4. Chapter 4

Chapter four

Scottie

Eight Weeks Later

I let out another yawn as we pass the state line into North Carolina, the hum of the tires beneath us lulling me to sleep yet again. This is one of those moments when I wish Chase were just a little bit older and could drive, but then again, he’s not happy about the journey we’re on right now, so that would probably be just another thing for us to fight about.

“Are we there yet?”

I glance back at my son in the rearview mirror, wondering how the hell he grew up so fast. It wasn’t too long ago that he was five and sitting in his car seat, swinging his feet while eating Goldfish crackers, asking me the same question.

“A few more hours, baby.”

He rolls his eyes and returns his attention to the game on his phone. “I’m hungry. ”

“What else is new?” Reaching for my purse, I locate the bag of sour peach rings I grabbed at the gas station at our last pit stop. “Wanna share some of these with me?”

He wrinkles his nose. “Those are gross.”

“What? Since when?” I rip open the bag with my teeth and hand it to him, but he shakes his head. “Really?”

“I want a burger. And a milkshake.” He licks his lips. “Can we stop for some food soon?”

Sighing, I glance at the clock on the dash. The length of this drive can be taxing, but at least I won’t have to make it again for a while—or ever, if I have it my way.

Two months ago, when we visited Carrington Cove for Christmas, the last thing I anticipated was moving back to my hometown just eight short weeks later. But life had other plans for us, and my gut told me this move was what my son and I needed—a fresh start, and distance—distance from the suffering we’d both endured for long enough.

“There’s a rest stop with a few fast-food chains in about twenty-five miles. We’ll stop then,” I reply, tossing a sour peach ring into my mouth, loving how the combination of sweet and sour bursts on my tongue. But as I chew, a sudden wave of nausea washes over me.

Whoa. That came out of nowhere .

Traveling at seventy miles per hour, I debate whether I need to pull over or wait for the churning in my stomach to subside.

Am I…am I really about to be sick right now?

I signal to my right, heading for the shoulder as I jerk the wheel to maneuver the car across two lanes of traffic.

“What the heck, Mom? What’s going on?” Chase asks, concern lacing his words .

Not wanting to risk opening my mouth to reply, afraid vomit might escape, I slam on the brakes, jump out of the car, round the hood, and barely reach the dirt on the side of the highway before emptying the contents of my stomach.

Every snack I’ve eaten for the past five hours reappears as the sound of a car door opening and closing rings out behind me.

“Mom? Are you okay?” Chase comes up on my side, rubbing my back.

Once the heaving subsides and I’m fairly certain there’s nothing left in my stomach, I brace my hands on my thighs, take a few deep breaths, and slowly stand upright. “Holy crap.”

“You just threw up on the side of the road,” he says, as if I didn’t just experience it myself.

“I’m aware.”

“Was your stomach bugging you earlier?”

“Not really. It just came on out of nowhere.”

He snaps his fingers and gives me one of those looks that I usually give him, like he’s the adult and I’m the child that never listens. “You probably ate too many snacks, and they didn’t agree with your stomach.” He waves a finger in front of my face. “You always tell me not to eat too much junk, and look what happened to you.”

Swatting his hand away, I head back to the car, opening the passenger door to reach in and grab my water. I take a few small sips, rinsing the inside of my mouth before spitting the water in the dirt. I gulp down a few drinks to see how it feels in my stomach. “I didn’t eat that much junk.”

Chase starts ticking off items on his fingers. “Chips, candy bars, sour candy…”

“All right,” I cut him off. “I may have gone a bit overboard with the road trip snacks.”

“Honestly, I was a little worried. You normally would pack us crackers, cheese, meat, and some sort of fruit. You know, healthy crap.”

“Well, I wanted to get on the road and live a little. Road trip snacks are a treat, and I know you weren’t excited about this drive…”

“I didn’t want to leave Winterville, Mom.” His expression turns angry in an instant, the playfulness of his voice gone.

“I know you didn’t, honey, but I promise…”

“You can’t promise anything.” He walks away from me, over to his side of the car where he throws himself in the back seat again, leaving me alone as cars whiz past.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and blow it out. Being a mother is hard, especially to a teenager. I’m convinced that the inventor of alcohol had a teenager at home.

Shielding my eyes from the sun, I glance back at the car. Chase may think his whole world is ending, but I know in my bones that it’s really just beginning.

He needs this. I need this. I can’t stand seeing my son hurt anymore. The broken promises, ignored texts, and lack of support—he doesn’t deserve any of it. If putting some distance between us and a place that holds more pain than joy is the only way for him to see his worth, I will gladly make that happen. Even if it means enduring his attitude, leaving my job in the middle of the school year, and moving back to my hometown that holds painful memories from my own childhood.

It also holds Grady, but that’s a problem I can worry about later.

I settle into the driver’s seat, start the car, and ease back into traffic, feeling a million times better than I did before I got sick. Maybe Chase was right. I just ate too much junk. Lord knows that’s not how I normally fuel my body, and now I know to take it easy on any future road trips.

** *

“They’re here! Brenda, they’re here!” Gigi—my grandma—comes traipsing down the front porch steps of my mother’s house just as Chase and I exit the car. She pulls Chase into her arms for a hug, ruffling his curly hair that falls over his eyes as he stands nearly a foot above her. “What is with the mop on your head, boy?”

“Uh, that’s my hair.” He pushes it out of his eyes, but it falls right back into place.

“It looks like you haven’t cut it since we saw you for Christmas.” She glances over at me. “Why haven’t you taken this boy to get a haircut?”

“He doesn’t want to cut it. This is how the kids are wearing it these days.”

The corner of her lip curls up in disgust. “I don’t understand today’s youth, but if looking like a cross between a poodle and boy is the trend, there’s no use fighting it.” She shrugs. “Just don’t get upset when you run into shit because you can’t see where you’re going.” She pats him on the shoulder and then moves around him to greet me. “Speaking of, you look like shit.”

“Good to see you too, Gigi.” I pull her into an embrace, knowing not to take her criticism to heart. My grandmother has always had a way with words, in the sense that she doesn’t care about which ones she uses. She’s honest, opinionated, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. She’s honestly my idol and part of the reason I had the courage to move me and my son away from our home of the past fifteen years. I channeled my inner Gigi.

“Seriously. You’re kind of pale.”

“She got sick on the side of the highway,” Chase says as my mother comes down the porch from the house.

“You threw up? ”

“I think I just ate too much junk.” I rub my stomach. “But I feel fine now.”

My mother pulls me in for a hug. “Yup. You probably just ate something that didn’t agree with you.” When she releases me, she cups the side of my face. “My baby is home.”

I laugh. “I’m hardly a baby, Mom.”

Shaking her head, “You’ll always be my baby, Scottie. And I’m proud of you.”

My eyes start to sting. “I still don’t know if I made the right decision,” I whisper, not wanting Chase to overhear.

She strokes my cheek. “All you can do is listen to your gut.”

“I know. And I did.”

“Then everything else will work itself out.”

I stifle a yawn as we break apart. “God, I’m exhausted.”

My mother jingles a set of keys in my face. “Well, let’s show you the house and then you can get some rest. I’m sure the drive took it out of you.”

“You have no idea.”

The four of us cross the lawn of my mom’s house into the yard of the house next door. That’s right. I’m going to be living next door to my mom and grandma. But honestly, I’m really grateful. Having them close makes me feel safer, and not just because I know Gigi sleeps with a rifle next to her bed. For the first time in fifteen years, I’ll have my family close by, help when I need it instead of having to rely solely on myself, and a place that doesn’t have reminders of the life I tried to make work but couldn’t.

Lord knows I couldn’t rely on Andrew for anything anyway.

My mother unlocks the front door and then we all shuffle inside.

“This is perfect,” I say as I take in the space. The living room is to our left, which already has furniture, thank God. The kitchen is straight ahead with the dining room to the left of that, and the hallway which leads to the bedrooms is to our right. My mom said there are three rooms, which means Chase can pick which one he wants, a detail he was less than enthusiastic about. I’m learning that teenagers are very difficult to impress.

“I told you. Just enough space for the two of you. When Colleen told me she was looking for new tenants, I had to swipe it up for you two.” My mother turns to Chase. “What do you think, Chase?”

He shrugs. “Looks like a house.”

My mother and I share a look, but Gigi speaks first. “Very good, Chase. It is a house. Good to know they’re teaching you something in those good-for-nothing schools.”

“Gigi…” I warn. She flicks my son in the back of the head.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“Don’t disrespect your mother, your grandma, or me.”

Rubbing the spot where she flicked him, he grimaces. “Sorry. It’s just not home.”

“But it will be.” I step up to him. “You’ll see, Chase. Carrington Cove is a great place to live.” I keep telling myself that too, hoping it will click because for the past four weeks, all I’ve felt is nausea about the move. But now that we’re here, I’m excited to show my son that living in a small town has its perks.

I’ve barely been home since leaving for college. Most of the time my mom and Gigi would venture down to Georgia to see Chase and me, partly because I couldn’t get Andrew to stop working long enough to make the trek ourselves.

Well, at least I don’t have to worry about that anymore.

Turning and walking toward the hall, Chase says over his shoulder, “I’m going to check out the rooms. ”

The three of us watch him walk away before I turn back to my mom and grandma. “It’s going to get better, right?”

They nod in unison. “It will,” my mother says. “Once he starts school and baseball, he’ll adjust.”

“I hope so.”

“Speaking of school, when do you report?”

“Monday. I gave myself the weekend to get settled in, and then Alaina said she needed me as soon as possible.”

“I knew we’d get her back home somehow,” my mother says to my grandma, bumping shoulders with her.

“Yeah, more money and a handsome man.” Gigi bounces her eyebrows. “Speaking of the cover model that came by here looking for you a few months ago, what do you plan on doing about him?”

“Cover model?” I ask, even though I’m fairly certain I know who she’s referring to.

“Oh yeah.” Gigi smirks. “That man belongs on the cover of those smutty books your mother and I read.”

“Mom!” my mother admonishes.

“What? You act like he wouldn’t sell thousands of books with that face and those muscles.” Gigi glances back at me. “And I’m going to guess he’s packing too.” She bounces her eyebrows and then holds her hands nearly a foot apart from one another. “Just tell me. Am I close? Bigger or smaller?”

Groaning, I stare up at the ceiling. “What the hell have I gotten myself into?”

***

“And this will be your office.” Alaina Bell, the principal of Carrington Cove Elementary, gestures for me to enter the office, where sunlight pours in through the open blinds. The box of décor I brought with me makes my arms ache, so I move toward the desk to set it down before gazing out the window, admiring the view of the campus.

The office is spacious, with a large mahogany desk sitting under the window. There are a few matching shelves on the wall to my left, along with two chairs with navy cushions for visiting parents and students. The walls are bare, but that’s an easy fix. Most importantly, it’s the fresh start I needed, and I’m grateful for it.

Turning to her, I say, “It’s perfect.”

“I’m glad you think so.” She lets out a deep breath. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you took this job, Scottie.”

“Part of me still can’t believe that I did, but it was the push I needed to leave Georgia.”

“I’m glad it worked out then. Finding a new administrator in the middle of the school year is tough, but our last assistant principal just wasn’t a good fit. I got a lot of complaints from staff and parents.”

“It happens, but I promise I’ll do whatever I can to keep fostering the culture and atmosphere that you’ve built here.”

“Our teachers need someone they can count on to support them. Discipline is harder than ever these days. These kids are dealing with issues at home and have access to information that is beyond anything you and I dealt with as kids.”

As a former teacher, I know what it is like to be in the classroom and the decision fatigue you battle every day. Teachers are the backbone of the schools, and my job now as an administrator is to help them make their lives easier any way I can. Getting my administration credential was a decision I didn’t make lightly, but once my divorce was final, I needed a way to financially support Chase and me on my own. I didn’t want to rely on Andrew for anything, especially since he’s already shown that he’s a lost cause in that respect.

“Believe me, I know. I saw some cases down in Georgia that would shock you.”

“Your experience is exactly what we need, and I’m really excited to work with you.”

“Same here,” I reply, feeling genuinely excited for the first time in a long time.

Alaina is a few years older than me, but I remember her from our high school days. She was always friendly and one of those girls who could hang out with any group. She wasn’t popular, but she was well-known. For the past five years, she’s been the head principal of Carrington Cove Elementary, and now she’s essentially my new boss.

“Okay, well I’ll let you get settled before the teachers start arriving. I’ll introduce you officially at the staff meeting this Wednesday, but I’m sending out an email to the staff shortly.”

“Sounds great.”

Alaina leaves my office and I turn back to the box that holds my degrees and credentials, pieces of paper that I may never have earned if I hadn’t had Chase. As if he knew I was thinking about him, my phone chimes in my purse with the sound of a text message. When I see my son’s name on the screen, I can’t help but brace myself for what he’s going to say.

Chase : This school is so small, but my science teacher is cool .

Smiling, I type out a response.

Me: It is small, but that means you’ll become close with your classmates .

Chase : I already met a few of the guys on the baseball team.

Me: I’m excited for you, honey .

Chase : Gotta go, Mom. Next class is about to start .

Me : Love you. Have a good day.

Chase : Love you too .

I hold my phone to my chest and breathe out a sigh of relief. Everything is going to be okay, especially if I can avoid seeing Grady until Chase graduates from high school.

The second his face pops into my head, I groan, tossing my phone back into my purse and trying to focus on arranging things in my new office. But, like every other time I’ve thought of Grady these past weeks, our night together plays back through my mind like a montage of black and white snapshots.

Me seeing him in the bar.

Me flirting with him, even though I knew I shouldn’t.

But God, he looked so rugged, so manly, so much hotter than he did as a teenager—even though he was attractive back then as well.

Me wondering what his lips tasted like as I watched him sip from his whiskey.

His eyes staring up at me while his head was between my legs.

The way his face tightened as he sank into me.

The sounds he made as he came, and the sounds he drew from me each time he gave me an orgasm, each one stronger than the last one.

It was just supposed to be one night—a few hours to give in to my curiosity, let myself live a little and be with someone who I knew was safe.

Grady was always a safe place for me.

Then why didn’t you say goodbye to him before you left, Scottie? Why leave him like that?

“Ugh,” I groan out loud, fighting with myself for the umpteenth time. It’s not that I didn’t want to say goodbye, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to say those words to him before—not when I found out I was pregnant and changed my number at Andrew’s request, and I sure as hell couldn’t say them that night.

Fifteen years ago was one of the hardest times of my life. Reporters were calling me non-stop, wondering why I wasn’t playing in the upcoming season as planned. I was on track to make the national team, but I couldn’t tell them—not until it was too late to hide the reason. And by then, I was old news.

I was also in a relationship with a man whose child I was carrying, desperately trying to convince myself that marrying him and building a family was the right thing to do—that we owed it to Chase. Even if it meant I would be tied to him for the rest of my life.

I should have listened to my gut. Andrew turned out to be one of my greatest mistakes, and severing my friendship with Grady was another.

Pushing Grady away was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Watching him succeed, seeing him achieve his dreams just reminded me that I wouldn’t be chasing my own. And seeing him again only solidified what I already knew—he is the type of man you keep forever, the type who deserves everything he could ever dream of. And here I am, a mess—a single mom with an ex I wish would jump off a cliff, and a son who needs me now more than ever.

So I let myself be selfish for just that one night, to take what I wanted, what I needed, and live in a fantasy of what it would be like to be with Grady Reynolds.

But that’s all I got. That’s all I deserved. That’s all I would allow myself to have.

So I left without telling him and headed back to my life, the one I had chosen all those years ago.

My mom told me he stopped by her house looking for me just like I knew he would. That’s why I left before Christmas, days before I planned to—because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing the look in his eyes when I told him that he and I were just a one-night thing.

But that was before I got the call from my mom about the job offer and the house.

“It would be good for Chase,” she said, and as a mother herself, I knew her heart was in the right place.

So I sat down and made a list of pros and cons. And ultimately, I knew this move was what my son needed. If I had it my way, I would have stayed far away from Grady and his magic dick.

The boy I once knew grew into a man who still made heads turn everywhere he went. Now I know it’s only a matter of time before we cross paths and have the inevitable awkward conversation about why I’m here.

But I’m not going to worry about that until it happens. I can’t. I have too many other things to focus on right now, like getting my office together.

So that’s what I do, ignoring the calls from Andrew that I know will eventually come and organizing the contents of my desk and hanging my degrees up on the wall.

Once I’m done, I sit back and take a deep breath, reminding myself that everything is going to work out for the best. Until another wave of nausea hits me, just like it did on the road a few days ago, and I throw up my breakfast in the trashcan under my desk.