21. Chapter 21

Chapter twenty-one

Penn

“Why am I so nervous?” Astrid wrings her hands together, fidgeting as she sits in the passenger seat of my truck. It’s Sunday afternoon and we’re headed back to her house after spending the night in Raleigh after the benefit.

My chest feels lighter than it has in years, and in its place is something I haven’t felt in just as long— hope .

Hope for our future. Hope that we get this right. Hope that everyone can just accept that she and I belong together—including Bentley and Lilly.

“Do you honestly think they’re going to have a problem with it?” I ask because in my mind, the discussion we’re about to have with them should go swimmingly. I’m already a constant in their lives and Astrid and I being together isn’t going to change that.

“I don’t know. I’m not concerned about Lilly. More about Bentley.” She bites on her bottom lip. “I guess my fear in us being together was always in him feeling like you are trying to replace Brandon. ”

“Believe me, Astrid. That’s the last fucking thing that I want to do. Brandon will always be their father, but I want to love them enough for the both of us.”

She rests her head on the back of her seat as she stares at me. “You already do, and I love you that much more for it.”

“And I love hearing you say that you love me.”

When we pull up to her house, Lilly comes barreling out of the front door. “Mommy! Uncle Penn!” She slams into Astrid’s legs before she can get fully out of the truck.

“Hi, baby.”

“How was your party?” Lilly asks, peering up at her mom.

“It was amazing.”

“And did everyone like your cupcakes?”

“They did!”

“That’s ‘cause they’re delicious.” She releases her and then rounds the front of the truck to hug me. “Hi, Uncle Penn.”

“Hey, Lilly Bear.” I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head. “How was your night?”

“It was so much fun! Grandma and I painted our nails and watched movies and ate popcorn. Bentley even let me put toenail polish on his big toe.”

“He did?” Astrid asks.

“Yeah, but then I had to take it right back off. I told him he should leave it. That way his feet wouldn’t look so gross, but he said heck no.”

Astrid and I share a chuckle as we follow Lilly back into the house.

“Mom?” Astrid calls out when we enter.

Melissa comes into the living room from the hallway. “You’re back! How was it?”

“Let’s just say that the next six months are going to be extremely busy, but I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. The guests went wild for the cupcakes. People asked me about custom cake orders, and Penn bragged about my muffins to anyone who could listen. I think he used the phrase, ‘best on the East Coast.’”

I shrug. “It’s easy to brag when it’s the truth.”

“Well, it sounds like a success then.” Melissa grabs her purse and slings it over her shoulder. “I hate to run when you just got here, but I’m meeting the girls at the movie theater.”

“Is your phone on vibrate?” Astrid asks her.

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, Mom. I learned my lesson, okay?” With a parting kiss on her cheek and a wave to me, Melissa leaves and then Astrid looks in my direction.

“No time like the present, right?”

“Bentley?” I call out, nodding at her.

“What’s up?” he yells back at me from his room.

“Can you come out here really quick, please? Your mom and I want to talk to you about something.”

Lilly bounces into the room. “Oh! Is Bentley in trouble?”

“No, Lilly,” Astrid admonishes. “You need to be a part of this conversation as well.”

Bentley strides into the living room, brushing his hair back from his face. The kid looks more and more like Brandon every day. “What’s going on?”

Astrid and I take a seat on the couch next to each other, and Lilly and Bentley sit on the loveseat beside us. I turn to her and prompt her to start, like we discussed.

“So, Penn and I wanted to talk to you about something,” she starts, nervousness in her voice.

“Are we in trouble?” Lilly asks.

“No, baby. ”

“Did someone die?” Bentley asks and the look on his face almost breaks my heart in two. I imagine the last time Astrid sat him down with something to talk about, it was probably to tell him that his father was never going to come home.

Astrid’s bottom lip trembles, but she holds it together. “No, Bentley. No one died.”

Bentley visibly relaxes. “Okay, then what’s going on?”

I squeeze her hand and take the reins. “Your mom and I are in love,” I say, waiting for a reaction from either one of them. “And we wanted to let you know.”

Wide eyes stare back at me before Lilly exclaims, “Like Anna and Kristoff!”

I search Astrid’s face for help. “Frozen,” she explains simply.

“Uh, yeah. Exactly like that,” I reply, scratching the back of my neck.

Bentley crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you two like boyfriend and girlfriend now?”

Astrid nods. “We are…Even though those titles sound so juvenile.” She wrinkles her nose as she turns to me. “Am I supposed to call you my boyfriend now?”

“I guess. Although, I’m not a boy anymore.”

She laughs. “Oh believe me, I know.”

“Are you guys gonna get married?” Lilly asks, leaning forward in her seat. “And is Uncle Penn going to be our new daddy?”

And just like that, reality slams right back into us. “Well…”

Astrid puts her hand on my thigh, letting me know she’s got this one. She turns to her kids and takes in a deep breath. “Look, I know that you both have a lot of questions, but here’s what I want you to know. Uncle Penn will never replace your father, okay?” Bentley nods but Lilly still has hearts in her eyes. “And we want you to know that this wasn’t something that just happened. Penn and I care about each other a lot. We’ve been friends for so long, but now we want to be together as more than friends. And we want the four of us to be a family.”

Lilly jumps from the couch and claps her hands. “Then you have to get married!”

“One day, Lilly Bear.” I wink at her and find Astrid staring at me. “What? You act like that’s not where we’re headed.”

She draws in a shaky breath. “I know, but I thought we could discuss you moving in here first before we talked about marriage,” she says, her voice low.

“We can hear you,” Bentley says, alerting us to his presence again. I can’t get a good read on him, and I wish that I could because I’m sure his mind is racing with all sorts of feelings and questions.

Astrid grimaces and turns back to the kids. “Well, we just wanted to know how you two feel about this,” she says as I reach for her hand, waiting on pins and needles. Now that we’re actually talking about this, my confidence in their reaction has diminished.

If Bentley’s not okay with this, will she want to press pause again? Wait until he can accept the truth? Or will his feelings on the matter prevent us from ever moving forward?

“I’m so happy that Uncle Penn is gonna live with us! Then we can have game night every night!” Lilly yells and then races over to her box of art supplies in the corner of the room before we can correct her. “But that means we have to fix something now.” She runs over to the vase sitting by the front door, rips off the sign and scribbles something on it, then tapes it back on. “There.”

As soon as she stands back, I can see the addition she made to the Kisses from Daddy jar—"And Uncle Penn.”

Fuck. I think there’s something in my eye .

Astrid’s bottom lip trembles again. “I think that’s a great idea, Lilly.”

Lilly turns around and runs over to me, throwing herself into my arms. “I love you, Uncle Penn. And if you love Mommy, then I think that’s awesome.” She stays in my arms as Bentley stands from the couch and walks over to us.

He reaches out his hand to me, waiting for me to shake it. And I do. “I know that you make my mom happy, and you’re already here all the time, so I guess it’s not horrible if you become a part of our family too.”

My lips lift. “Thanks, Bentley.”

“But if you two kiss in front of me, I will leave the room.”

Astrid laughs. “We’ll try to keep the kissing to a minimum.”

“I don’t agree to that,” I say. “I’ve waited a long time to kiss you.”

“Kissing is gross,” Lilly says, lifting her head from my shoulder.

“But Anna and Kristoff do it,” I argue.

“Yeah, but…” Lilly contemplates her reply, but Bentley cuts her off before she can speak, his voice low.

“I miss my dad. I always will. But I’m glad that we have you, Uncle Penn.” The emotion in his voice almost makes me break, but I manage to hold it together.

With Lilly still wrapped around me, I stand and pull him into my chest. “I miss him too. But I think he’d be happy knowing that we’re all together.”

Bentley nods his head against my stomach. “Yeah, I think so too.”

***

“Woo! Go Lilly!” Bentley shouts beside me and Astrid, cheering for his sister as she takes her final bow after her dance recital. Grady and Melissa are in the row beside us. We’ve been watching young girls twirl around in tutus for almost two hours, so my cheers are mostly for the fact that this event is finally over—although of course I reveled in watching my Lilly Bear dance around.

Fuck, I love that little girl.

As the crowd disperses, Astrid heads behind the stage to collect Lilly and her things, so Bentley, Grady, Melissa, and I make our way through the auditorium to meet them outside.

When Lilly sees me, she runs up to me just like any other time and I pull her into my arms enthusiastically. “You did such a good job, Lilly Bear.”

“Thank you. I tried really hard.”

I lean back and stare into her dark green eyes, the same ones her mother has. One day, she’s going to break so many hearts, and I can’t wait to be the one to chase off any boys who don’t understand how a woman like her is supposed to be treated. “I could tell. You were amazing.”

Bentley comes up to us and hands her the bouquet of flowers we purchased before the show. “You rocked it, Lilly.”

“Thanks, B.” She hugs him now as Astrid snaps pictures of them, and then she asks an innocent bystander to take a picture of all six of us.

It’s moments like these that will still take some time getting used to—not because I don’t have pictures with the three of them already—but now these pictures have a new meaning.

They’re pictures of the four of us as a family, Astrid and I as a team, two people who love each other and are creating a life together .

I’m moving into her house this week before Christmas. I would have done it sooner, but as of yesterday I’m no longer an employee of Catch & Release or Carrington Cove Hardware Store, so now I finally have the time to do it.

As soon as I’m done with my rental house, my old house will be next. Astrid was right. There will be two homes to rent out next year, and if things work out well, I’ll be adding a third by the spring. Pam at Cove Reality has been keeping me in the loop of small places that would work well for tourists.

In the meantime, Sheppard Contracting Services is officially up and running. My business cards just came in the mail yesterday, and my licensing is complete. I’m purchasing a new truck with better equipment to aid me in jobs, and my phone has already been blowing up with people needing items taken care of before the holidays.

But today was not about work—for once in my life.

Today was about my family—showing up for the little girl who danced with as much heart as she possesses. And tonight, we’re going to celebrate her accomplishments as a family.

“Is it time for ice cream yet?” Lilly asks, staring up at me.

“Dinner first. Then ice cream,” Astrid answers.

“Do we have to eat dinner first?” she continues, ignoring her mother.

“You heard what your mom said, Lilly.” Being stern with this kid isn’t going to get any easier, but Astrid assured me that if I’m going to slip into the role of dad instead of fun uncle, I have to be rule enforcer sometimes.

It’s still a work in progress.

“Fine.” With a pout on her lips, she begins marching toward Astrid’s car and the three of us follow. “Can we at least go to Perky’s Pizza then so we can play games?”

Astrid glances over at me. “Whatever you want, Lilly.”

I arch a brow at her. “And you say I’m the pushover.”

She laughs and shakes her head at me, biting that bottom lip of hers. “I never said that.”

“Can you blame me though? I mean, one flash of that pout and those big green eyes, and she’s hard to say no to.”

“You’ve got to be strong, Penn.”

I pull her into me as we arrive at the car. “I can’t, babe. It’s like staring at a smaller version of you. And you know damn well that I’m powerless when it comes to the women in this family.”

Peering up at me, she says, “I guess there are worse problems to have then.”

“Yeah. I could not have you in my life at all.”

***

“This place is packed tonight.” Astrid looks around us as we sit in our booth at Catch & Release. For two people who used to work here, being customers instead of behind the bar is making us both on edge.

Astrid bites her bottom lip. “I know. I want to go refill drinks and start bussing tables so bad.”

Reaching across the table, I chuckle as I take her hand in mine and squeeze. “That’s not our job anymore, babe.”

“I know,” she sighs. “But it’s instinct. Old habits die hard.”

“Believe me. I get it. But let’s just focus on our date tonight, okay?”

“I would love to, but I can’t help but feel like everyone is staring at us.”

Yeah, that’s been happening a lot lately. We didn’t make an official announcement because who the fuck does that anyway, but I sure as hell haven’t been shy about showing public displays of affection in the last week or so. Hell, half the town knew about us already because of Dick’s fat mouth, but he took my threat to heart and hasn’t shown his face around the bakery since then. Ultimately, I don’t give a shit about what people think, but it’s clear as day that we’re a topic of conversation still. Christmas is in two days, and even though Astrid and I have been together for far longer than the past week, people around town are still getting used to the development.

My eyes dart around the room. “It must be my new flannel. Everyone is probably wondering where I got it.”

She swats at me across the table. “Don’t be sassy, Penn.”

“Well, I think we both know why they’re looking over here, baby.” I lean in closer to her. “But I thought that we agreed to ignore the gossip?”

She stares down at our intertwined hands. “I know. It’s just…uncomfortable still, I guess.”

Hating seeing her retreat into herself, especially because I know how hard she fought to be okay with this thing between us, I decide to put a stop to the stares and whispers once and for all.

I stand from my side of the booth, put my fingers between my lips, and whistle loud enough to bring the entire restaurant to a dead silence.

“Penn! What are you doing?” she whispers up at me, trying to pull me by the hand back down into my seat.

“Good evening, everyone,” I say, ignoring her and removing my hand from hers. “I hope you’re all having a nice night.” Murmurs fill the air. “My night is shaping up to be a fantastic one, but before I get on with it, I think it’s time to set the record straight about something.” I pull her up to stand next to me and spin her around so she can see everyone as well. “You might be wondering if something is going on between the two of us.” Astrid covers her face with her hands, but I pull them away and spin her around so she’s facing me now. With my hand on her cheek, I look into her eyes as I say, “The truth is, I’ve been in love with this woman for far too long. And just recently, she finally decided to give me the chance to prove that I am the man that she deserves. Life is short, true love is rare, and there’s nothing wrong with going after what your heart desires. So, even though everyone might have their opinions about our relationship, I’d just like to ask you to keep them to yourself—because the only thing that matters is that I love her, and she loves me, and one day this woman will be my wife.”

“It’s about damn time, Penn!” someone calls out from the back of the restaurant, making everyone laugh and cheer.

“Kiss her then!” another voice shouts.

“What do you think, Astrid? Think we can seal the deal in front of everyone and leave no doubt at all that this is real?” I whisper against her lips.

Her smile is blinding as I tip her back, holding her to my chest. “I think after a speech like that, a kiss is required.”

***

“I’m kind of surprised that blindfolds are one of your kinks, but I really wanted to do this to you first before you did it to me.”

Astrid laughs as she guides me by the hand. The black fabric covering my eyes is so dark that no sliver of light can peek through. “Well, maybe we can turn the tables later after your surprise.”

“I already had plans to devour you, but this will just heighten the entire experience. ”

The squeak of a door tells me we have to be close to our destination, and the longer I can’t see where I’m at, the more anxious I feel.

“I’m gonna hold you to that promise, Penn.”

“You won’t have to. It’s happening.”

Astrid takes in a deep breath and then blows it out as she stands next to me. I’m aware of every noise she makes right now, especially since I’ve lost one of my senses. “Okay. So, we’re here and now that I’m seeing your surprise, I’m not sure how I feel about this anymore.”

Squeezing her hand in mine, I reply, “Baby, I’m sure I’m going to love it.”

“I hope so.” She reaches up and unties the sash from my eyes. Blinking away the fuzziness in my sight, I wait for things to clear up before trying to process what I’m seeing.

Lined out in front of me, in my rental home that is still a work in progress, are several frames of pictures developed in sepia tones. The images look familiar, most are outside around Carrington Cove it looks like, but I can’t quite place them. “You got me pictures?” I ask, turning to find Astrid standing next to me, biting her lip.

“I did.”

“Oh. Well…thank you.” I’m not sure what else to say, but Astrid luckily chimes in.

“When we were talking about your business during our getaway and how you wanted to think about branding and other stuff, I had an idea.” She steps closer to the frames and holds one up in front of me. “Do you recognize this?”

Staring at the image before me, it takes a minute before it clicks. “Is that the Hansen’s deck that I built?”

She nods. “Yup.” Placing the picture back down on the ground, she grabs the next one. “And this?”

“Mr. Hobb’s carport? ”

Another nod. “Right again.” My eyes move through the pictures now, recalling each of these projects that I completed with my own two hands, landing on one of Willow’s house that I renovated over the summer, and then the last picture that Astrid holds out in front of me. “But this one is my favorite.”

I reach out and touch the frame of the ramp at the Veteran’s Center that I built with my father all those years ago. “Damn, Astrid.” Memories flood my mind, and the sting of tears comes on, but I hold it together. “What are all of these for, baby?”

“I thought they’d be beautiful artwork to display in your rental houses, Penn,” she says, placing the last frame on the ground before staring back up at me. “Images of all you’ve accomplished before this venture, so you never forget where you came from and where you’re at now.”

Fuck. If I didn’t love this woman already, this would have sealed the deal.

“I—I don’t know what to say.”

“I think guests will love them too.” She stares back at the photos with admiration. “Your sister is quite the photographer, so they showcase her talent too.”

“You had Hazel take these?”

“Obviously. I can’t capture a picture like that. Hell, I still end up with my finger in pictures on my phone sometimes.”

Laughing, I pull her into my chest. “Fuck, I’m in awe.” Nuzzling her neck, I say, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You deserve a reminder that who you were is part of who you are now, and I will be here supporting you and cheering you on just like you’ve done for me.”

“I love you,” I whisper against her lips .

“I love you more.” Our mouths meet in an intense kiss that makes me feel like I’m living in a fucking dream—because that’s what this is—my dream job, my dream girl, and my dream life.

Over the past three years, I’ve wondered if I’d ever get here or if these feelings and desires were just meant to be ideas that died by my own fear and stubbornness. But Astrid has helped me see that it’s okay to be selfish, it’s courageous to chase what I want out of my life, and the thing I wanted most of all—was her.

“Just let me know when it’s time to decorate because I have some ideas for that too,” she says, smiling up at me.

“I don’t deserve you,” I tell her, waiting for someone to pinch me.

But she cups my face and says, “Yes, you do, Penn. We deserve each other. And now we get to love each other for the rest of our lives.”