22. SISTERS OF BEFORE

Lightning cracks down.

It strikes a cloud.

From the energy, I form. Around me, I hear voices. The sound of some pluckedinstrument. A girlwithsnakes, a toddler, anda bee (the last two are the same entity, I come to learn) live in a white gazebo not that far away. Often, the girl will read beside me while the bee does somersaults through my vapor.

"Hello," I finally say one day. "Who are you?"

The girl puts down her scroll. "Nadir. Your older sister."

And I'm Dewdrop, says the bee, her words vibrating through my particles. I'm your slightly less old sister.

"Sisters. What are those?"

"Family."

"What is family?"

The girl and the bee look at each other.

"Come." The girl reaches down to me, and even though I have no body, I feel a desire for one. The wind blows through me, andfrom the cloud, I rise, a hand emerging to grasp hers. "We'll show you."

Dewdrop. Nadir. I'm sorry, I think as the lightning severs through me.

I won't be coming home.

A tear.

In my spirit.

Becomes complete.

Half of me soars away, sweeping through the capital, finding the legion in the barracks, forces that I already knew existed. My connection starts to disperse.

No. Not yet.

I force my spirit half into the palace, looking for mines, rigged doors, vats of poison, anything that resembles a trap—

My connection snaps. My vision, granted by the spirit half, falls away like ash. I'm back—to the hill, the storm, the wind whipping the treetops below.

What Miasma has in store during the duel itself, there's no way of knowing, but besides her remaining forces, I found no other ambushes. I need to get back and tell the others. I rise—and bend over, clutching my chest as it spasms.

Blood splashes onto the grass.

What have you done?scolds the voice in my head as more blood dribbles down my chin. You could have used your spirit to look for Plum. What have you done?

I—

Another spasm; another splash.

Red grass, fading to black.

Blackness, as far as the eye can see.

The night is endless.

Is this mortal death? Is that what happened? I spin, searching for some semblance of direction.

"Somehow, you still manage to surprise me."

"Crow?" I whirl, and there he is—the only person standing in the dark. He walks forward, and I retreat. "What are you doing? Are you here to take back your body?"

"You mean the body you just got struck by lightning?" He stops before me, shaking his head, but I don't trust him. The whole point of splitting my spirit was to ensure that I would remain in Crow. Now that I've passed out, anything's fair game.

Foolish. Desperate.My internal voice is harsh, so unlike Crow's soft one as he asks, "Why, Zephyr? You know this is a bad plan." He reaches out to cup my cheek, and this must be some hallucination, because the real Crow would never touch me so tenderly, and his voice wouldn't be so caring when he says, "You could have died."

No, Crow,you could have died.

I'm a god, and it's because I'm a god that I've made you suffer so much.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "for everything."

Crow smiles, then flickers.

"Crow?"

His spirit blows away before my eyes.

"Crow!"

Crow.I jolt awake, his name on my tongue. Around me, the hills blur by, blue in the dawn. I'm on a horse, mask on my face, my body held in place by a pair of arms.

Cloud's arms. "Cloud . . . ?" Another rider gallops behind us, horse white and armor silver. "Tourmaline . . . ?"

"What did I tell you about riding off on your own, Zephyr?" the warrior shouts at me, stopping my heart.

I look back to Cloud, who shakes her head as if to say Don't ask. "Tourmaline caught me riding out to that hill to find you. I tried to make some excuse—but you know her, always putting two and two together." Cloud makes a half-exasperated, halfaffectionate sound. "Something about me not bashing in your skull must have given it away."

"H-how did you know I was on the hill?" I stammer, and Cloud grimaces.

"Don't laugh—but I followed the wind."

The wind. Crow. He led Cloud to me.I crane my head, searching for him. "Stop wiggling," Cloud orders, but I have to find him. Has his spirit really scattered? No. He can't have left—

A new voice rises behind us, winnowed by the wind, but still recognizable as Cicada's.

"You! Warrior! Where are you taking my strategist?"

Cloud doesn't reply, only urges her mare faster.

"Slow down for her," I order.

"No."

"Do it, or else I'll tell Tourmaline you lost to me at chess."

"I should have left you for dead." But Cloud slows down, and when Cicada catches up, I say, "I passed out when I was scouting ahead. Cloud found me."

"Impressive that you reached us," Cloud shouts to Cicada.

"What, think Southerners can't ride?" Cicada shouts back.

"Well, you're going to have to ride faster." To me: "Ren left for the capital without us."

I knew she would, but my stomach sinks regardless.

"I should have darted her," snaps Cicada, kicking into a faster gallop.

"I did." My gaze slingshots to Tourmaline. "Her horse, last night," she clarifies. "It'll be slower."

"We'll catch up," Cloud promises, and my grip tightens on her arm. We have to.

And we do just before the capital, Miasma's final legion stationed outside the walls.

Riding to meet them is Ren.

"Ren!" Cloud hollers, and Ren whirls her mount. "You forgot something!"

We gallop up behind her.

"Cloud—Tourmaline—Cicada—" Ren's gaze flits from face to face, unable to settle on a single person to be disappointed in. "You shouldn't be here."

"You shouldn't have left without telling us," says Cloud.

"I—"

"Queen!"

We all whirl; Sikou Hai thunders up with a cohort of soldiers, and Ren's face goes grave. "Send them away," she orders, but Sikou Hai stands firm.

"Why? Miasma has her troops outside the walls. It's only fair that we have our own forces here to ensure she honors her word to duel you one-on-one."

"I agree with him," says Cloud.

"And I," says Cicada. "Have the troops stay."

A tendon jumps in Ren's jaw. She turns from us and, without a word, gallops to the wall, drawing short of the enemy soldiers.

Her horse rears, throwing her shadow long on the ground.

"I'm here, Miasma! Show yourself !"

"Xin Ren!" a bell-clear voice rings out; a eunuch, clad in empire scarlet, appears atop the battlements. "The prime ministress awaits you inside."

Ren gathers her reins. "Make way."

"Wait!" says Sikou Hai, riding up behind her.

"This is my decision."

"But—"

"What have we been fighting for, if not this?" Sikou Hai looks on in dismay, and Ren's gaze softens. "I appreciate everything you've done for me. You, and Qilin. But this all started six years ago when the empress asked for my help, and finally, I can help." Ren glances up to the eunuch on the walls. "If this is a trap, then I have failed. Death would not be the worst possible outcome."

"But—but the realm—" Sikou Hai looks to me, imploring me to do something, but there's nothing left for me to do. I made my choice when I poured out the elixir.

I understand that I won't be here to protect Ren and everyone forever—that to be a strategist means to serve.

"Have the soldiers surrender their weapons!" Cicada calls out.

"Disarm!" is the eunuch's response.

Miasma's legion complies, swords and spears clanging onto the ground. Their ranks part, and our troops stream forward, lining the enemy corridor.

Ren rides through them.

Cloud starts to follow, but I mutter, "Take me to Sikou Hai first." We canter up before him, and I say, "Stay here. If all is well, we will give a signal."

"What signal?"

"You'll know it."

"And if not? When do I come to help?"

"Use your judgment. I trust you."

"Wait—"

Cloud rides away before he can finish—but not to Ren. To Tourmaline.

Her mare blocks the warrior's white one.

"You stay out here and protect our soldiers with Sikou Hai. Do it," Cloud orders when Tourmaline frowns and tries to bypass us. "For me." Then Cloud grabs the other warrior's fist and presses the knuckles, once and quick, to her lips. Tourmaline blinks, and Cloud lets go, face redder than all the times she's wanted to kill me and Crow. "And do it for Zephyr!" she shouts, pulling away on her mare. "It's the strategic thing!"

Bold of Cloud to invoke me. If I were still here as Zephyr, I'd order Cloud to stay behind too. But I know she won't let Ren go in alone, just as Ren says, "I'm going alone."

"No. The ultimatum said you'd duel Miasma alone," says Cloud.

"But we're coming with you," says Cicada.

"And I with you," I say to Cicada.

"No, Senge—"

"I've left my lordess once. Don't make me do it again."

My words rob Cicada of hers, like I knew they would. For a second, we're all locked in a contest of wills. Stalemated in silence. Then—

A groan.

Ahead of us, the doors open.