25. Elisabed

25

Elisabed

The day passed in a quiet blur. I spent most of it reading and thinking about my new life. I reflected on my alphas and the unique differences that made them who they were.

August had been calm from the beginning, and the flaring of his anger the day before was surprising to me. Finn, occasionally obnoxious, had moments of softness—especially when I needed them most—and Marshall, who had been cold at first, slowly revealed a surprisingly tender side.

I wasn’t sure where I stood with any of them yet. Everything was still so new, and it was hard to make sense of the emotions that stirred inside me whenever they were near.

I was lost in thought when I heard a soft knock on the door.

“It’s me, sweetheart.”

I moved to the door and opened it for August, who was holding a basket in his hands. He smiled at me hesitantly and offered it to me.

“Dinner,” he said.

I stepped aside, letting him in, and watched as he set the basket down on the small table in my room. The smell of warm food filled the air, but the tension between us made it hard to focus on anything else.

August moved to set the food out on the table, but his movements were slow and deliberate. We just sat there and didn’t speak for a long moment, the silence stretching between us. I could feel his eyes on me more than once, but he quickly averted his gaze whenever I looked up.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “I, uh...I owe you an apology,” he said quietly, and I looked at him with curiosity. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I was out of line yesterday. I never should have treated you that way.”

His sincerity made my chest tighten, and I nodded slowly, not sure what to say.

“I hope you can forgive me,” he added, almost too softly. There was something in his eyes, in the way he looked at me now, that made me believe his apology was genuine. But I didn’t say anything, letting the quiet settle between us for a moment longer.

He seemed to take a deep breath before continuing. “The thing is, I’ve never been good with control,” he said. “When I was young, I lost it once. A group of humans attacked my family —my pack—and I...I couldn’t stop myself. I killed them. All of them except one. Even when it was clear to everyone else that they would retreat and my pack stepped back, I didn’t. I didn’t even think about what I was doing. My wolf took over. It took three older men to hold me back from the last human. He was a teenager, just like me.”

He paused, and I noticed his jaw tighten. The pain of that memory was still so fresh for him. I reached for the edge of the table to steady myself, knowing the weight of what he was about to say would be heavier than I expected.

“Days later, I went out hunting,” he continued, his voice low. “I was alone, far from the pack, and I didn’t realize what was happening until I heard the commotion. By the time I got back, the humans were long gone.”

I felt my heart squeeze, but the horror of his next words truly made my stomach turn.

“The humans...it wasn’t just another random attack,” August said, his voice thick with pain. “They came after my family for revenge after what I did. Once the survivor told them what happened, they tracked us down. They turned on my parents for information when they couldn’t find me. They...they tortured them. They didn’t even have the decency to kill them outright. They died from their injuries hours later.”

I gasped softly, the image of what he must’ve walked into filling my mind in vivid, haunting detail.

August looked down, unable to meet my eyes, but his voice remained steady. “When I finally arrived, it was already too late. I tried to hunt the humans down, but they were long gone. So I just stood there, in the middle of the carnage, trying to come to terms with the idea that my parents were essentially dead—and it was all my fault.”

I swallowed hard, my own throat tight with the grief that poured from him. I understood now why he was so afraid of losing control, of giving in to that dark side of himself. He wasn’t just holding back his wolf; he was holding back all of himself because of the consequences of what had happened.

He feared the bloodshed and pain he could cause—and had caused.

How could anyone carry that kind of guilt?

“I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone again,” he continued, his gaze finally lifting to meet mine, dark and full of regret. “Especially not humans. All it’s ever done is bring me and those I love disgrace. That’s why I can’t let my wolf take over again. It’s why I get angry sometimes. It’s why Finn...he doesn’t understand. He attacks like it’s nothing, like it’s just a game. But it’s not. You can’t just lose control like that.”

I grimaced with guilt and listened quietly, my heart softening toward him. I could see now why he’d been so distant, why he kept so much inside. It wasn’t just about control—it was about fear, fear of what he might do if he lost himself again.

I looked at him, feeling something warm growing between us. I understood now, even if I hadn’t before. And somehow, in that moment, I knew I’d forgiven him long before he apologized.

But then, just as I thought the conversation might lighten, he dropped another bombshell.

“I’ll be leaving soon,” he said, his voice quieter now. “Before winter comes, most of my pack will return north. The pack needs to run in the mountains for the season. I have to go with them.”

I couldn’t process his words. I couldn’t process the thought of him being gone.

“Wait, what? You’re leaving?” I managed.

“It’s what we do, Elisabed,” he said. “We return to our territories to let our wolves run free on safe and familiar ground. It’s part of what makes our pack who we are.”

I could feel my stomach drop. The thought of him leaving was too much to handle. What would happen to me? What would happen to us? The thought of being alone again, of not having him here...it devastated me.

“But...what about...” I trailed off, struggling to find the words. “What about us? What happens when you leave? Will you come back?”

August’s gaze softened as he looked at me, but I could see the same uncertainty in his eyes. He didn’t have the answers, and that scared me more than I wanted to admit.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said, though I could hear the hesitation in his voice. “I’ll come back when we’re done. But... until then, we’ll do what we have to.”

I nodded slowly, my thoughts swirling. I didn’t know what to think anymore. All I knew was that I didn’t want him to go, not yet, not when everything was still so new.