38. August

38

August

Every breath was a struggle, like the weight of everything I’d done and failed to do was finally crushing me beneath it.

I could feel the blood pulsing sluggishly through my veins, the throb of the wound Raol had inflicted still sharp despite my attempts to push it aside. It was nothing compared to the sting of regret that gnawed at my soul.

Regret. It consumed me. For all the times I pushed Elisabed away, for all the things I should’ve done but hadn’t, for how I stood there and let her fall into this. I should’ve protected her and kept her safe, but I’d let her fall back into Raol’s grasping hands again.

Images of her—beautiful, sweet, defiant—flashed through my mind.

I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t save her.

I didn’t deserve to live.

I’d never been good enough, not for her or anyone. My entire life had been a series of mistakes, each one stacked on top of the other until they crushed me beneath their weight.

And yet, even as the blackness threatened to swallow me whole, some reckless, stubborn part of me clung to the thought of her, of Elisabed.

If I died here, at least I could die knowing I tried. That was the only thing left that mattered. I’d failed her in every way, but maybe, just maybe, if I could take Raol down, it would somehow make up for all of it.

Suddenly, my mind broke free from the darkness, and I found myself elsewhere. Somewhere warm, somewhere safe. It was so different from the cold stone of the prison, so different from the pain that had been eating at me.

It was a dream, but not just any dream. It felt real, real in a way that made my heart race and my body burn with longing.

I was back with her. Elisabed.

I could feel her hands on my chest, her fingers trembling as she ran them over my skin. Her touch was soft and hesitant but full of a longing I couldn’t ignore. I was standing in a field, surrounded by the golden glow of the setting sun. The air smelled like warmth and freedom, like something that could be ours if only we reached for it.

Her eyes met mine—eyes filled with uncertainty and need. I could see it in her gaze. She waited for me to make the first move, tell her what to do, and guide her through the whirlwind of emotions between us.

I stepped forward, drawn to her like a magnet. She was the only thing that mattered in this dream, in this world.

“Elisabed...” My voice was a whisper, hoarse from the intensity of the desire building inside me. She didn’t need to answer me. We both knew what we wanted and what we needed.

I slowly leaned down to kiss her, slowly and intentionally. I tasted her—the sweet heat of her lips, the salt of her skin, and the depth of everything she was.

She responded with a soft sigh, her hands resting on my chest. I felt her nails lightly graze my skin, the pressure sending a shock of electricity through me.

This—this was what I wanted. This was everything I’d been dreaming of, longing for.

Neither of us spoke. Even if this hadn’t been a dream, I wouldn’t have wanted us to. We communicated so much better with touch, with our hands on each other’s bodies.

She kissed me back harder, and I gently guided her until she was lying down in the grass, her hair spread out around her when she looked up at me. I quickly divested myself of my clothes, and her eyes fell to my cock when it sprang free, widening a little when she saw how hard it was.

“Can I...?” I asked, reaching for her. My voice was rough, and she licked her lips before she nodded, a flicker of understanding passing through her pretty eyes.

“Please,” she whispered.

I helped her out of her clothes, letting her sit up so I could tug her shirt off, then nudging her hips up so that I could drag her pants off her legs. Her pussy was slick and shining already, swollen with arousal that made my mouth water. I leaned down and dragged my tongue up the inside of her thigh, moaning at the taste of her, and her fingers wound through my hair before she dragged me up so that we were face to face once more.

“August,” she breathed. Her hips jerked when the tip of my cock brushed against her, and she pressed forward, wrapping her legs around my hips so that I was lined up firmly against her and she could grind.

I groaned softly as she took what she needed from my body, the slick heat of her folds rubbing up against my shaft as she ground against me, and she pulled me down for a kiss as our hips worked. I wasn’t even inside of her yet, and this was still so fucking intimate that I could weep. I could feel it healing something inside me that was desperately begging for forgiveness.

Forgiveness I certainly hadn’t earned and would never get in reality.

I gently kissed her, our lips moving slowly, and I could feel her mild frustration even as she responded to my gentleness. She arched underneath me, whimpering as I stroked my tongue along her lower lip, and I grasped her hip with one hand, sliding my other into her hair and pulling away so that I could look into her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Elisabed,” I rasped. Even if this was only a dream, I had to tell her. “I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you, and now I won’t get the chance to make it up to you.”

Her eyes widened slightly at my words, and she furrowed her brow. “August, I...”

I pressed our lips together, effectively silencing her as I shifted my hips and lined my cock up with her pussy before slowly pushing in. I wasn’t interested in whatever way my subconscious tried to make me feel better. My guilt was justified, and I was going to take my imaginary pleasure while I still could, before I woke up and faced the true consequences of my actions.

“Oh...” Elisabed tossed her head back and moaned, long and low, as I sank inside of her, and the wet heat of her pussy made my eyes roll back into my head. We didn’t say anything more as we set a slow, steady pace, and I didn’t want to.

I just wanted this. The way we were together, the way that she was wrapped around me and in my nose and in my head . She was mine—I had failed her, but she was still mine.

And even if I couldn’t rescue her or save her life or mine, I could give her this.

“Come on, sweetheart,” I managed, my voice a rough growl. My fingers dug a little harder into her head, and my hips worked faster as I pulled away and looked down into her eyes. Her pupils were blown with arousal, her lips parted and swollen, and I committed the sight of her face to memory as my hips worked faster. “I want to feel you come around my cock one more time.”

She seemed a little confused, but I shifted the angle, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head as I started nailing her G-spot with each thrust. Her whimpers immediately picked up, getting desperate and frantic, and she clung to me as I worked her up.

“August, August, August...” she whimpered.

The sound of my name on her lips was everything I wanted, and I could feel my own orgasm rapidly approaching. My cock throbbed inside her, and I growled, shoving my free hand between our bodies so that I could work her swollen clit hard and fast. I wanted her to come, and I wanted it now.

It worked. The additional stimulation made her gasp, and she threw back her head as her entire body stiffened, and she fell over the edge of orgasm without further prompting. The sight of her pleasure was fucking exquisite, and I slammed home inside her and flooded her clenching pussy with my cum.

It was silent in the meadow as the pair of us came down from our orgasms, and I leaned my forehead against hers as I sighed, and my cock softened and slipped out of her.

“You’re perfect, Elisabed,” I whispered, gently gathering her in my arms and rolling to the side. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to protect you.”

She furrowed her brow again and opened her mouth, but whatever she intended to say slipped away as the dream faded into something a little less vivid, a little more dreamlike, and I gave up the last vestiges of my mate to my subconscious.