Chapter 11

11

With Carys in the lounge playing with her toys, Hudson nipped to the back of the house to the utility room to sort the laundry into lights and darks. The big fundraiser and his night alone in a hotel felt like a distant memory already, even though he’d only left the beautiful country house and his crew mates six hours ago. How quickly he’d come crashing back to reality. He’d collected Carys and Beau from Lucinda’s on his way through, given Lucinda lived in the same direction as Brad, who was catching a lift with him, and the moment Beau got in the car, Hudson got the impression his son would have preferred to spend a lot longer in Cardiff than he’d been able to.

This morning at breakfast, he’d expected to see Nadia. Everyone else was there and met at the agreed time of 8.30a.m., but there was no trace of her and when he mentioned her to Kate, Kate told him that Nadia had gone back to Whistlestop River last night on the minibus with some other people from the town. She’d given up her room just like that, so whatever this guy Archie wanted with her, it had to have been important. And Hudson had a sinking feeling that there was a history between the pair and whatever he had dreamed might happen with Nadia one day would be just that: a dream. And did he really want to start anything with her now he knew there was another man on the scene? It was a complication he really didn’t need, a fight he wasn’t sure he had the time or energy for, no matter how strong his feelings were.

At least he’d had a good time up until that point. Hudson and the others had made the most of their temporary location and after breakfast, had walked along the coastal path admiring the views, inhaling the fresh sea air before they accepted it was time to set off for home. And he’d done his absolute best to push Nadia out of his mind – not that it had worked.

Beau appeared in the utility room. ‘When’s dinner?’

‘Fifteen minutes or thereabouts. Chicken curry.’ Hudson pushed a pile of whites into the washing machine.

‘Cool.’

Hudson supposed that was high praise or at least acknowledgement. But conversation was over because Beau had already put headphones back on and Hudson saw the flash of his green hoodie as he turned out of the kitchen to go upstairs.

Beau might not be chatty but at least Hudson hadn’t had to ask him to turn his music down since he’d come home. He’d blasted it out on more than one occasion in the past and Hudson swore it was his way of holding up the middle finger to his dad when he was irritated by him. Hudson had ignored it a few times but not when he had Carys to settle much earlier than her older brother. In the end, Hudson had bought Beau a pair of the enormous headphones that seemed so on-trend these days for Christmas and his son had taken to wearing them a lot. Hudson swore they weren’t even connected half the time when he schlepped around the house. They were just a handy way of not having to talk to anyone.

Hudson quickly checked on Carys – she was still playing with a toy bus and all the little people that went inside. He went back to the laundry, put on the white wash.

He thought about that man again. Archie. Where had he popped up from all of a sudden and what did he want with Nadia? Whatever it was, they’d left the marquee, gone outside and he hadn’t seen her since.

Nadia had never shared much about herself. Nobody really sat down and did that, did they? Things came out along the way – a phone call from a spouse or a mother-in-law, a mention of a sibling’s birthday, talk of a bad relationship with an ex. But Nadia had never said much at all. She’d confirmed that she had once lived in Switzerland but even that was something he wasn’t sure she’d ever meant to let slip. It was like she’d kept her entire life pre-Whistlestop River quiet, like she’d cut her ties with it and started over. He put it down to her being good at her job, super professional. But now, he wasn’t so sure.

It had taken a lot for Hudson to admit his marriage breakdown to someone aside from his parents. He hadn’t intended to do it last night with Nadia, and definitely not at a party, but the way he’d felt when he’d seen her show up, the emotions zipping through him when he saw her in that dress, the way he’d felt every time they stood close to one another, he hadn’t wanted to wait another minute. It had felt as though if he didn’t tell her then, someone might possibly whisk her away out of his orbit.

Was that what this guy Archie was doing?

Asking himself the question had him realise how little he really knew of this woman he was getting closer to and had wanted to get to know more until last night. Now he wasn’t so sure what he wanted.

He definitely didn’t want complicated.

The washing machine churned its new load over and over. He waded through the clean, dry clothes on the benchtop in the utility room and separated them into piles ready to put away and then moved on to sorting out the dinner. He’d made the curry last week so it was easy enough and he juggled playing with Carys and getting it ready.

He settled Carys in her highchair as Beau appeared. ‘While I dish up, could you take your clothes upstairs?’

Beau looked up from beneath a thick fringe and groaned. ‘I’m so hungry.’ But he went to do what he’d been asked. He came back through with a pile of clothes in his arms. It was progress, a ceasefire of sorts when he didn’t refuse to do something he was asked.

Hudson dished up and had all three dinners at the table by the time Beau came back and ruffled his little sister’s hair, earning him an enormous grin. The little girl loved her older brother and vice versa. Hudson supposed by the time Carys got to the hard teenage years, Beau would be grown up and hopefully, he’d still look out for her.

When dinner was eventually over, it was onto the next thing: bathtime for Carys. Sometimes, he was tempted to skip it but given she’d smeared chicken curry in her hair, it was easier to put her in the tub and give her a hair wash than try to comb the mixture out somehow.

Once Carys was in bed after cuddles and a couple of stories, Hudson left her light down low. He’d switch it off properly later and swap it for the nightlight on the upstairs landing once the skies outside grew dark and no longer let a sliver of light slip through the door, which was left open a tiny crack.

He stopped outside Beau’s door and knocked, gently the first time, with a bit more of a thump the second before he got a ‘What?’ in response.

‘ Come in would be better than what ?’ He had to speak louder than usual given Beau had the headphones on. ‘I came in to see whether you had any cups or glasses up here.’ If they were short on crockery, Beau’s bedroom was the first place to look and sure enough, Beau plucked a mug from beside his bed, a bowl from the edge of his desk which had goodness knows what caked to it and a glass from his windowsill.

The doorbell sounded before Hudson even reached the top of the stairs and Carys appeared in her doorway.

He set down all the crockery, went over to his daughter and picked her up. ‘Bedtime now, darling.’

The doorbell went again.

Carys rubbed her eyes, clutched her toy bunny against her neck. She’d been in a bed for over a year and the novelty of being able to hop out when she felt like it still wasn’t lost on her. She needed a good thirty minutes of quiet to settle or any sound would grab her interest.

Like it had now.

The doorbell went a third time. And so he ignored the crockery on the windowsill near the top of the stairs and went down to find who was ruining his chance of a relaxing evening.

He found Lucinda letting herself in.

‘I did ring the bell,’ she said, looking up at him as he descended the stairs.

Carys let out an excited squeal and pushed against his chest as soon as they reached the hallway. He set her down and let her go.

Lucinda scooped up her daughter and hugged her tight. Looking at Hudson, she told him, ‘Before you start lecturing me, Beau called me. He wanted help with his maths homework; that’s why I’m here.’

‘Letting yourself in.’

‘Actually, I was trying not to disturb the bedtime routine .’ She emphasised the word routine as if it was in quote marks. She’d have made the gesture had Carys not been in her arms.

Lucinda had never understood his insistence at routine for the kids, although she’d welcomed the calm and the quiet when she was trying to work and Carys went down like clockwork. She’d welcomed it when Beau was that age too.

‘You couldn’t have done this in the last twenty-four hours?’ he asked. ‘He’s been with you in Cardiff.’

‘We were visiting my parents; homework didn’t come into it. Beau obviously got back into it today and realised he needs some help.’

‘I thought you had work to do; that’s why you couldn’t stay in Cardiff longer. But you’ve time to be here now.’

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Hudson. I didn’t come here to fight.’ She pulled Carys’s fingers from her hair. ‘I could leave it for you if you want to help him.’

He felt a little bit blindsided that he hadn’t even realised Beau was struggling, let alone that he’d contacted his mother with a plea for help. It made sense; she was the one you went to for maths homework, but still.

‘You’re here now.’ He wished things were less tense, more civil, but it was hard when she showed up like this.

‘You’re always complaining that I let you down so don’t moan when I show up.’

This so wasn’t the same thing as cancelling last minute or forgetting a commitment. She dropped the ball often enough that he’d become a professional at picking it up again. And if she’d been better at timekeeping with her kids, she might have foreseen this, spoken with Beau about his schoolwork when they were away, avoided this evening’s visit.

Beau appeared at the top of the stairs.

‘Bring down the crockery, would you… I left it on the windows?—’

Beau already had it in his hands.

‘You couldn’t have timed it any worse, you two,’ Hudson grumbled, watching Carys already beginning to transition from nicely calm and tired towards agitated and most likely difficult to settle a second time.

Lucinda fought Beau’s corner while their son took his crockery to the kitchen. ‘You know what homework is like: sometimes you think you’re on top of it, then you panic and need help. We’ve all been there.’

He wondered how much of his mood was due to her presence and how much of it was due to the way things had finished with Nadia last night and the fact his head was still preoccupied with the latter.

‘I’ll get my books.’ Beau stomped past from the direction of the kitchen and back up the stairs to avoid the confrontation and Hudson would’ve yelled after him to tread lightly if he didn’t think it would make the atmosphere ten times worse.

Lucinda still had hold of Carys, who had tucked her little head beneath her mum’s chin.

‘Here, I’ll take her,’ he said, his voice devoid of much friendliness.

‘A slightly later than usual bedtime isn’t going to ruin her, Hudson.’

Beau came back down and headed for the dining room.

Lucinda’s dark hair concealed her face as she rubbed noses with Carys. ‘Your brother needs me now; time for you to go to bed, little one.’

‘This is confusing for her, you know that.’ Hudson prised Carys’s arms from around her mother’s neck.

‘It might be irritating but it’s not confusing. I’m their mother.’ She winced as Carys’s hand caught in her hair again as Hudson took their daughter.

‘And you don’t live here. Not any more. We need some boundaries. I need the keys back for a start.’

‘Fine. But we are both their parents, I won’t be told that I can’t ever stop by.’

He didn’t have the energy to argue about this now.

‘Mind if I make myself a cup of tea before we get started?’ Her voice followed him up the stairs.

‘Knock yourself out.’

He heard her harrumph as he put distance between them.

Hudson had expected his daughter to make a fuss at being taken away from her mother again, but perhaps she wasn’t as attached to Lucinda as she had once been. Surprisingly, the thought made him sad rather than feel as though he had the upper hand.

Hudson settled Carys back into bed. He read her another story, but she wasn’t too bad considering the interruption. Her little eyelids grew heavy as she succumbed to sleep quickly.

Back downstairs, he was more than ready to wind down. He’d slept okay last night at the hotel but not as well as he’d hoped given the drama with Nadia, and now, after getting the kids sorted, doing the washing and the dinner, and now a late-evening visitor, he was knackered. But he couldn’t switch off, not with Lucinda in the dining room.

He didn’t want a beer after the partying last night so he made a cup of tea and stood in the kitchen to drink it, leaning against the counter, gazing out of the window at the side of the house and the ivy that needed cutting back when he had a chance.

By the time Lucinda came into the kitchen an hour or so later, Hudson had calmed down a bit. He’d used his laptop, done some banking, paid a few bills and managed to reply to a handful of emails.

‘Beau upstairs?’ he asked.

‘Upstairs and happier now we’ve been through some of his work. Maths is much harder than it ever was in our day… They do it all differently now.’

When he said nothing, she apologised again. ‘I’m sorry for turning up at bedtime.’ She rinsed her mug out at the sink and when she realised the dishwasher had only just finished its cycle, she left it beside the sink. Funny the routines you got into as husband and wife. He’d been the one to stack the dishwasher and put it on – she’d been working late so many times, it didn’t make sense for her to do it. Usually, she’d empty it when she came home, inevitably very late, and put anything he’d left beside the sink into the racks. But now it was all down to him. That and everything else around the house that had once been theirs but was now his only.

‘He might need some more help but it’ll have to wait until next week now,’ she said.

‘I thought you were having Beau stay this Saturday night; weren’t you going to take him to the movies?’

‘I have to go away with work again. I’ve told him, he says it’s fine.’

‘What he says is one thing, what he really thinks and feels is another.’

‘I have a career, Hudson. I won’t apologise for that.’

‘Didn’t ask you to.’

‘Beau says he understands and I think he’s mature enough to make up his own mind.’

‘He should always come before your job.’

She jutted out her chin. ‘You weren’t complaining about my job when you got to be a stay-at-home dad and then only returned part time. It suited you then.’

‘It suited us , not just me. And what about this new guy you’re seeing? Beau doesn’t sound too keen.’

‘Beau isn’t dating him, is he? And he’s only been there once or twice when Beau was; they literally crossed paths very briefly.’

‘You should still consider how he feels.’

‘Stop lecturing me, would you.’ She rested her arms on the back of the chair and less snippily told him, ‘Like I said before, I don’t want a fight.’

‘Neither do I.’ Although sometimes, he did. Sometimes, he felt like having a big old shouting match to get out all his grievances for the lying over the years, the cheating, the way she still seemed to be putting herself first. But she’d come here to help Beau, she could’ve been cosied up with her new man, so perhaps he should start cutting her some slack and move on from everything she’d done to him during their marriage.

It might well be the only way to stay sane.

‘Did Carys settle okay?’ she asked him.

‘She did; I expect she’s asleep already.’

‘She still sleeps on her tummy after all this time.’

‘The same way Beau did.’ It had terrified them first with Beau and then with Carys. All the safety messages told you to put a baby to sleep on its back and they’d always followed the advice. But Beau and Carys both had other ideas as soon as they’d been able to move of their own accord.

It made him happy now to think of Lucinda watching their daughter sleep. Her love was still there, no matter how many times she let the children down by not turning up when she was supposed to or by putting off arrangements. He needed to remember the good things about her as well as her qualities that were beyond frustrating.

‘I’d better get going,’ she said. She left the kitchen and headed into the hallway where she bent down and picked up her bag. She came back, took out a bunch of keys, detached the house key from the loop and passed it to him. ‘Here… you should have this back.’

He nodded his thanks and she left.

After he locked up, he went to check on Carys before switching off her light and replacing it with the nightlight on the landing.

He hovered outside Beau’s bedroom on his way past.

His hand rose to knock, but he let it drop and instead headed back down the stairs. He’d let his son be for now, let him carry on with his work or whatever he was doing.

He picked up his phone from the kitchen table, started a new message with Nadia’s name in the address field. But after a few botched attempts, he gave up.

If she wanted to talk, she’d get in touch.

And if she didn’t, he’d just have to deal with it and go back to what they were. Friends. Colleagues.

Nothing more.