12. Lily

12

LILY

L ily took a deep breath and let it out slowly, staring down at her phone like the words on the screen would change if she read them enough times.

It’s fine , she reminded herself, looking up at the beautiful toy store around her and the sweet little town outside the windows to get her mind to focus on something else until lunchtime rolled around.

Levi’s text had come in last night and she hadn’t been able to sleep much after responding to it. She’d found herself here before six in the morning, cutting out dozens of paper snowflakes and hanging them from the ceiling just for something to do.

She had thought about putting up snowflakes before—there just hadn’t been time. But ever since Levi and Flora had found their way into her life, it felt like the hours in a day were stretching and compacting at the same time.

Carefully climbing a ladder to hang the snowflakes had been a happy distraction from the worries in her mind and the longing in her heart. And they looked really cool, which was a plus.

A tap on the door pulled her gaze off the ceiling to the welcome sight of her bestie Sarah standing outside with two cups of coffee, her breath pluming in the early morning air. Lily waved to her and hurried over to open the door.

“Oh, those are so pretty,” Sarah said as she came in. “Snowflakes are just what this place needed. Maybe you can come do the bookshop next.”

“The bookshop needs something more creative,” Lily said. “Maybe little books or characters.”

“We’ll try that next year,” Sarah decided. “So, what’s got that look on your face?”

“What look?” Lily tried to ask lightly, but winced as she heard her own worried tone.

Sarah just held out a coffee and lifted one brow.

“Okay, fine,” Lily said, taking it. “He asked me out.”

“ What? ” Sarah asked. “Oh my gosh. That’s great. That’s incredible.”

“I think,” Lily clarified.

“Wait,” Sarah said. “What do you mean, you think?”

“Well, look at it,” Lily said, unlocking her phone with the hand not holding the coffee and handing it to her friend.

She didn’t need to read it again. She had the text memorized at this point.

i’m sorry you had to hurry of f

i wanted to invite you to lunch today

my mom is taking flora so we can go somewhere nice

does the village green sound good?

“Um, yeah, that’s a date,” Sarah said. “But why is he saying you hurried off?”

“I, uh, might have confessed a tiny bit about how I feel,” Lily said miserably. “And then I blurted out that I had to go, ran to my car, and took off.”

“Smooth,” Sarah said.

Lily rolled her eyes and then put her coffee down so she could lean on the counter and bury her head in her arms.

“Hey,” Sarah said with a smile in her voice. “It worked out either way, because he’s asking you on a date, right? He obviously likes you. He likes you a lot if he’s taking you to the fanciest place in town.”

Lily lifted her head, feeling like she was floating and drowning at the same time.

“What is it?” Sarah said. “How can you possibly turn this into a bad thing? The guy you’ve been mooning over forever wants to see you.”

“Sarah, he doesn’t know,” Lily said flatly, lifting her face so she could look her friend in the eye.

Sarah nodded slowly, her happy expression turning serious. She knew exactly what Lily was worried about.

“So, you’ll tell him,” Sarah said simply.

“It’s only our first date,” Lily said.

“So, you won’t tell him yet,” Sarah offered. “You’ll wait until you see where it’s going.”

“But that’s not right,” Lily said, shaking her head and starting to pace. “I can’t date him if he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.”

“So, then you’ll tell him,” Sarah said, sounding happier about that choice. “You could tell him right now if you want. Just send him a text. Then you’re not putting anyone on the spot.”

Lily stopped pacing to think about it.

“He’s a nice guy,” she said after a moment, shaking her head. “He’s going to say he doesn’t care, even if it changes everything. I don’t want to be with someone who’s just trying to be honorable.”

“Well, then what do you do?” Sarah asked. “Do you want me to tell him? I’ll go over there right now, or I’ll write him a letter, or even put on a puppet show—just point me in the direction you want me to go. A shot at true love is worth it, believe me.”

Lily smiled, amazed that her bestie could tug on her sense of humor when she was feeling this way. But Sarah had found her own true love last Christmas, so of course she saw the world through rose-colored glasses these days.

“I need to tell him in person,” Lily said, knowing it was her only real option. “I need to see his face, read his body language.”

“Then tell him today at lunch,” Sarah said. “You’ll be getting to know each other anyway. This is something you can share about yourself. It’s not remotely the most interesting thing about you, by the way. Not by a long shot. ”

“Do I want to know what you think is the most interesting thing about me?” Lily asked.

“It’s obviously your taste in best friends,” Sarah teased, waggling her eyebrows. “And also, all of this comes to mind, for starters.”

She wandered over to the card on the wall, looking at all the signatures and Lily smiled, feeling proud of her project.

“You don’t just think about doing these things,” Sarah said, as she took it all in. “You actually do them. You jump in with both feet, pink boots or not. Even something like telling him how you felt yesterday. You’re the bravest person I know, Lily.”

“I only sort of told him,” Lily said.

“Even sort of telling him,” Sarah said, turning back to her. “Now you have lots of other things to tell him about you, including one thing you wish could be different. I’ll bet he doesn’t think he’s perfect either.”

“Probably not,” Lily agreed, thinking about it for a moment. “What if he just walks out when I tell him?”

“Then he’s not the guy for you,” Sarah said simply. “And it’s better to know that now. Right?”

Lily nodded slowly, playing it all out in her head.

No matter how badly it went, none of it could be as bad as what she had already survived in her childhood. And any scenario was better than one where she wasn’t upfront and honest with Levi.

Maybe Sarah was right. Maybe she was just a little bit brave.

By the time Levi turned up at the shop for her, she was feeling much better. A morning spent helping happy customers get ready for Christmas had helped Lily to feel like herself again.

And as they walked over to the Village Green side by side in companionable silence, snow flurries dancing down around them, she felt herself finally relax.

This wasn’t some faceless man she was telling her story to, like she had always pictured. This was Levi Williams, the sweet boy from high school who had kept her secret, the soldier-turned-lawyer who had agreed to take care of a baby for his old friend in the middle of the night without a moment’s hesitation.

He was a good guy.

And if he really wasn’t okay with what she told him, he wouldn’t publicly humiliate her or anything. He would just let her know it wasn’t going to work out.

They stepped inside the lobby, and she shivered at the decadent warmth inside. Plush carpets silenced their footsteps and Lily was practically sweating by the time they walked past the baby grand piano to the hostess’s desk.

“Where would you like to sit today?” the hostess asked Levi. “It’s pretty quiet since the community college people are on winter break.”

Lily hadn’t really noticed, but the restaurant was practically empty.

“What do you think of the patio?” Levi asked Lily. “There are gas heat lamps and a fireplace out there, but I know you might be cold.”

“It’s perfect,” she said, feeling immense relief. She would probably be fine indoors once she took off her coat and stopped being nervous. But outside they would have real privacy, even from the restaurant staff.

“Excellent,” the hostess said. “Follow me, please.”

Levi smiled down at Lily and she smiled back, feeling that same flutter in her chest that she had yesterday every time they looked at each other.

They trailed after the hostess past the beautiful tables and the mahogany paneled walls out to the covered patio, where there was a crackling outdoor fireplace, just as Levi said. The hostess indicated a small table for two right by the fire, with a heat lamp near enough to add to the warmth.

“Perfect,” Levi told the waitress, then pulled out Lily’s chair for her.

She peeled off her coat and sat, placing it on her lap.

“I can hang that up for you,” he offered.

“No, it’s nice,” she told him. “I feel like I’m in a fairytale sitting out here while the snow comes down.”

She tried not to remind herself that if she had to run out in tears, it would be best to have her coat handy.

The hostess handed them menus and told them that a waitress would be out in a bit to take their drink orders before she disappeared back inside.

“Hey, are you okay?” Levi asked quietly.

She glanced up at him, amazed that he had sensed something was wrong. She thought she had been doing a pretty good job of playing it cool. His eyes went to her hands, and she realized she was fidgeting.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said quickly. “Maybe it’s better if it’s before the waitress comes, actually.”

“Okay,” he said.

“I know this is only a lunch date,” she said. “Maybe it’s not even a date at all. But in any case, it isn’t right not to tell you this, just in case we do… date. I don’t want to have kids.”

He looked surprised for a moment, then composed himself and nodded slowly.

“I mean, it’s not really that I don’t want them,” she amended. “It’s more that I feel it wouldn’t be right for me to have them. The problems with my heart, the reason I had to have all those surgeries when I was a kid, they’re congenital, meaning I could pass them on.”

Levi nodded slowly. She searched for a reaction, but there was only understanding in his eyes.

“I’m fine now,” she said. “I was incredibly lucky. But I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world if they might not be so lucky. And even if they were… well, my parents basically lost everything trying to pay for my surgeries. The insurance company wouldn’t pay it all, and the hospitals charged for extra things. There were bills stacking up for years while they tried to pay them off. My mom worked two jobs, my dad took a night shift, and I had to wear my cousin Glen’s hand-me-down clothes until I was like eleven. All Glen ever wore were jeans, superhero t-shirts, and plaid flannels. I know it seems silly to worry about your clothes when you’ve had heart surgeries just to stay alive, but I missed a whole lot of school and I wanted to fit in with those pretty girls so much. I used to lie in bed at night pr omising myself that when I grew up I would wear pink every single day for the rest of my life. And when my dad finally got a better job and we got the bills taken care of, I got to make my dream come true a little early.”

She laughed nervously and took a deep breath, feeling unnerved but grateful that he hadn’t interrupted.

“Anyway, that’s what I had to tell you,” she said at last, meeting his eyes again and feeling like her heart was more vulnerable than it had ever been before, bleeding out in the palm of his hand.

“Okay, first of all,” he said, leaning forward. “This is definitely a date. And I really hope you’ll want to go on another one.”

A surprised little giggle burst out of her mouth, and she covered it with her hand. He smiled at her, his eyes dancing like he couldn’t be happier with her no matter what she had told him.

“Secondly, I don’t care about the kid thing,” he said simply, sitting back.

“You don’t care?” she echoed.

“Let me be clear,” he said, leaning forward again, and placing his big hand over both of hers, which she belatedly realized were fidgeting again. She felt the warmth of his palm all the way to her toes.

“I care because you care,” he went on. “I don’t want you to lack for anything you might want. But I don’t care for my own reasons.”

“But you have such a big family,” she heard herself protest.

“Exactly,” he told her. “I’ll have so many nieces and nephews that I’m practically drowning in them. And you know my best buddy’s daughter is adopted, right?”

Levi was talking about Ashton Beck, of course. Ashton and Lucy Webb had gotten married and adopted their daughter, Kaylee, after her parents passed in an accident.

She nodded slowly, feeling a little silly for not thinking of that before. It just seemed like Kaylee had always been their daughter.

“I’d love to adopt children, if my wife wanted to one day,” Levi said softly. “Families come in all shapes and sizes. The most important thing is that they care about each other.”

Tears sprang from Lily’s eyes, and to her horror she let out a ragged sob. Hiding her face in her hands, she cried like her heart was broken, completely unable to stop herself.

She heard him standing and moving his chair beside hers.

When his warm arm wrapped around her and pulled her close, she cried even harder against his chest, as sweet relief swept over her, and all the tension she had been feeling about this moment slid away with her tears.

“I’m s-sorry,” she sobbed.

“It’s okay,” he told her softly. “It was a big deal, you telling me that. Thank you for trusting me with it.”

“Oh,” a woman’s voice said worriedly.

Lily realized the waitress was there and pulled out of Levi’s arms, swiping at her eyes with her sleeves.

“Here,” he said gently, handing her a napkin.

For some reason, that was funny to Lily, and she giggled a little, feeling less embarrassed, even as she blew her nose in front of the waitress. When she looked up, the young woman was eyeing her worriedly.

“I’m fine,” Lily told her. “We were just having an emotional conversation. But everything is great.”

The girl frowned, and kept looking at Lily, tilting her head slightly, as if in question.

“We’re good, really,” Lily told her.

The waitress nodded and placed the menus on the table. But she still looked a little suspicious.

“I’d love a Coca-Cola,” Levi said.

“Make it two, please,” Lily told her.

“I’ll be right back with those,” she said, heading inside again.

“I don’t know how to make her see we’re okay,” Lily said, biting her lip.

“It’s good that she has her eye out for bad situations,” Levi said. “We’ll just have an excellent lunch and I’ll bet by the end we’ll be in the clear.”

“I like that idea,” Lily said.

They both looked over the menu in silence for a few minutes. Everything looked incredible, but Lily was horrified at the prices. Levi didn’t look at all concerned though, and she knew he was trying to tell her something about how he felt by taking her here.

That idea made her cheeks heat in spite of the cold.

After what felt like a longer time than she probably needed to grab a few Cokes, the waitress was back with their drinks. Lily figured she was probably trying to give them a minute to get it together, which was nice.

“What can I get you?” the girl asked.

“Two rib-eyes, rare, with potatoes and grilled vegetables, please,” Levi said.

That was a lot more than Lily wanted to eat, but maybe he had sensed she wasn’t comfortable with the prices and wanted to get her the nicest thing on the menu. She wasn’t sure if it was romantic or insulting to just order for her like that. But he was looking at her expectantly now, and she had no idea what she was supposed to say.

“What would you like, Lily?” he asked her after a moment.

“Oh,” she said, stunned. “I thought you ordered for me.”

“I’m a big guy,” he said apologetically. “And I was too excited about our first date to eat any breakfast today. Do you want a ribeye too?”

The waitress let out a funny little sound and Lily glanced up to see the poor young woman was trying not to laugh.

“No, thank you,” Lily said, chuckling a little herself. “How about the soup and salad? Lobster bisque and a Caesar salad, please.”

“We’ll get that started for you two right away,” the waitress said with a relaxed smile.

“Are you really going to eat two steaks?” Lily asked when the waitress had gone.

“I might let you have a bite,” Levi teased.

Lily laughed and felt herself relax. This was going to be a nice date after all.

“Hey, I know we just got here and everything,” Levi said. “But my mom asked me to see if you wanted to come by tomorrow. We’re doing a big family potluck while we build benches for Emma’s wedding. It’s just going to be casual, but it would be great to have you there. And I know Flora would love it.”

“Thank you,” Lily said, feeling surprised and pleased. “That sounds really fun. What can I bring?”

“We invited you last minute,” he said. “So just bring yourself this time.”

“No way,” she said. “I can’t let your family think I’m slacking.”

“I don’t think anyone would ever think that,” he told her.

“Well, I’ll definitely be there,” she told him. “Stephanie is on tomorrow anyway to help out with inventory.”

“That’s great,” he said, smiling warmly and making her chest flutter.

“Did your mom really suggest it?” she heard herself blurt out.

“Inviting you tomorrow?” he asked. “Absolutely. She also offered to take Flora today when I told her I wanted to ask you out.”

“Wow,” Lily said, nodding as the pieces rearranged themselves in her mind.

“Why?” he asked.

She definitely wasn’t going to tell him that she’d thought his mom would want someone smarter and more sophisticated for her son. He’d already spent enough time reassuring her today.

“No reason,” she said, shrugging it off. “I was just curious. It’s really nice that she’s with Flora today. She was amazing with her the other night. She fixed her bottle one-handed.”

“Well, she’s got plenty of experience,” Levi said. “She had her hands full with all of us.”

Lily started asking about his siblings and the conversation flowed so easily that she was surprised when their food came.

She tried to silence the happy little voice in the back of her head and remember to take things slowly.

But as she watched him eat his steak, simple pleasure all over his handsome face, she couldn’t help thinking she was on a date with the most wonderful man in Trinity Falls.

And for the first time in a long time, she was really excited to see what happened next.