16. Fifteen - Izzy

It had been a stupid idea—Izzy felt ridiculous—but for some reason, Keegan was going along with it.

It wasn’t that Izzy regretted his choices over the years. He’d had a hell of a lot of fun. But sometimes he wished…

He didn’t remember the first time he’d let someone fuck him. He’d been so drunk—so had the other guy. He knew it had happened because his ass had hurt like hell the next morning, but he didn’t even have flashes of the actual event. Pretending with Keegan wouldn’t change that, but fuck if it wasn’t filling some warm, forgotten corner of his brain.

He couldn’t seem to get his body to work. His hands were clinging to Keegan’s forearms, his legs hooked over Keegan’s elbows as Keegan rocked in and out of him in slow glides. He hadn’t used enough lube because he wanted the burn, wanted it to linger, but for some reason, the sensation was overwhelming him. Getting fucked had never felt like this before—almost like he’d fooled his body into believing it really was new. Like Keegan really was the first man to open him up and carve a place for himself inside Izzy.

“Kiss me?” Izzy begged, meeting Keegan’s eyes and getting caught in the intensity there.

Keegan dipped down and brushed his mouth to Izzy’s once, twice, then he deepened the kiss. His tongue slid into Izzy’s mouth the same way his cock was claiming Izzy’s ass. It set off fireworks across Izzy’s skin that swept through him and concentrated in the spot where Keegan was filling him. Oh god. How did that feel so good?

“Harder?” Izzy asked when he could speak again.

Keegan murmured his assent and adjusted the angle. The next snap of his hips went deeper.

Izzy gasped, his vision clouding. “Yes. Please.” His chest heaved and his head spun as it lolled on the pillow, too heavy to lift.

“Touch your cock for me, baby,” Keegan said, the order gentle but still impossible to ignore. “Stroke yourself nice and slow.”

It took Izzy a minute to remember where his hands were and another for how they worked, but he managed to pry one from Keegan’s forearm and wrap it around his aching, weeping cock. He groaned at the first touch. He was so close, he didn’t think he even needed the additional stimulation, but he couldn’t disobey Keegan.

“Look how beautiful you are,” Keegan said, making Izzy’s startled gaze fly back to his. “My gorgeous, sweet, perfect brat.”

Izzy’s breath hiccuped on a laugh. “Yeah,” he said, his voice wavering. “I’m yours.”

“Just mine,” Keegan replied. He kissed Izzy again, his movements picking up speed and strength until Izzy lost the rest of his words and became nothing more than a live wire of sensation. Of pleasure.

He didn’t even know he was coming until heat started pulsing over his knuckles. He shook through it, whimpering and clinging to Keegan as the aftershocks dragged on and on. Even when it was over, Keegan’s movements inside him felt so good that Izzy begged him not to stop.

“Shh,” Keegan said, voice rough, his sweat dripping onto Izzy’s burning skin in cool drops. “I’m not gonna stop. I’m gonna fill you up. Mark you as mine, inside and out.” He pushed his hand down on Izzy’s belly, and Izzy gasped at how deep he was. Fuck, that was hot.

“Do it,” he begged. “Mark me. I want to feel you dripping out of my ass all day tomorrow.”

Keegan let out a groan that was almost a snarl, pounding into Izzy until he shoved deep and lost his rhythm, hips stuttering like he was trying to get deeper anyway.

Izzy shuddered, his cock releasing another weak pulse of pleasure. Oh god. Fuck. He went limp, his hands falling away, his legs slipping from Keegan’s shoulders.

Keegan dropped down on top of him and Izzy convinced his arms to listen for long enough to wrap around Keegan’s back and hold on. Keegan’s face was buried in Izzy’s throat, and his teeth scraped across Izzy’s skin. Izzy shivered and clung tighter.

“Stay?” he asked when Keegan went to pull back. Izzy wasn’t ready to be empty just yet.

“Okay, baby,” Keegan answered. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

That was when Izzy realized he was crying again. He released a shaky laugh. “I’m a mess,” he told Keegan.

Keegan lifted his head enough to press their foreheads together, his eyes closed. “Maybe,” he said. “But you’re my mess.”

Izzy tilted his head up for a kiss. Good. That was good. As long as someone was responsible for this shitshow.

Izzy eased his foot forward blindly, feeling around for any obstacles before shifting his weight onto it. Then he repeated the process.

Next to him, his hands on Izzy’s shoulders to direct his progress, Keegan sighed. “I’m not going to lead you off a cliff, if that’s what you’re worried about, brat.”

“I’m supposed to believe that?” Izzy replied from behind the darkness of the blindfold. “What if you’ve just been biding your time the last few weeks.”

On his other side, Riley brushed against his legs, her panting doggie breaths unconcerned. She would let him know if this was an elaborate trap, right?

The sun was warm on his face, despite the early-March chill. “If this is a proposal, I’m gonna… Well, I’ll probably say yes, but I’ll also question your sanity. We’ve only been dating for a month.”

“Noted,” Keegan said, laughter beneath the dryness in his tone. “But it’s not a proposal. Just a surprise.”

Izzy clutched his arm tighter. “A surprise like a sheer cliff face?” he quipped, trying to hide his nerves.

“In the barnyard?” Keegan shot back.

Okay, his boyfriend might have a point. Izzy grinned. He loved their banter. Especially now that it didn’t have the sharpness of hurt feelings and misunderstanding behind it. “So not a cliff, but an open grave? Maybe you’re finally sick of my charming personality.”

Keegan tugged him to a stop, then cupped the back of his neck, dragging him in for a kiss. “Never,” he said against Izzy’s lips, then he removed the blindfold.

Izzy blinked against the bright winter sun until the spots cleared from his vision and he could see Keegan. Keegan, who looked nervous. Crap. Was this a good surprise? Or was it one of those things Izzy would have to pretend to like while secretly dumping half of it down the drain like that weird monkey-shit coffee Archer had given him.

Keegan nodded to the massive silver horse trailer parked in the driveway. It was the professional kind, with living quarters and a tack room attached. Why would Keegan get a trailer? He didn’t even have a horse.

Then Izzy heard the thump of hooves on thick rubber flooring, and a familiar dark head appeared at the top of the ramp, glossy ears pricked, nostrils scenting the air.

Izzy’s hands flew to his mouth to muffle his gasp and the broken sound that followed it.

Blackbird.

She clomped down the ramp in high-kneed, hesitating steps as she tested the footing until she was on flat ground. Then she snorted and tossed her head like she was complaining about the en-route service.

“How?” Izzy choked, blinking back the tears that threatened to cloud his vision. How was she here? Why was she here? Was any of this real, or was Izzy having one of those weird blackout dreams that came from too much whiskey?

“I made a few phone calls. Your parents helped. So did your friends.” He gestured to the very pregnant figure holding Blackbird’s lead rope. Emma. “She insisted on bringing Blackbird herself. Her husband wasn’t thrilled since she’s due in about a month and isn’t supposed to travel.”

Izzy turned his back on the whole scene and folded his arm over his eyes, his chest heaving as he fought a breakdown. Oh god. Fuck no. He couldn’t be here. He couldn’t do this.

“Isaac,” Keegan said, rubbing Izzy’s back. “Just hear her out.”

Riley touched her nose to the back of his hand, then leaned against his legs and whined. Izzy dropped to one knee to hug her, letting her steady presence soothe his racing thoughts. “Why?” he managed to croak out, hoping Keegan had a good reason for this. Because if he didn’t, Izzy was never speaking to him again—for at least a few days.

Keegan sighed and carded his hand through Izzy’s hair. “Because you need this, baby. You’ve been beating yourself up for too long, and you need some closure.” He dropped a kiss to the top of Izzy’s head, then stepped away. “I’m going to let you two talk.”

What? Izzy flailed out for him but missed. When he lifted his head to see where the asshole was, he was confronted by worn, winter muck boots, leggings, and a thick coat stretched around a very pregnant belly. He pushed himself up on shaky legs, unable to meet Emma’s eyes. “Hey,” he said finally, then swallowed hard against the bile that was pressing up against the back of his throat.

“Hi, Izzy,” Emma said, her voice just as soft and sweet as he remembered, but somehow stronger and more mature.

Izzy didn’t know what to do with his hands. He tucked them into his coat pockets, then pulled them back out, scrubbed his palms on his jeans, and folded them across his chest. “You, uh…you’re really pregnant.”

That got him a surprised laugh, cut off when Emma clamped a hand over her mouth.

Izzy cringed. Shit. You weren’t supposed to say things like that, were you? It was rude or something. “Sorry. You, um… I just meant, you look good. Great, even.”

He could hear the laughter in Emma’s voice. “Thanks, Izzy. I feel very pregnant. Stewart is having a nervous breakdown back at the farm, but I couldn’t just send our girl with a driver. I needed to see you. You look good too.”

Izzy clenched his jaw, but that didn’t stop his lip from trembling. “I don’t understand,” he admitted. “Why the hell would you want to see me after everything? I have to bring back terrible memories.”

“Oh, Izzy,” Emma said, her voice cracking. A moment later, her arms were around him, her cheek pressed to his sternum as she somehow, despite her huge belly, hugged him within an inch of his life.

He froze, his hands hovering. What was he supposed to—

“Hug me back, you big jerk.”

Izzy let out a wet sound that probably didn’t count as a laugh and carefully wrapped his arms around her, having to bend because she was so short.

“Is that why you stayed away?” she asked. “Why you didn’t return my calls or come to my fucking wedding? You thought I wouldn’t want to see you?” She stepped back and smacked his arm. “What the fuck, Izzy?” Emma was crying, tears streaking her cheeks. Izzy blanched, memories threatening to overwhelm him, but she just rolled her eyes. “Pregnancy hormones,” she said, with a gesture to her face. “I cry at nothing these days.”

Izzy rubbed his stinging arm. He’d forgotten what a firecracker she could be. “I didn’t want to make things worse,” he admitted. “I couldn’t even stand to be around me—how could you?”

Emma took his hand in hers. “Izzy, listen to me.” She squeezed his fingers to the point of pain. “Are you listening?”

He nodded, trying not to wince.

“It wasn’t your fault. Yeah, you didn’t believe what I was saying at first, but who would? He was respected. Revered, even.”

“Stew believed you.”

Emma huffed a laugh. “Stewart was in love with me. He would have believed me if I said aliens were invading.”

“You married him.”

Emma smiled and pressed a hand to her pregnant belly. “I did. He’s a good man.” She squeezed Izzy’s hand again. “So are you. But Izzy, the big difference between you and Stewart was that you were also one of Josh’s victims. And he was an expert at manipulation. Of course it took you longer to see the truth.”

Keegan had told him that before, but Izzy hadn’t really believed it. Josh didn’t do to him what he’d done to the others, so how could Izzy call himself a victim? It felt like absolution he didn’t deserve.

“Hey,” Emma said, pulling him back out of his head. “I never said it because it never occurred to me that you needed it. And it should have. I’m sorry for that.”

“Said what?”

“I forgive you, Izzy. It wasn’t your fault, but I still forgive you.”

Izzy shut his eyes and tried to keep breathing. Riley licked his hand, then jumped up and put her feet on his chest, her tongue licking the air since she couldn’t reach his face. It never failed to make him laugh, and he used his free hand to stroke her head.

“She’s beautiful,” Emma told him. “And it looks like she’s good at her job.”

Izzy’s cheeks warmed. “She is.” He turned his head to look for Keegan and found him standing over by the trailer, running a professional hand over Blackbird’s flank while the driver held her head.

“There’s another beautiful girl over there who’s going to be happy to see you,” Emma said, her voice kind.

Izzy took a breath that shook. “How did you find her?”

Emma gave him a curious look. “I didn’t.” She tilted her head. “Izzy, I’m the one who bought her. She’s your soul-horse. I couldn’t let her go to a stranger.”

Izzy stared at her. Blackbird had been sold at auction. He’d never asked who the purchaser was. He’d assumed he wouldn’t know them. “I… I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. This was all too much.

“Say thank you, and then go hug your horse.”

Izzy froze again. “My horse?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, yes. Your horse. She was always yours. Your man over there wanted to pay me, but I wouldn’t let him. I don’t need the money, and besides, Blackbird gave me two beautiful foals. That’s more than enough to make us even.” She gave Izzy a little shove. “Go.”

Izzy felt like his feet were made of lead as he crossed the barnyard. It had been so long. Would she even remember him?

He was still a few yards away when she lifted her head from where she’d been searching for grass in the frozen gravel and looked at him. Her nostrils flared and her ears flicked, and then she let out a soft wicker.

“Hey, baby girl,” Izzy breathed, his eyes welling with tears yet again.

Birdie was one big blur when he reached her and held out a hand for her to sniff. A moment later, she pressed her big head flat against his chest and leaned into him. Izzy wrapped his arms around her and shut his eyes, the deep ache that had been with him since the day he’d let her go melting away.

They stayed like that for a long time. Finally, Birdie tossed her head, knocking him back a step and making him laugh, before starting to search his pockets for treats.

Izzy wiped at his eyes, clutching the long strands of her mane with his free hand. It was going to be a while before he could let go. “Sorry, baby girl. I’m all out. No one warned me you were coming.” He looked past her to where Keegan was leaning against the trailer, watching and waiting. “You’re lucky I love you,” he said.

Keegan grinned. “I know I am.” He pushed away from the side of the trailer and walked to Izzy. “I thought the waiting might be worse than just springing it on you.”

Izzy huffed. He wasn’t wrong. Izzy didn’t do well with anticipation. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Maybe it’s time for me to get some therapy.”

The relief was plain on Keegan’s face, but he didn’t make a big deal about it. “I may have a list of names on my computer.”

Izzy kissed him, melting when Keegan stepped closer, kissing him back. “Thank you,” Izzy said when the kiss ended. “Thank you for bringing her back to me. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me.”

Keegan cupped his face with warm hands and stroked his thumbs under Izzy’s eyes. “You don’t need to thank me, Isaac. Knowing you love me. Knowing you trust me. That’s all I need.”