11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

Scottie

“So, how was school?” I push my spaghetti around on my plate, my appetite dissipating the longer I avoid telling my son what I need to. I have no idea how Chase is going to react to the fact that I’m having another child, let alone that the father of his future sibling is Grady.

“It was fine.” Chase takes a bite of his garlic bread, keeping his eyes on his plate.

“It’s been a few weeks now since we moved. Any classes that you like the most?”

When he finishes chewing, he replies, “I actually really like my math teacher. I mean, math sucks, but she’s funny and explains things really well.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah.” Another bout of silence stretches between us as I take one last bite of my pasta and push it to the side. Chase notices that I haven’t eaten much and furrows his brow. “You okay, Mom?”

Sighing, I lean back in my chair and clasp my hands together. “Well, yes and no, honey. I—I need to tell you something. ”

He sets his fork down and wipes his mouth with his napkin. “Okay…”

“I…” Just say it, Scottie. Rip off the Band-Aid. You’re not going to be able to hide it much longer anyway . “I’m pregnant.”

Chase’s mouth falls open slightly, but he doesn’t say anything. He just stares at me from his seat across the table.

My heart is hammering against my rib cage and my stomach threatens to expel the small amount of dinner I just ate, but then my son practically yells, “When the hell did you have sex?”

“Chase Matthew!” I scold, shocked by his outburst. I definitely wasn’t expecting that to be his response.

He visibly shudders and then stands from the table, putting distance between us. “You’re…you’re not…” He groans. “You’re my mom!”

Standing from my seat, I cross my arms over my chest. “Yes, I am. But I’m also a woman, and…”

He holds his hands up in the air. “Please, for the love of God, don’t say anything else.” He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

“Jesus, I never imagined this being your reaction!”

My son and I had the sex talk about three years ago because I wanted him to hear things from me, not his friends or something online. I was honest with him, letting him know sex isn’t just for procreation, but for pleasure too.

And now I feel like that conversation is coming back to bite me in the ass.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” he finally says on a sigh. “But…”

“Look, I know it’s hard for you right now to look past how this happened, but the fact of the matter is, you’re going to have a little brother or sister in September, Chase. ”

That information sinks in quickly, and he rushes back over to me, pulling me in for a hug. My son is two inches taller than me, and I know he’s not done growing. It feels so odd feeling dwarfed by him in this moment, but I’m grateful that he’s able to comfort me because I’ve been in knots keeping this from him, and this baby isn’t just changing my life. It’s going to change his too.

“I always wanted a sibling,” he mutters as he squeezes me.

“Sorry it’s happening so late,” I counter sarcastically, which makes him laugh. But then I remember that I have one more detail he needs to know. I separate myself from him and then look up into his eyes. “There’s something else, though, Chase.”

“What is it?”

“The father…” I start, inhaling deeply before his eyes bug out as if he didn’t think about that piece of information. “It’s Grady.”

Chase’s face falls and then his spine straightens. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, which made your break-in at his garage all the more complicated.”

Chase takes a step back from me. “Does he know?”

“Uh-huh.” I watch the wheels spin in my son’s head as he walks from side to side, wearing a line in the carpet. “I didn’t find out until that day that you broke in to his garage, but I told him the day after.”

“And you’ve been keeping this from me all this time?” he says, his voice rising.

“Don’t yell at me , Chase! You shouldn’t have been anywhere near that garage in the first place!”

“It wasn’t my idea!”

“It doesn’t matter,” I counter, lowering my voice once more. “You were the one that did the damage and went along with the idea, so you are guilty, a lesson that I hope you freaking learned from. You don’t have to be in charge to still reap the consequences of a choice. ”

“And what about the consequences of having sex? Shouldn’t you have used protection when you and Grady…” he trails off, shaking his head and visibly shuttering.

“We did! We did and it still failed!” I shout back, even though I never imagined sharing this much detail about how his sibling was conceived. “But let this be a lesson to you too that things don’t always work, even when you prepare for them. And maybe in the future, you should use two condoms anytime you choose to have sex!”

Uh, not sure this is the time to give your son advice, Scottie .

Chase plants his hands on his hips, as if he’s the parent that’s disappointed in me right now. “So what does this mean? Are you two getting married?”

“No,” I reply instantly. “No. We’re just friends. We knew each other a long time ago in high school and now we’re having this baby together, but we are not romantically involved.”

“You don’t want that?”

Well, there’s another thing I didn’t think we’d be talking about.

“I…” As I try to find the right words, Chase’s eyebrows draw together. “I’m trying to keep things as uncomplicated as I can. I don’t want another situation like with your dad.”

My son’s jaw flexes tight. “So what happens now?”

I close the distance between us and take his hand. “We keep doing what we’re doing, and in a little less than six months, there will be a new baby to love on.”

“And what about Grady?”

“He and I are figuring out how things are going to work between us. He wants to be involved in his kid’s life and I’m not going to deny him that opportunity.”

Chase rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts. ”

My heart breaks in that moment for my son, for his tumultuous relationship with his own father, the one that has jaded him so deeply that he doesn’t feel that he can trust men.

“Grady isn’t like your father, Chase.”

“Not now, maybe. But…”

“No. He won’t ever be,” I say, more resolutely than I feel because I can’t have Chase discounting the man Grady is already. I know he has his own feelings toward him given their complicated relationship, but as his sibling’s father, he can’t think that way or say those things out loud. I don’t want this child to hurt like Chase has, and I’m going to try to do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen, including keeping my feelings for Grady locked up tight.

“What I need from you is to just keep working off your punishment, do what Grady says on and off the baseball field, and focus on yourself. Don’t worry about what’s going on between him and me. Anything we decide, we will let you know, okay?”

“I don’t get a say in anything?”

I swallow hard. “If it affects you, then yes, of course you’ll have a voice in the matter.”

He scoffs but nods. “Fine.”

“I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry our fresh start is more complicated than I hoped it would be.”

Chase pulls me in for another hug. “It’s okay, Mom. This is a surprise, for sure, but…it might be kind of cool to have a little baby around.”

The warmth in his voice eases some of the tension in my chest just slightly. “I love you. Having you come into my life was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. I know this baby is only going to amplify the love in our lives.” I look up at him. “You are the most important person in my life, Chase, and that won’t ever change. Now I get to make another child the center of my world, and I’m scared but excited too.”

“I can’t believe you had sex,” he mutters, making us both laugh.

“One day you’ll understand. There will be someone you’re drawn to in a way you can’t quite explain.”

We part and, suddenly, memories of Grady and me from high school come flooding back.

It was always there—this connection I feel to him. But we’re all grown up now, and the stakes are so much higher.

“I have some homework to finish,” Chase says, pulling me from my inner turmoil.

“You’re doing homework on a Friday night?” I ask as he carries his plate to the sink.

“Yeah, that way I don’t have to worry about it on Sunday. I’m pretty sure that after working at Grady’s tomorrow, I’m going to be beat.”

I stop him before he retreats down the hallway. “I’m proud of you, you know.”

He scoffs. “Why? I did something really freaking stupid, Mom. I still can’t believe that I listened to them.” His gaze drifts off to the side of the room as he shakes his head. “I just wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to feel like an outsider again.”

God how I wish I could take away his pain and convince him that things get so much better after high school. He has so much talent, which has always caused problems on any team he’s played on. But I hoped it would be different here.

I lift his chin and direct his gaze back to mine. “I’m proud of you because, even though you made a poor choice, you’re taking the right steps to learn from it. That’s all I can hope for as you grow into a young man. Own your mistakes and strive not to repeat them. ”

He nods and heads to his room, leaving me alone to consider my own words. I keep telling myself this is the same reason to keep my distance from Grady.

I just wish that my heart would get the message too.

***

“I’m sorry Jaxon is struggling with the divorce.” Mr. and Mrs. Harrison sit on the opposite side of my desk, trying to hold a united front in this meeting despite the animosity I can sense between them. “But throwing a chair across the room is unacceptable behavior.”

“My son is upset. I don’t know what else to do,” Mrs. Harrison says, glaring at her husband. “I mean, if my husband hadn’t slept with his secretary, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!”

“Jesus, Tiffany,” Mr. Harrison grates out. “This isn’t the time or the place to bring that up.”

“Why not? Your indiscretions are why our family is being torn apart!” Her voice carries in my small office, and suddenly, I fear that the point of this meeting is being lost.

I sympathize with the woman, I do. But mediating divorces is not part of my job description. My job is to hold the students at Carrington Cove Elementary accountable for their behavior and celebrate their wins with them.

“Look, I know things are tough right now, but what Jaxon needs is stability. Here at school, there is only so much we can do for him, especially if his behavior is endangering the safety of students and staff.” I slide a paper across the desk toward them. “This is the behavior contract we will be implementing, and here is a copy of the suspension paperwork,” I add, handing them another paper from the folder .

“Our seven-year-old is getting suspended! Are you happy with yourself?” Mrs. Harrison shouts at her soon-to-be ex-husband, launching from her chair, slinging her purse over her shoulder, and storming out of my office.

Mr. Harrison releases a long breath. “I’m sorry you had to hear all of that.”

“It’s okay.” But I secretly wish I could tell you what I really feel about you. Jackass. “But my biggest concern is your son. We care about Jaxon and want to give him the best shot at being successful, but his behavior cannot continue like this.”

Mr. Harrison nods as he stands. “I understand. Thank you for your time.”

As I watch him leave, I slump back in my chair and let out the breath I’d been holding. Just being around that energy dredges up memories of my own divorce—how Andrew tried to shift the blame, how Chase acted out at first when he realized his dad wasn’t coming home anymore—though, those last few years, Andrew was hardly around anyway.

I close my eyes and rub my stomach, feeling a bubble-like sensation move across my belly. My memory of feeling Chase move for the first time while pregnant with him is fuzzy, but my body remembers it well.

“Hey there, little one,” I whisper, peering down at my growing bump that is becoming more difficult to hide. I know they say you show faster with your second pregnancy, but I was hoping I’d get at least a few more weeks before needing a new wardrobe. My old maternity clothes are long gone, and even if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be in fashion now, given that my last pregnancy was fifteen years ago.

The moment of nostalgia is interrupted by the buzz of my phone vibrating across the desk, flashing Andrew’s name. I hit ignore, not caring if he knows I sent him to voicemail, and then wake up my computer, anxious to catch up on emails. His calls are becoming more frequent, which can only mean one thing.

But a knock on the door stops me before my thoughts can wander too far.

“Come in.”

The man who walks in is the last person I expected to see—and definitely not someone I should be this pleased to see.

“What—what are you doing here?”

“Are you busy?” Grady asks as he enters my office, making it feel way smaller than it is. He’s dressed in blue jeans and a plain olive-green shirt, his light brown hair freshly cut. My ovaries jump for joy at his appearance, but my brain whips them back into submission, reminding my entire nervous system that we aren’t allowed to react to him like that.

“Uh, well…” I start, but he doesn’t wait for me to finish, taking a seat on the other side of my desk. “I’m—I’m working, Grady.”

“I know. I just…” He lifts the bag he’s carrying and places it on my desk. “I brought you some stuff I thought you could use.”

I arch a brow at him. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

He glares at me. “I know you didn’t, Scottie. I’m taking care of you, like I said I would.”

My brain wants to protest further, but my heart lurches at his gesture. And at that exact moment, I feel that flutter of bubbles move across my belly, as if our baby is aware of its daddy’s presence.

I reach for the bag and peer inside, puzzled by the assortment of items it contains.

“I finished my second book,” he says as I start extracting items and placing them on the desk.

“What the hell was this book about?”

“How to care for your pregnant wife. ”

My eyes snap up to meet his. “But I’m not…”

“My wife. I know, Scottie,” he says a little too harshly, but I let it slide. “But you are carrying my child, which means I’m still responsible for you. So, I brought you a few things to make work easier as you get bigger.”

Rolling my eyes at the reminder that my waistline is expanding by the minute, I pull an apple fritter from the bag and inhale the aroma of sugar and cinnamon. “Nice touch.”

“I thought that might make you happy. You’re still craving them?”

I don’t want to admit that I’ve eaten five of them this week, but I’m sure Astrid already told him. “Yeah, that hasn’t changed, thankfully.”

“Good. The other things should help with aches and pains.”

I stare at the heat patches, eucalyptus oil, cushions for my shoes, and pregnancy herbal tea. “This is…”

“There’s also a book for you to read,” he adds as I pull out the book and fight the urge to roll my eyes again.

“The big book of baby names?”

“Yup. I already have some ideas, but I figured I’d let you do some research of your own before we have that discussion.”

A wave of emotion comes over me. “You—you have names picked out?” How does this man manage to surprise me at every turn?

“A few, but I’m open to compromising.”

Suddenly, I’m reminded of how many discussions we’ve yet to have about our child and everything that comes next. This man went out of his way to bring me things, say the right things, and make me feel things—and that’s a big fucking problem.

The reality of it all hits me, and I quickly shove everything back into the bag, eager to get space from him. “Well, thank you for this, but I really wish you would have waited until I wasn’t at work.”

His brow furrows. “Is it a problem that I’m here? ”

“I just…” I scoff, gesturing around the office. “I’m working, Grady! I’ve had a shitty day and it’s only halfway over. I just had to suspend a second grader for throwing a chair in the classroom, and I have another parent meeting later about a bullying situation with our sixth graders.” I place the bag in the corner of my office by my bookshelf. “This isn’t the place for pregnancy talk, or…”

He clears his throat as he stands. “Fine. I get it. It won’t happen again.”

I can see the hurt lurking under the surface of his deep blue eyes, but he has to understand that there are boundaries. We’re not together. This is something that a boyfriend or husband would do, and he is neither of those things.

But God, what would it be like if he were?

“Thank you.”

“But you need to understand something, Scottie,” he says, moving closer to me instead of the door. When he’s only a few inches from me, he tips my chin up with two of his fingers and places his other hand on my bump, drawing a gasp from me.

It’s the first time he’s touched me—while pregnant, that is—and my body is eager for more instantly. A wave of security wafts through me, like I can let my guard down just because he’s near.

But the truth is, he’s the person I need it for the most.

“You can pretend like you are mad at me for being here, but I think you’re just scared to accept my help and care,” he says, making me feel like he can see right through me. “All I keep wondering is if I’m doing enough for you, if there’s something you need that I can give you because I feel helpless in this situation, and I hate that fucking feeling. I can’t grow our kid, Scottie.” He shakes his head with a pinch in his brow. “I can’t fucking help you with that, but I can take care of you, so that’s what I’m going to do. And you. Can’t. Stop. Me.” He punctuates the last four words, making his point clear. “You need ice cream at midnight? Text me. You want your feet rubbed after a long day? I’ll be at your house in fifteen minutes. And if you need anything else to help you relax,” he says with a suggestive smirk, “I can help with that too.” Licking his lips, he drops his eyes to my mouth and then back up to my gaze before saying, “Eagerly.”

My knees threaten to buckle and my mouth gets dry before I swallow hard to coat my throat. I dart out my tongue to lick my lips, hating how his eyes dip right to the sight again, making me wish he’d just kiss me, toss me onto my desk, and fuck me into next week.

The hormones are increasing in my body at an alarming rate. I knew it earlier this week when I whipped out my vibrator and got myself off twice before I passed out the other night.

“Thank you,” I say instead, knowing he at least deserves that from me.

The corner of his mouth lifts and then he takes a step back, satisfied with himself and the law he just laid down. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, at six. Chase will be there.” Tomorrow is Wednesday, so my son is scheduled to work at the garage again. It seems to be working out well around his baseball practices and games, the last of which they won last night.

“Okay. See you then.”

Grady leaves my office finally, giving me a moment to breathe before Alaina comes sauntering in. “Uh, was that Grady Reynolds?”

“Yeah.” I sigh, moving back to my seat as I plop down in my chair, rubbing my stomach again.

“What was he doing here?” she asks, looking borderline starstruck. And I guess when a former MLB player moves back to the small town he grew up in, he is a little like a celebrity .

“Grady is my baby’s father,” I reply, gesturing to my bump.

Alaina’s eyes go wide. “Damn, girl.”

“Yeah. We, uh, were good friends in high school, and now…”

Alaina smirks. “So I take it he’s taking his role in all of this seriously?”

“Ha. Yeah, a little too seriously.” I point to the bag on the floor. “He dropped off a care package.”

“Jesus. Marry him, Scottie,” she declares, catching me off guard before snapping her fingers. “Marry him right now.”

“What?”

“You’d be crazy not to. I mean, do you know how many single women in this town throw themselves at him every day?”

Just the mention of other women going after Grady has my pulse spiking. “Are you serious?”

“Oh yeah. It’s embarrassing, really. I once saw him in the grocery store, and some woman ran her cart into a display of soda, knocking the entire thing over because I swear, she was trying to do the bend and snap from Legally Blonde to catch his attention.”

I snort, and not in a classy way. Once I get ahold of myself, I reply, “I’m not going to marry the man just because I’m pregnant, Alaina.” Been there, done that .

She fakes a pout. “But you’d be living out the dream.”

“What dream?”

“The one where you marry the guy who was always just your friend, who also happens to be a famous former athlete, and is smoking hot, and then knocked you up one hot, steamy night together, tying you to one another for all eternity when you were really meant to be together all along.”

I laugh at her. “That’s the dream? ”

“I mean, it’s a mix of a few, for sure.” She shrugs with a smile on her lips.

“My goal is to keep things as simple as I can, and that means no feelings and no marrying Grady.”

Her lips curl up into a knowing grin. “Fine. But I’ll tell you this—any man that stops by your work to bring you a care package so you’re comfortable while you’re carrying his child…is not a man that just wants to be your friend .” With an arch of her brow, she exits my office and leaves my mind spinning even more than it already was.

I try to get back to work, try to focus on my job, but it’s useless, especially as I inhale the apple fritter for lunch, and glance back at pictures on my phone from Chase’s game yesterday.

Most of them are of my son, but I’m ashamed to say I snapped a few of Grady too—his baseball cap covering his eyes, his arms bulging against the sleeves of his jersey, his strong hands clapping as the boys made plays and smoked the other team.

A bolt of lust travels down my spine and straight between my legs as I scroll back through those pictures, but then a warmth spreads through my chest when I realize how extraordinary his gesture was, just like Alaina said.

I do want Grady. I’m fully aware of that.

But I don’t need him to take care of me—because if he does, I’ll start wanting more. And wanting something I can’t have will only complicate this already tricky situation.