Chapter 14

Hermes was never more grateful for his own swift footedness than for that very night. It had been slightly dastardly, letting Eurydice know that her beloved Orpheus hadn”t actually written those loving lyrics about her, but he couldn”t be too bothered to care. Pan was his son, after all, and although he had never acquired a strong sense of paternal instincts, it had certainly never been part of his reputation—he hated seeing Pan upset.

The creatures and inhabitants of the forest, associates of Dionysus and all the revelry that Greece produced, should never look so haunted. It was hardly a secret that Pan was in love with Eurydice, except to Eurydice. So what if he happened to poke a few more poles in Orpheus”s shining reputation? He should actually try if he wanted to win his wife”s affections back, not steal from other poets. Orpheus wouldn”t even have a chance with Eurydice if she remembered the trials he put her through.

If Orpheus wanted to play dirty, then Hermes would play dirtier.

Hermes knew exactly where to find Pan—lurking in the forests. He had been spending most of his time there recently, except for when he snuck out to go visit Eurydice in the Underworld. Hermes had never been prouder of his son when Pan came to him with his plan to skirt around Underworld rules and visit Eurydice as often as he wished after her death. He was the son of a trickster, after all.

Pan was half asleep when Hermes crashed into the wooded clearing. There was an empty amphora next to him, and his lips were stained with wine. His magic was ebbing and flowing around him, unrestrained in his subconscious, reacting to his dreams. Flowers and entire shrubs grew up from the earth around Pan and wilted away back to nothing in seconds while the air around him was tinged with an emerald glow. His features were restless even in sleep. Pan jumped to his feet at the thunderous sound of a god crashing to the earth, his horns appearing on his head in a bright flash of magic.

”Who is it?” Pan bleated out into the clearing before his eyes could comprehend who was in front of him. As soon as he saw Hermes, his posture deflated, and he exhaled heavily. ”What the fuck? Did you feel like giving me a heart attack?”

Hermes gracefully sat down on an upturned tree stump, crossing his ankle over the knee like a mortal woman of high society. He grinned from ear to ear, his golden magic reaching out and interacting with Pan”s in the moonlight.

”I thought you would be happy to see your father.”

Pan snorted. ”You are a co-conspirator at best.”

”Isn”t that what every little boy wants growing up?” Hermes winked, and Pan scoffed, but there was no genuine frustration in his reaction.

”Well?” Pan stretched his arms above his head with a yawn, his bones popping as he did so. For the first time in his immortal life, Pan was feeling the weight of his existence and of his foolish heart. He could”ve sworn his joints ached and muscles tore a little more easily these days, now that Eurydice was truly forever out of his grasp.

”I thought you would want to know that I saw Eurydice tonight.” Hermes raised an eyebrow, and Pan”s body went rigid. He turned all his attention to Hermes, his cheeks flushing red. He nearly jumped over to his father, grabbing his shoulders.

”Is she all right? Do you think she was having a good time? I’m assuming she was at a party? What was she wearing? Does Orpheus know she prefers black wine to white wine?” Pan rattled off an obsessive number of questions before Hermes managed to stop him.

”I didn”t leave her in peril, if that”s your main question. Yes, she was at a party at Perseus”s house tonight. Orpheus was performing there.”

”Fucker.” Pan released Hermes and took a few steps back. He ran his hand through his curly hair, pushing some of it off his forehead. ”Did she look like she was enjoying herself?”

Hermes let out a short chuckle. ”Ha! I”ve seen more lively people at funerals.”

”That doesn”t help me. You go to funerals of people you didn”t like to celebrate,” Pan deadpanned. ”Was it like that or do you think she was enjoying herself?”

”She was not having a good time.” Hermes shook his head. ”Eurydice was hiding in a corner half the night while Orpheus dedicated a song to her with lyrics he stole from Sappho.”

”That fucking pig,” Pan hissed. His face turned redder with his anger while his hands drew up into fists. Pan started pacing through the clearing, his magic rolling off him in erratic waves. He pivoted between his human and satyr form, kicking up dirt with his frantic movements. ”Eurydice should know what he did to her.”

”I agree,” Hermes hummed in agreement. ”But you know the rules of the Underworld.”

”Hades is a fair ruler! He cares for the young, for women, for victims. You would think he”d use a little judgement to bend the rules in this case!”

”Pan!” Hermes snapped, his eyes going wide. ”You know as well as I do that Hades is the most honorable god in the whole damn pantheon of them. If the rules the gods preside by ever become up for interpretation, it won”t always be Hades doing the interpreting. Then what do you think would happen?”

”I know,” Pan slumped down and buried his head in his hands, muffling his voice. ”I despise Orpheus. I hate that man. I know it”s immature of me to despise him solely on the fact that he won Eurydice”s love…”

Hermes made a tsk sound. ”Well, judging off her expression all night and the way that Orpheus paid the serving girls more attention than Eurydice, it seems to me there is trouble in paradise.”

”What did you say?” Pan jumped to his feet while a series of rose brushes sprung up around him. ”He was disrespecting her like that all night?”

”I don”t think Orpheus would call it disrespect.” Hermes crossed his arms over his chest. ”He”d probably say he was simply showing appreciation to Perseus”s hosting skills. There were a few moments throughout the night where Eurydice really did seem to be in love with him, but they were fleeting. I got the sense she was trying to hold onto those moments, but Orpheus wasn”t making it easy.”

Pan didn”t respond, picking his head up and propping it on his knees.

”If I were you...” Hermes continued, a familiar glimmer appearing in his eye. ”I”d reckon that Orpheus is going to pass out from the amount of wine he drank tonight within minutes of getting home.” Hermes looked up at the sky. ”It”s a full moon tonight. I”d make a wager, if I were a betting man, that Eurydice is out enjoying her garden tonight. Alone.”

There was a pregnant pause as Pan looked at his father quizzically.

”Are you suggesting that I go to Orpheus”s home and visit his wife under the cover of night?”

Hermes”s grin stretched into a smile. He waggled his eyebrows as he held his hands out wide. ”I am simply suggesting that a dear friend of yours had a bad night out and where to find them. Also...” The wings appeared on Hermes”s sandals, and he began floating, ready to depart, ”Moonlight is romantic.”

Hermes disappeared in the blink of an eye in a cloud of golden magic before Pan even had the chance to respond. It was something that he was known for. and Pan had long grown used to his father”s antics.

Is this the right thing to do?Pan”s thoughts raced through his head. It”s hardly ethical. I want to give her the space she needs if she wants to try this relationship with Orpheus and give it a chance...but that doesn”t mean I can”t go to her as a friend, right? Yes, I can go to her as a friend. Forget what Hermes said about the moonlight being romantic... It”s a friendly visit. That”s all.

Pan convinced himself in a record amount of time that visiting Eurydice was a good idea, as if his heart ever thought it could possibly be a bad one. He took a few deep breaths and walked over to the largest oak tree surrounding the clearing, letting his power ebb and flow through the root system beneath it. Pan”s eyes fluttered closed as he slowly started to evaporate into a dark emerald cloud. All the plants that had sprung up due his influence in the clearing disappeared, leaving no trace that Pan had ever been there. He traveled through the roots and trunks of the trees, deep into the soil, breathing in the earthy scent. It grounded him, the feel of the dirt and the presence of the earth, and Pan was feeling much more settled by the time he arrived in the Underworld.

He was on the outskirts of Orpheus”s property, and he had the same reaction to it that Eurydice did. It was garish and devoid of life, an utterly massive complex of stone and riches that was devoid of anything organic. The marble was shining in the bright moonlight, practically beckoning Pan to hop the garden wall. He could sense the thriving garden in the courtyard, and he identified Eurydice”s influence and signature all over it. Her power and magic with everything green called to him like Pan himself was a vine, dying of thirst and stretching out towards water. Whenever he was in Eurydice”s orbit, he felt like a flower turning towards the sun as it moved through the sky, and he had no problem being in her gravitational pull forever.

Pan closed his eyes and traveled through the air, only glimpses of a green hue in the sky giving him away. He landed in the walled garden without a sound, and sure enough, there was Eurydice.

The sight of her took his breath away. Pan”s chest seized with a physical longing, a pain so sharp that it threatened to stop his heart. He”d welcome death if it was brought about to him through Eurydice”s presence alone. He”d kiss Thanatos”s feet himself if it was Eurydice”s beauty that took him out.

Eurydice was sitting on one of the marble benches, overlooking one of the many fountains in the garden. The cool air was rich with the scent of roses and lilies, which he knew to be Eurydice”s favorites. Her hair was free from any braids or ornaments, hanging loosely down her back. It went all the way to her waist, shining in the moonlight like bright copper. If weapons were made of copper and iron, the hue of Eurydice”s hair would be the arrow that shot Pan straight through the heart.

She was dressed in a simple, short tunic, revealing her long legs and skin that glowed like stone, as if she was lit from within.

Pan”s thoughts were overrun with his devotion and love for her, wondering what it would look like to have those legs wrapped around his own... His more animalistic side practically grunted in agreement, taking over Pan”s thoughts with ones of lust and obsession. He wanted to find out what noises Eurydice made when his tongue was between her thighs, what magic he could coax out of her when she was feral with pleasure.

That was one of the things Pan hated most about Orpheus. He never seemed to welcome the wild side of Eurydice; he always wanted her to be ”presentable.” Pan wanted her to rip up the earth with her magic and grow a forest from the ruins of Orpheus”s estate. He wanted her to run naked through the trees until the moon herself talked back. A wild Eurydice was a happy Eurydice, and Pan didn”t know how to get that through Orpheus”s head. He didn”t know if he even wanted to.

Pan shook his head to clear it when he realized he”d been staring for far too long. He prepared to step out from the cover of the bushes when he paused. Eurydice had turned her attention to the trellis at the far end of the garden. Pan caught the tears in her eyes.

She was staring at the gift he had given her. Pan”s heart threatened to beat out of his chest. Part of him wondered if Orpheus knew who”d given it to Eurydice. Orpheus probably didn”t realize it was there.

Pan watched as a single tear tracked down Eurydice”s cheek, creating a tragically beautiful sight that was only worthy of such a mythical figure as Eurydice. But Pan didn”t care about legends or reputations; he cared that Eurydice was upset.

Pan stepped out gently from behind the walls, raising his voice only as much as he dared.

”Eurydice?”

Eurydice turned on her heel with a gasp. She quickly wiped away the tears on her cheeks while her face split into a wide smile. Eurydice”s smile nearly sent Pan to his knees; he”d never get used to it and prayed he never would.

”What are you doing here?” Eurydice ran down the garden path, joining Pan underneath the vine”s shadows on the trellis.

”Is it a bad time?” Pan had an adoring smile on his face, looking up at the night sky, insinuating that he was clearly aware he showed up in the middle of the night.

”No, never.” Eurydice shook her head rapidly and placed her hand on his arm. Heat streaked up Pan”s arm where she touched him. ”Were you in the area?”

”Ha.” Pan rolled his eyes. ”No, I don”t think I”d ever be in this area of the Underworld if you weren”t here.”

”I can”t say that I”m partial to it either,” Eurydice admitted. She glanced back to the massive house behind her. ”I miss the forest.”

”I can only imagine,” Pan agreed. ”It”s making me itchy right now being apart from it. Although, the garden is lovely. Your work, I”m assuming?” Eurydice”s smile widened until it stretched across her entire face; she looked like a child surprised with extra sweets.

”Yes! Can I show you?”

”Your husband won”t mind?” Pan teased, and Eurydice only rolled her eyes, practically skipping down the garden path.

”He”s going to be sleeping off that hangover for at least a day. It”s for the best, though. I didn”t need another night of him pawing at me until he finally gets the hint that I don”t want to climb into bed with him.”

Pan stopped walking, all of his muscles tensing. His body immediately went on high alert.

”Gets the hint?” Pan practically growled. His magic flared, and he slipped into his satyr form again, scratching at the heavy stubble on his jaw. Eurydice turned around when she realized Pan had stopped following her.

”Oh, yeah,” she mumbled awkwardly, ”it”s fine though, Pan. Don”t get upset.”

”It is not fine,” Pan grumbled. He reached out towards Eurydice and touched her arm, dragging his fingers over her skin until he reached her hand and grabbed it. ”Eurydice, please,” his voice was pleading, ”tell me now. He hasn”t hurt you, has he? If he has...” The grass underneath Pan”s feet started to die in response to his fury. Pan didn”t care if all the gods in the pantheon came after him. Fuck the Underworld and fuck the rules. If Eurydice was being hurt by Orpheus, he”d march right inside and cut the singer”s throat in his sleep without a second of remorse.

”No! Oh goodness, Pan, no.” Eurydice disputed him, and some of Pan”s anger receded. They continued walking through the garden, Eurydice sighing heavily. ”It”s taking some time for us to...find our footing. I don”t remember my life with him, you know? He does remember. Orpheus wants to pick right up as if nothing has changed between us, but I can”t do it. Sometimes that annoys him.”

”It annoys him?” Pan”s lip curled. ”I can”t imagine that anything about reuniting with your wife after a forty-year separation would be annoying. He should relish the chance to win your heart all over again, Eurydice.”

”It doesn”t work that way.” Eurydice laughed as though Pan had no idea what he was talking about. ”We”ve been in love for a long time, you know? That”s how love is after a while.”

Pan stopped walking and watched Eurydice bend down to smell some night-blooming flowers. He was dumbstruck by her figure in the moonlight, the way she cared for every growing thing in the garden. Pan had been in love with Eurydice for a hundred years. He didn”t think he”d ever stop.

”No, Eurydice,” Pan whispered quietly, ”that”s not how it is. It changes over time—love is always different after years—but it only gets stronger.”

”I don”t think that”s always true.” Eurydice gave him a playful look, as though she wasn”t ripping his heart out.

”Then that”s not love.”

Pan couldn”t help himself before he said it, and Eurydice didn”t respond. She made a small, noncommittal noise and started drifting down the small path again, heading towards another row of fountains.

Eurydice and Pan didn”t say anything else to one another, simply enjoying the silence and each other”s company for the rest of the night. They communicated without words, merely nods and small touches, and Pan had helped Eurydice grow a small grove of trees at the far edge of the garden before sunrise.

Eurydice excused herself to go to bed just before the break of dawn. Pan couldn”t bear to leave until a few hours later, waiting in the garden until he was sure she had fallen asleep.