Chapter 21

Willow

"Willow? What are you doing here?" Katrina walks into my office at seven in the morning, shocked that I'm not in Carrington Cove. But it might also be my lack of makeup, my puffy eyes, and my athleisure outfit that cause her shock.

"I need to work." I start shuffling papers around my desk, looking for a file that I'm sure was here when I left. But Katrina's hands come down on mine, stopping my search.

"Willow. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." My bottom lip trembles but I reach up and pull it away from my face to keep it from moving more. "Totally fine," I say in garbled words.

"Not to sound insensitive, but you sound like Ross from Friends right now when he's had too many margaritas."

I release my lip and focus back on my computer. "No margaritas for me. I've just been driving for the last six hours." My fingers start to dance over the keys on my keyboard, even though the damn computer isn't on.

"You left Carrington Cove at one in the morning?"

"Yup. My company needs me. This is where I'm meant to be, not down there." My bottom lip trembles again. "Not there."

Katrina sits on the edge of my desk as my body threatens to break down again, but I'm surprised that I still have tears left to cry. I've been having periodic cry fests all night as I drove, stopping along my trip a few times to cry and charge my car so that I didn't crash or end up alone on the side of the road. If it weren't the time when normal people would be sleeping, I would have called Shauna, but I didn't want to wake her if Hudson was resting.

"Turns out you're just as good an actress as you are a CEO. Who would have thought?"

The words Dallas spoke to me before he left echo in my mind for the thousandth time, along with his texts, but I shove them down and turn my computer on instead. "I just need to work. That will make everything better."

Katrina stands, wary as she stares at me. "Okay...if you say so. I'll be right outside if you need anything, all right?"

"I'm fine," I repeat, mostly to myself, watching her leave before focusing back on my computer, eager to find something to distract myself from the turmoil in my life right now.

Let's just hope this works.

***

"Willow?" A hand meets my shoulder, startling me awake.

I shoot up from my desk, a paper glued to my cheek by my drool, only to find Katrina standing right at my side.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About two hours." She pulls the paper from my face and sets it to the side of my desk. "You should go home."

"I don't have a home," I reply, feeling the effects of last night hitting me again.

"You don't have your apartment here anymore?"

Sighing, I stand from my desk and grab my purse. "No, I do. I just…"

"I don't know what happened down there, Willow, but it's nice to have you back." Katrina smiles politely, but it doesn't meet her eyes.

"It's good to be back," I lie before leaving my office and heading out to my car, driving to some place besides my apartment so I don't have to be alone again because that's the last thing I want right now.

***

"Mandy?" I call out as I walk through the front door. The house is quiet, but then the sound of a cupboard shutting in the kitchen has my feet moving in that direction.

"Willow?" Mandy walks around the corner, clutching two cups of coffee. The woman who is the closest thing I have to a mother smiles in greeting, extending a cup that I gladly intercept from her hand. "How are you doing?"

"That is a loaded question," I reply with a sigh as I follow her to the couch, depositing my purse on the floor before taking a seat in the cushioned chair across from her. My lack of sleep is catching up to me, and even though I really should try to rest, I called her as soon as I left the office. She might be able to help me work through everything I'm feeling because she's one of the only people in my life who actually knew my parents.

She knows how much their deaths have affected me.

My next call is Shauna, but I need sleep before I talk to her.

Mandy moves her long, light brown hair that's streaked with grays behind her shoulders and then settles in. "Well, let's hear all the details then. You didn't sound like yourself on the phone."

"Believe me. I don't feel like myself at all right now."

Mandy was my mother's friend from college who ended up being my guardian along with her husband, Jason, when my parent's died. I was nine when I finally asked why I looked nothing like them, and that was years after they divorced, but that's when my entire world felt like it truly came crashing down.

Growing up without your parents is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. But knowing they chose to put themselves in a dangerous situation that ended up costing them their lives is a detail I still can't seem to get over, even thirty-two years later, and especially after these past few months.

Two journalists seeking the thrill of televised war, my parents ventured overseas to chase fame and a story, and left me back home with their friends, who ultimately ended up raising me upon their untimely deaths.

Mandy and Jason didn't tell me all the details right away surrounding how they died. But when I got older, they gave me the brutal truth.

I don't really keep in contact with Jason anymore, but Mandy and I have remained close. In fact, she feels more like an older sister to me than a mom most of the time. No one in my life has ever seemed to fill that gap, this hole of not knowing where I came from or all of the memories I lost with my parents being gone. And the older I got, the more comfortable that hole became, until the letter from Mr. Sheppard showed up.

"I got a letter about two months ago from a man that knew my parents," I start, filling her in on what led me to Carrington Cove. When I tell her about the details of the letter and who it was from, I watch the goosebumps pebble on her skin.

"Holy shit."

"Yeah. Tell me about it."

Her mouth is hanging open for a few seconds before she finally clears her throat. "I…I honestly had no idea about any of this, Willow," she says, pleading with her eyes for me to believe her.

"I figured. You've always been pretty honest with me." I shrug, focusing my sight on the cup of coffee in my hands.

She nods, bracing herself for me to continue. "So you went down there…"

"Yes. I had to meet with his attorney that sent the letter, and that meeting left me with an even bigger surprise."

"What did he say?"

"The man left me a house."

Her eyebrows shoot up. "A house?"

"Yup." I take a long drink of my coffee. "It's old, and needed a lot of work, so I've been working remotely down there for the past two months, overseeing the renovations. The house was finished this week, but…"

She narrows her eyes at me. "But what?"

I shake my head, thinking back to the conversation with Dallas last night, how close I was to having a future I wanted with someone. Finally. "There's something about that place, Mandy. It's right on the beach. It has vacation home written all over it. Even just standing on the front porch and looking out over the ocean…I don't know…"

"Are you thinking about keeping it?"

"This week I decided I would." I meet her eyes. "Because I also met someone down there."

"Oh."

Smiling even though thinking about Dallas makes my heart ache, I say, "His name is Dallas. He's a former Marine who now owns a restaurant and bar. He's stubborn and bossy, strong and funny, and…"

"You want to be with him."

My lips start to tremble again. "I did."

Her brow furrows. "Did? What happened?"

"His dad is the man who left me the house. The house Dallas has wanted for years but had no idea it belonged to his father. Last night he found out his mother and I had been keeping the truth from him."

"Oh my." She takes a sip of her coffee. "I take it things didn't end well then…"

"No, they didn't."

Mandy studies me from across the living room. "You know, Willow. I get why you are the way you are—"

"And what way is that?"

She smiles softly. "Closed off. A workhorse. Impenetrable."

"Okay…" I bite, feeling defensive almost instantly.

"You are that way because it allows you to maintain control. You're the one who gets to make the decisions about what you do, where you go, who you see. But this is one decision that was made for you, and I can tell it's rattling your resolve."

I huff out a laugh. "That's putting it mildly."

"When's the last time you took a vacation, or any time off work for that matter? When's the last time you felt like this about a place? When's the last time you let yourself fall in love?"

"Never," I admit in a whisper.

"Exactly. And just those few months away have seemed to lighten your aura."

I cock a brow at her. "Is this something new you're into that you didn't tell me about?"

She laughs. "No. I'm just saying your energy is different. I can tell you're conflicted, but it's almost as if it's not just irritation that has you in knots. It's the fact that you want to be there with him, but don't want to want that."

Damn. She hit the nail on the head.

"All of me wants that, Mandy. But it's just so inconvenient with work and he was so angry with me…"

"Most things that change our lives are inconvenient," she counters. "But like you said, you want that life for yourself, so you'll figure out a way to make it happen. When people care about you, they get upset with you sometimes."

"But Dallas walked away and now I'm not sure where we stand."

Just those few words have tears building in my eyes. And I don't ever allow myself to cry in front of people, even Mandy. But I guess that's changed, too, because I've never cried this much in my life.

He walked away. The second things got hard, he abandoned me.

Just like my parents did.

This is why it's easier to be alone.

"Oh, honey." She stands from the couch and walks over to me, scooting onto the cushion as I adjust myself to make room for her. "It's okay," she says as I lean my head on her shoulder, resisting the urge to let the emotions I've been holding under the surface break through. "Maybe it's time to let go of some of the anger, Willow. Maybe this is all part of your journey to healing. To learning how to let people in."

"I was doing fine, Mandy. Life was exactly as it should be, and then I got that stupid letter and it drudged up all of these thoughts, regrets, doubts, insecurities…" I swipe a tear from my cheek.

"It made you feel."

I nod, not stable enough to respond as I choke back a sob. "I don't cry, Mandy. That's not me. Emotions are a sign of weakness." At least that's what I've always told myself.

"No, they're not. They're a sign of strength, Willow. And I think it's time you let some of yours out." She holds me as I shudder in her arms, giving me time to gather myself before she speaks again. "You know, I never wanted kids, Willow," she whispers, and her admission has my head popping up.

I wipe under my eyes and nose. "What?" It comes out as a whisper.

She smiles, brushing my hair behind my ear. "I didn't want children. I felt like that wasn't what I wanted my life to be about. Women shouldn't have to have children to feel validated. It's a societal norm that women have been told they should want, but I didn't. And Jason and I had plans for our life. But then your parents died and suddenly I was thrown into this role that I resented."

I swallow hard as her words ring out loud, wondering if this is her way of dropping another bomb on me all at once so it doesn't feel like I'm being hit over and over again—like ripping off a Band-Aid instead.

Am I the reason they divorced? Because they didn't want me?

I don't think I could take knowing that on top of everything else right now.

"But the second I signed the papers as your guardian, I realized that this was the role I was meant to have—to be here for you—this little girl who had part of her world ripped from her far too young. Your presence opened up this entirely different side of me, and I could never regret having you in my life."

"Mandy—"

She lifts her hand, gesturing for me to wait. "So the reason I'm telling you this is because I feel like this is a similar experience for you. It's not ideal. I know it's stirring up all kinds of shit for you. But maybe this is one of those forks in the road that will change the entire direction of your life if you let it." She brushes a tear from my cheek. "Open yourself up to the possibilities. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Go back to him and try to work it out, and see if you can finally find a place where you belong and people who make you feel that way too."

"Thank you," I whisper.

"I'm always here. But you and I both know you already know what you want. And I have a selfish desire to visit the coast. Knowing you're there may just make the trip worth it."

"The house isn't a mess anymore, thank God."

"A little mess never stopped me. Some of the biggest messes turn out to be the most beautiful masterpieces when they're complete."

God, I hope she's right.

***

"Um…that looks like the inside of your apartment, Willow."

I'm sitting in my bed, holding the phone up on my knees so we can see each other. "It is."

Shauna sighs, resting her chin in her hand. "I take it things didn't go well with Dallas then?"

"He saw the letter from his dad, Shauna. I left it on the bed when we were talking and forgot to put it away."

"Oh, Willow. I'm so sorry." Concern is etched into every line of her face.

"It's okay. I came home and have been here for a few days now, trying to find the courage to go back and make some decisions."

"Are you thinking about selling the house now?"

"I think I might."

That's where my head has been for the past forty-eight hours. After talking to Mandy, I've been working from the office during the day and sitting on my couch at night, wondering if trying to reconcile is even worth it. If things got that ugly during our first fight, do we really belong together? Dallas and I might think we want the same things, but there's no guarantee.

"Why would you do that? Don't you want to try to work things out with Dallas?"

"He said some horrible things, Shauna. If the man really feels that way about me, I'm not sure I can forgive him."

His texts say that he's remorseful, but I'm still hurt. Ever since I left Carrington Cove, he's texted me every day—pictures of the sunrise from the house, pictures of him eating blueberry muffins from the Sunshine Bakery, and the latest, a picture of the gaggle of geese hanging out in front of my house.

They're waiting for you to return. Come back to me, Willow.

She adjusts Hudson in her arms. "Willow, I hate to break this to you, but that's going to happen. Hell, Forrest and I have said all kinds of shit to each other that we both wish we could take back. It's part of being in a relationship—making mistakes, learning to communicate, and saying sorry… a lot."

"I just don't know how we move past this."

"You won't know until you talk. Look at Forrest and me, hun. We survived and there were plenty of hard discussions that got us to this point. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but we can't let it stop us from living." I stare off into space. "Do you love him?"

"I do," I say without hesitation. "I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about him." And that's the truth.

"Do you see a future with him?"

"I thought I did. He's changed my life, Shauna."

"Then don't you think that's worth fighting for?"

"Yes."

"Then stop wallowing, put your big girl panties on, and get your man. Welcome to being in an adult relationship. You're going to fight, you're going to disagree. That doesn't mean you just walk away."

Laughing, I push my hair out of my face and voice the concerns that scare me the most. "What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he's changed his mind and realizes that I'm too much for his small-town life?"

"First of all, I doubt it. And secondly, you'll never know unless you ask."

"I'm scared," I admit, looking at my best friend through the phone.

"As you should be. Anything worthwhile is scary. But trust me from my own experience, going after what you want is worth it."

"Okay," I breathe out. "I'll go back, but if it doesn't work out, then I'm moving to Texas. I'll be your live-in best friend."

Shauna taps her chin with her finger. "Live-in childcare? I think Forrest could get on board with that."

"I love you, Shauna."

"I love you too, Willow. Now go get your man."

***

I took one more day at home to go back into Marshall Advertising and speak with my board of directors, letting them know about my impending plans should things go the way I want with Dallas. They were all extremely supportive and respected my decision. And as much as my company means to me, my time in Carrington Cove has shown me that there's more to life than work.

And that's my new focus for my future.

As I drive back into town, I roll down the windows of my car, letting the ocean breeze whip through my hair. The smell of the salty water, the view of the lights—it all makes me look back on each trip I've taken to and from here and how each time, this view has become more familiar and meaningful.

But this return holds the most weight because the next steps of my new life depend on how this trip goes.

When I pull into the back of the Bayshore house, I shut the car off and stare at the structure, the place that led me here in the first place, knowing that regardless of what happens, I will never regret coming down here at the direction of that letter.

This town, this house, and the people here have helped me see what really matters, and those things will be my focus moving forward in my life, despite where I end up.

I head up the gravel walkway on the side of the house, ready to step up on the porch, but the gaggle of geese that have been M.I.A. for weeks are waiting for me tonight of all nights, stalking toward me like a gang that is out for blood.

Just fucking lovely.

"Get out of here!" I shout, holding my purse by the handle, swinging it back and forth, ready to use it as a weapon, if necessary. These birds are messing with a woman who's on the brink of a mental breakdown and huge life shift, so they have no idea what I'm capable of right now.

"HONK!" The leader turns his head to the side so our eyes meet, stopping in his path.

"Honk right back, asshole. You wanna fight?" He flaps his wings like he's riling himself up and for a moment, I debate doing it right back to him. But I refrain. "Fine then. It's your funeral."

"Are you planning bird murder?" Dallas's voice scares the shit out of me as I turn to my right and see his face behind the window, a small crack in the opening allowing me to hear him.

Distracted, I turn to him and drop my purse to my side. "What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"Do you want to wait outside while I answer that?"

The geese start honking again as I twist my head back and forth between them and the man I haven't seen in nearly a week—the one I desperately need to talk to. "Not particularly."

He moves from the window, opens the front door, and pops open an umbrella, blocking the geese from the porch with just enough space that I can squeeze by, ducking inside the house. Dallas shuts the door behind me and then puts the umbrella away, setting it to the side before standing tall and holding my gaze with his own.

"How did you get in here?" I finally ask, breaking the silence even though I feel frozen in place.

"No thank you for helping you inside?" he asks, a teasing lilt to his lips.

I set my purse on the floor by the door and plant my hands on my hips, staring at the man that has made me feel alive for the first time in my life, his mere proximity overwhelming me after five long days away. My body remembers our connection, but my heart is still nervous about whatever he has to say. "You're really going to start with the manners right now?"

"Seemed appropriate. And to answer your question, I've been here for days, waiting for you to come back." I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows roughly. "Penn gave me his key."

I guess I shouldn't expect anything less from those two.

We stand there, staring at each other, and just remembering how it feels to be in his arms has my resolve dwindling fast. But then my eyes shift, and that's when I see what he's done with the house, everything so bright I'm surprised I didn't notice before.

Electric candles fill every empty surface, flickering softly as the sun sets over the ocean, casting the house in a twilight glow. Everything is bathed in a soft, golden light that takes my breath away.

On the kitchen counter sits a basket of blueberry muffins and next to it is a framed picture of us from the Carrington Cove Games, me staring up at him after we won, smiles plastered on both of our faces.

And that's when I surrender.

"Willow…" he starts, but I drop my hands and rush over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he intercepts me, the warmth of him cocooning me and letting me know that it's safe to fall apart. The moment his arms band around me and squeeze, my entire body relaxes and my resolve breaks. "Fuck, I'm sorry, baby."

"Me too. I'm so sorry, Dallas." My body shudders as I leap into his arms. He carries us over to the couch, sitting down with me still clinging to him.

God, it feels so right being back in his arms.

How could I ever think I could live without him?

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Goose. You didn't do anything wrong." His lips press against my temple, holding me to him so tightly as though he's afraid I might disappear.

"But I lied to you."

"My mother asked you to, baby. And you listened. I can't fault you for that."

I lean back so I can see his eyes, wiping furiously under my own. "And I hated that she did, but…"

"She told me everything, Willow, every detail I needed to know about my dad and why he left this house to you." He brushes my hair from my face, studying every inch of me before sighing out loud. "I get it now. Your parents, the way they died…I can't blame him for wanting to make things right in the only way he could think of."

His understanding gives me pause, especially at the mention of my parents. For days, I've been ruminating on every circumstance that led me here, and the one emotion I still haven't come to terms with is my anger—so I let it out.

"But I'm mad, Dallas," I say through clenched teeth. "I'm so fucking mad—at my parents for choosing their jobs over me and leaving me to survive without them my entire life, for the hundreds of moments throughout my childhood that I missed out on or were ruined because my parents weren't here, at your dad for leaving me this stupid house that I went and fell in love with, and for the fact that he hid it from you, preventing you from fulfilling your dream."

"Willow—" he starts, but I cut him off.

"But most of all, I'm fucking mad that coming here made me feel all of this," I say, tapping the center of my chest. "Every emotion that I've been burying my entire life because I knew what confronting them would mean—it would be like a thousand shards of glass piercing my chest, my eyes burning with tears until I had none left, and agony overtaking me for wanting a life beyond the secluded one I'd built." Tears start falling down my face, the tears you cry from anger and frustration, not necessarily sadness—but there certainly is anguish in there too. "I'm mad that I want this life now, but it's all been tainted by lies, secrets, and heartache."

Dallas tilts his head at me, cupping my face in his hands. "I want you here, Willow. For days, all I've been dying to tell you is that…that I want you to stay with me, and I'm a fucking idiot for the things I said to you. I'm. So. Fucking. Sorry." A deep breath makes his chest rise. "But I need you. I don't want to live without you. My father brought you to me, and I'd be a fucking fool to let you go."

I shake my head at him, sniffling and wiping away my tears. "How can you be sure? How can you trust that the truth behind our connection won't haunt us later?" I turn my head away from him for a moment. "I don't blame you for being upset, but I know that this is a lot to take in. Trust me, that's what I've been trying to process for the past five days…"

He cuts me off, gripping my chin firmly and forcing me to face him again. "No. You listen to me, Willow Marshall, and you listen good." Planting both of his hands on the sides of my face, he forces me to look at him and nowhere else. "You had your chance to talk and now it's mine."

Our eyes lock and my heart rate spikes.

This is it.

This is either the end or the beginning.

"I know you're pissed right now, baby. Hell, I'm fucking mad still too. But ultimately, I realized that none of what happened in the past matters anymore. We can't change it. We can only move forward. And I want to do that with you." A soft smile forms on his lips as he says, "I want to be your fucking anchor, Willow." He takes my hand and places it on his chest, right over his tattoo, making my pulse fire faster. "I want to keep you here, in the same place as me, and build a life with you. I want to hold you and protect you from any storm that comes our way."

A smile starts to spread across my face. "And I want to fight off all the geese that try to attack us." Laughter escapes my lips. "I want to wake up next to you every morning in this house, staring at the ocean, knowing each day we have together is better than the last" He leans his forehead on mine, breathing me in. And I take the same moment to take a breath of relief as well. "I'm in love with you, Willow. Every fucking part of you. And no matter how we met, or what brought you here, I can't deny that. You are the piece of my life that was missing."

The tension in my shoulders dissipates, the tightness in my chest starts to loosen, and my stomach does a little flip as I whisper, "I love you too."

Our mouths meet and then I feel like I can finally breathe again. When our tongues touch, my entire body comes alive.

This is where you belong, Willow.

Here.

With this man.

"God, I love you," he mumbles against my lips again, encasing me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Dallas. I'm so sorry…"

"Stop fucking apologizing."

"I just don't want this to be a sore spot in our future." I rub our noses together. "Please promise me that we move forward from here. No living in the past…"

He stands, keeping me locked on his waist and in his arms, taking me into the kitchen. He places me gently on the counter and then grabs the framed picture from two weeks ago, holding it up so I can see it clearly.

"This is the moment I knew I couldn't live without you." His eyes flick to the picture and then back to mine. "We were a team that day, Willow, and that's what I want from here on out—to be someone you can count on no matter what."

"This will forever be one of my favorite days, Dallas." I trail my finger along the silver frame.

"Mine too, baby. And I swear, I'll never leave you like that again."

I stare back at him. "Please don't. I don't think my heart could take it a second time."

"I promise."

"I've never felt like I belonged somewhere before. Do you get that?" He nods. "But that day, I did."

Dallas sets the frame on the counter and holds my face in his hands again. "Carrington Cove is your home now, Willow, and you belong here with me."