Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Ella

Present

Madi:

Officially back from my honeymoon and ready for Pilates and Sips tomorrow. You ladies still in?

Ella

Welcome back! And yep, I’m so there.

Delaney

Of course, I’m in. We carpooling? I’ll drive.

Ella

There’s a little change to where you’ll need to pick me up from…

I’m kind of living at Jude’s. BUT ONLY FOR TWO WEEKS OR SO.

Madi

Excuse me, what?!

Delaney

I’m so here for this.

Madi

My best friend and brother moving in together…I think this means we’re almost sisters-in-law?

Ella

Keyword is TEMPORARY. He’s only helping me out.

Delaney

Mhm, yeah. Whatever you say, girl.

Every morning, I watch the sunrise and my heart sinks. Another day has passed. Before I know it, reality will come crashing back in. I’m not ready for that.

Last night on the beach, we told each other that we’re all in . That means this isn’t over between us, even when I go back up north. It’s a promise that I plan to cling to as the days slip away.

I’m relieved to finally be closing this chapter of my life, almost free of my parents’ home. There’s still a thread of grief woven through me, but it’s not as overwhelming as it once was. The realization of the quickly passing mourning tugs at my guilt until I remember how many decades it’s been since they even pretended to care. Either that, or I’ve slowly become an emotionless shell, numb to the pain that used to cut so deep.

Either way, moving on will be a relief, though I’ll probably need a truckload of therapy to fully get there.

“Any plans for the day?” Jude asks from beside me in bed, kissing my bare shoulder.

“Delaney, Madi, and I decided we’re going to check out a Pilates studio that’s about thirty minutes down the road. They’re having a fun little wine and exercise event.”

“Do you ever miss it? Teaching Pilates?”

“I do, a lot.” A whole fucking lot. When you’ve gone from making these close-knit relationships with clients, seeing the strength in everyone’s body and mind grow with every session—it’s difficult to transition into a monotonous gray cubicle where everyone is angry at you for enforcing the rules.

“I remember how much you used to dream about opening a studio of your own. Who knows, maybe it’ll be you someday.”

The mention of my own studio seems like some distant fantasy that’s too far away to reach out and grasp. It is what I’ve always dreamed of—running my own Pilates studio, teaching classes, and being my own boss. But the fear of failure has always held me back. I don’t have the guts to take the plunge. I also don’t have an entrepreneurial bone in my body.

Shrugging, I spin around in his arms. “I still dream about that sometimes. But that’s all it is—a dream. It feels pretty unlikely for someone like me to make that come to fruition. ”

His brow furrows. “Why’s that?”

“I’m not one of those go-getter types that sets out to make their dreams a reality. I’m more of a ‘why on earth would I attempt this when I can already see a thousand ways this could go wrong’ type. I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to settle for being some other version of happy.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way though. You could do anything. And you have a ton of people, myself included, to support you.”

“I know my limits, and starting my own business isn’t within them.”

He tightens his hold on me, his eyes intense. “Sometimes the biggest dreams start with small steps. You’ve got more potential than you realize.”

My stomach flutters with a spark of confidence. Having him believe in me gives me a boost of faith. It’s not the way it should be. I should be self-assured and not need someone to hold my hand to cheer me on. But self-doubt was practically engraved into my brain growing up. There was never any praise for doing something right, only constant criticisms and more rules upon rules. Perhaps that’s why I went into human resources. Because rules feel familiar to me, they feel safe.

But if he believes in me—the perfectionist highly-skilled doctor that’s the best person I’ve ever known—then maybe it’s time I start believing in myself too.

As he gets ready for work, I can’t tear my eyes away from him in the bathroom mirror. His navy scrubs hug his biceps, emphasizing every cord of muscle, and the sight of him in his uniform does something to me. Seeing him in his element, preparing for a day of saving lives and doing something he wholeheartedly enjoys, slams me with the realization that I want to do the same.

Putting on his watch, he looks up at me and smiles. I smile back, my stomach fluttering with the way he looks at me. The man before me is in a category all of his own.

Leaning down to bury his nose into my neck, he mumbles, “You look ridiculously sexy in these leggings.”

I giggle as he grazes his teeth along the edge of my ear lobe. His arms snake around my waist as I spin to face him, resting my forehead on his. When his pelvis pushes against me, I can feel him rock hard through the thin cotton of his scrubs. I squirm against him, insanely turned on by the depth of how much he means to me.

He grabs a handful of my ass, fingers digging in so hard it could leave a bruise. “Do you know how badly I want to bend you over this bed right now and fuck you from behind?”

“Do it. Fuck me, Jude.”

His self-control snaps before my very eyes, as he reaches his hand inside the tight fabric of my leggings, pushing right past my thong, and dipping a finger into me.

When he feels how wet I am, his expression grows even darker. Those blue eyes burning from sapphire to midnight.

The doorbell rings, causing us both to jump, breaking our horny little spell .

“Stop having sex and open the door,” Delaney yells from outside.

We hear Madi groan, in clear disgust of hearing the mention of sex when it refers to her sibling.

Turning to look at me, he threads his hand through my hair and softly kisses me on my temple. “I better go let them in before my neighbors get to hear the word sex shouted many more times.”

Adjusting my clothes back into place, he pulls me flush against his body, embracing me before I leave. “We’re not done here though, love. As soon as I get off work I’m running home to you.”

“I can’t wait.” I rise on my tiptoes to kiss him one last time before we both head out for the day. The words I love you almost slip out, but I catch myself, reining in that rope of affection before I get tangled up in it. There are a million other things we need to figure out before love can be spoken aloud.

Running barefoot to the front door, I swing it wide open, right as Delaney has her hands to her mouth to shout more expletives.

Grabbing her by the wrist, I tug her inside the house. “I don’t even want to know what you were about to shout next.”

“I was about to say to stop canoodling his noodle, and…”

“Delaney, please stop. I beg of you,” Madi pleads. “I’m all good with them dating, but I’ve got to have some boundaries. And that boundary is most definitely when it involves any mention of their sex life. ”

In surrender, Delaney holds up both hands. “Okay, fine. I get it. I’ll stop.”

Satisfied with her reply, Madi turns to set down her purse on the entryway table. From behind her hand, Delaney mouths to me, “Tell me the details later, okay?”

Driving a half hour to the city, the buildings grow denser and taller, and the air more polluted. Madi and I laugh hysterically as Delaney attempts multiple times to parallel park, shouting at us not to look at her during her time of need. Our laughter turns to tears however, as we dive between seat cushions, desperately searching for quarters to feed the parking meter.

The day is exactly what I need. A glimpse into what life could be—squeezing in fun trips to the city with my best friends, and reminiscing about how our junior year crush is now bald with three ex-wives.

The Pilates studio is open and large, with rows and rows of reformers, and accompanying wine flights on wooden trays. The walls are adorned with motivational neon signs and sleek mirrors, creating a modern atmosphere that makes you feel right at home.

A perky instructor demonstrates the exercises, as the three of us shake our way through the grueling workout. Delaney curses under her breath, while Madi pushes through with the laser focus of a guided missile. Meanwhile, being in this space only confirms what I already knew. This is absolutely what I want to do.

I want to lead classes again, just like I did ten years ago. Helping people feel good about themselves, guiding them to find strength in their own bodies, and seeing that spark of accomplishment in their eyes. It’s what I’ve always loved.

That feeling gnaws at me for the rest of the day, trying to claw its way from the back of my mind into reality. Business names, class schedules, and potential locations pop up as we drive home. My brain is forming a plan before I can even stop myself. It’s like once the seed of this idea was planted during my time back in Lawson, it took root deep in my thoughts. Now, all I want to do is nurture it, let it grow until it blooms into something real.

Madi’s voice breaks through my thoughts as we turn off on the exit back to Lawson. “Ella, how do you feel about going back to Washington soon?”

“It’ll feel nice to be home,” I reply, lying straight through my teeth. It’s where my whole life is now. Even if it is only a decently boring job, a small apartment, and a probably now-dead houseplant.

“I sense a but ,” Delaney replies from the driver’s seat. “Please let there be a but .”

I glance at her and smile, as she looks back out of her peripheral vision, head turned toward the road. She knows me too well.

“You’re right,” I reply. “It will be nice to be home, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to leave.”

Madi leans forward, peeking around my seat. “I’m not sure if I’m supposed to encourage you to go back home like you originally planned, or beg you to stay here with Delaney and I.” She puts her chin on her palm, elbow resting on the center console. “Is it because you love us so much? Or does this have something to do with my idiot brother?”

I snort. “Both. Then Sherie had mentioned opening my own Pilates studio the other day, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Delaney shrieks with excitement. “That’d be the perfect job for you. Please tell me you’re going through with it.”

“I don’t have the guts or money to pull something like that off,” I shrug.

Madi taps the center console with her fingernails, already devising up a plan for me. “Aren’t you about to get a nice chunk of money once your parents’ house is sold? And who needs guts when you have two very strong-willed best friends who will drag you across the finish line? We would gladly kick your ass into succeeding if that’s what you wanted.”

“When you put it like that, it does seem a little more possible,” I laugh.

Madi’s voice goes soft. “We can’t force you to do anything. It’s your life, El. But just promise us one thing. Promise you’ll at least think more about it. None of that talking yourself out of it right away. Instead of thinking about all the things that could go wrong, think about the hundreds of other things that could go right instead.”

From the driver’s seat, Delaney chimes in. “It’s been nice having you back and doing things like this. We understand if you need to go have your Eat, Pray, Love journey up in Washington. But just know we’ll miss you like crazy. I also know a ridiculously tall doctor that is going to miss you a hell of a lot too.”

Madi adds, “Seriously. My mom couldn’t stop talking about how my brother is the happiest she’s ever seen him. He used to only be dead-tired from working all the time, and now it’s like he can’t ever stop smiling.”

My chest tightens as I hear how he’s happier—all because of me. It’s an effect I never imagined I’d have on anyone. I’ve always seen myself as dull, blending into the background. But little by little, I’m starting to believe that maybe there’s more to me, that maybe I am full of color. It’s a feeling I’m terrified will pass when I return to Washington, where no one is around to remind me to see that brightness within myself.

Back at home, I check in with work to let them know I’ll be back by the beginning of next week. They’re ecstatic, while my stomach twists with dread. I used to love Washington—the weather, the nature, the meager beginnings of a new adventure. But as soon as I stepped foot back in Lawson that all changed. Now, I haven’t even left yet, but I have an overwhelming sense of homesickness that rings clear through my bones. And I have a feeling that has a lot to do with the man walking through the door right now.

Jude smiles when sees me. Exhaustion crinkles his eyes, while pure happiness simultaneously radiates out of him like he’s shining with it. It feels like he’s relieved to see me every time he comes back from work. As if he thinks I’ll be giving him a dose of his own decade-old medicine, by leaving without a goodbye .

“El.” Setting his lunch bag on the counter, he walks over to where I’m seated at the table checking in on work emails on my laptop.

He swoops me up from the chair, holding me in his arms. “I missed you so damn much.”

I giggle, feeling small for once when he holds me against his tall form. “I missed you too.”

Carrying me to the couch, he plops down to sit while holding me. Our bodies bounce off the cushions, our limbs wrapping around each other like vines of ivy. He lies back, slouched down, as I straddle him.

My fingers comb through the hair at the nape of his neck, feeling the silky short strands. “Being away from you is going to be hard when I go back.”

“Have you thought about it? Staying?”

“I have. It’s impossible not to.”

“And what are your thoughts?”

“I want to. Trust me, I want to. But I also don’t want to abandon the life I’ve started in Washington. My job pays really well, definitely far better than anything I could find in Lawson. And wouldn’t it be crazy to move here when we just started dating?” I made that mistake with my last relationship—moving to a new place right out of the gate. It obviously did not work out or end well.

“Of course I want to tell my significant other it’s not crazy to move here. I’ve told you before, I’m all in on us—all the way fucking in. But I think you should decide to do what is best for you . I’ll be here for you whether you’re up north in Washington, or right here in Lawson.”

Processing his words, I stare into his blue eyes. I can tell he’s holding back from begging me to stay, but a thread of himself is trying to stay quiet in order to let me make my own decision. To decide what’s best for me, without being persuaded by outside forces.

I smile, letting his words sink in. “I love and appreciate everything you just said. But I can’t stop smiling like an idiot over the fact that you called me your ‘significant other.’ So, I guess that officially makes you my boyfriend, huh?”

He cups my cheeks, his thumb gently brushing across my cheekbone. “It does. Although, ‘boyfriend’ feels too light of a term for the plans I have for us.”

I shift against him, feeling him start to grow hard beneath me. “Tell me more about these plans .”

His hands grip my waist, guiding my hips to roll against him. “Will I scare you? If I’m too honest?”

“I don’t scare easily.” The corner of his mouth tips up and we both know that’s a blatant lie. I chuckle as I backtrack. “Okay, well, that’s obviously not true. I definitely scare easily. But not when it comes to this—to us.”

He lets out a soft, amused laugh, his eyes searching mine. “Well, if that’s the case. I plan to do everything with you. From traveling together, to marrying the hell out of you. Whatever life throws at us, I want it all, so long as it’s with you.”

“I want that too. All of it,” I reply. His words do terrify me, but not in the way he’d think. They’re frightening because I want it to happen so badly that it will destroy me if it doesn’t work out .

This undertow of him, this feeling, is enough to sweep me away. The question is will we drown or stay afloat?

The next morning, I decide to head back to Little Elm for a change of scenery. I’m a creature of habit, usually sticking close to home or places within my comfort zone. Jude’s house and this cozy coffee shop are at the top of my list of places where I can focus and feel at ease. But before leaving Lawson, I also want to say goodbye to Sherie. Since young adulthood, she’s been a steady, encouraging presence in my life. It’s the exact opposite of the parenting style my parents had utilized, so it feels like stepping into a maternal warmth I didn’t know I was missing, every time I’m around her.

In the past, she was one of my first Pilates clients, showing up faithfully week after week. Her presence, kind words, and steady encouragement helped build a confidence I hadn’t known was possible.

That persistent voice in the back of my mind, nudging me toward the idea of opening my own business, makes me crave her advice—from one small-business owner to another hopeful. I wish I’d reached out more over the years, but it’s better to start now than put it off another decade.

I place my order for a maple latte and settle by the window, overlooking downtown. Big, puffy clouds drift across a bright blue sky, the sun casting a warm glow over the town square. A few minutes later, Sherie herself appears, delivering my drink with a welcoming smile.

“When I saw the name on the order, I was hoping it’d be you,” she exclaims, setting the steaming mug on the table.

She settles into the chair across from me, her face glowing with joy.

“I wanted to see you one last time before I leave this week,” I say.

“Oh, don’t tell me that,” she sighs, shaking her head. “I was hoping that boy of yours would change your mind so we could keep you here in Lawson for good.”

I smile. “Trust me, I’ve thought about it. But going back to Washington seems like the best choice for now.”

“Well, I want to say that’s a shame, but that would be rude of me,” she chuckles. “We’ll sure miss you. And I bet Jude has already booked his first flight out to see you.”

The thought twists that knife in my gut—the reality of leaving him. Besides saying goodbye to my best friends, not seeing him every day will undoubtedly be the hardest part of going back.

“I think we’re definitely going to rack up some frequent flier miles,” I reply.

She squeezes my hand. “And if you ever start teaching classes up there, you let me know, okay? I might just have to tag along to experience one of your classes again.”

I grin. “There are plenty of other great teachers around here. You wouldn’t need to travel hundreds of miles for one of mine.”

“I’m telling you, you really have a gift for teaching. You’re gentle and considerate, and you make people feel comfortable in their own skin—all while encouraging them to be their best selves.”

“That means a lot.” I take a sip of my latte, letting the sweet warmth help me swallow the lump in my throat. “One day, maybe I’ll follow in your footsteps and open my own business. Although, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“I didn’t know a damn thing either,” she admits. “But that’s part of the adventure. It’s wild and can be unpredictable at times. You learn as you go, make mistakes, and figure it out along the way. If you wait until you have all the answers, you’ll never start.”

I smile, the corners of my mouth pulling up despite the nerves tightening my chest. “That sounds…terrifying. But also kind of exciting.”

“It is,” she agrees. “Terrifying, exhilarating, exhausting, rewarding—sometimes all in the same day. But if it’s something you truly want, you just have to trust yourself and take the leap. The rest? You'll figure it out. And you’ll have plenty of people in your corner to cheer you on, lend a hand, or just remind you why you started in the first place.”

I don’t say it aloud, but I sense a theme, both in my relationship with Jude and in this crossroads I’m facing with my career. Risk has never been my strength, yet the things that seem worthwhile are always full of it.