Chapter 25

How did he show her how he felt? That seemed like an impossible ask from a woman who should have known just from his body language. Daios wasn't good at telling anyone anything. He'd never been a talker, even when he was just a boy. His mother used to say that he was as stoic as a stone wall, immovable, and sometimes a little cold.

He didn't see the value in chatting with people when he could show them what he wanted. Of course, that hadn't gotten him very far with women. And it would not get him very far with his little achromo.

After all, Anya had settled in rather nicely.

He hated how much that made him upset. Logically, Daios knew she did better with a task at hand. He looked at how she had worked in the facility, and he knew it made her feel more comfortable to be needed. He even understood it, because he was very similar.

Sighing, he fanned his fluke over the dust that had settled in this small, deep sea canyon. He was doing the same thing right now. Trying to appease his emotions and his thoughts by keeping himself busy.

This was not a task that kept his mind busy, though. All he had to do was uncover lost items on the sea floor, if there were any. And fanning the dust with his tail certainly didn't make him feel like he had something to do. Instead, all he could think about was her.

His distance from her had created unwanted side effects. The visions were back. The memories of all those dead bodies who had floated in the currents, all because of what he'd done. All because he had no self control when it came to his own hatred. Even now, he could feel those icy fingers grabbing onto his shoulders, pulling at the hand that should have still been there.

"Daios," they whispered. "Come, seek your retribution."

He didn't want to do that. He wanted to go back home, to a woman with a golden smile and a soul that eased his own. Only weeks ago he would have claimed it was a shame that the woman was an achromo. He would have told himself to sever this connection and break free from her siren call.

But now? Now he knew what it was to stand in the light of her smile and bask in the glow of her joy. He would trade the entire sea for a few moments with her.

"Why are we doing this again?" The words snapped Daios out of his fugue state. A yellow fin draped down on top of his head, only to be whisked away when he swiped at it with his claws.

"Mira thinks this was a dumping ground for the droids like Byte and Bitsy," he grumbled. "If we can find one of their... kin, then she will be pleased."

Maketes floated ahead of him, tail flicking to keep him lying down on the current. He had his arms behind his head, fully trusting the ocean to keep him cradled in her arms. If only the ocean were so contented with Daios.

"Ah right," Maketes lifted one of his hands in the air as if pulling a thought out of his head. "Fabricators. That's what she called them. Fascinating what the humans can make, isn't it? I never thought they would be such interesting people."

"They aren't," he grumbled.

"You seem to have found one in particular very fascinating. Or do you think no one has noticed how much you hang around the dome?" He spun in the water, putting a ridiculous frown on his face. "You're very mopey lately, Daios."

"I am not moping." Daios did his best to keep the emotion out of his words, but he knew that Maketes could see right through him.

His brother grinned, the expression one of utter triumph. "Not mopey at all? Not when you've been dragging yourself around the sea like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders? I've never had such trouble getting you to leave our pod. Not since the achromos found our first home. Do you know what that makes me think?"

He didn't care. He didn't want to know what his brother thought, and he certainly did not care what Maketes had told himself. There was no story. There was nothing at all.

Grunting, he pushed past Maketes and off into an area of this graveyard they had not searched yet. But he knew that his brother wouldn't give up this teasing. Not when he was so certain that he had something to tear into.

"Daios," Maketes called, drawing out each sound of his name. "You like the woman! Far more than any other achromo we've met before."

"I do not."

"You think I haven't seen you watching her? Mira's home is glass. I can see your eyes are on her all the time. Not just when she's looking at you." Maketes floated by him again, his arms behind his head as though he didn't have a care in the world. "She doesn't watch you nearly as much. I wonder why that is?"

"She is an achromo. She is unaware of her surroundings and does not have our natural ability to see far in the water." At least, that's what he'd been telling himself.

Because he had noticed she didn't look at him as much as he wanted her to. Daios had been swimming by the glass dome multiple times a day in the hopes that he would catch a glimpse of her lovely eyes. But no, he was not so lucky. If she looked at him every other day, that was a surprise.

"Arges said she's settling in well, but seems a little off herself. I wonder if you're both mopey for the same reason."

"We are not," Daios snapped. "That is ridiculous."

"Are you so sure? You were alone together for an awfully long time." Maketes pressed both of his hands to either side of his face, squishing his cheeks forward. "I can only imagine all the things you got into! So much... conversation."

He knew what Maketes meant, and he did not mean that they were conversing. But still, there was a part of him that thrust forward to say, "I do not know how to speak with her."

"You..." Maketes frowned, twisting his body so he was upright in the water. "What do you mean?"

"I..." Exasperated, he gestured toward his face. "This."

"That ugly face of yours is why you can't talk?"

Snarling, he turned away to start searching again. "Forget I said it."

"No, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make fun of the situation. I've just never seen you all tongue tied over a woman before." Maketes rushed forward, careful not to touch Daios and make him even angrier, but clearly wanting to show support. "You can't talk with her? You seemed fine when you brought her here. I'm certain I saw you speaking with her."

"That was different."

When it was just the two of them, it was easier. He didn't think about all the things her people had done to his. He barely even noticed their differences when she was laughing or locking his gaze on hers. She had a way about her that made him forget to be uncomfortable.

But here? All of that was different.

Everyone looked at him all the time. Like they were just waiting for him to explode and murder her. And he didn't like that. He didn't want people to think that he could ever hurt her, let alone that he'd thought about it.

Yes, he hated the achromos. Her people were a plague upon this sea and he would gladly see them all dead. Just not... her. And that was a strange emotion to even get through on his own, regardless of everyone judging him while he did it.

"Well," Maketes said, his voice low and slow. "Why don't we... practice?"

"What?"

"Pretend I'm the lovely Miss Anya." He fluttered his lashes, gills flapping flat against his neck as though he were trying to make himself look more like a female. "Oh, Daios, I haven't seen you in weeks!"

He blinked at Maketes once, twice, then just grunted, "No."

Again, his brother swam in front of him, flaring all his fins out to the side as though that might stop Daios from swimming away. "I'm taking this seriously. You need to practice how you're going to talk to her if that's what you want to do. I'm good at conversing."

"No."

"I'm better than you." Maketes even stretched his arms out, forcing Daios to remain where he was. "You need me, Daios. Let me help."

He didn't want anyone to help him. He wanted to wallow for a bit and then figure this out on his own. But Maketes was right, he was a better conversationalist...

Sighing, he rolled his eyes above Maketes's head and tried to shove down his pride. "I do not know how to tell her that I prefer her company."

"Over?"

"Everyone else." Why was this so hard to say? All he had to do was let the words fall from his tongue. That was it. But instead, they pressed against the back of his throat like a warning that telling anyone how he really felt would only end in disaster.

"Oh, well, that's easy enough. You could just tell her that you miss her."

Daios looked at Maketes. His brother's expression had softened, his brows coming down to create wrinkles in between his eyes. It almost was an expression of pity, which he refused to look too much into.

"I do not..." He couldn't even finish the sentence.

Of course he missed her. The sensation had grown every day since he had last spoken with her, even though he could see her from afar. His gills felt like they couldn't suck in enough air, and no matter how much he did, he wasn't tired at night. His body was exhausted, but his mind wondered what she had done during the day. If she was comfortable here. If Mira and Arges were filling her head with stories about how dangerous he was when all he wanted was to talk to her.

He just wanted to hear her voice. And that was terrifying on its own.

Maketes tilted his head to the side. "You do miss her. Quite a bit, it seems."

The dust settled around them. Daios didn't even dare to breathe because suddenly it was all laid out right in front of him. He missed her, and he didn't know how to tell her that.

It was stupid to be so shocked by it all, and yet he was. He didn't know how to do... this.

Maketes flicked his waist fins, coming just slightly closer. "Missing her doesn't make you weak, brother. But you should tell her. Maybe she's missing you just as much as you're missing her."

"There's no way either of us can know that."

"I suppose I could ask her for you, but that seems rather childish, don't you think? You should just talk to her, Daios."

"I can't do that." It was too risky. What if she didn't miss him at all? He'd handed her back to someone who at least looked like her. It was warm in Mira's pod, and it was safe there as well.

Plenty of his people here were more fitting for her, regardless. They could provide for her easier than the one armed warrior who didn't know how to tell her how he felt, or even that there were words he wished he could say to her. She was better off without him, just as he was better off without her.

This was his place. He was meant to take the risky jobs and run from his home. It was how it had always been.

And how it should always be.

Shaking his head, he expelled dust from his gills hard and turned away from Maketes. "She's fine where she is."

Maketes groaned. "Oh, you stubborn finhead! Maybe she would be better off if she were with you!"

He couldn't believe that, not even for a moment. Because if he did, then he would rush back to that glass dome. He would take her away again, burying her so far under the sea that no one would ever find her again but him.

Daios knew those thoughts were wrong. Deviant. Horrible things to do to someone he cared about, and so he had to keep himself away from her. He couldn't do it to her.

"Keep searching," he grumbled. "I'm going deeper."

"You can't go deeper, and you know it. We're on the very edge of our territory as it is. We don't need the depthstriders to be involved in any of this." Maketes arched his brow. "Unless you're heading their way again?"

He hadn't thought about the depthstriders in a while, but... Well, maybe it wasn't a terrible idea.

"Perhaps I should seek out their treatments," he muttered. "It might clear my head."

"Daios..."

He knew his brother was worried. The last time he'd gotten this confused, he'd headed down into the darkness to find the depthstriders. They were the few who guarded the gaseous vents at the bottom of the sea floor. They claimed inhaling the fumes provided them with visions of the future and sights that no one else could see.

Daios hadn't found it to do that at all. Instead, it had let him float. In his mind, in his scales, all of it disappeared, so he didn't have to exist.

It was a heady sensation. And an addictive one at that.

He knew that he'd lost himself to it for a while, but he had never let it make decisions for him. Or at the very least, that's what he told himself.

Maketes watched him a little too closely, and he wondered how far gone he'd been in those days of drifting.

"I just..." Maketes swallowed. "I just want to make sure you don't wander off too far."

"I won't."

But he probably would. If he was being honest with himself, the depthstriders felt more like family than his own people did. Perhaps that was because they were creatures of few words. Or perhaps it was that he'd always thought they buried themselves in the darkness for reasons that were too close to his own problems.

With a quick nod to his brother, he flexed his tail and off he went. Sinking deeper and deeper until there was no light left. Only the faint red glow from his body as he searched the murk.

He lost himself in his thoughts. They rioted in his mind. The up and down of emotion as he thought about telling her how he felt, and what she meant to him. He wanted to let her know that he felt more free with her than he had in a very long time. She didn't judge him. There was no fear of rejection between the two of them because she didn't know how bloodthirsty he was, and all the mistakes he'd made.

But he didn't know how to say any of that.

Daios lifted a hunk of rusted metal out of the ground, then let it fall back to the sea floor with a puff of silt. He was wasting his time down here. He knew it. Mira knew it. And still, she had sent him on this mission to keep him out of trouble.

She'd almost succeeded in doing so, if he hadn't come down alone to the depths.

Daios only had a second to realize there was a current rushing toward him. He curled his tail tightly into his body as a solid wall of muscle and rage slammed into him and dragged him even deeper into the abyss.