Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Ella

Present

The ceremony goes off without a hitch. Madi looked freaking gorgeous walking down the aisle, while Noah balled his eyes out—not the least bit self-conscious to let the tears roll. As we stood up front, the bridesmaids on one side and the groomsmen on the other, I could feel Jude’s eyes on me. It took a mountain-sized amount of self-restraint to not glance over at him every few seconds, as I tried to keep my eyes trained on two of my favorite people getting married.

But for a sliver of a moment, right when the officiant pronounced them husband and wife, I let myself look back at Jude.

I allowed myself those three seconds to dream about what if this could have been us .

What if I hadn’t been such a coward and told his sister the truth? If he hadn’t left without saying goodbye? If one of us had communicated better that summer? What if we’d made up, endured the distance, the stress of school and work? What if it were him crying tears of happiness as I walked down the aisle?

There will always be a lot of what if’s when it comes to him.

The only thing I know for certain is that I keep looking back at the past, when he already seems to be offering me a second chance for the future.

We stand in a field for what feels like an eternity as the photographer snaps endless pictures in every possible combination of the bride, groom, and wedding party. With the catering disaster resolved and the ceremony behind us, I finally feel like I can breathe again.

As we start to make our way to the reception, Delaney intercepts me, and shoves a glass of champagne into my hand. “Pretty sure you’re going to need this more than I do.”

“And why’s that?” I laugh.

She tilts her head toward Jude. “Because with the way that man is looking at you, there’s no way you’re leaving here without some type of action.”

“There’s zero chance of any ‘action’ happening—we’re at a wedding. In a public venue.”

“And?”

“And I highly doubt anything will be going on with so many people around. ”

Over the rim of her glass, she huffs out, amused. “Oh, you sweet summer child.”

Cole’s daughter, Ava, runs and jumps into Delaney’s arms, nearly knocking her over. They look almost the same size, with Ava taking after her father’s height, and Delaney being miniature in every way. Waving at me with a toothless grin, Ava shouts her hellos.

“Hi, Ava. Are you having fun?” I ask, leaning down to her level.

She puts a tiny index finger to her chin, deep in thought, before finally blurting out, “Yes! Everything is so pretty. I thought for sure there’d be pigeons though.”

“Pigeons?” Delaney and I both say in unison.

“Yeah, you know, the birds,” Ava replies, matter-of-factly. “I thought at weddings they pull a string and a bunch of pigeons fly out or something.”

Noah, carrying two plates of food, walks by and overhears. He stops short, and says, “Oh, right. Doves. Turns out most of them starve to death after they’re released. Saw a documentary on it once. Didn’t feel like being a bird murderer on the happiest day of my life.” He shrugs, walking away as if we’d asked him if the sky is blue.

Ava’s eyes are wide with horror while Delaney shoots me a what the hell do I say after that look. I shake my head, also having absolutely no idea how to make bird murdering a less depressing topic.

“Oh, look, a photo booth,” Delaney finally blurts out, desperate to change the topic.

They quickly wave goodbye and head off to wrangle Cole into taking pictures with the oversized props .

In the back of the renovated barn, gleaming chafing dishes hold the food that Jude and I spent the entire day preparing, arranged neatly by Sherie’s staff. Wedding guests look happy scooping smoked meats, potato salad, and other various side dishes onto their plates. Either we did a decent job, or everyone here deserves an Oscar.

I sip my champagne and take a moment to watch the people around me. An older couple nearby seems to be reminiscing about their own wedding day. Noah’s thirty-something boss, who has the looks of Henry Cavill and the attitude of a recluse, sits deliberately apart from the crowd. Several single guests scope out potential candidates, clearly hoping to get lucky tonight. Meanwhile, a pack of kids pick daisies in the open field directly outside the wide-open barn doors, their happy belly laughs ringing in the background.

Stepping up beside me, Jude joins in on observing the scene. “You doing okay over here?”

I nod. “Tired, but the good kind of tired.”

“Want me to get you out of here?”

“I’m good for now, but thank you.”

“Alright.” He grins. “Give me a signal though, and I’ll have the getaway car ready.”

I smirk up at him. “I’m starting to think you’re planning a very polite abduction.”

“And if I were? Would that be a bad thing or a good thing?”

I take a sip of champagne, pretending to mull it over. “I suppose it wouldn’t be all bad. Your guest bedroom is cozy. And your cooking won’t kill me. ”

He smirks. “And here I thought you’d say it’d be because you can’t resist my charm or dashing good looks.”

“Oh, it’s definitely part of it,” I tease. “But if I told you that, I’d never hear the end of it.”

He smiles. “You’ve got a point.”

For the rest of the night, he sticks by my side. His arm drapes over the back of my chair as we watch Madi and Noah, swaying to their first dance or nearly throwing cake at each other. When they call all the couples out to the floor, he takes my hand, leading me out there like we’re one of them. We don’t even have to talk about it, he knows I want to dance but am too shy to go out there by myself.

Little by little, he’s chipping away at the cement door around my heart. Proving he’s here, showing he cares, and slowly gaining my trust.

When it’s time for the bouquet and garter toss, I deliberately miss, despite Delaney’s enthusiastic pep talk about using my height to my advantage. Jude also bows out of the garter toss scramble, leaning casually against the wall with an entertained expression as he watches the chaos unfold. The men go all out, practically diving over each other to catch the lacy garter. It’s obvious they’re hoping it’ll be their golden ticket to catching the eye of Noah’s stunning ballerina cousin, Marley, who effortlessly snagged the bouquet.

However, in a twist of fate, Noah slingshots the garter, and it lands straight into his boss’s lap—the one person who would never dream of participating in crazy antics. The dark-haired man looks both stunned and annoyed by his unlucky break. The photographer quickly ushers Marley over to capture the moment, eager for a picture of the two winners. As the boss rises to his feet, it feels as if he grows several feet taller. He towers over Marley like a skyscraper, as he buttons his suit jacket with one handed effortless grace. Marley, unbothered by the surly gigantic man beside her, throws her arms up in triumph at their win. Her joy is a stark contrast to his grumpy unease.

As soon as the picture is snapped, Marley leans in to say something to him, but before she can even finish, the man turns on his heel and bolts straight out the door.

With hands cupped around his mouth, Noah calls out, “Hey, Marley, what the hell’d you say to scare off Theo? He’s usually the one doing the scaring.”

She just shrugs and skips off to the dance floor, completely unbothered.

We dance, we laugh, we cry, and we drink. But suddenly, exhaustion slams into me like a train wreck. After last night’s late hours and being on my feet all day, I’ve hit my limit.

I have no idea how Madi’s still going strong dancing in three-inch heels. The girl’s got an energy reserve I can’t even begin to fathom. The DJ announces that the newlyweds are about to make their exit, and everyone begins to line up outside the barn doors.

With sparklers in hand, we hold them high, watching as they crackle and flash, sending shimmering light dancing across everyone’s faces. Madi and Noah run underneath, ducking their heads and giggling as they make their way through the sparkling tunnel. At the end, they shout their thanks, and Noah opens the door of the vintage red pickup truck waiting for them.

Before leaving, Madi finds me at the end of the line, and gives me a giant squeeze. She’s radiating bliss, and I wonder how that might feel. To not be so damaged on the inside, that you can sparkle on the outside too.

She leans in. “Thank you for saving our wedding. And not that you need it, but you’ll always have my blessing to be with my brother.”

I give her a look, raising an eyebrow like she’s lost her mind. “I don’t think it’s like that this time.”

Tipping her chin toward Jude, who’s standing beside me chatting with their parents, she replies, “Well, maybe it should be like that this time.”

Then Noah grabs her hand and whisks her into the truck, ready to start their new life together. Tonight they’ll head home, and by morning, they are off to the airport for their tropical honeymoon. It’s been an emotional day, watching this momentous event surrounded by family and friends.

I can admit I’m jealous—not of Madi specifically, but of the moment, the experience. My parents are gone, and today is a stark reminder of that. My father won’t be there to walk me down the aisle. There won’t be any photos of my mother zipping up my wedding dress.

I don’t have siblings. And now I also don’t have parents.

Besides my two closest friends, I’m completely alone. That awareness sits in my stomach like a heavy stone, weighing me down for the rest of the night .

They say grief comes in waves, but ‘waves’ feels too subtle. It’s more similar to a fucking tidal wave, crashing over me with an unyielding power, threatening to pull me under.

All I have to do is make eye contact with Jude, and he knows. Somehow he always knows.

“Ready to head out?” he asks, extending his hand out to me.

I lace my fingers through his. “So ready,” I reply.

Making one final lap around the venue, we say goodbye to the necessary people. Jude does most of the talking, being polite but getting us out of there quickly.

As we walk toward the exit, it feels like we’re sneaking away, even though the wedding has already ended.

We ride home mostly in silence, the low hum of the engine and the soft murmur of the radio filling the car. The headlights catch fleeting glimpses as we drive through the deserted country roads—tall grass, gravel paths, a family of deer in the distance. Each scene appears and vanishes before you can fully grasp it, little flashes of life all around you.

The gentle rocking of the bumpy roads lulls me to sleep, as the knot in my stomach loosens, into a peaceful calm. Somewhere in the haze of my dreams, I feel him drape his suit jacket over me, a makeshift blanket against the chill of the AC.

In the quiet of the car, half-asleep beside him, it hits me—how much he’s been a part of my life, even when he wasn’t there. His leaving haunted me, shaped the choices I made, and the walls I built to keep others out. But now, feeling the warmth of his jacket around me, I start to wonder if I’ve been wrong all along. Maybe he isn’t only a shadow in my past. Maybe he’s been the one constant that I had to compare good love to bad. And maybe, after all this time, he’s the reason I don’t feel so alone anymore.

I’m slowly beginning to believe that if I let him in, he’s here to stay.