Chapter 4

4

The untangling was seamless. As we both came around, we dressed slowly with smiles and touches.

"I should go," she started just as I began.

"I probably should…" We both laughed.

I would have invited her to my room, but there were super strict rules about guests in crew cabins, and I didn't have my wits about me to sneak her down that night, but I have no doubt I would in the future.

All of my guest rules had gone out the window and had been lost at sea. Claudia. Who was she? I didn't have much of an idea, but she consumed me. She was smart, beautiful, intelligent, cool, calm, and sophisticated. She didn't care who I was, didn't even know who I was before she saw me sing to her on stage. She was drawn to me for a different reason.

She slipped out of my dressing room with a soft smile, whispering barely mouthed, "I will find you."

Not unless I found her first, I thought to myself.

How right I would be.

The next day was a sea day and I was, to my annoyance, very busy with on-ship activities. I threw myself into them because there wasn't much point in avoiding them. The time would only drag out longer, and it was actually more enjoyable if I pushed myself to have fun.

Women flocked to me, asking for autographs, telling me how they had come on this ship just to see me sing, how last night in the silk robe, singing my most intimate song, was the most incredible live performance they'd ever seen. Okay, that part did make me glow a little.

I looked for Claudia everywhere, but I wasn't too surprised that I didn't see her. I assumed she would be working, as she seemed to be glued to her phone. Playing the dumb games we dreamed up to entertain the guests just didn't seem to be her kind of thing.

I couldn't stop thinking about last night, about how incredible the sex had been, so intimate. The spark of lust that had been simmering between us had burned into an explosion of pure, unadulterated desire, and I'd loved every single second of it.

That evening, I headed to La C?te de Louxor. I figured I might see her there at the bar, as it was the only place we'd accidentally met before. But after my third cocktail, which I had made last two hours, I called it a night. Impulsively, in my cabin, I called guest services and asked to be transferred to her room, only to be told she'd set her room to do not disturb. The optimist in me told me she probably had a long day and wanted an early night. The realist told me to take the message as delivered—do not disturb.

A gray morning settled over the shore and the wind hit me full-on in the face the second I stepped onto the ramp to head to the Orkney Islands off the north coast of Scotland.

The landscape was different to what I'd seen before. Green for sure, but the lack of trees, bushes, and flowers made it sweepingly stark. The sheets of grass were only peppered with animals. Cows were laid out, and sheep huddled in the brisk breezy morning.

The shuttle bus took us into town. Our first stop was the cathedral. I lit a candle. I'm not sure why I still did such things when I'm no longer a believer, but it is somewhat of a tradition. It made me think of Clarissa, how she would laugh at the things I couldn't shake from my religious childhood, and I felt a pang of longing. I missed her. We were never meant to be together. It never would have worked, but I missed her laugh, and I wondered if after all this time if she ever still thought of me. I guess first love lingers like that.

The town was cute, nothing too special, but it was filled with clashes of culture and history. The port itself was spilling with stories of past lives. From warships to Vikings, kings to pirates. It was clear we were by no means the first ship to settle at its shore.

I took a walk out of town in hopes of seeing seals and puffins, but all I did was lose my banana bread to the wind.

Honestly, I had little interest in seeing the standing stones. They're 5000 years old, but I couldn't focus. I'm not sure why, but my brain wanders. I wish I wasn't wired that way, but I am. I heard people, other Americans, talking loudly after about the theories, animatedly discussing the options, yet for me, I felt a little indifferent, distracted, my thoughts on a beautiful blonde with eyes that shimmered like the ocean itself.

As I fell out of the bus at a crossroads with new animated acquaintances, the sun blessed us with heat that seemed to cut through the wind.

The shore of the loch lit up, and there, right in front of us were basking seals soaking in the rays. It was a moment that would define my season. Cities and sights come and go. History defines the paths and culture paints the colors. But nature is mysterious as to when she will show her beauty.

You could wait hours, days, or weeks. Seals don't work on my timeline. But there on that shore, at that moment, we shared a quiet space in the world.

I started to wonder if I had imagined our encounter. I looked for Claudia incessantly on the ship, but I never found her. She wasn't at my shows, the bars, or the restaurants when I checked. I also called her room a few times, only to receive the elusive do not disturb message. I could deny it as much as I wanted, but the truth was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. She was avoiding me.

It took two days for Urduja to get involved.

"Look, I'm not saying I have spies everywhere, but the truth is that I have spies everywhere," she said with a raised eyebrow. "I cannot cope with this moping and pining anymore. I'll tell you when and where she appears tonight, and you will go and speak to her. I cannot tell you she is going to feel what you feel. She may say it was a mistake and to leave her alone. But at least then you'll know and can stop with all this nonsense. Yes?"

I nodded, although I wasn't entirely sure what I was agreeing to. She was right. I was like a moping teen in the midst of an angsty breakdown. I needed closure one way or another.

It took a lot for me to not go all out. Heels, sexy outfit, dramatic makeup. I thought about it, but really, I was past that point. Claudia had wanted me for me. Or so I'd thought. If she didn't want me at all, I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

I got my code signal from Urduja. "She is in the Explorers Bar!" Not really much of a code, and I took a deep breath. Better to know, right? I kept repeating that mantra as, although it felt as if suddenly there were oceans between us, I nervously made my way across the ship to her.