Chapter Forty Naomi

Chapter Forty

Naomi

February 2023, three months before her death

That Sunday, Maya invites me over for lunch at her apartment in Brooklyn, an apology for missing the show, and on the train ride over, I can’t stop thinking about the picture Liam showedme.

—

Normally I’d be excited to visit Maya’s Brooklyn apartment. I love the way she always has a pot of green tea and stacks of books and papers everywhere. It feels like home. But today, I’m more nervous than excited to see her.

“It’s so good to see you.” She gives me a hug at the door. Behind her, tiny footsteps patter across the hardwood. Maya yells back into the house, “Dani, guess who’s here?”

“Aunt N’omi!” Dani surges up to me and wraps her little arms around my knees, toppling me over.

I laugh, bending down to hug her. “Hey, kiddo! Jeez, what do you eat and how do I get some? You’ve grown another two inches!”

“Next year, I’m gonna be this tall!” She reaches high into the air.

“You’re almost as tall as me,” I say, impressed. “You keep going at this rate, pretty soon you’ll be a teenager.” I shoot a teasing look at Maya, who rolls her eyes.

Dani looks down, chin dropping to her chest as she juts out a hip. She looks sideways at Maya, then back at me. “Mama wouldn’t let me go to your show,” she complains.

“It was too late. And not for little girls,” Maya says.

“I’m not little,” Dani says.

“Actually, she could’ve come,” I say. “We used clean versions of the tracks.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t make it,” Maya says. “It was impossible to find a sitter.”

I look down. “Yeah—it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“I wanted to be there, really. I promise not to miss the next one.” I bite my tongue, not reminding her that this was my senior-year show, there would be no more. “Do you want some tea?” she asks.

—

We sip our tea on the couch, listening to Dani recite one of the books she knows by heart, and I grow more anxious the later it gets. Before she starts the next one, I turn to Maya. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Maya raises her eyebrows. We don’t always get along, but we can read each other’s tones better than anyone. “Dani, honey,” she says. “Why don’t you go to your room and get your new drawing to show Aunt Naomi?”

Dani looks up and rattles off something about all the drawings she’s done and runs out of the room. Maya turns to me. “So how are things going? Are you still seeing that guy you brought for dinner?”

“Who, Liam?” I feel my face flush, remembering how badly that dinner went. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“I saw in your stories he gave you flowers?” Maya says this in a pleasant tone, but I can tell there’s more behind it. She’s itching to say what she’s said so many times before: Why are you dating him again? He’s not good for you.

“He brought them to the show…” He came, unlike you, I want to say. “But that’s not— I wanted to ask you something.” I look at her as her smile fades, and think better of it. Why do that to her, anyway? She’d never mentioned it, not even in passing. Her friend died in a horrific way. She’s tried to block it out and move on. I don’t blame her.

“Aunt N’omi!” I hear Dani in the other room, and my heart squeezes.

“Never mind.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” I sigh. “I just want you to know I’m here, if you ever need to get anything off your chest. I won’t judge you. For anything.” I look at her, hoping she’ll get the hint, even though it’s impossible for her to know what I’m hinting at.

She studies my face. I close my eyes and shake my head.

She leans down so that she’s hovering over me. “If there’s something going on, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

I sigh. She’s not getting it.

“I can help,” she says, “if you’re ever in trouble.” She stands, leaving me to walk to the kitchen. She places both hands on the countertop and hangs her head as if completely drained. “If it’s something else…” Her eyes slide down to my stomach.

Is she implying that I might be pregnant? “It’s not about Liam.” I join her at the counter. Her eyes are closed now, and she’s taking deep breaths. I place one hand on her shoulder. “I’m fine.”

Maya doesn’t answer. I can tell she’s trying to stay calm. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know.” I want to tell her I love her, but it’s not something we say often. It feels so final, like we’re expecting something bad to happen.

Her eyes flick to mine. “Cecily told me you turned down the job at Hunt.”

“I was going to tell you.”

She puts up a hand. “You don’t have to explain. They’re not in a good place right now.” I nod. “But,” she adds, “you’ve got to figure something out. You’re graduating in three months and you don’t have a plan. Everyone else I’ve talked to has a job already. I can ask Kai—”

“I’m figuring it out,” I say, my face warming. It’s embarrassing, her asking everyone we know for a job. Maybe I don’t want the kind of life she wants for me. Maybe I don’t need a house or a husband or a corporate job, or all the things society tells us will make us happy, because from what I’ve seen, they don’t. “Professor DuPont said he could connect me with someone at Omnis. Some kind of journalism program—”

“No.” She says it with such force that I wince. “No,” she says, more calmly. “I mean, you shouldn’t settle.”

The muscles in her face are tense. She looks exhausted. Maya is about to respond when Dani comes flying back into the kitchen, arms overflowing with markers and paintbrushes. “Aunt N’omi! Come to my room!”

I look at Maya, who looks away. I sigh and turn back to Dani. “Okay, Dani-girl. Show me what you got.”

Hours later, I’m alone with Maya in the entryway, shrugging my coat over my shoulders, when she says, “Don’t let him do any favors for you.” Maya is staring at me with a look I can’t read, her hand resting on the door. I’ve never seen my sister like this before.

“Who?”

“Matthew DuPont,” she says, her voice stern. “Trust me, you don’t ever want to owe that man anything.”