14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Scottie

“Holy crap. I forgot how incredible the coast is here.” As my eyes scan the expanse of ocean stretching out in front of me, I try to think back to the last time I actually stepped foot on the sand in Carrington Cove. It was so cold when I came back here in December that the idea of going near the water didn’t even enter my mind. And since I moved back, well, I’ve been a little preoccupied.

Grady’s hand rests gently on the small of my back as he leads me toward the front of the house. “It is. Willow inherited this house last year. That’s what initially brought her here from D.C.”

“What an amazing gift.”

He chuckles softly. “Dallas didn’t think so. He’s always wanted this house, so he and Willow had it out a bit at first. But as they sorted things out, they fell for each other, and now it’s their home together.”

I glance up at him. “Sounds like it all worked out for them.”

His eyes find mine as we come to the steps that lead to the wraparound front porch. “Sometimes the unexpected can work out, Scottie.” Before I can say anything in response, he presses a soft kiss to my lips—something he keeps doing, even though I told him not to—and then leads me up the steps and to the front door where people are walking in and out of the house, moving between the tables and chairs set up on the sand under a white tent and the living room of the magnificent beach-front property Willow now owns.

“You’re here!” Astrid shrieks as she emerges from the kitchen, glass of wine in hand, and quickly closes the distance to where Grady and I stand.

“You act like you didn’t just see us last night,” Grady tells his sister as she pulls me in for a hug.

She swats at his chest. “Don’t be an ass, Grady.”

“How many glasses have you had already?”

She glares at her brother. “This is my first one, thank you very much.” She sticks her tongue out at him, drawing a burst of laughter from me. Turning her attention back to me, she says, “I’d offer you a glass, but…”

I rub my belly just as Grady does the same. God, he’s so eager to touch our growing child and to show me affection that it’s messing with my head.

I wish he would just fucking listen like I asked him to. No touching. Just friends .

But I can’t seem to find the words to tell him to stop either.

Because you don’t want him to, Scottie. Duh!

“It’s okay. I mean, I certainly miss alcohol, especially in social situations like this, but it’s just one of those sacrifices I know is temporary.”

She nods. “Right. Once you hold that little baby, every ache, pain, and missed glass of wine is all worth it.”

I reach down to stroke my bump again, feeling those bubbles grow stronger with each passing day .

Last night, I had a dream about the baby. We were in the hospital and I was holding our child, who had light brown hair and blue eyes just like Grady. I couldn’t tell if we had a daughter or a son, but the way this man looked at me—like I had given him everything he’d ever wanted in this life—made me cry in my sleep. I glanced down at our child for one second to admire the human we created, but when I looked back up, he was gone—vanished into thin air. And then he never returned.

It woke me up from a dead sleep, the torture of my worst fears slashing through one of the most incredible moments of my life.

It’s part of the reason I wish I could have that glass of wine to take the edge off the anxiety I feel racing through my body—because the closer Grady and I get, the more I feel like he’s going to change his mind. It’s what Andrew eventually did, and I didn’t want to accept it. I kept blaming myself, believing that I must be the problem.

I know now that he was a selfish narcissist, and I didn’t do anything wrong. But I swore to myself I’d never trust another man again.

I just didn’t think Grady would be the one I’d want to let in. Add on my mother and grandmother meddling last night, and well? My entire body is antsy for more than one reason right now.

“Come on,” Astrid urges, pulling me by the hand over to the kitchen where a group of women are standing. The house has a mostly open concept except for one wall that separates the kitchen from the living area. There’s a wide cutout in the wall that allows you to peer between rooms. The cabinets are dark navy with white marble countertops, the hardwood floors are classic and stained in a light oak shade, and all of the décor is in shades of blue and white, with pops of teal scattered throughout. The nautical vibes make me wish I had a home this close to the ocean to enjoy serenity like this .

“You’re just going to steal my date from me?” Grady calls after her, but the title he gave me is catching me off guard more than Astrid is right now.

“I’ve got her. Go grab a beer. The boys are outside playing cornhole.” She waves him off as we reach the kitchen and she places her wine glass on the island. “Do you want something to drink?”

I admire the display of food spread across the counter and island, including a tiered stand of cupcakes that I know Astrid had to have made. “Um, water would be great, thanks.”

“We have water with cucumber and lemon in it if you want that?”

I scrunch up my nose. “No thanks.”

Giggling, she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and hands it to me. “That didn’t sound good, I take it?”

Twisting the cap off, I take a sip of water. “No, unfortunately. I’m usually all about stuff like that, but this baby wants nothing to do with fruits and vegetables, which is really frustrating when you’re supposed to be eating healthy foods, you know?”

A woman standing beside me inserts herself into our conversation. “God, when I was pregnant with my son, all I wanted was chocolate ice cream, so I definitely understand that struggle.”

“Apple fritters have been my obsession lately, especially the ones from Astrid’s bakery.”

Astrid beams proudly as the woman to my left extends her hand. “I’m Shauna, by the way.”

“Scottie.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“How do you know Astrid and Willow?”

My hand finds my bump. No time like the present to let the truth fly, right? “Well, I’m having a baby with Astrid’s brother. ”

Astrid squeals. “I’m going to be an aunt!”

Willow comes around the corner now. “Astrid, that squeal is going to attract the geese outside.”

Shauna and I laugh as Astrid shrugs. “Not sorry.”

“Scottie! You’re here!” Willow closes the distance between us and pulls me in for a hug.

“Happy birthday!” I tell her.

“Thank you.” She inhales deeply with a smile on her lips. “Thirty-five and finally feeling like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

Shauna clears her throat. “And who do you have to thank for that?”

Willow rolls her eyes. “You, I guess.” Willow glances back at me. “Scottie, Shauna is my best friend from college. She lives in Texas now with her real-life bonified cowboy husband, and she’s the one who convinced me to come down here when I inherited this house.”

“Grady was telling me a little bit about it as we were walking in. What an adventure.”

“It was, murderous geese aside.” I glance at Astrid, who chuckles behind her wine glass. “But it led me to the love of my life.” She stares out the window at Dallas and the other guys where they stand together, nursing their beers. “Carrington Cove became my home and I’m so grateful for that.”

“I, for one, am happy to no longer be the only girl in the family,” declares a shorter woman with long black hair as she joins our conversation. She reaches her hand out to me. “I’m Hazel, the youngest Sheppard sibling and only girl, until Willow balanced things out, that is.”

Astrid chimes in. “Hey. I’m part of the family now too, you know?”

Hazel grins. “Yeah, but Willow was first, and she broke down Dallas. You’ve got to give her credit for that.”

“Aw, I love you too, Hazel.” Willow pulls Hazel in for a hug .

Shauna tsks. “Now, don’t you start crying, birthday girl. We still have hours of this party left.”

Willow laughs as she grows emotional. “I can’t help it,” she says as she fans her face, making all of us chuckle as well.

I can feel my own emotions starting to build, forming a lump in my throat because I know how it feels to not belong. I felt out of place for the past fifteen years, living a life I chose because I felt like I had to, not because that’s what I wanted. And having genuine friendships is a lot more difficult than you’d think. I had female friends back in Georgia, but most of them were from my association with Andrew. As soon as we split up, it was clear where their loyalties lay.

But now, being back in Carrington Cove, there is a peace that’s come over me—a sense of purpose and belonging, despite my pregnancy and the issues with Chase.

Maybe it’s having my mom and Gigi in my life every day. Maybe it’s working at a job with a boss I love.

Or maybe it’s the man standing out in the sand, the one who’s giving me another child and another chance to get this right, and these women who have welcomed me into their circle without a second thought.

God, I want him. I want to trust him. I’m just so fucking terrified .

“Hey, honey?” A deep voice behind us catches everyone’s attention, and we collectively spin around to take in the giant man holding a baby striding toward Shauna.

Jesus Christ, this man looks like a tree—thick, hearty, and definitely rugged.

“I’m pretty sure Hudson is hungry,” he says, stopping right next to Shauna. So this must be her husband.

Shauna intercepts their son. “Sounds about right. My boobs were burning so he must have sensed it.” She plants kisses all over the baby’s cheeks before moving toward the couch to nurse him.

“Oh God. Nursing. How did I forget about that?” I face-palm my forehead.

“Are you planning on nursing?” Astrid asks me as Willow fills a glass of wine for herself.

“I did with Chase, but not for long. I didn’t have any idea what I was doing, so it didn’t go well. But with this one,” I say, rubbing my stomach again, “I think I might want to try again.”

Astrid sighs. “I loved nursing, but when I was done, I was so glad.”

“I’m looking forward to getting my body back, but I’m also trying to soak up each of these moments for as long as I can,” Shauna says from the couch, peeking at her son under her nursing cover.

“How old is he?” I ask, moving closer to her.

“Almost nine months. He’s definitely more interested in solid food now, but he still likes to nurse, especially when he’s tired.”

I take a seat on the cushioned chair beside her. “My first son is fourteen, so it’s been a long time since I’ve done the baby stage.”

Shauna nods in understanding. “Well, Hudson is our first, so I’m still learning. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. I can give you my phone number before I leave.”

Gratitude rushes through me. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“Of course. We moms have to stick together, you know? I didn’t realize how much my identity would change just by having my son.”

“Oh, I understand that more than you know.”

Shauna lifts the cover up, staring down at Hudson nursing as his eyes drift close. “But having Forrest by my side has made it easier. I seriously don’t know what I would do without him.” She looks back up at me and says, “Is your husband excited about the baby?”

Her question makes my stomach drop because Grady isn’t my husband. I don’t have one of those this time around.

As I fumble for a response, a voice behind me says, “He is, although he’s not her husband yet.” I turn and lock eyes with Grady as he makes his way to my side.

I stare up at him from my seat on the chair, my pulse thrumming in my body as I process the words he just spoke. “Uh, you came out of nowhere.”

He tucks one of my curls behind my ear. “I came in here to check on you. You okay?”

“Um, yeah. Just talking about babies with Shauna.”

Grady nods, smiling at Shauna. “Forrest was showing this little guy off outside,” he says, gesturing to the baby who is now fast asleep in a milk coma.

Shauna readjusts her nursing cover, clasps her bra back in place, and then situates Hudson over her shoulder to burp him.

Jesus, this is going to be me again before I know it.

“Do you mind if I hold him?” Grady asks, startling us both.

“Sure. He needs to burp still, but who knows if he will since he’s passed out.” She hands him a receiving blanket. “Just use this to cover your shirt in case he spits up.

“I’ve held babies before, so I know the risks. It’s just been a while.”

“When have you burped a baby?” I ask as Shauna passes Hudson to Grady, his big arms supporting the baby on his shoulder.

And my clit starts to throb.

Good lord, this man holding a baby should be my new screensaver .

Yup, this image is going in my diddle bank for later.

“I have a niece and a nephew, remember?” he says to me, patting Hudson’s back as his hips start to sway. “I wasn’t around much when they were babies because of baseball, so I need the practice, you know?”

Shauna smiles at me knowingly. “Well, he’s a natural, so at least you won’t have to worry about him freaking out on you. Forrest was very cautious at first.”

Her husband walks over to the couch now, taking a seat beside her. “Forgive me, but I didn’t want to be the one to drop him first, all right?”

I snort. “God, I’ll never forget the time that Chase rolled off the bed right in front of me. I cried on and off for an hour, thinking I’d wrecked him for the rest of his life.”

Grady furrows his brow. “How the hell did that happen?”

I look up at him. “Don’t act like it couldn’t happen to you, all right? I looked away for one second and…boom. He was on the ground.”

Shauna nods in understanding. “That’s how it works. Hudson rolled off the couch because I was watching television and trying to fold laundry at the same time.”

“She called me at work, crying hysterically,” Forrest says. “But babies are a lot tougher than you think. At least that’s what my mom told me, and he’s fine.” He stares up at his son, smiling proudly.

I inhale deeply and blow it out. “Just remembering all of this is starting to make me feel overwhelmed.”

Shauna leans forward in her seat. “Don’t be. You’re already a mom and you’ll slip right back into a rhythm the second time around. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.” She glances over at Forrest and then back to me. “We haven’t really told many people, but I’m expecting again.”

“Aw, congratulations,” I say, reaching out for her hand.

“Thank you. ”

Forrest clears his throat as he stands from the couch, leaning down to kiss the top of Shauna’s head. “I’m gonna take Grady back outside, but just holler if you need anything.”

She peers up at him and nods. “Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” He presses a soft kiss to her lips and then motions for Grady to follow him outside, still holding a sleeping Hudson.

“You gonna be okay?” Grady asks me before trailing after Forrest.

“Yes, I’m good.”

“Okay.” He takes a few steps away, but then turns back, stopping right next to my chair, holding the baby to his chest as he leans down and plants a kiss to the top of my head. “Just let me know if you need anything, all right?”

Shauna folds in her lips to hide her smile as I reply, “I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t argue with me, Scottie. You’ll lose every time. When are you going to accept that?” he says, flashing me a wink before finishing his trek outside, leaving Shauna and me alone again.

Willow, Hazel, and Astrid scurry over with their wine in their hands just as Shauna speaks. “Okay, so what the hell is going on with you two? Because he said he’s not your husband yet, but you don’t seem to want him to cater to you, which I’m telling you, is a lot better than it sounds.” She places her hand on her chest. “And that’s coming from a type A control freak who never thought I’d let a man take care of me like Forrest does, but God, it’s so hot.”

Willow laughs as Astrid raises her brows at me.

“Well, uh… we’re just friends who are having a kid together,” I say, shrugging. But I feel uneasy the second the words leave my lips. “You know, kind of like a Ross and Rachel type of situation? ”

“Uh, that man wants to be more than just your friend,” Shauna says. “He wants to be your baby daddy and your lover. Jesus, woman, I say just let him!”

Willow snorts. “I second that! My God, Scottie…I don’t know how you resist that.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and Astrid clears her throat. “I’m kind of in an awkward position right now because I know you’re all lusting after my older brother, but putting that aside, I really want things to work out with you and Grady, Scottie. So, I’m going to join in on the peer pressure.”

Hazel chimes in, and I peer up at her now. “I take pictures for a living, and the way that man looks at you? Totally camera-worthy, just saying.” I roll my eyes, but inside, my pulse is hammering. “I can only hope to find a man that looks at me like that one day,” she adds.

I look around the group of women. “Y’all just don’t get it,” I murmur.

“Then explain it to us,” Astrid urges.

Before I get a chance to respond, the door flies open, and Dallas comes barreling inside. Scanning the room, his eyes quickly land on Willow.

“There’s the birthday girl.” His deep voice sounds like gravel as he walks over to her, pulls her into his chest, and covers her mouth with his, drawing whistles and cheers from everyone in the house.

“Here I am. Are you okay?” Willow asks, brushing his hair from his eyes.

He swallows roughly and then says, “I’m more than okay, Goose. In fact, it’s time for me to give you your gift, but I need everyone to come outside for that.” He motions for us to follow him. “Come on. The sun is about to set anyway, and you don’t want to miss it. ”

Shauna and I both stand from the couch and follow everyone down the porch and across the sand to the white tent that covers a wide square of space, chairs and tables stationed underneath, covered in white linen tablecloths and vases full of yellow flowers. The sun is inching toward the horizon in the distance, lighting up the sky in oranges and yellows that are breathtaking.

God, I missed this place. Carrington Cove was once home and it’s starting to feel that way again.

Clutching my water bottle to my chest, I watch intently, eager to see what Dallas has planned for the woman he so clearly adores. Suddenly, two strong arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me into an unexpected embrace.

“Jesus, Grady.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to scare you, but…”

“You have to stop touching me like this,” I whisper as Dallas leads Willow to the front of the tent, a group of people gathering around them.

“I can’t,” he whispers in my ear, pressing a kiss to the skin just under my earlobe, sending a shiver down my spine as his hands move over my bump. “And I don’t want to.”

I tell myself it’s just from the breeze wafting off the ocean, but he and I both know the truth. “Grady…”

“Shhhh…Dallas has something big planned—I just know it.”

I don’t bother arguing with him because Dallas calls everyone’s attention to where he and Willow are standing, his hand holding hers.

“I want to take a moment to thank everyone for gathering here today to celebrate the life of this amazing woman standing next to me.” Cheers and applause ring out. “Many of you know how Willow and I got our start, and it wasn’t an easy one.” Laughter fills the space, leading me to believe there is much more to their story than I know. “ But I didn’t realize what I was missing in my life until she waltzed into it.” He turns to her and murmurs echo through the crowd.

“Oh my God. He’s going to propose, isn’t he?” I whisper.

Grady squeezes me tighter. “He’s in love.”

My heart lurches at his words, hammering wildly as if I’m the one who’s about to be asked one of the most important questions of my life, and all I can envision is Grady being the one to ask me.

I didn’t get a proposal from Andrew. It was more of a declaration. “We’re getting married, Scottie. Our kid deserves that.”

What our child really deserved was a father who cared.

A tear streams down my cheek. Ugh, stupid hormones.

Dallas drops to one knee, Willow gasps, and the crowd pulls out their phones to start recording and taking pictures.

“You are the love of my life, Goose.” She laughs at the nickname. “Fate is more powerful than we’ll ever truly know, but I think you and I can both attest to that given how we ended up in each other’s lives.” She nods. “I don’t want to live another day without knowing that you’ll be my wife. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone. You are my future, my best friend, and the woman I was made for.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a ring without a box. “Willow Marshall, will you marry me?”

“HONK! HONK!”

Everyone’s attention shifts to the right as a gaggle of geese interrupt one of the most important moments in Dallas and Willow’s lives.

“Oh my God!” Astrid shrieks and Willow shakes her head, laughing.

“I told you that you’d attract the geese!” Willow shouts at her best friend before dropping Dallas’s hand and marching toward the birds. “Listen up, you heathens…” But she doesn’t get very far before Dallas pulls her back to him, laughing along with everyone else .

“Come on, Goose. It’s only fitting that the geese want to be part of this moment.”

Willow rolls her eyes before Dallas drops to his knee again, just as Grady presses another kiss to my temple and pulls me in closer.

“Do you want to fight off geese with me for the rest of our lives, baby?”

She covers her mouth, giggling as tears flow down her cheeks before finally shouting, “Yes!”

Dallas launches himself from the ground and everyone goes crazy, clapping wildly and shouting cheers of congratulations as the geese continue to honk in the background. They seal their engagement with a kiss, and then Dallas slides the ring onto her finger, admiring how the diamond looks on her hand.

I wipe under my eyes and nose, so emotional over someone else’s happily ever after, but hating that I can’t just let myself have my own.

“I need to use the bathroom,” I say as I shift out of Grady’s arms and head back to the house.

“Scottie?” he asks, concern etched on his face.

“I just need some tissue,” I tell him, not bothering to turn around. But honestly, I need to be alone. I need to let this wave of emotion flow through me so I don’t look like a crazy person crying over a proposal between two people I barely know.

Locking myself in the bathroom, I take a seat on the toilet and grab tissue, letting the tears flow. I cover my mouth to hide my sobs, and then take a few deep breaths as I fight to gather myself.

I wish I wasn’t so conflicted about where my life is headed. I wish I didn’t feel so hesitant to let Grady in when he is making it clear that he wants me. And I wish that I could feel more joy this time around instead of feeling anxious about all the decisions I still need to make before this baby gets here .

Grateful that I grabbed my purse before I came in here, I take a look at myself in the mirror and then get to work fixing my makeup. I carry an emergency kit with me for these moments when my emotions get the best of me, which is happening more often the further along I get in my pregnancy. I just didn’t expect it to happen here.

When I finally feel composed enough to return to the party, I open the door to find Astrid waiting for me, biting her fingernail.

“Sorry, I took so long,” I say, but she just smiles back at me.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Grady said you ran away from him.”

Covering my heart with my hand, I reply, “My emotions just got the best of me. I have these breakdowns and once they start, it takes me a minute to calm down.”

She nods. “I understand. That happened to me a lot when I was pregnant with my daughter.” Then she tilts her head, eyeing me. “But I’m wondering if something else got to you too.” We stare at each other for a few seconds before Astrid straightens her head again and takes a deep breath. “Look, I know things are awkward between you and my brother right now, but I really just want to support you in any way I can, Scottie—as a friend, a fellow mom, and a future aunt to your kid.”

“I—I appreciate that.”

“Would you like to have lunch or dinner with me sometime this week?” Her suggestion catches me off guard, but honestly, I think it would be nice to have another woman to talk to. I really like Shauna, but she does live halfway across the country. And Astrid’s right, she is going to be family soon.

“Oh, uh… Yeah, I think we could make that happen.”

“Good. I’ll text you tomorrow. Is that okay?”

“Sure. ”

She reaches out for my hand. “I’m serious. I have no ulterior motives here, but I think you and I have something in common, and I want you to know that you’re not alone.”

***

I’m sitting at the table in Catch & Release, waiting for Astrid to show up on Wednesday night just after I dropped Chase off at Grady’s Garage. When Astrid texted me to meet up, this seemed like the most logical time to make it happen, but I’m not going to lie, I’m nervous about what she meant when she said we have something in common.

“You play darts?” An old man wearing a veteran’s hat comes waddling up to the booth.

“I’m sorry?”

“Do you play darts?”

Not sure if I should take him seriously, I reply, “I have, but it’s been a long time.”

He hikes up his pants that are being held up by suspenders anyway. “No worries. I can teach you the game again.”

“Oh, Harold. Leave her alone.” Astrid waltzes up to the table, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “She isn’t here to play darts with you.”

“But we need a fourth,” he whines, making me smile.

“You boys are just going to have to find someone else to join your game tonight.”

He grunts. “Fine.”

The two of us watch him walk up to the next unsuspecting woman as Astrid slides into her seat, shaking her head. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Don’t apologize. I haven’t been here very long. ”

“Okay, good. And sorry about Harold.”

“He seems harmless.”

“He is, but he and his friends are always scouting for women to play darts with them. The next time you see Willow, ask how her game with them went.” Astrid smirks as a server approaches, greeting her like she’s a long-lost friend. We place our orders, and I opt for the burger and onion rings, the only thing I’ve had from here that I know will satisfy my growing hunger.

“You seem like a little bit of a celebrity around here,” I say once our server takes off.

Astrid smiles and leans back in the booth, surveying the restaurant. “I used to work here before I owned the bakery.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. After my husband died, I was working here and at the bakery just to make ends meet. Brandon’s death benefit paid off the house, but I was a stay-at-home mom before he passed, and overnight I became a single mom who needed to start earning an income to survive.”

The mention of her husband has my heart racing. “I’m so sorry about your husband.”

“Thank you, but that’s part of the reason why I wanted to talk to you, Scottie.” She adjusts herself in her seat. “I get the feeling that you and your husband didn’t have the best marriage.”

I scoff, but nod. “What makes you say that?”

She winces. “Details that my brother has shared with me, but mostly, I see something in your eyes that I recognized in myself.”

“And what’s that?”

“Fear,” she says bluntly, making my heart rate climb even more.

Swirling my water glass, I take a sip and then say, “Well, you’re not wrong. ”

She nods curtly. “And if I’m on the right track, I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re hell-bent on keeping my brother at a distance.”

“God, Astrid.” I bury my head in my hands as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. “I’m such a fucking mess.”

She reaches across the table to pull my hands from my face. “No, you’re not. You’re human and have been through some shit that very few can understand. No one can blame you for how you feel, but I want you to know that I felt that way too, and it took me four years before I was finally willing to risk my heart again.”

“How did you do it?” I groan, frustrated but feeling relieved to be able to talk to someone about this.

Astrid huffs out a laugh. “Girl, it wasn’t easy. You have to consider that Penn was my husband’s best friend growing up, and also my friend. So, not only were we risking our friendship, his bond with my kids, and our lives that were so intertwined, but also the trust that he shared with my late husband.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“It was, especially because Penn thought my marriage was perfect, but the truth was…it was far from it.”

I swallow hard. “I know that feeling well.”

“Well, I wanted to share my story with you because I want you to know that if there is anyone who understands what you’re going through, it’s me.” She smiles softly. “I hate that we have this in common, but I also think it’s important for you to know that I’ve been there too. I totally get how hard it is to let someone else in again after you’ve been hurt, after your belief in love and partnership has been destroyed. Especially when they’re also a friend, which makes the risks even greater. ”

Tears start to well in my eyes again. “I feel like I’m right back where I was when I found out I was pregnant with Chase, and I just don’t want to make the same mistakes.”

“I hear you.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the booth. “I can’t go through that again.”

“Yes. All valid.”

“Your brother was my friend, is my friend, and the thought of potentially hating him one day like I hate my ex just kills me.”

“Keep letting it out, Scottie.” I pop my eyes open and look at her. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not here to judge. I just want you to be able to talk about it because honestly, keeping it inside is what almost broke me and Penn. Telling him the truth allowed us to move forward, and I know you’re not there yet, but you need to give those fears life so you can start to let go of them.”

A tear streams down my cheek, but I brush it away and start to tell Astrid my story. She sits there and listens, nods and asks questions when they’re warranted. But most of all, she doesn’t tell me to move past it, to give her brother a shot, or that life is too short to hold a grudge.

She allows me to feel my feelings—be angry, terrified, and guilty for where all of my life choices have led me.

She becomes my friend, the first genuine one I’ve made in a long time.

“How do you feel?” she asks after our food is long gone, she’s told me more about her life, and I’ve finally run out of things to say.

“Lighter somehow.”

“Good.” She picks one last fry up from her plate, pops it in her mouth, and then pushes her plate away.

“Thank you for that—for listening.”

She reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “You’re welcome. I hope it helped.”

“It did. But I still don’t know what to do about your brother, Astrid.”

She shrugs. “It’s okay because you’ll figure it out. Sometimes we just need to take that first step, you know? That’s what I had to do with Penn. Lots of baby steps to get where we are now.”

My hands instinctively move to my stomach where my baby is growing. “Baby steps.”

“Yup. They may be small, but you’ll still get where you need to be eventually.” She clears her throat. “Before I forget, I wanted to talk to you about your baby shower.”

My eyes bug out. “Oh, Jesus. I haven’t even thought about that.”

“It’s okay, but if you’re willing, I’d love to throw it for you.”

“Oh my God, Astrid. You don’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense. You know how damn excited I am about this baby, Scottie. Please, let me do this for you. Willow wants to help too.”

Biting my bottom lip, I ask, “Are you sure?”

Astrid rolls her eyes. “Yes, that’s why I’m offering.”

“Okay,” I relent. “Thank you. I appreciate it so much. I had a small one for Chase, but obviously I didn’t keep anything and there are so many new things out there now that it feels like an entirely different world.”

“I’m so excited!” She bounces in her chair, making me laugh. “You two are finding out the sex, right?”

“Yeah, in a few weeks.”

“Good, makes it easier to plan and pick a theme. And don’t forget to register. There’s an adorable boutique on the boardwalk that has pretty much everything you could need, but you should also do some online registries so people can send gifts directly to you.”

“God, things have changed since I had Chase.”

She nods. “Yeah, but the way a baby changes your life will always be the same—for the better.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I reply.

She winks at me and says, “So can the right man in your life.” She takes a sip of her water. “Just wanted to remind you of that too.”

***

“Come on, Chase! You’ve got this!” I stand on the bleachers, cupping hands around my mouth, shouting loud enough so my son can hear me out on the pitching mound.

It’s the top of the ninth inning and the score is tied. All Chase has to do is strike out this kid, and then our team will be up at bat, getting a chance to score at least one more run before the game is over to secure the win. Thank God for the home team advantage.

“Relax!” Grady yells, pulling Chase’s eyes across the field to the dugout. Chase nods and shakes out his jitters again, knowing he only has one more pitch to deliver and then his job is done for the night.

My focus has been split all evening between watching my son and the man whose baby I’m carrying. After my dinner with Astrid last night, I slept better than I have in months. I can attest that it was just exhaustion after a busy weekend and crazy work week, especially since it’s spring and the end of the school year is winding down. But honestly, I think it was just getting a lot of tension I’d been carrying out in the open.

I’m so grateful to Astrid for offering up her friendship and support. Before we left, she assured me she would keep our conversation to herself, which I appreciate. I want to tell Grady in my own time. With each passing day and each tender kiss, I feel myself more willing to let my guard down.

Grady is not Andrew, and I know deep in my gut, he never will be. Taking a huge leap of faith is still hard, though, and I’m fighting with myself over how I work past that.

But I want to. At least I’m getting firmer in that choice. And the physical attraction I feel toward the man is definitely not dwindling either.

“God, he’s so sexy.” A woman’s voice to my left pulls me from my thoughts.

“I agree. But since he came home, he hasn’t even looked at a woman.”

“Girl, do you know how many make-believe noises I’ve had to think of just for an excuse to take my car to his garage?”

The other woman giggles. “Yup. I’ve been there too.”

The first woman sighs. “Maybe he’s gay.”

A snort escapes from me because I’m certain I know who they’re talking about. Grady? Gay? Um, pretty sure after the filthy things he whispered to me and did to my body, no one would ever believe that claim.

“No, I’ve heard he actually went home with some woman from Ricky’s a few months ago, so that can’t be it.”

My pulse hammers as I continue to listen. “Obviously it was just a one-night stand, then, because I’ve heard he’s still single.”

My hackles rise. I understand the allure of this man. Hell, I’ve admired him longer than I care to admit, and on and off for years before that. And now, I’m carrying his baby and still fighting my attraction to him. But hearing these women drool over him and speculate about his life is making me irritated, and dare I say, jealous.

He’s mine , I want to say with a glare that tells them to back off .

But I can’t say that— because I won’t let myself be his .

Chase strikes out the final batter, launching a celebration among the crowd here to cheer on the home team. Smiling, my son races into the dugout, high-fiving Grady, who quickly looks back to find me, grinning from ear to ear. He gives me a wink and then turns his attention back to the team, getting his players ready to go up to bat.

Carrington Cove High School scores two runs in the bottom of the ninth, making the final score 5-2. The boys erupt in celebration of their win, jostling Chase around, congratulating him on his performance on the mound.

When the celebration has died down, I make my way down the bleachers and onto the field. When I spot Chase, I walk over and tap him on his shoulder. He spins around and his face lights up as he pulls me into his arms and lifts me off the ground. “Mom! We won!” He spins me around a few times before planting me back down on the ground.

“You did so good! I’m so proud of you!”

“He did amazing,” Grady says, striding up to both of us. He holds a fist out to bump with Chase, who returns it enthusiastically, and then turns his attention to me. “Did you enjoy the game?”

“Of course,” I say as he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side.

Chase studies us with curiosity before one of the other players calls him over to where they’re standing. “I’ll be right back, Mom.”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

Grady tips my chin up so I meet his eyes. “He did so fucking good, Scottie. Kept his cool, used the strategies we’ve been practicing all week. Hell, I thought the pressure was going to get to him there at the end, but he took his time and made the right call with the pitch. He’s a fucking natural. ”

Smiling while fighting tears of pride, I say, “I love watching him play. He’s so in his element out there.”

Grady nods and then reaches down to place his palm on my growing belly. “Did this little one enjoy the game too?”

Those flutters I’m getting used to feeling now move across my belly, right under Grady’s hand, but he doesn’t notice, so I don’t say anything. He probably can’t feel it yet. “They did.”

“Good. This kid needs to accept right now that baseball is just going to be a part of his or her life, in one way or another.”

“So coaching wasn’t such a bad idea after all?” I tease.

He cups the side of my face. “I’m glad I listened to you, Scottie. I fucking needed this.”

The crack in his voice makes me want to comfort him because I know how hard this decision was for him. We only talked about it briefly that night back in December, but I could see the conflict in his eyes. I know what it was like to lose the game, but when you dedicate your life to something like that, it never fully leaves you. It just isn’t the center of your world anymore.

Grady’s eyes bounce back and forth between mine and then I hear the women from earlier snickering behind us.

“Who is that? Are they together?” one of the women says to the other.

“I don’t know. She looks familiar, though.”

Unwilling to listen to any more, I just react. Pressing up on my toes, I plant my lips on Grady’s, marking him as mine as I pull his head down and block out the women’s chatter.

Grady doesn’t even hesitate, melting into the kiss as he pulls me in tighter, cups my jaw again, and dances his tongue against mine while the sounds around us fade away .

What are you doing, Scottie? You aren’t supposed to be kissing this man, remember?

Yeah, but I’ll be damned if I let these women even think they could have a shot with my baby’s daddy.

I swat away those worries and drown in the kiss instead, wrapping my arms around his neck, twisting my tongue against his, groaning when his hand buries in my hair and gives it a gentle tug.

I’m so enraptured in the moment, feeling my entire body heat up, that I forget we’re at a high school baseball game until my son comes over and metaphorically throws cold water on us.

“Jesus, Mom.” I break away from Grady instantly, just in time to see my son cover his eyes. “So this is how my future sibling was conceived?”

Grady smirks down at me. I resist the urge to meet his gaze, fully aware of what he’s thinking, and I refuse to give him that satisfaction. “Chase, I…”

He holds a hand up. “Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen. Although the entire team saw you, which isn’t great.”

“I’ll handle the team,” Grady says.

“I thought you two were just friends?” Chase asks, but the truth is, I don’t have an explanation for him right now because I’m the one that crossed the line this time, not Grady.

“We are,” I say as Grady huffs beside me. “But look, we need to get going, okay?”

Chase rolls his eyes. “Fine. Let me go get my stuff.” He races toward the dugout, leaving Grady and me alone.

I slowly lift my eyes to meet his and am taken aback by the look he’s giving me. “Yes?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he says, “Nothing. ”

I narrow my eyes, mimicking his stance. “Nothing? That’s what you’re going to say to me?”

“Yup.” He nods once and then leans down to kiss my temple. “See you tomorrow morning?”

Tomorrow we’re leaving for our road trip to Kentucky, which means I had to take the day off, but I honestly don’t mind. I could use the break. But now, after I just kissed the man I told to stop kissing me, I’m thinking the timing of this all couldn’t be worse.

Stupid hormones and jealousy .

“Um, yeah. I’ll be ready.”

“Good. We have a long drive and lots to talk about.” He intensifies the glare he’s giving me, making his eyes appear even smaller. “ A lot to talk about, Scottie. And I just hope you’re ready for it.” I swallow roughly. “Sleep well, keep growing our baby, and I’ll see you soon.”

Jesus Christ. What have I gotten myself into?