Chapter 13

Chapter

Thirteen

S tan

I come awake to a hot body pressed against me and lips trailing down my neck. Happiness pulses through me like a heartbeat. Rafferty .

I stretch, pushing myself into his body and feeling his stiff cock. "Mmm, who's this in my bed?" I mumble.

Raff pauses, and then I hear the sound of his deep chuckle. "Just me, Goldilocks," he chides, his voice still hoarse with sleep.

"It was Daddy Bear," I correct.

"Is that what you're into, Stanley?"

"I think you know what I'm into after last night."

Raff stills, and I regret introducing a solemn note to the morning.

He tugs at me until I'm lying on my back, then nestles into me with his cheek pressed to my chest. "Raff?" I hug him tightly and note how fast he's breathing.

"We need to talk about last night," he says. "I hate that we cheated on Bennett." He takes a deep breath and says fervently, "But I don't care . I don't fucking care about Bennett."

"That's what I wanted to talk with you about this morning."

His phone's ringtone makes us jump. I put my hand out to stay him as the bed shifts.

"Don't answer. We need to talk," I start to say, but then my ringtone chimes. "Leo calling," it announces.

"Why is Leo calling both of us at once?" Raff says. "Has something happened? Oh fuck ." There's the sound of movement and then a thud.

"Did you just fall off the bed?" I enquire, my lip twitching despite the urgency that seems to be taking over the room.

"Maybe and maybe not." He groans. "Oh my god. They're here ."

"What?"

I hear frantic movement and clothes rustling, and when he speaks next, his voice is high. "The wedding party is here."

"I didn't think they'd be here until eleven."

"It is eleven."

"No. It can't be."

"We overslept. Shit . I need to go down to meet them." He pauses. "Oh my god, I have sex hair, Stan."

I snort. "Good."

Footsteps sound, and I jump as his hands cup my face. He pulls me to him, and his kiss is achingly sweet. "I have to go," he whispers. "They're waiting downstairs."

"We need to talk as soon as possible," I say urgently.

He pulls back and then drops another kiss on my mouth. "Alright, but I'm going to sort this," he says, his voice fervent and fierce. "I don't want you to worry. I'm going to fix everything."

"Oh no. Raff, we should discuss a few things before?—"

"Got to go. Don't worry."

The door slams, and I fall back into the tumbled sheets. "Oh my god," I groan. I run my hands through my hair. "This is a disaster. Shit !"

I need to get down there before Raff launches into one of his schemes.

I scramble out of bed, taking a second to get my bearings and find my stick before lurching towards the shower. The knock at the door stops me in my tracks. "Yes?" I clear my throat. "Who is it?"

"Bennett."

Fuck ..

"Stan, are you opening this door?"

"Coming." I pace out the steps to the bathroom and fumble until I find the robe hanging on the back of the door. After tying the belt, I tap towards the door. Before answering, I run fingers through my hair. I am about to meet my fake fiancé with sex hair and Raff's come on my chest. It's enough awkwardness for thirty people. I take a breath and fling the door open.

"Hey," I say as Bennett pushes past me. "Oh no, do come in."

I shut the door and lean back against it, listening to him walk around. "I knew it," he says, his voice icy.

I attempt a light tone. "Knew what? Is it that giraffes are thirty times more likely to be hit by lightning than people?"

"Don't try to be funny," he snaps. "I knew you and Raff were fucking."

"We weren't."

"So, how do you explain the state of this bed, Stan?"

I tighten my grip on my cane and move over to the sofa, where I sink onto the cushions. "I said we weren't. Past tense. I never slept with him when we were together."

"Oh, and as soon as we weren't, you did. The sheets were barely cold," he snaps.

I cock my head at his audacity. "Stop gaslighting me. I think playing the wounded lover is a bit beyond you." I'm unable to help the iciness of my voice. "You were shagging other men throughout our relationship."

"So?"

"What do you mean so ?"

"They never meant anything."

"Oh, I do beg your pardon that I didn't quite grasp the subtle nuances of your shagging. Is it Code Blue if you knew their name but Code Yellow if you were only acquainted with their arsehole?"

There's a stunned silence. "Don't be so crude," he finally mutters.

"Well, don't be a hypocrite," I shoot back.

"Raff is your best friend, so it's different," he persists.

I sit back on the couch and consider his words and his angry tone. Taking a deep breath, I say, "It seems to me that this is more about you than me."

"What?"

"You don't love me. You never did. This is about you liking to win in every aspect of your life. I'm just a piece of steak that you're currently fighting over."

"Fuck off."

"It's true. You never took the time to know me so you can't love me. Name my favourite song. Or how about what food I'm allergic to? I'll give you a clue. It's pink with a tail, and you've ordered it for me for every meal."

"You're exaggerating."

"And you're acting like this is a tragedy and I'm the bad guy, but I'm not. I'm simply the wrong man for you."

"You're certainly very opinionated. It'll be a relief to be free of that."

I bite my lip to hold in my smile. "I thought you liked the fact that I had opinions."

"I didn't realise you had so many."

I want to laugh but it might make the situation worse. Bennett has a temper and can be volatile if thwarted.

"Well, I'm going downstairs," he finally says. "I'll let you wash the twat's come off you."

"That's very considerate of you. I'll be down soon."

"Don't forget our deal, Stan. You're not making a fool of me in public or private. You'll do as I asked." He sounds smug and angry.

"Oh, will I?"

"Yes. You don't want to make a fuss in front of people. Or to ruin your friends' big day," he says silkily, the threat clear in his tone. "I'm leaving straight after the ceremony anyway." He pauses. "In the meantime, do something with your hair. It's like your opinions. Too much. You look feral."

On that masterful riposte, he sweeps out of the room. The breeze from the slammed door blows back my "feral" hair, and I snort out a laugh.

Bennett's right that I won't ruin Leo and Richard's wedding with Bennett's petty drama. But he's wrong to think I won't tell Raff the details of that stupid arrangement I agreed to.

Raff is too important to me to have him upset. He hadn't said it in words last night, but his body told me everything I need to know. He'd held me like there was nothing more precious in the world to him.

I stand up and tap my way to the shower. I need to find him.

That proves easier said than done. Showered and dressed in my suit, I make my way downstairs. The lobby sounds loud, with lots of voices and sounds of movement, so I guess everyone is checking in.

I hover awkwardly and then turn when someone shouts my name. I hear footsteps come closer and then a familiar voice says. "Stan, how are you, mate?"

I cock my head. " Pat ?"

"That's me."

I grin, all my worries falling away as soon as his hands cup my shoulders and the familiar scents of Kouros, cigarettes, and a faint whiff of dope wash over me.

"How are you?" he murmurs.

I collapse into his arms as he hugs me. "I'm fine," I whisper.

He hugs me tight for a second and then lets me go. Pat's always been an oasis of serenity for me, where only the scratch of a needle on a record and a passionate discussion about the song playing mattered. I could lose myself in his little world and come away refreshed. And probably a little high from second-hand weed.

He cups my face. "Looking good, Stan."

I smile. "You lie. You think my hair is too short."

"Don't conform to the Man, mate. Long hair is a two-fingered salute to the government."

I scrunch my face up. "I'm not actually sure whether the government is bothered by hairstyles."

"Yeah. Maybe I meant society."

"That would be it." I reach out to touch Pat's hair. "Talking of that, where are your own long tresses?"

He snorts. "Makes me sound like Rapunzel."

I stroke the strands over his ears. "This is really short, Pat."

"Yeah, make that a sad Rapunzel. If I were her, I'd have had to stay in that tower for at least another three years until I'd obtained suitable hair growth."

"Did you have a wild moment and decide to cut it off?" I bite my lip to hide a smile. "Or did you finally conform to society's norms?"

"Hush your mouth," he says immediately. "Nah, I had a dope-related accident."

"It isn't the first one. We still remember you standing in the pond in the garden proclaiming your love for the koi carp."

"Did I?"

"Yep. I'm afraid to tell you the fish didn't share your sentiment."

He gives his rich laugh. It's like liquid sunshine on the air.

"So, what happened?" I ask.

"Oh, Flora had just plaited my hair with wildflowers. We were totally naked in a meadow communing with nature."

"Oh god," I breathe. "Did the police catch you again?"

"No, but I got a lit joint caught in the knots and it singed the ends. Flora tried to cut it, but she'd had a bit too much of the green and ended up giving me a Bon Jovi."

I start to laugh. "Well, it didn't do him any harm."

He hugs me again. "It's so good to see you. I miss you. When are you and Raff coming to stay?"

Nerves fill my belly. "Oh, I don't know."

He pulls back. "What's this?"

"What's what?"

"Your voice is funny." There's a pause. "And where is Raff? He's usually only a foot away from you at all times."

"Erm, he's probably doing his job. He's organising the wedding you know. Although he's off to a late start because we had to share a room because of Leo, and—" I stop talking, already knowing I'm in too deep.

He gives a low whistle. "Did you share a bed?"

" Pat ."

"Stan, I taught you not to be embarrassed. Sex is a beautiful expression of feelings. It's a tension releaser and it fills up your spirits. When your penis comes, you're shooting out bliss into the world."

I clear my throat. "I'm not exactly embarrassed. It's just that we're standing in the foyer talking about bliss spunk."

"I never thought I'd see the day."

I snort. "Well, I certainly haven't."

He starts to laugh and nudges me. "Good one, mate. No, I never thought I'd see the day when you and Raff were finally one."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Of course you do." His voice sounds suddenly serious. It doesn't happen very often, but it usually includes some pearl of wisdom. I'd learnt very quickly to listen to Pat. "It's like swans, mate."

Yeah, sometimes it's a bit of a miss. "What is like swans?"

"You and Raff?"

"Wet and snooty?"

"Nah. Swans are beautiful , and they make life look stunning. They glide along making everything look smooth and easy, when in reality, they're paddling frantically underneath out of sight."

"I don't make anything look smooth."

" Yes , you do." His voice is firm. "You're the most incredible human being, Stan, and you always have been. Even as a little boy you burned brighter than anyone else, and Raff is the only one who's ever matched that energy. It stands to reason."

There's a long pause. "What stands to reason?" I ask cautiously.

"Why you'd fall in love with each other," he says simply, and I swallow. "Swans mate for life, Stan. There's no one else for them once they meet their other half." He hums a little tune. "Yeah, that's beautiful. Okay, I'm off to the bar. I left Aurora and Bear with your mum and dad."

I clear my throat. "Who are Aurora and Bear?"

"My current lovers."

"That's nice." I reach out, and he puts his hand in mine. "I love you, Uncle Pat."

"Love you too, mate."

He squeezes my hand, and I cock my head as his footsteps get lost in the noise. The foyer is ever louder now, full of laughter and excited talking, and I try to quell my feeling of nervousness.

"Stan," a voice calls.

"Yes?" I say warily, turning in the direction it came from.

"There you are." The voice gets closer. "It's me Leo."

"Hey," I say in relief. "Have you seen Raff?"

"Five-foot-eleven redhead?"

"Strawberry blond," I correct automatically.

"Sure, and I'm Eric Bana."

"You wish."

"I do indeed. To be honest, Rich might wish it more, but he's stuck with little old me. You're looking very spiffy, Stanley."

I glare in his direction. "It was a trick, considering how little space I had to get dressed. Sharing a room was unexpected."

"Oh."

"Yes—oh. What were you thinking , Leo?"

He grabs my arm and steers me away. We end up outside. The sun is already warm, and the sound of the surf is loud. "Well?" I snap.

He sighs in an aggrieved manner that makes my mouth twitch. "We thought it would help."

"Help what? My travel budget?"

"You and Rafferty. We thought it might accelerate things."

"I'm not a bloody car. And why are you making me sound like a parrot constantly repeating your words?"

"Say, ‘Pretty Polly'."

"Fuck off."

He snorts and grabs my hand. I can feel the warmth of the ring on his finger and the scratch of the diamonds. "We wanted to speed things up between you and Raff," he huffs. "The two of you were moving like decrepit tortoises."

I pause, my heart hammering. "I don't know what you mean."

"Sure, you do, Pinocchio." He pinches my nose. "You're in love with each other. You've been in love with him for years, Stan."

I don't even bother to deny it again. Leo knows me too well. "So? That doesn't mean Raff needs to be dragged into your ridiculous plot."

"It wasn't just mine."

"This has your sticky fingers all over it. You've been reading the bonkbuster books, haven't you?"

"I can't help it if they're the only things airport bookshops sell. It was either E.L James or Colleen Hoover. Be thankful I'm not making you live in one of the latter's plots. Your dress sense would be terrible, and you'd be dreadfully depressed."

"This conversation is getting me there very quickly."

"It was a good idea."

" Leo ."

He sighs. "You know very well that Raff is in love with you."

My heart hammers. "I have zero idea what you're talking about," I say breathlessly. I'm not discussing Raff's feelings unless it's with him. "You're being ridiculous."

"I'm really not, but you lean into that."

"I've just had a very unpleasant conversation with Bennett."

He snorts. "I bet. Did you record it?"

"You're very hard-hearted."

"I know you and Raff love each other, and neither of you could see it. I also knew you weren't engaged and that you'd finished the thing with Bennett."

"What? How ?"

"Richard overheard it." His tone becomes anxious. "Please don't think he was eavesdropping. He didn't like Bennett's tone and wanted to make sure you were okay. He didn't stay for the entire conversation. Just long enough to know you were safe."

"Oh my god."

"I just think Bennett's a wanker to you."

"Well, he's now very upset about Raff and me."

His voice sharpens. "What about Raff and you?"

I'm struck dumb. I forgot he didn't know. Isn't the fact we slept together written over my face?

"Oh my god." His voice is closer. "You slept together?" he whispers.

"It wouldn't be the first time."

"I bet it's the first time he's never mentioned just being friends." My silence is the answer, and he hugs me. "This is amazing ."

"Bennett definitely doesn't think so."

"Pooh. He's been shagging half of Central London. People in glass condoms shouldn't throw sexual health lectures."

"That makes absolutely zero sense."

"I'm so happy you slept with him."

"Leo, it's your wedding day. Shouldn't you be happy about that?"

"We're already married. This is epic."

"Nothing is settled."

"It will be. I know Rafferty. He takes fucking ages to know his own mind, but once he does, there's no stopping it."

"Bennett wants me to pretend we're still in a relationship," I say, relieved to speak the truth even if it is to the wrong person.

"Weren't you always doing that, Stanley?"

"Oh, shut up."

He huffs. "That fucker. Ignore him anyway. He has no rights."

"I know that ," I say crossly. "I need to find Raff to tell him."

"Good luck. He's in full wedding-planner frenzy. Last time I saw him, he was down on the beach asking for it to be swept level. Raff was very worried we were cutting it fine with our arrival and the timing of the ceremony but neither Richard nor I could get any more time off. It seems to have sent Raff over the edge."

"Shit."

I take a step away, and he grabs my hand. "He's not there now. It's empty." He pauses. "Apart from one man who appears to be sweeping the sand and cursing in Greek. Come and have a drink. Your family are in the bar with Hump."

I follow his urging and cock my head, suddenly paying attention. He sounds nervous.

"How was the wedding?" I ask, suddenly ashamed of myself. This is my close friend's special day, not mine.

"Oh, lovely. Richard's parents didn't know what to do with my family, especially when my cousin tried to share a spliff with Rich's grandad."

I snort despite my worry.

"But Rich's grandma is hilarious. Her knickers fell down on the steps of the registry office, but she just shrugged, scooped them up, and put them in her pocket."

"His grandma went commando at your wedding ?" I say, awed.

He laughs. "It seemed like a good omen. After all, I was commando when I met him."

His voice is lighter now, and I know I'm right. Leo's nervous about the day, and it isn't the time to burden him with my drama. Raff's right to be busy, and I'm pretty sure he's shelved his plans to sort out my relationship with Bennett.

I relax. We can wait until later. It's only a few hours. But he'd better be ready. I'm going to tell him the truth. Nerves flutter in my belly like tiny drunk birds.