91. Kami

91

Kami

I 'm crying invisible tears, trapped in a body not my own, tied to the soul of Death through its goddess.

Malkar, who has done everything he can to protect us. Who lost his own sister through no fault of his own.

Oz came back.

Malkar has to.

We deserve this, our own happily ever after, for as long as we can make it last. We've all been through so much.

It can't end this way. No. Not so this shit-head god can get his way like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

So much death. For what?

He frowns. "I don't feel anything."

"You never finished the rite," Caethybdue says quietly. I hear grief in her voice. But maybe she's expressing what I feel.

I can't stop my heart from tearing in two.

"His death should be all I need. Feel that power. He's ripe with it."

I watch as the war god rips through Malkar, exposing his innards .

I gag and close my eyes, unable to look away from the goddess's focus.

And then she and I are facing each other, standing in a dark room. Ries, Oz, and Crash are spotlighted on the left. On the right are Beyrthnel and a dead dragon.

"Why?" I ask and go to Malkar.

I can't look at his mangled body, but I take his head in my hands and wipe away the blood that's spilled from his eyes.

"This is your choice, Kami. You can save him. And you can doom your world."

"What?" That makes no sense.

Caethybdue is kind when she adds, "Love is a force more powerful than anything. Than even Death. I know what's in your heart, child. But know that if you bring him back, my brother will live through him. And the world will be rife with gods and torn."

"Malkar will be like me? Hosting a god?"

"No. He will live on as he was. But his new life will not make up for this one that he lost. You can have your happiness. You've earned it. But at a cost."

"That makes no sense. It's not fair." Ahza died. Oz almost passed. Now they want to take Malkar from me? From us?

"Since when does life have to be fair?" She sits next to me and rests her boney hands on her knees, covered in her robe. "This is your choice to make. Because this is your realm." The goddess sighs, sounding tired. "If I could have made your choice for you, I would. You have done all that was asked of you."

I'm crying, wishing with all my might for Malkar to come back.

"But there is one more thing you must do. Will you let nature take its course and take your dragon? Or will you wish him back and let him live the life he earned…and welcome my brother into your world?"

I want to say, "Like there's a choice."

But there is.

I can have Malkar and the guys back. I'm pretty sure Beyrthnel would leave us alone too.

"I can make that happen," the goddess says, reading my mind.

So there is a choice. My happiness, the guys' lives. Or the world ends.

How happy can we be living in the shadow of eternal war?

Yet, the guys love to fight. Even I've started to like it.

This should be an easy question to answer. No, don't end the world. But what has the world ever done for me?

A Pure and his archangel killed my mom and wiped out my village. People treated me and Ahza like shit forever. And then a homicidal elf killed my best friend, my brother, and imprisoned and tortured me for a cheering crowd.

Do I really owe the world a thing?

"Kami, decide."

What would Malkar say? He's a Better. He protects his own. Like Oz, like Ries. Like Crash, who lost his little brother when he tried to fight against those oppressing the weak.

And I realize, despite my desire not to, that my guys have always fought for the little guy. As much as they don't want to be, they're good at heart.

And so am I.

I never took energy that wasn't offered freely. Not on purpose at least. And Ahza and I never stole from the poor or those who couldn't afford to lose a few gold pieces.

That's not who we are.

No matter what the war god wants, or what he says, he's selfish. He wants only what makes him happy.

If I give in and take what I want, I'm no better than him.

"Let Malkar rest in peace then," I tell her, not bothering to wipe the tears from my cheeks. My heart feels as if it's been hollowed. "Can I go with him?"

"No, Kami. Your place is here. Your time is not yet complete."

The guys will hate me. Maybe. And even if they don't, they'll never forget that I let Malkar die.

I'm sobbing when she pats my shoulder and tucks me away inside her again.

I'm in the Veil, and Sebastian is watching me with a curious expression.

"What?" I snap as I wipe my nose on my arm. Gross, but who cares? Nothing matters any more.

"You gave up your future so that the rest of world—that constantly turns its back on you—can have one?"

"I'm stupid like that I guess."

There's a flash of light, and a carbon copy of Sebastian appears. This one has shoulder length gray hair and bright hazel eyes. He's not old, despite his hair color, but seems more vibrant and happier than Sebastian.

"I knew it."

"You're going to be impossible to live with now, aren't you?" Sebastian sighs. "Fine. You win. You were right."

"Ha! I told you."

I stare at them dully, wishing I could die and be done with all this pain. I'm so tired of losing the people I love.

"Yes, that's what I said. That you would let love in, but that you wouldn't let fear rule you. That your sense of love is so much deeper than we give mortals credit for."

"What?"

I stare from the newcomer to Sebastian .

"Apologies." Sebastian bows his head to me in respect. "Kami, the dryad and necromancer, meet my brother, Ian."

Ian takes my limp hand in his and kisses the back of it.

Like a whisper of summer, of warm sunlight and a breeze filled with lavender and faeberry. I'm reminded of how much I love my friends. My mates.

Malkar and Crash, Ries and Oz. They're mine, and I'm theirs.

Bonded forever, Kept to a Better.

I blink back more tears.

"Kami. I think you need to go back."

Baffled and hurt, I just nod. "Okay." But before I turn to go, I ask Ian, "So who are you? Not Death or After. But who?"

Ian gives me a huge smile. "I'm Love, Kami. Something you need never fear."