8. Seven - Izzy

Emma had released a statement.

Izzy wanted to vomit. To scream. Break things. Maybe break himself.

He shouldn’t have read it, no matter what Sammy thought. Even all these years later, the guilt was a sledgehammer to the gut.

There was a video too, but he hadn’t watched it. Just seeing Emma’s face in the little box made his heart pound and his throat squeeze until he could hardly force air through it. He hadn’t seen her since the hospital. Even then, he’d been so high on morphine, he didn’t remember much beyond her holding his hand and crying. Hell, he barely remembered his twenty-second birthday thanks to the haze he’d been in those first few weeks, even after he was off the strong drugs.

She’d grown up. It had been six years, so of course she had. She was twenty-five now, married—which he knew because his parents had tried to forward him the wedding invitation—and expecting her first child, which he’d just learned from her post. A little girl.

She was letting the USEO save face by claiming the baby was her reason for finally coming forward. That she wanted to bring attention to abuse in sports in hopes of making the world a better place for her child. But Izzy was sure stopping them from putting Josh in the eventing hall of fame was at least part of it.

She’d left Izzy’s name out of the message, though she’d mentioned Josh’s other students supporting her at the time.

Izzy wanted to smash his phone to pieces so he didn’t have to read any more. Had he? Had he really supported her? Had he done enough? He’d abandoned them all in the end. Running, like he always did. As well as a guy with a shattered leg and a rod in his femur could run.

He’d laughed at the hospitalist who suggested therapy. Moving on was the best therapy he could think of. Why should he spend hours a week dredging up and reliving the past? Josh was dead. Izzy never had to think about him or his lies again.

He’d spent a week in the hospital and months in rehab after the accident. He wouldn’t have made it through without Micah. Micah had saved him. At least, he’d saved Izzy’s ability to walk normally…or possibly bullied him into saving himself—it was unclear. Izzy had tried to quit. He didn’t care if his leg wasn’t one hundred percent. He wasn’t going to ride again anyway. He’d wanted to put everything behind him.

But Micah had made him keep going, promising him a job at Split Rock Ranch if he stuck it out until Micah finished college and they could move home. Izzy had never understood Micah’s commitment to someone he barely knew.

Micah had seen the video of his accident and showed up at the hospital to check on him. When he found out that Izzy had kicked everyone out, including his parents, Micah had stayed.

Izzy still wasn’t sure why he’d let him. At the time, they’d been no more than two guys who were from the same small town and had some common interests. Namely, horses and hot older men. They’d gone to the same primary and secondary schools, but they were in different grades and only knew each other in passing. Izzy had been caught up in his career, while Micah had been caught up in Ryan Astor.

Micah had married his obsession, while Izzy had destroyed his.

Fuck. He needed to get out of his head.

It was still too early to get drunk. Well, day-drunk was a thing, but he didn’t like to drink alone, and he couldn’t think of anyone willing to get day-drunk with him without asking a ton of questions.

Sex was his backup plan and was equally problematic. He didn’t have a regular fuck buddy he could call up—Braxton might say yes, but he had work, and fucking a hot mess into the mattress wasn’t the kind of thing you could put on a time-off request. The apps were out too. With the black hole in Izzy’s brain, he didn’t trust a stranger.

Eventually, he grabbed an overnight bag, so he’d have a change of clothes later, and tossed it in his car. It had been a while since he’d driven anywhere, so the poor thing wheezed painfully before it started. If it weren’t for emergencies like this, he would just get rid of it. He only ever left the ranch to go to the bar or the grocery store, and it was easy to get a ride to the bar and call Archer the next day to pick him up. Maggie would drive him to the store if he asked.

Eli was dressed in a ratty hoodie and jeans, his fingertips black from metalwork when he opened his studio door. He had dark circles like he’d been up all night, so Izzy assumed he was working on a deadline. If he was surprised at Izzy showing up in the middle of the day, he didn’t mention it. His jewelry-making space was above the gallery where he worked as a part-time manager. It had been his studio apartment too, but that had only lasted a few months until he’d moved in with Hunter, his Daddy.

Izzy had no interest in that kind of relationship, despite three of his friends—or maybe he should call Finn and Ev Micah’s friends—having hooked up with Daddy-type men. He could see the appeal, but he knew he’d bristle and fight the controlling aspect. He might enjoy being held down for a hard fuck from a toppy guy—and he fucking loved spanking—but the bedroom door was where he drew the line.

Izzy’s life and the way he ran it were no one else’s business. Especially not a Daddy Dom who thought he knew what was best.

Eli didn’t ask questions after Izzy gave him some story about a surprise day off and being bored. He was powering through a massive pile of restock orders and not in any position to turn down free labor. He put Izzy to work, polishing finished jewelry, then boxing things up for shipping. The jewelry was gorgeous and polishing was satisfying, but Izzy especially liked boxing orders. It made him concentrate since the last thing he wanted to do was fuck up his buddy’s business by sending something to the wrong customer. The polishing was meditative and gave him too much time to think.

Hunter showed up around lunchtime and did a double take at Izzy, but Eli gave him a look and Hunter kept his mouth shut. Izzy could have kissed him for that. Luckily for all of them, Hunter did the kissing.

It got a little heated.

“If you want a lunchtime quickie, I can wait in the bathroom,” Izzy offered helpfully. Then added, “Or watch, if that’s your thing.”

Eli blushed like crazy and called him an asshole. Hunter grinned and didn’t look opposed but sadly turned him down. Instead, he took them both back to the Lookout for lunch. Izzy didn’t even care if he was a third wheel. Hunter was a good cook, and he would never turn down free food—or booze.

After they ate, Hunter sent his boy upstairs for a nap. By then, other regulars were showing up, so Izzy stayed in the bar, throwing himself at anything that could be considered a distraction.

The pool table was covered for protection in the evenings, but it was popular with the afternoon crowd. Izzy drank and played until his thigh started to ache from the repetitive bending and stretching. By then, no one would let him at the dartboard, so he started trolling the room for a hookup. He was past tipsy and feeling fantastic when he spotted a possibility. The guy was good-looking and alone, sipping a beer at the bar. Izzy hadn’t noticed him before, so he couldn’t have been there long. Izzy slid up next to him, waved down Damion for another drink, and then shot the guy a “Can I suck your cock?” look.

The guy smiled and Izzy moved closer.

“Hey,” Izzy purred.

“Hi, Izzy,” the guy replied.

Izzy frowned. Did he know him? He squinted, trying to clear his blurry vision. Then he got distracted by the glass set in front of him. Water. Ew.

“Hunter says you need a break,” Damion told him.

Izzy made a face. “Tell Daddy-Hunter to go to hell.” He turned back to the stranger. “Buy me a drink? Hunter doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He paused. “Also, he’s not my Daddy. He’s a Daddy, but he’s Eli’s Daddy, not mine. I’m not into that shit.”

The stranger chuckled. “I think I’ll avoid pissing off the owner, if it’s all the same to you. Especially if he’s a Daddy. You don’t want to mess with the protective types.” He winked at Izzy. He seemed familiar. Where did Izzy know him from?

“Not even for a blow job? I promise, I’m excellent at those.” Izzy stepped closer, tilting his head and batting his lashes.

The stranger stood, but Izzy’s moment of triumph was dashed when he steered Izzy to take his seat instead. Izzy blinked, not sure what just happened. So, no blow job? Disappointing.

A glass was pressed into his hand and Izzy triumphantly fished around for the straw with his tongue, then sucking down a gulp. Ugh. Water . He sighed but took another sip. Might as well get it over with.

“Thanks, Ash,” Hunter said, setting a massive plate of fries and a burger in front of Izzy.

“Ash is here?” Izzy asked, getting a laugh from Hunter and a chuckle from the stranger. Eli covered his face with his hands and shook his head. Hey, Eli was back. “Eli! You’re back!”

The stranger reached over and turned Izzy’s face with a finger under his chin.

“Oh. Hi, Ash,” Izzy said when his vision stopped spinning and the room righted itself. “When did you get here? Did you know Eli’s back?”

Ash grinned. “Not long ago. I see you’ve been having a good night.”

Izzy nodded, then shook his head. “I haven’t found anyone to fuck me yet.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. It’s definitely their loss.”

Izzy liked Ash. He was a good guy. He knew Damion liked Ash too. He’d seen the way he blushed last time. Damion also liked Marco, but Marco had a rule about hooking up with coworkers. Marco had a lot of rules. “Hey, have you met Damion?” Izzy asked, gesturing to the hot little piece of ass on the far side of the bar. “He’s single.”

“Izzy!” Damion yelped.

What? Izzy was helping.

Ash nudged the plate of food closer, and Izzy snagged a fry, licking the salt from his fingers. Plain fries were good, but they were even better with vinegar. “Do we have vinegar?”

“I’m particular to hot sauce, myself,” Ash said. He located a bottle of vinegar near the ketchup and helped Izzy flavor his fries, which was good, because too much vinegar was a soggy problem.

“I appreciate the help, man,” Hunter was saying. “Drinks are on the house next time.”

Ash made a dismissive gesture. “I’ve done my time wrangling obstinate baby celebs. This is nothing.”

“Do you know Remy Dalton?” Izzy asked. “Finny said he was hotter in person. Well, he didn’t say he wasn’t hotter. Hey.” He turned on his stool. “Thanks,” he said when he lost his balance, and Ash caught his shoulder to help him stay upright. “So, hey. Does Remy do threesomes?” He gestured at Eli. “Cause El and Hunter are hot too, and Eli has a hall pass.”

“Oh my god, Izzy,” Eli groaned. “Why are you like this? I don’t need or want a hall pass, and I’m not interested in a threesome with Remy Dalton. Hunter is more than enough for me.”

“More than enough?” Hunter asked, tone deep and sexy with a hint of rumbly warning.

Izzy sighed. He wanted someone to talk to him like that.

Hunter leaned against the bar, his palms on the dark wood, fingers spread. “You make it sound like I’m too much.”

“Hunter has a huge cock,” Izzy told Ash helpfully. “Sometimes El can’t walk the next day.”

Hunter laughed through a groan, pinching his nose with two fingers, and Eli smacked Izzy’s arm, hard enough that pain filtered through the haze of alcohol and Izzy winced.

“Honestly,” Ash said with a smirk. “Remy isn’t nearly as wild as the press makes him out to be. Maybe when he was younger, but these days, he keeps things lower key. Sorry to disappoint.”

Izzy popped a few more fries into his mouth. “You know what’s disappointing?” he asked while chewing. “The guys with the perfect cocks are all taken or off-limits.”

Everyone was laughing. Izzy grinned too. Meeting up with Eli had been a great idea. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a good night—barring the no-sex issue.

“Since when has anyone’s cock been off-limits for you?” Eli asked, sounding a little bitchy. Izzy must have annoyed him with the teasing about threesomes. Oops.

“There’s only one.” Izzy counted on his fingers. “Also, straight guys. I don’t fuck straight guys.”

“Who’s the one?” Damion asked.

“Keegan. He’s the worst. I’m definitely not fucking him again.”

“Again?” Eli parroted. “When did you fuck Keegan ? Why did you fuck Keegan? You hate him.”

“Twice,” Izzy told him. “Would’ve been three times, but he shot me down.” He took a bite of his burger. “S’why I hate him. Also, he called me manipulative.” He used the burger to gesture at Hunter until he finished chewing enough to talk. “You shot me down too. Why don’t I hate you?”

“Because I give you a discount on your drinks, and I don’t cut you off nearly as soon as I should,” Hunter said dryly.

“Yeah,” Izzy agreed. “That’s why I like you.”

“In Keegan’s defense, you can be kinda manipulative. Like when you’re trying to get me to pour you another drink after Hunter cuts you off.”

Izzy’s jaw dropped, and he stared at Damion in betrayal. He turned to Eli. “Do you think I’m manipulative?”

Eli winced. “I wouldn’t call you manipulative. But when you don’t want to deal with something, you turn up the assholishness to get the problem to leave you alone,” Eli said.

Izzy didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It was a stupid, terrible topic. This was Keegan’s fault. Why were they even talking about him? He wasn’t there. He was off somewhere else being all hot with his stupid name and his perfect cock. “Ugh. Kee gan,” Izzy mocked. “I need that asshole out of my head. Please tell me there’s someone worth the effort in here.” He tried to focus on the rest of the bar, but when his vision decided to cooperate, it was practically empty. Where had everyone gone?

“They cleared out when the snow got bad,” Damion said, like he was reminding Izzy.

Snow? “It’s not gonna snow until tonight,” Izzy corrected.

Damion’s lips curved up in amusement. “Izzy, it’s almost midnight.”

What? Izzy fumbled for his phone. It hadn’t even been dark the last time he checked. He hit the button a few times before he remembered he’d turned it off so he didn’t have to feel it buzzing in his pocket. “That’s bullshit,” he decided out loud. “I had plans.”

“Pretty sure you abandoned those around drink number eight, hon,” Eli told him. “You shot down everyone who came near you.”

“He’s right,” Ash said when Izzy tried to argue. Izzy had forgotten Ash was there. “You told one guy he was too late. You’ve been ruined for all cock that isn’t attached to, and I quote, ‘a forty-year-old obnoxious asshole with a PhD in horses.’” He paused. “Which sucks for you because I don’t think you can get a PhD in horses.”

Izzy scowled. What the fuck? That didn’t sound like him at all. This was all Keegan’s fault. “This is all Keegan’s fault.”

“You should let him know,” Eli said. “Lord knows I’d worry less if you were with him instead of some random.”

“Why the hell would I do that?” Izzy said, straightening on, and nearly slipping off, his barstool to give Eli the full weight of his glare. “I hate that bastard.”

“So you’ve said,” Hunter replied, tone dry enough to make Izzy want another drink.

“I like Keegan,” Damion announced. The traitor. He was sitting next to Izzy with a beer in front of him. Wasn’t he working a minute ago? “He’s always polite, and he tips well. More than I can say for some of the guys I’ve seen you with.”

“Traitor,” Izzy said then snagged Damion’s beer, getting two gulps before it was stolen back. “Whatever. You guys suck. And not in the fun way.” He slid off the stool, proud that he didn’t waver when his feet landed. Then he realized Ash had his elbow. Whatever. “I’m outta here.”

“Izzy,” Eli said, scrambling down from his own stool. “You can’t leave. The roads are terrible. Stay with us tonight.”

“I’m not driving ,” Izzy shot back, rolling his eyes so hard that he tipped sideways a little. Luckily, Ash still had him. “I can walk,” he told Ash.

“Of course you can, but I’m feeling a little dizzy. Is it okay if I hang on to you?”

Izzy figured that was fine. He didn’t want Ash to get hurt. “Night, guys,” he told his friends. “Don’t do anything I would do.”

“Don’t you mean ‘wouldn’t do’?” Damion asked.

“He really doesn’t,” Hunter said. “Izzy, come on. We’re gonna have another drink upstairs as soon as we finish closing up.”

Izzy dismissed him with a wave. He knew that trick. “Nope. Not tonight, lovebirds.” He started toward the doors, the former celebrity wrangler keeping pace with him.

“I’ve got it,” Ash said to the group behind them. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t end up in a ditch somewhere.”

Izzy didn’t argue. He wasn’t aiming for any ditches—but whatever got him out the door.

He’d almost made it when Marco stepped into his path.

“Izzy,” the bouncer said, a warning in his deep voice that made Izzy shiver a little. It was a shame he and Marco hadn’t been a good fit. There was another man with a sexy cock who knew how to use it. “Where are you going?”

Where was he going? Well, he was leaving. There wasn’t anyone to hook up with here, and Hunter wasn’t going to let him drink anymore. Izzy needed another distraction before his thoughts came back to bite him. “I’m going on a treasure hunt,” he told Marco, patting his bearded cheek. “Night, Marc.”

Marco frowned at Izzy, then turned the look on Ash. “Where are you taking him?” he asked, tone suspicious.

“Yeah. Where are you taking me?” Izzy repeated. “You’re totally sus.” He laughed. Sus was a great word. Props to Gen Z.

Ash stepped closer to Marco. He angled his body, but Izzy didn’t miss the hand that landed on Marco’s ribs, then slid along his side in a petting motion. Izzy blinked a few times, but he wasn’t imagining things. “Hey,” Ash said, voice softer and a little sweet. “Stand down, big guy. You know me.”

Izzy’s mouth dropped open when Marco’s frown deepened, but he mirrored the action, the caress hidden from the rest of the room by Ash’s open winter coat.

“He can be a handful,” Marco told Ash. “And the roads aren’t great.”

“I’ve got snow tires, four-wheel drive, and I grew up in the mountains,” Ash said, eyes on Marco’s mouth like he wanted to kiss him. “But I’ll be careful. Promise.”

Marco frowned. “You grew up in LA.”

Ash chuckled, warm and familiar. “Remind me to give you a geography lesson about the Grapevine.”

Marco huffed, but it was his amused huff, and his shoulders relaxed, which told Izzy they were golden.

Izzy led the way outside, shivering at the blast of cold air and blinking as snowflakes swirled in his face and stuck to his eyelashes. “It’s snowing,” he told Ash.

Ash laughed. “You don’t say.”

The air helped clear Izzy’s head for the moment, though he knew he’d get fuzzy again once the shock of it wore off. He started walking without a destination in mind, his boots kicking up little snowballs in the half inch or so of powder coating the sidewalks, his breath frosting in the air. The only light was from the streetlamps and what reflected off the cloud cover. Everything else on Main Street was closed and dark. Even the white twinkle lights were off this late. Izzy wondered where his coat had ended up. He couldn’t remember, and going back to look for it would be a pain. He’d just need to keep moving. It wasn’t that cold.

A moment later, he was handed a coat. He almost gave it back. He didn’t want Ash’s coat, and then he realized it was his coat. Surprise! He pulled it on and zipped it up to his chin, shoving his hands deep in the pockets instead of fighting with his gloves.

“Where do you want to go?” Ash asked him.

Keegan’s disapproving frown popped into Izzy’s mind. Izzy pushed it away. “What’s up with you and Marc?” he asked instead.

Ash sighed and muttered. “Halfway to blackout and he notices that.”

“Duh,” Izzy said. “You were noticeable.”

“Actually, we’ve been very subtle,” Ash argued. “We’re just friends…who happen to have some outstanding sex when we’re both in the right mood.”

“I didn’t peg you as his type.”

“What do you mean?” Ash asked, tone careful. He clearly knew what Izzy meant.

“Dude, I’m drowning in Daddies. You think I don’t know what Marco’s into? I just didn’t think I was that far off with you . Usually, I’m better at picking out the subs from the Doms.”

That made Ash laugh. “I’m not a sub.”

Izzy eyed him. “Oh. You’re a switch, then.”

Ash rocked his leather-gloved hand back and forth in a so-so gesture. “I don’t like labels. People in LA are obsessed with them. It gets old.”

“Alice doesn’t like labels either,” Izzy informed him. “She says she’s already got too many.”

“Who’s Alice?” Ash asked, snagging Izzy’s elbow and steering him around the corner onto Cedar. There wasn’t much on Cedar other than motels and B&Bs, but it connected to a few more bars and restaurants at the far end.

“One of my coworkers. You know Archer?” Sometimes Archer came to the Lookout, even though the pickings there were slim for straight guys.

“Xavier’s mentioned him.”

Oh, right. Xavier was Ash’s boss. “Archer and Alice are twins. She doesn’t do loud places, though, so you wouldn’t have met her unless you came to Sunday dinner.” He paused. “You should come to Sunday dinner. Ryan needs a bigger table anyway.”

Ash laughed and pulled Izzy to a stop. They were standing in front of one of the cottages at the Rainbow Inn. Miss Crystal’s B&B was by far the nicest and most popular place to stay in town.

“Miss Crystal makes the best coffee, but I didn’t think you wanted to fuck me.”

Ash’s expression was perpetually amused. Surprisingly, Izzy didn’t mind it since it didn’t feel like Ash was judging him. “You want coffee at midnight?”

Izzy shook his head. “No. But I want morning-after coffee, and some of these places only serve mud. It’s a good morning if I get some from Miss Crystal. Also, I know I don’t need to worry about condoms or lube here because she keeps the cottages stocked.”

“That she does. But no, I still don’t want to fuck you. And I don’t think you want to fuck me either.” He gestured to the silver SUV beside them. “This one’s mine. I’ve only had two beers, and that was a few hours ago. I figured I’d drive you home.” He hit a button, and the vehicle unlocked with a beep, the engine purring to life and the headlights flicking on.

“Fancy,” Izzy said.

“Very,” Ash agreed, helping Izzy into the passenger seat, even though he didn’t need help.

Once Ash was behind the wheel, he asked again. “Where to?”

Izzy bit his lip and tugged on one of his curls, letting it bounce back over and over. Where did he want to go?

The answer wasn’t “home.”