22. Rowan

22

ROWAN

R owan poked around the elders' drawing room behind the temple altar but could not find the Red Maiden journals anywhere. Though Cade had already checked, she needed to see for herself.

She walked down the aisle of the temple and slumped into a pew, looking around for any other obvious hiding spots. She was running out of places to look.

The back doors opened and Elder Garrett stepped into the temple, as if summoned by her dread. She felt the phantom ache of his lashes on her back as he walked down the center aisle.

"I see you've failed again, Red." His lips quirked up in a feral grin. "That's too bad, though you mustn't worry. We've devised a backup plan, as previously discussed. Come with me."

Rowan hesitated. She wished Cade was with her, but he had checked in at breakfast before making himself scarce again. She had asked where he wandered off to, but he had just deflected. Now, she wished she'd waited until he was around to start wandering the temple.

"Rowan, am I to take your hesitance as defiance?" Elder Garrett asked. The threat was clear in his tone and the look in his eyes.

She shook her head and made to follow him. He led her to a dark stairwell behind the raised dais at the front of the temple. It was so well hidden that she'd missed it when she was poking around before. The stone stairwell was dim, with just the light from a candle held by Elder Garrett to light their way. She followed a few steps behind, careful to stay out of arm's reach.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, she followed him down a long, dark tunnel. Dread pooled in her stomach. The air in the space was stale and oppressive. She rubbed her arms, trying to stave off the chill.

Finally, Elder Garrett pulled a lever on the wall and a door creaked open, revealing a large, open room. Rowan followed him inside. The space was slightly brighter, smelling of moss and spiced incense. Several lit torches lined the walls around the periphery, but the focus of the room was on the ceiling at the center. Thick roots grew out from above a stone altar, most of the roots cascading around the domed ceiling but several cutting straight down, wrapping around the bottom of the altar.

"The Elder Tree," Elder Garrett said before she could ask.

"What is this place?" Rowan inquired.

His eyes lit with menace, and she immediately regretted the question. "It's a ritual room, of course."

She swallowed hard, following his gaze to the altar. She stepped closer. There were carvings along the side in the old language that read, " Under the watchful gaze of the Mother, as witnessed by the Crone, for the sake of the living, we sacrifice to the Wolf. "

Intricate carvings of a wolf and the sigil of the Mother wrapped around the front of the altar.

Elder Garrett ran his hand over the cold stone affectionately.

"I don't think I should be here," Rowan said, wringing her hands.

"Oh, I think this is exactly where you should be. You see, when you return from the Wolf again this Sunday morning untouched, we'll prepare this room for the following week, and here on this altar, you'll be tended to by an elder as chosen by the Mother."

She took a step back. "That's blasphemous."

"I assure you it's not. We've already decided among the elders, and the decision has been sanctified by the Crone, who will bless you here and witness your sacrifice ."

Rowan tried to hide her horror because it was clear that it only served to please Elder Garrett.

"You look like you want to say something," he said with a lupine smile.

Her mouth went dry. "The Mother's will be done."

Elder Garrett looked disappointed by her tepid reaction. He bent down, reaching behind the altar and lifting two silk ropes. "These will be fastened around your wrists so your arms are stretched overhead."

Rowan nodded, holding his gaze, willing her breathing to stay steady, willing her heart to stop racing. Sadly, her will was no match for the adrenaline coursing through her.

He frowned. "That doesn't worry you?"

"The Mother's will be done," she repeated.

A part of her withered to dust like a desiccated flower. She retreated as she did when anything horrible and unavoidable happened. She went in and in and in—descending blindly into the dark, bottomless well inside her. There would be time to feel later. Now she simply needed to endure. Survival was an ugly choice, but Aeoife was relying on her.

"Well then," he said. Dropping the ropes, he grabbed her arm.

She desperately wanted to wrench it away, but she didn't dare. She was underground with a predator, and she knew no one would be able to hear her scream. One false move was all it would take.

Elder Garrett shoved Rowan back so that she lay on the altar, looking up at him. Then he yanked her wrists overhead and wrapped them in the silk ties before pulling them tight. Her heart pounded in her ears along with the discordant sound of the energy around him.

An awful, pulsing hatred coursed through the air. It tried to wrap around her. She could feel the press of it, but it could not touch her skin. She looked around the room wildly for anything that could help.

Against the wall on the left side of the room was a large chest next to an armoire. They probably just held supplies for rituals, but she made a mental note to try to sneak back later and check for the journals.

"You look perfect like that. You're right where you belong. You'll then be spread wide by two of the elders. And do you know what will happen?" Elder Garrett asked. He stepped closer so his hips pressed against her knees. "Then I'll be right here."

Finally, Rowan couldn't temper her reaction any longer.

He grinned at the horror on her face. "That's right, Red. My peers unanimously chose me to taste what the Wolf isn't interested in. I'm going to enjoy every minute of it."

Rowan shook her head, squeezing her eyes closed in disgust, but it just made it worse as she pictured everything he was saying.

"When I'm done, we'll take your blessed blood and anoint the Elder Tree and pray to the Mother. If the sacrifice is accepted, the blood will be drawn up the roots, and we'll know it's successful."

Rowan's eyes snapped open, and she stared at him in abject horror. How had he convinced the elders this was a good idea—that the Mother would approve of such a thing or that the Wolf would want it?

Rowan desperately wished for the Mother. Her protection felt surprisingly flimsy.

Cade's warning about Elder Garrett spun through her head. If he'd truly made a deal with a demon to be more persuasive, perhaps that was exactly how he'd convinced the elders this ceremony was a good idea and that he should lead it. Dizzying nausea spun through her.

"I need air. I think I'm going to be sick," Rowan rasped.

Elder Garrett made a disgusted face, but it was clearly the right thing to say because he quickly unbound her hands, and she hopped up and followed him up the stairs. Once she recognized where she was, she rushed past him and tore out of the doors of the temple.

Rowan sucked in huge gulps of air so cold it turned to pins and needles in her lungs. She only paused for a moment before continuing through the square. Elder Garrett called out behind her, but she just kept walking. Her head spun. Her knees were weak. She had no idea what she needed, but she couldn't seem to calm her shallow, rapid breathing.

She tore through the town square nearly colliding with a burly man who stepped into her path.

"This blight is on you, Red! You need to do something! The Wolf is killing our food supply because you won't give him what he wants!" the man grumbled.

Rowan took a step back as a woman joined the man.

"Yeah, give the Wolf what he wants, girl. Or do you think you're too good to work for your living? Are you just content to live off the backs of this community?" the woman demanded.

"You owe it to this town to do your job, girl. People are trying to sacrifice children that aren't even spirit singers. I heard they dragged three crying girls from the temple just yesterday," the man said.

Rowan's stomach heaved. How could things possibly be this frenzied in such a short time? Her eyes darted around the square. More people were starting to gather, drawn to the shouting. The crowd swelled and pressed in from all sides.

"I have to go," she said. She turned, shoved her way through the mass of bodies, and ran until she reached Finn's apartment on the edge of the Ashand property. She banged on the door relentlessly. He probably wasn't home. He was probably out on a hunt, but she needed something or someone to ground her.

Everything was spinning out of control too quickly.

The door swung open, and Finn's eyes went wide at the sight of her. "Rowan, what?—"

She pushed past him, into the foyer, and leaned against the wall. She bent forward, her hands on her knees, still struggling to catch her breath.

"Goddess above! What happened?" Finn put an arm around her and guided her into the sitting room to a chair in front of the fire. "Put your head between your knees and try to breathe deeper." He placed a hand on her back. "Try to breathe deep, down to my hand."

Her breath slowed along with her heartbeat. As the dizziness abated, she sat up and looked at Finn. His golden-brown hair was mussed, his shirt unbuttoned at the collar, revealing more of his skin than she'd ever seen on display. He followed her gaze and quickly buttoned himself up.

"I can make some tea," a voice said from the small kitchen.

Rowan jumped as her gaze shot to Lady Joy McCade, who flushed and looked away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company," Rowan said, springing to her feet.

Finn grabbed her hand, and both she and Joy gasped. He quickly let go, remembering that he wasn't supposed to touch her. "Rowan, don't run off, please. Just have a cup of tea and tell me what happened," he said softly.

Finn's eyes pleaded with her, but she wouldn't tell him anything in front of Joy. Strange jealousy twisted in her stomach. She didn't feel the same way for Finn that he—supposedly—did for her, but still, she'd always taken him at his word, and he had sworn he would wait for her. He said he wasn't interested in Joy. It was highly inappropriate for her to be alone with him in his apartment.

"It's fine. I won't tell anyone about this," Rowan said, gesturing to Joy.

"It's not what you think," Finn said.

Rowan crossed her arms. "I don't think anything."

She had no right to be mad. Still, it felt like a bit of a betrayal for him to swear that he only wanted her, that he'd marry her when her term was done, and now she'd barely begun and Finn was already sneaking around with someone else.

"I'm only here to talk about a special ceremony after the Gratitude and Grieving Ceremony in two weeks," Joy said. "Finn will be there to attend the Mother as a guard, and I'll be there to attend her as a lady-in-waiting. We were just discussing things because we've both been given so little information."

Rowan's mouth went dry and her stomach lurched. She brought a hand to her mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Finn jumped up and brought her a bowl. She bent over it and tried to slow the swirling thoughts in her mind.

"They expect the Mother to actually be there?" Rowan asked, not looking up from the bowl, afraid the loss of focus would make her vomit.

Finn sighed. "They're being extremely tight-lipped, but for some reason, they've asked us both to be there. Sarai is supposed to attend also, along with her mother."

Suddenly the dam burst, and Rowan started to cry. "They don't think I'm worthy of the Wolf."

"What?" Finn looked astonished. "It's only been a few weeks."

"I know. I don't know what they want," Rowan choked out. "I've gotten so close?—"

Finn winced at the words.

"If I don't succeed next week, they're going to do some insane ceremony in this secret room beneath the Elder Tree where they—" She looked from Joy to Finn as realization dawned on both of them.

Joy looked as ill as Rowan felt. " That's what they want me to witness?"

Finn shook his head violently. "They can't do that."

"They can. The Crone approved it. It's going to happen unless I can somehow succeed in winning Con—the Wolf over next week," Rowan said.

"Oh, Rowan, that's horrible," Joy said. For her part, she looked genuinely distraught. She walked toward Finn, seeking out his support as if she was the victim. "Finn, you can't let them do this. There's never been this kind of urgency before."

"It's because of the blight," Rowan said hopelessly. "Even though it's getting better, they don't care. It's still visible here, and the townsfolk are restless. It doesn't matter what is true. It only matters what feels true."

Joy looked about to collapse. Finn pulled her into a hug and Rowan stared at them. There was no denying that they looked good together.

"This week, several families offered up daughters to the elders. Girls with no gifts. People are desperate for a solution and panicked for next season without those trees. Some of the women in my quilting circle were saying that they heard men shouting at the younger Maiden over the weekend," Joy said.

Another wave of nausea rolled through Rowan's stomach.

"I will talk to the elders," Finn said.

Rowan stood, slamming the bowl down on the side table. "Don't you get it? They do what they want! They make the rules. They think that if they make the sacrifice, it will fix everything. But Finn, Elder Garrett has been bargaining with a demon?—"

"Rowan! You can't make such accusations," Finn said, horrified.

"It's true," Rowan said. "I can't explain how I know, but I do. Those with magic can sense it. You can probably even feel it with your blessing from the Mother, Finn. He's not right. He's stirring this frenzy among the rest of them. It's supernatural. Think about it—Orla didn't ever experience this pressure, and it was more than a month before the Wolf took her."

Rowan was beginning to doubt anything had ever happened between Conor and Orla. Perhaps he'd just approved of Orla changing into red garb. Maybe if Rowan explained about the elders, he would allow her to do that. It was a victimless lie, but if Elder Garrett held such power, they might go through with the ceremony anyway. The frenzy in town was too much to ignore and Elder Garrett was opportunistic.

"The elders are corrupt," Rowan whispered.

"Row, if they were corrupt, the Mother would interfere," Finn said.

"You're naive!"

"And you lack faith!" Finn countered.

Joy looked back and forth between them. "Perhaps I should see myself out."

Finn snapped out of his daze and turned to her. "I will take care of this, Joy. I'll make sure that none of us has to experience or bear witness to such monstrosity."

Joy bit her lip and nodded as Finn kissed her hand and ushered her out the door.

Finally, he turned back to Rowan.

"Talking to them won't work," she told him.

"It will," Finn insisted.

"It won't," Rowan said. "I already have the Mother on my side. I have been trying to figure this out for weeks and have made no progress. You have no idea what it's like."

"I can help!"

"You can't. You've just begun to have to face this monstrosity, but I've been dealing with it alone for weeks. I don't need you to save me," Rowan said coldly.

Finn threw up his hands. "Yes, Rowan. Punish me for not being able to bear the thought of what is asked of you. Hate me for not being able to think about what you will need to endure at that monster's hands."

"I hope you're not talking about the Wolf," Rowan quipped.

"You know I am," Finn sighed. "Goddess above, Rowan! Every week, I watch you disappear into those woods, and every time, I wait for you to return. If you could feel what I feel, you'd understand. It's agony to wait for you. To not be able to follow you without risking your life. To know that he could hurt you however he wanted for his own amusement?—"

"He's not like that," Rowan sighed.

"You haven't the faintest idea what he's like, Row. You've known him for a few weeks."

"I know he's treated me far better than our supposed holy leaders," Rowan snapped.

Finn's anger vanished, and something like desperation settled in his eyes. "Do you love him?"

"What?" Rowan choked on her surprise. "No, of course not."

"Do you love me?" Finn asked.

Rowan swallowed hard.

A frantic knock on the door saved her from having to break Finn's heart. Finn opened it and found a breathless Sarai with Raya slumped in her arms. Sarai's cheek was swollen, her lip split, her eyes red and puffy, but Raya's shirt was soaked with blood, her body bent from pain.

"What happened?" Rowan asked as she helped Raya to a chair.

Sarai turned and looked from Finn to Rowan. "The elders caught us together and had us whipped. I got off easier since I'm the Crone's daughter and they're afraid of her, but they want to cast us both out for our deviant behavior." She shook her head, wiping her eyes. "Raya can't travel like this. Her back is a mess. She needs time to heal."

Fury surged through Rowan. "How dare they! How dare they take love and make it something ugly and shameful! How dare they lay a finger on you!" Her anger was a life force pounding through her like a beating heart. "What do you need? What can we do?"

Sarai paced the room as Finn brought Raya some water. "I don't know. It's possible we could make it through Huntsman's Hollows, but it will be weeks before we can leave. And I need calendula, marshmallow, or chamomile to try to heal the wounds. I don't—" She broke into a sob as she collapsed to her knees in front of Raya. She brushed the hair back from the huntswoman's face. "I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful."

Raya smiled weakly. "We were both there and knew better."

"I could talk to the elders for you," Finn offered.

Sarai shot to her feet and stormed toward Finn. "You have been willfully ignorant long enough, Finn Ashand. You know better and yet you remain blind. What will you say to those bigots? How will you convince them? And what good is their mercy if it condemns me to my knees to plead contrition for the rest of my days? What was my sin? She is to me what Rowan is to you, Finn. How can it be wrong to love someone?"

Finn swallowed hard. "Sarai, you know I don't care who you love. I love you no matter what, but the scriptures say?—"

"I don't care about the goddess-damned scriptures from those blasphemous morons!" Sarai screamed. "I care about Raya! I have asked you for nothing in all our years of friendship, Finn. Nothing . I have kept your secrets and given you advice. I have told you exactly how to get what you want."

Finn shook his head. "I know. I owe you so much, Sarai, but I cannot do this right now. You don't understand. Everything with Rowan?—"

Sarai's gaze shot back to Rowan. "The secret ceremony?"

Rowan nodded. Despite the fact that she appreciated Finn's loyalty, she couldn't help but be disappointed in his lack of imagination. He had more power than she and Sarai combined, but he was unwilling to use it.

Rowan stepped behind Raya, carefully lifting her hair from her back and braiding the blood-stained strands out of her face. "You could hide them in your hunting cabin."

Finn frowned. "And what happens if they're caught?"

Sarai let out a bitter laugh. "Don't worry, we wouldn't dare sully the name of Ballybrine's Mother-blessed golden boy. We would say we snuck in without your knowledge."

Finn threw his hands up. "Goddess above, Sarai, that's not what I meant, but if they're this on edge and they find out I helped, there won't be anywhere left to run."

"The goddess above is no goddess of mine. I've had about enough of her absence," Sarai snapped.

Rowan held up her hands, trying to settle them both. She crossed the room and took Sarai's hands in hers. "I won't let them hurt you again. I'd sooner see them dead."

Sarai's face softened. "You're not a killer, Rowan."

Rowan took a deep breath. "I don't think we know yet what I might become to protect the people I love."

For weeks those words had been a poisonous specter that haunted her mind. Saying them out loud and having witness to them, strengthened her resolve.

Finn looked startled by the admission, but Sarai's shoulder straightened, and hint of satisfaction lit her eyes.

"We'll hide until Raya is healed and make a plan. We're not going to run. I'll not leave this town to festering hate that will hurt other women." Sarai's eyes blazed with fury. "I'm going to burn it down, just like we talked about. I'm going to burn out every bit of infection in this town and I'm going to be the kind of Crone that brings people together instead of tearing them apart." She leveled her glare at Finn. "You better know what side you're on when it comes time, Finn. Choose wisely! Because I'll remember this, and I might be quick to forgive, but Row holds a grudge."

Sarai helped Raya to her feet and the duo stormed out the door, slamming it so hard the entire building shook.