gone now, dead, because Blaze had made sure to wipe all of those assholes from existence, but it didn’t make the memories or the horror go away. The only thing that had made it seem possible, was Ethan. I needed him like I needed oxygen, and I was done with letting my parents make these decisions for me.

“Where are you going?” Mum asked as I stepped out of the house, with the keys to her car, because god forbid I get my own anytime soon.

“I was just going to get some fresh air, and some peace. It’s chaos in there,” I said, pointing behind her, because quite honestly with my dads and brothers watching sports on TV, it was noisy as hell. My dads hadn’t even been into sports, until Ash made it onto a local junior football team, and now they were always watching that stuff with him, and Cole and Nix just joined in because it was a boy thing, I guess.

“I could come with you,” mum offered, and I groaned, holding her keys out to her.

“Either you trust me to drive on my own, or you don’t. Which is it?” I knew she didn’t trust me to be out alone, but more than that, I knew she didn’t trust me to stay away from Ethan, but I was eighteen fucking years old and it was my choice, right?

“You know that’s not why I suggested it, Ember. I miss spending time with you, and now your studies are over, we could spend more mother daughter time together. Don’t you want that too?” Damn her and her guilt tactics. I knew she truly did want that, but I also knew she was trying to keep me from doing my own thing, and I was desperate to get away.

“Mum, I just need some time on my own, and I promise I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m eighteen. I need to start growing up a bit.”

It took another five minutes to convince her, but finally, I was driving away from the house, and it seemed like weight was leaving my shoulders by the mile, as I drove away.

I could go anywhere, or do anything, or at least for as long as there was fuel in the car. It wasn’t like I had money to throw away on fuel, because being eighteen, and choosing not to go into further education, meant I should be getting a job and working.

Blaze did, and he was doing great with his IT skills, even the illegal stuff, or maybe especially that stuff. Actually, that reminded me of something, so I dialled his phone on my handsfree.

“Yo, what’s up, little sis?” His voice always made me feel safer, because Blaze had always looked out for me.

“Hey, I’m out driving, check me out.” He whooped at the expected moment, but then he cursed.

“But you have me on handsfree, right? Don’t make me lock that shit down for you.”

Ha, perfect. He’d just walked right into my trap, hadn’t he?

“Actually, on that subject, I need your help. Can you remove all the blocks on my tech, so I can be free like you are?”

Another quiet curse, as I headed down a familiar road, heading for Ethan’s home. I drove past it the first time, just checking to see if it looked like anything had changed. No ‘for sale’ sign, or anything like that. Hopefully it was a good sign.

“Em, you know I was the one who had to set up that stuff after you know what. You’re asking me to go behind our parents’ backs now?”

I turned the corner, and parked the car under a tree.

“Blaze, please. I’m eighteen. I should be able to use my technology freely, or do I need to go out and steal new ones, just to have my freedom? You want me to risk getting arrested?”

“Dammit, you’re too good at manipulation. Fine. I’m sorting it out, but don’t go telling anyone, right? I’ve got important shit going down here, I’ve got a baby to worry about, and I need no more trouble coming my way.” Him and Anneka and their damn baby. It was all anyone cared about. And I knew for a fact that he’d done some awful stuff to her, when he first got together with her. More than any of the family knew I’d overheard. Eavesdropping is useful that way. You can learn a hell of a lot.

“I promise, thanks, bro. I need to go though, talk to you later.”

I ended the call and sat in the car for about twenty minutes, debating going down the road to look for Ethan.

Ethan

THEY SAY ALL KINDS of bullshit things about how life always gets better, and one door closing and another opening, and all that crap, but you know what? It’s not true. I’d hit rock bottom, and every now and then, I fell another level lower.

I lost my job over what happened with Ember, and then I got turned down for every job I applied for in teaching, because that information was on the public record. There were never any charges against me, and nothing was proven, but the rumours and accusations were enough.

My career was completely fucked, and I had to find a new dream now. In addition to that, I’d lost two friends over it, because they couldn’t afford to be associated with the teacher who’d interfered with his vulnerable student. Their fucking words, not mine. I never actually touched Ember, aside from a couple of hugs. That kiss? That was her kissing me, but it was enough to destroy me.

I wanted to get the hell out of town, and start afresh somewhere else, but guess what? When you suddenly lose your only source of income, you’re not really able to move and buy a place elsewhere, or even rent one, because you have no income to rely on. I was stuck in the house I was in, until the money in my savings ran out, and then I’d be effectively homeless. I was looking at jobs in coffee shops and the like now, just to keep my head above water.

The occasional bottle of red wine was my only luxury now, and I had to drink it alone, because Suzy had effectively cut me out of her life too. I still didn’t know why, but it had happened just after the kiss that was interrupted by Ember’s brick through my window, so maybe that was enough to scare her off.

Loneliness was crushing me, and when there was a knock on my door, after half a bottle of wine, I was grateful just for whoever the hell it was, even if they were a wrong address, or something. I pulled the door open, and all at once I was frozen in shock.

“Hi Ethan,” Ember said shyly, smiling up at me in that sweet way she always had. What the hell was she doing here though? I glanced up and down the street, because her being seen here would be the final fucking straw.

“You can’t be here,” I finally said, moving to close the door in her face, even though it was out of character for me to be rude or dismissive to anyone. Welcome to the new me. Unemployed, facing homelessness, and now a social pariah.

“Please! Let me just talk with you for a moment?” With a frustrated growl, I grabbed her arm and dragged her into the house, closing the door before anyone could see her there. She smiled brightly, easing her dark coat off, and draping it over the armchair as she headed into my living room.

“You’re not a guest here, Em. You can’t stay, but I can’t have people seeing you here either.” I was deliberately being unfriendly, and firm, but even with the risks of being seen with her, it was a relief to have someone to talk to, anyone. She looked well too, and that reminded me of what she’d been through, and what I’d accidentally put her through.

“Can I sit for a minute? I wanted to apologise for what happened,” she said, dropping onto my sofa and picking up my half-full wine glass. She took a sip, before I reached out and snatched it from her. I had one damn glass left and then I was out. She wasn’t taking this from me too. Nor was I taking the blame for a teen alcoholic falling off the damn wagon, on top of everything else.

“It’s a little late for apologies, Em,” I said bitterly, downing the remainder of my wine. That’s it, I’m out now. That made me more pissed off than ever, because it was my one fucking pleasure right now.

She rubbed her hands down her thighs, a nervous gesture I’d seen before, because I’d spent so much time with her that I’d learned her cues and responses well. She was wearing a short black skirt with a white blouse, and a black vest over it. I shouldn’t have been cataloguing her clothing, but I needed to keep my wits about me, and focusing on details was helping.

“I’m truly sorry, Ethan. I never meant for anything like this to happen, but I was very hurt and betrayed by how you went to my mother about me like that.”

She was hurt and betrayed. She was here to call me out for all of this, and that bemused the hell out of me. I dropped down into the armchair opposite her and stared her down, because if she wanted to talk, then she should fucking talk.

“There was no need for all of this to come out this way, Ethan. You could have just told me if you didn’t like my message. Telling my parents was so humiliating, and even now they’re still breathing down my neck. I’m probably the only eighteen year old on the planet with parental controls on my laptop!”

Was she for fucking real? I sat forward in my chair, fixing her with a fierce glare.

“You ruined my fucking life! You’re bitching about your laptop, when I can’t even afford to live now? I’ve lost everything! My house is the next thing I’ll lose, because I’m unemployable, so I can’t afford my rent. You did this to me, and for what? A crush? A bit of fun? Was it just about pushing boundaries, and getting attention? You destroyed me!” I clenched my fist, and the sound of a sharp pop shocked me into realising I was now holding the shattered remains of my wine glass.

“Dammit!” I threw the shards onto the floor, except for the ones sticking in my palm, and stomped to the kitchen, leaning over the sink as I plucked glass from my flesh and ran the stinging palm under the tap. Blood was oozing from multiple cuts, and wasn’t that just the perfect end to a perfect day, week, and month.