18. Chapter 18

Chapter eighteen

Scottie

“How was your trip?” Astrid asks as we walk through the baby boutique on the boardwalk that frames Carrington Cove. The reflection of the sunset off the water is breathtaking as I admire the view from inside the store. It’s Wednesday night and Chase is at Grady’s working on the Nova, so I figured it was the best time to meet up with Astrid and knock an item off my to-do list—registering for my baby shower.

Plus, I feel like I need someone to talk to about how I’m feeling, and Astrid is the first person that came to mind.

“Hello? Earth to Scottie.” She waves her hand in front of my face, breaking through my stare.

“Sorry.”

Her grin is assuming. “That good, huh?”

“If you’re implying what I think you are, that makes this conversation even more awkward.”

Astrid laughs. “Look. I know my brother has sex, all right? I mean, you are pregnant with his child.” She nudges my shoulder jokingly. “Grady has only told me that things went well, and I’m dying to know if that means you took anything that we talked about to heart. ”

Sighing, I pick up a beautiful gray and teal blanket from the shelf, smoothing over the soft fabric with my hand while avoiding her eyes. “I did, and I’m…” I turn to look at her now. “I asked him to do something for me that only he can, and he delivered…multiple times.”

Astrid folds her lips in, trying to stifle her squeals. “Oh. My. God…”

I set the blanket back down and begin to walk away from her. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

She scurries after me to keep up. “Um, yes it is. This is huge. And, selfishly, I’m so happy that you’re trying to move forward, Scottie.”

Spinning to face her now, I say, “I’m terrified, but I can’t deny what’s there, Astrid. Your brother is the type of man you don’t let go of, and…” I glance around the shop, making sure there’s no one to overhear us. “I’m so horny.”

She chuckles. “Oh, yeah. I remember those days during the second trimester. Brandon was on deployment during my second pregnancy, so my vibrator became my best friend.”

“Well, I think mine is about to break.” We share a laugh. “But of course, it’s more than just about sex,” I say, sighing wistfully, thinking back to how this man has cared for me since he found out he was going to be a father, and how dedicated he has been to building a relationship with my son as well. Tears form in my eyes before I know it, and then Astrid’s smile falls.

“Oh no. What’s wrong?”

I wave my hands in front of my face. “I can’t even tell you what’s wrong. I have no control over my emotions right now, and I hate it.” Pulling a tissue from my purse, I dab under my eyes. “My feelings are all over the place, my body hurts every day as this little girl grows, and I’m feeling overwhelmed just being in this store right now.” My eyes move all over the shelves full of baby products, many of which I’m completely unfamiliar with because it’s been so long since I’ve needed any of this stuff.

Astrid rubs my shoulders and pulls me into her side. “Everything is going to work out, Scottie. There’s no reason to stress. You have a support system this time. Your family is here, Grady is fully committed, and I’m here for anything you need.”

I hand her the scanner for the baby registry, which is the whole point of this visit anyway. “Can you just start scanning things, please?”

Keeping her arm around me, she guides me down the aisles as I gather myself. “Of course. You gonna be okay?”

Stuttering through a shaky breath, I reply, “Yeah.”

The beep of the scanner is the only sound for a few minutes until Astrid breaks our silence, releasing me from her embrace. “I don’t want to upset you again, but I have to ask you one more thing.”

“All right.”

“Did you tell my brother about Andrew? Like…all of it?”

I nod. “Yes. He knows everything now.”

“And how did he react?”

I think about that night at the pizza parlor, how Grady actively listened as I told him my story, and the words he said to me once I revealed the whole reason and circumstances surrounding my return to Carrington Cove.

“You’re exactly the mother Chase needs, and I couldn’t ask for a better mother of my child. You’re fucking amazing.”

“He told me I am strong and brave. That I am a good mom….”

Astrid beams with pride for her brother. “Sounds like he’s a smarter man than I thought.”

I take a few steps before something I’ve been thinking about comes out. “How come as women and mothers we constantly feel inadequate? Like our life choices have stronger consequences because we have others that rely on us so much? That one wrong move can scar our kids, our partners, or ourselves for life?”

Astrid hums. “I often wonder that myself. But I also know what a blessing it is to be given the responsibility of being a mother.” She scans the store before turning to face me. “The fact that you care so much is a testament not just to the woman and mother you are, Scottie, but to the one you’re continually growing into. No one is perfect, but part of life is learning and growing from our imperfections. It took me a long time to accept that.”

“I feel like I should have things figured out by now. Like, I’m old enough to know better, and do better. You know?”

She reaches forward and places her hand on my shoulder. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last year, it’s that everybody grows differently, and I think our environment has a lot to do with that. Carrington Cove might just be the climate you needed to break through the ground you’ve been buried under, the shield you’ve been using to protect yourself. This baby girl is already so loved, so wanted. And Grady clearly wants you too. I’d say, that’s already a promising start to a new journey this time around.”

Smiling, I blink away my tears. “Thank you.”

“Anytime. Take this one day at a time, okay? Let the people here love you, protect you, and help you through this new, exciting phase of your life. And remember, sometimes you have to fall to learn how to pick yourself back up and do things differently. You just might find it’s even better the second time around.”

** *

“God, right there.” The water cascades down my back as Grady keeps fucking me from behind in the shower.

Chase spent the night at Jeremy’s house, one of the boys on the team, so naturally, Grady and I decided to take advantage of not having him here. Although, before my son left, I told him that if I got a call from the cops tonight, I’d take him to juvenile hall myself.

“I wish you could see yourself right now, Scottie,” Grady growls in my ear, thrusting harder as he wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest. “So fucking beautiful, so perfect, taking my cock like it was made for you, sucking me in and milking me.”

My moans echo off the shower walls as Grady’s other hand travels over my stomach and down to my clit, rubbing soft circles around the bundle of nerves, helping me get to the finish line faster.

“You have no idea what you do to me, how hard you fucking make me,” he says, lining his lips up to my ear before biting down on the skin of my neck as my heart twists in my chest at those words.

“Grady… ”

“Come on my cock, Scottie. Shatter for me.” And that’s all he needs to say before I splinter, shaking as I fight to keep standing. Grady keeps thrusting, letting me fall forward as I brace myself on the shower wall and he fucks me hard and deep, chasing his own release.

“Jesus fuck,” he groans before he stills and lets out a heavy sigh.

“So good,” I mumble as he spins me around and pulls me close to his chest—well, as close as I can get due to the growing belly between us.

Our daughter kicks me hard in the ribs, making me wince.

“You okay?” he asks, brushing my wet hair from my face as the water continues to fall down against his back.

“Yeah. The baby just kicked me. I don’t think she liked being rattled around.”

Grady plants a chaste kiss on my lips. “Well, let’s finish getting cleaned up then so you can relax. Lord knows it’s been a long week, and this next week will be even busier.”

“Are you ready for the season to end?” I ask him as he slathers my body with soap and runs his hands all over my skin. I just came, but the feel of his hands on me is making me want to fuck him again.

God, I’m a heathen. I think I’m starting to understand how people become sex addicts .

“Yes and no. It’s definitely been exhausting since I’m not used to having that type of schedule. But I’ve really loved every fucking minute of it, Scottie. Our last game is this week and it feels bittersweet.” He cups the side of my face. “Thank you for making me see what I didn’t want to.”

“I’m glad you found a piece of baseball to keep in your life. You seem happier.”

With a stoic look on his face, he says, “It’s not just baseball that’s made me happier, Scottie.”

I brush off his words as I twist around to face the wall and gather myself before my heart explodes. With each passing day, I’m falling for him and imagining our life together, but neither of us has initiated that conversation, and it sure as hell isn’t going to come from me.

I barely feel like I’m finally starting to get the hang of this new normal where this man caters to me and fucks me anytime I ask, which is uncharacteristically often given my changing body and mood swings. But part of me can’t help but wonder if sex is the only thing we have going for us right now. Grady hasn’t brought up the baby’s room again since I squashed that conversation a few weeks ago, and honestly, I don’t know if he will after the way I acted.

I just wanted some time to let things sink in. I get him wanting to make decisions and expect answers from me, but the truth is, I’m coming up with the answers as I go right now. For once in my life, I’m trying not to think too hard about the future—even though our daughter will be here in less than four months, and I need to have some idea of what our life is going to look like before then.

Once we’re all clean and dressed, we settle into my bed. Grady leans back against my headboard while I rest my head in his lap, facing the television. And this moment—it feels so normal, so natural, like this is what things between us should be like.

But how long until it goes sour? Can just being near someone always feel this soothing, or is it inevitable that feelings change over time?

I don’t know anyone in my life who’s had a relationship or marriage last, especially not happily. Grady and I aren’t married, but I’m sure he’d want that one day, and the last thing I want is for us to end up resenting one another down the road.

I just don’t see how that could happen, given how strongly I feel about this man and how different those feelings are from what I felt with Andrew.

But can I really trust and believe that this won’t end in turmoil like it did for me the last time?

My heart says yes, but my head is still protesting the idea, trying to keep me safe, trying to make me cautious. And the only thing holding us together right now is sex. What happens when that’s off the table? Will this man even still want me after he sees what childbirth is like and what it does to my body?

“Grady…”

“Yeah, babe?”

“What happens when our daughter gets here?”

He brushes my hair from my face. “What do you mean? ”

“Well, in a few months I’m going to be as big as a house and probably won’t want sex anymore. And after I deliver, I can’t have sex for at least six weeks.”

His brows furrow as he stares down at me. “Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know,” I say, tracing circles on the comforter beneath me, hoping he can’t see how unnerved I feel at the moment. God, being a woman sucks sometimes. There’s never a quiet moment in our minds. “I just figure once sex is off the table, you won’t…”

He presses a finger to my lips, stopping me mid-sentence. “Don’t even say another word.” I gulp down my reply, waiting for him to continue. “Do you honestly think that the only reason I’m here is for sex?”

“Well, no, but…”

He pulls me up and guides me to his lap, our daughter resting between us. “Scottie Daniels…”

“I’m not Daniels anymore.”

He fixes me with a glare. “I’m sure as fuck not calling you by another man’s name when you’re carrying my baby.” My clit twitches from that comment. “But you will always be Scottie Daniels to me, until you take my last name,” he declares, making my heart race even harder. He sighs, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “Scottie Daniels, will you go on a date with me?”

I nearly laugh because that was the last thing I was expecting to come out of his mouth. “What?”

Our eyes lock. “I want to take you on a proper date, Scottie. We never did that, and if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in baseball back in high school, I would have asked you then. But you know how that all worked out. And now, even though we’re already having a kid together, it seems you need to be reminded that I want more with you. Maybe I should just show you—if you’ll let me, that is.”

My lips curl up into a smile that burns my cheeks, and suddenly a wave of relief and excitement washes over me. “You want to take me on a date?”

“That’s what I said, baby.”

“When?”

“How about next weekend?”

Gnawing on my bottom lip, I take a moment to contemplate his proposition. Yet, deep down, I know this is Grady’s way of demonstrating what I need to see and hear. And if ever there was a sign that I should keep trusting this man, this is it. “Okay.”

He buries his hands in my hair, bringing my mouth to his. “Good girl. See? You just need to follow your heart, Scottie. It’s trying to speak to you. I just wish you would listen.”

“My head keeps getting in the way.”

“Well, tell it to knock it the fuck off.”

I bark out a laugh. “It’s not that easy. I’ve spent most of my adult life overthinking, Grady. It’s going to take time to change that.”

When his lips touch mine again, my entire body warms from head to toe. “At least you’re trying, Scottie. That’s all I ask. And soon, you’ll realize you don’t have to carry the mental load alone because I’m here, and I’m not letting you go again. No way in hell.”

***

“Don’t let them get in your head, Chase!” Grady yells from the dugout, trying to help calm my son who currently has a runner on each base. The Carrington Cove High School baseball team is down by three runs at the top of the seventh inning, but it’s still anyone’s game.

Chase hasn’t been playing his best, though, and as a parent, there are few things worse than watching your kid deal with immense pressure and not being able to do much about it.

“You’ve got this, Chase!” I scream from my seat in the bleachers. I would stand, but this baby girl is putting a ton of pressure on my sciatic nerve lately, so sitting is just a better option so my legs don’t give out on me.

“Timeout!” Grady calls to the umpire, who nods his head and echoes the call.

I blow out a breath, watching Grady walk toward my son, hoping he can give him the words of encouragement he needs right now. Biting my nails, I watch the two of them as my daughter does somersaults in my belly.

“I know, peanut. Big brother’s got this, though.” I rub a few circles around the spot where I feel her. “When you’re old enough to understand how nerve-racking this is, I’ll remind you of this moment.”

Grady pats Chase on the shoulder and then heads back to the dugout, straightening his ball cap while popping a fresh stick of gum in his mouth.

God, he’s so fucking hot. Tonight, I’m gonna make him keep that hat on him while I ride him.

I push away my dirty thoughts and focus back on my son as he stands on the mound again, looking more calm and in control. He goes to wind up the pitch, but the runner on third gets a little too far off base, so Chase hammers the ball to the third baseman, who tags the runner out.

“Yes, Chase! Great job!” I scream, clapping my hands wildly. Chase gets the ball back and goes back to waiting for the call from the catcher. After two shakes, he gives a nod and then winds up and throws the pitch, striking the batter out at the plate.

I can see his grin from here, so whatever Grady said to him was exactly what he needed to hear.

Unfortunately, the boys still lose 7-6, but my son walks out of the dugout proud, and he should be. He pitched one hell of a game.

As soon as I waddle over to him, he pulls me in for a hug. “Hey, Mom.”

“Hey, baby. You did great. I’m so proud of you.”

“I hate losing.”

“Can’t win them all, but you did amazing. You kept your cool under pressure, which is a sign of maturity and strength, honey.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

I reach up and push his hat from his face so I can see it, so gratified with the young man he’s becoming. Our move to Carrington Cove may have started off rocky, but he’s changed so much and for the better, and I know it’s because of the man who entered our lives, the same one striding over to us right now.

Grady stretches his hand out to shake my son’s. “You did phenomenally, Chase,” he says, before turning to me. “Wouldn’t you say so?”

“I was just telling him that.”

“Thanks,” Chase says, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

Grady steps closer to him and lowers his voice. “You made me really fucking proud out there, kid. I’m honored to be your coach.”

Emotion clogs my throat instantly, watching this man talk to my son the way his own father should have.

Chase nods, his face stoic, before he puts his hat back on and then leans down to kiss my cheek. “I’m going to grab my bag and say bye to the guys.”

“Okay. Think about where you want to eat for dinner. Your choice,” I call out to him as he nods and then jogs over to the dugout.

I turn back to Grady, trying to keep my emotions in check. “So, how do you feel, Coach?”

He takes a deep breath. “Really fucking proud, Scottie. Even though we lost, I couldn’t have been prouder of how all of the boys played.”

“You should be.” Staring up at him, I continue, “Just out of curiosity, what did you say to Chase in the seventh inning when the bases were loaded?”

Grady grins. “That’s between him and me, Scottie.”

“That’s how you’re going to be? Really?”

“Yup.” He wraps his arm around my waist and guides me toward the gate that leads out to the parking lot. “I can’t tell you all of my winning moves.”

“How come?”

“Because the game isn’t over yet, and until it is, you keep some plays close to the vest.”