18. Levi

18

LEVI

L evi forked another bale of hay down from the loft, and paused to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

A light snow was falling, but he and Ashton had peeled off their jackets long ago.

Big Jim Allen was hurt, and to keep his son from skipping school to tend to the herd, volunteers from town were taking turns minding the dairy farm.

Levi and Ashton had taken today together. It was just two days before Christmas, and no one else had volunteered for it. After milking and breaking up the ice in the troughs multiple times, among an endless list of other chores, they had come to the barn to bring down hay. Though the cows still grazed in winter, they needed supplemental food to get them through the cold nights.

“I think that’s a good amount,” Ashton panted from the floor below where he was moving the hay into the truck bed. “How does Big Jim do all this on his own every day? ”

“I guess Jimmy helps out when he gets home from school,” Levi said, thinking about his own upbringing on the family farm. “He’s probably got morning chores too, like he did with us this morning.”

“Hey,” Ashton said thoughtfully. “You’re doing great today.”

Levi felt a pang in his chest that hurt like a knife. He could play dumb, but he knew Ashton meant that he had stopped taking his phone out of his pocket every two minutes in the futile hope that Lily had messaged him back.

She had sent exactly one message to him in all this time. It was a plea for him to call when he needed help with Flora, but not otherwise.

He climbed down the ladder, trying to keep his thoughts together, and feeling grateful for the hard physical work that would leave him bone tired. Maybe he’d actually be able to sleep tonight.

“You’re sure you don’t know what you did wrong?” Ashton asked as they got into Big Jim’s truck and he started the engine.

“Nope,” Levi said.

It wasn’t exactly a lie. He got it that maybe she was a little embarrassed that he had misread the situation. But it clearly didn’t matter. Lily had gotten the help she needed, done well in school, and built a life for herself that she loved. He respected that so much, and he loved the way she gave so much of her time and care every single day to those who needed it.

He’d said all that and more to her voicemail and in text messages, while the ring he’d bought her seemed to burn in his pocket.

He wanted to tell Ashton everything and beg him for a way to get through to her without pushing past her boundaries or seeming like he was stalking her.

But he also knew that it meant something to her that he hadn’t shared what he’d seen back in school. And that meant it would be wrong to share it now.

Maybe the only reason she even liked me all this time is that she thought I was keeping her secret…

But that was too awful to contemplate, because it meant that he was pining over a hopeless cause.

She’s a pretty girl and everyone loves her. She thought I was being chivalrous, but now… Well, she just remembers the awkward teen I used to be.

And the truth was that more often than not, Levi still felt just as awkward. While Lily floated through life, effortlessly leaving people with a smile, Levi was never comfortable enough to joke around except when he was with close friends or family.

But it was easy to forget their differences when they were both working on a project together, or looking after Flora.

He smiled at the thought of the baby. He really missed her when he was doing things like this. His mother had her today, and he knew Flora was having the time of her life. But he couldn’t wait to get home and see her chuckle and kick her legs trying to get to him.

Ashton pulled up by the field and backed the truck up to the gate. Jimmy was out there waiting for them, looking happy to be outside. Levi had always felt the same way after school, even when there were chores to be done.

“That’s good,” Ashton said. “Jimmy will know the best way to do this.”

Levi smiled, seeing that the cows were already gathering at the feeder, eager for their late afternoon meal.

His phone began to buzz as he hopped out of the truck and he stuck his hand in his pocket to grab it, his eyes going to Ashton.

“Go on,” Ashton said. “The boy and I can do this.”

“ Andrea ,” Levi whispered, looking down at the name on his screen as Jimmy jogged over to meet them.

“He’s got an important call,” Ashton said. “Can we give it a few minutes?”

“I’ll get started,” Jimmy said. “Probably be done by the time you’re off.”

“Thanks,” Ashton said.

Levi was already walking the fence line, his thumb sliding against the screen to take the call.

“Levi,” Andrea’s familiar voice said.

She sounded tired, but so much more like herself than she had when he’d seen her last.

“Hey,” he said gently. “How are you feeling?”

“So much better, buddy,” she said. “I… I’ll never be able to thank you enough for having my back, and Flora’s too…”

“Hey,” he said, jumping in when he heard tears in her voice. “We had so much fun. You have no idea. She’s a treasure.”

“I loved seeing the pictures,” Andrea said softly. “I wasn’t allowed to have my phone the first few days, but once I could, it was such a good feeling to know she was happy.”

“It was our pleasure,” he said, noticing the our too late.

“You and Miss Pink are a thing now, huh?” she teased. “I noticed she was in a lot of those pictures. I guess Flora’s a natural-born matchmaker.”

She sounded so happy he didn’t have the heart to correct her.

“I think Flora can be anything she wants,” he said. “She’s an amazing baby.”

“And you’re an amazing friend,” Andrea said, her voice breaking a little. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m being released early, so I’ll be there Christmas morning to pick her up, if you’ll be home. I can’t wait to thank you in person.”

“You’ll be here for her Christmas morning,” he echoed.

He stopped in place and leaned against the big maple that hung over the fence line. Christmas was only two days away…

Ashton wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Levi was grateful to have his friend there to anchor him when he felt like he was falling into the center of the earth.

“If that doesn’t ruin any plans you had with your family?” she said.

“No. I’m so happy for you,” he told her, meaning it. “We’ll see you Christmas morning.”

He managed to sign off with her before the sobs racked his chest. He wept without making a sound, not wanting to scare Jimmy who was in the field nearby and had been through enough with his father’s accident. But it felt like the tears were burning channels in his cheeks.

Ashton kept his arm around Levi, holding him tightly, the only thing stopping him from sinking to his knees. Levi hadn’t cried like this since he was a child. But it truly felt like all the light in his life was being extinguished.

When the silent sobs abated, he sucked in a breath.

“Sorry, man,” he told Ashton. “It’s just all hitting me at once.”

He knew most men would be mortified after weeping in front of another, but he could feel Ashton’s acceptance. The man had been through so much himself.

“You can’t control when the people you love come in and out of your life,” he told Levi, leaning in slightly. “The best thing you can do is take advantage of the time you have.”

Levi straightened, wishing he could fly home to Flora right now.

“Go on,” Ashton said, as if reading his mind. “Get out of here. The Allen boy and I have got this. Go be with your family.”

Levi nodded once, afraid to try and speak, and then jogged for his truck.

It was only when he was driving home that he wondered exactly who Ashton had meant when he said your family.