Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

MADELINE

The day seemed to be flying by at an alarming rate. They had lunch with Judy and thankfully, no one mentioned her answering Noah's phone, or the fact that she'd actually slept in so late. Noah was a perfect gentleman and didn't say a word about how she slept – which was all over the man. They mentioned going to spend the afternoon at the zoo. Unfortunately, it closed early at five. Instead, they opted to go walk around the mall for a bit together and then grab some seafood for dinner near the ocean.

"What time do you fly out tomorrow?"

His voice was quiet, hanging in the air between them as they strolled along holding hands. She didn't need anything, didn't really want to purchase anything, but just needed to be close to him for a while longer while she could.

"My flight leaves at eleven, so I need to be at the airport around nine."

"I see."

"Are you going back to the ship?" she asked quietly, tucking her hand into his arm and cradling it to her side as they strolled along past several shops.

"I have to – or I could get an apartment here if you want to come back sooner. I'd be happy to find us someplace quiet in the area." His voice seemed so hopeful, so hesitant and wistful, that she didn't want to get his hopes up for something that might not happen for a little while.

"My lease is for eight months," she whispered and saw his face fall.

"Oh."

"Does this mean you'll miss me?"

"You know I will."

"You've never said anything or even hinted at what you feel regarding our relationship except that you ‘want to give it a try.' How are you going to feel about me leaving – because I know how I'll feel, and it's awful."

"Because I don't want to push you into something if you aren't ready, but yes – I will miss you terribly."

"I'll miss you too – more than I thought possible," she whispered painfully, needing to make this moment lighter somehow and not focus on the upcoming separation once again. "I mean, who am I going to warm my feet on at night?"

"It better be ‘ nobody,' " he smiled tenderly and then wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "You can put your feet, hands, or whatever on me at any time because waking up like that this morning - that was the best thing ever."

"It was pretty amazing to be held like that."

"Although, tapping me on the nose to ‘snooze' me was pretty cute."

"That's me – cute."

Noah pulled to a stop and looked at her, right there in the middle of the mall and dropped to his knees in front of her.

"What are you doing?"

"Proposing."

"We're already married."

"I'm proposing that when the eight months are up, you please come home to me," he whispered emotionally, not bothering to hide the sadness in his expression. "You aren't merely cute… you're vital like rainwater or oxygen. I need to see your smile, hear your voice, and have you wiggle your butt against my hip – which is amazing, by the way."

"Oh my gosh," she blurted out laughing embarrassedly as people began to stop and stare at the scene he was making, kneeling and holding her hand in his.

"I know none of this is normal between us, but when you get the chance to hold onto a miracle… you jump in with both feet and ask questions later."

"Noah…"

"I need you," he said quietly, not looking away from her eyes. "Eight months. Live your life, enjoy your freedom, celebrate each moment, and savor the excitement of your position in New York – but don't forget me or what is beginning to take shape with us."

"I'm not going to forget you," she breathed tearfully. "I couldn't."

"I don't care where we go, whether it's here or another port, just come with me and be at my side."

"Eight months?"

"Yes," he whispered, his eyes searching hers – as she nodded. The look of relief on his face was palpable as his shoulders sagged, and he gave her a shaky smile. "We'll figure out something, find some archeology spot for you to work, or maybe you could apply your degree differently, like teaching or something? I don't know, but we can do this."

"We have eight months to figure it out together."

"Get up," she whispered, tugging at his hand… and when he stood, she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly. Noah didn't say a word. He just wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face on her shoulder.

"Just be careful," he whispered painfully. "I really need you to be okay and come back to me."

And Madeline hesitated, the boxes clicking suddenly in her mind. His dad had been gone, and when he finally came back, he died a few years later. That trauma had to stick with someone, especially someone so young, and at that moment, she knew. Noah was bound to the government by his contract with the Navy, but she was not. She would make contacts, learn about different places here where she might be a good fit, or figure it out somehow.

"Eight months," she whispered, smoothing his hair. "I promise."

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

"We'll start over one last time," she breathed. "We'll know each other better, no one will be chasing us, and we'll have all the time in the world between your deployments. And when you are gone, then I'm eating all your junk food and hogging the blankets…" and was rewarded with a ragged laugh as he pulled back and looked at her, nodding.

"It's yours," he smiled. "Everything you want, every part of me, my future, my dreams… they are all yours."

***

That evening, they walked along the beach together and were strangely silent. The impending goodbye was hanging over them, creating such a miasma in everything. Dinner was tasteless, shopping was irritating, and everything seemed to be dull in the world – like all the color and life was slowly draining before her eyes.

Pulling to a stop, she stared off at the sunset, releasing Noah's hand and moving to wrap her arms around his waist, hugging him.

"I think this is my favorite moment in the last six months… just this," she whispered softly, breathing in the sea air combined with the scent of soap on his skin. Feeling his warmth, the way his chest moved slightly as he breathed, was so calming to her anxious soul right now. He had become so vital to her in a way she never anticipated or expected, finding him at a moment when she was her weakest.

"This is heaven," he murmured, kissing her head before resting his cheek against her hair and let out a shaky breath. "The next several months will be hell."

"I never imagined any of this when I asked you to help me."

"I never imagined this when I said ‘Yes,'" he chuckled tenderly as the two took a moment to share a knowing smile. She was about to tease him or say something else when something imperceptible changed within his eyes right before they dropped to her lips.

"Noah?"

"I wish we had more time," he said softly, reaching up to caress his thumb over her bottom lip, tickling her. "I want to say so much, do so much, and there never seems to be the right moment or the right time."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to spend hours holding you in my arms, but the thought of doing that now and saying ‘goodbye' in the morning is too painful. I'm doing the best I can to give you as much space as you need… "

"I don't need more space," she interrupted in a hushed whisper thick with tears. "I want memories, moments to hold onto while I'm gone."

"And I want more than just a single night of incredible moments," he countered softly, adjusting his stance slightly as he moved to cup her face with both of his hands, staring into her eyes. "What you're asking…"

"Make them with me," she hissed in frustration, cutting him off and grasping his wrists. "You wanted me to trust you – well, I do . I have trusted you since the very first moment that I met you. I trusted you with my life in Egypt, Noah. You were a perfect stranger, and I never looked back," she breathed tearfully, searching his eyes. "You keep taking some imaginary and noble high road. Well, it's not working. All that is doing is making me think that there is something wrong with me."

"Come here," he said tightly, turning away and grasping her wrist. "I'm not doing this publicly for anyone to see or hear."

Madeline was practically dragged from the small walkway that led to the beach toward the hotel as Noah charged forward quickly with her jogging along beside him to stay caught up. He looked angry, and it was breaking her heart standing beside him in the elevator. His eyes were fully focused on the display above the doors that was counting upward, and before the door dinged – he grabbed her arm again, pulling her along.

"I'm sorry, I just…" she began, feeling even worse than before for speaking up about her own wants. He'd been so sweet, so loving, and so understanding that she wanted the same thing. She wanted more than a night of memories.

She wanted a lifetime of them.

This morning, she pretended to be asleep when he kissed her forehead only because she didn't want to move from the haven that she'd found in his arms, and he didn't even bother to try to wake her up or make a move toward her. Even over lunch, her mind worked, trying to figure out what exactly was wrong between them and why her husband didn't want her.

Then he suggested going shopping at the mall.

And walking on the beach.

It was like he didn't want to be alone with her, and she couldn't figure out why. Even at the mall, when he said all those sweet things to her, she expected something to change between them, and it didn't. The last twenty minutes they had spent walking on the beach together were beautiful, but that growing question inside of her was starting to erode at her patience.

As the door to the hotel room opened, she saw him fling the electronic key to the door onto the console where the in-room coffeemaker sat.

"Noah…" she began tearfully – and something snapped.

"Is this what you want?" He grabbed her, grinding his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her before the hotel room door even closed behind them. Something within her exploded as she grasped at his shoulders, accidentally jabbing him blindly in the ear during her rush to reach for him, causing each of them to pause.

"I'm done waiting…" he growled, his dark eyes nearly glowing with intensity as he looked at her – and she melted. Mentally, her ‘swoon count' was ripped in half, and she chucked it out the window of her mind as he spoke. "I want it all . I'm trying to be nice about it because I don't want you to regret marrying some stranger – or worse yet – divorce me in a month or two when you're tired of being alone."

"I'm not going to… "

"I know you're not because I'm not letting go without a fight. You're mine and have been since the moment you looked at me," he grumbled, pulling her close to him and reaching between them, yanking her shirttail out of her pants fast enough to cause her to gasp at the barely restrained movement.

"I dream of this. Is that what you want to hear, to feel? That I crave you with every breath you take?" he whispered huskily, his eyes melting with enough passion to stop her heart. "I don't want to just have casual sex with my wife… I want to lose myself in you."

The noise that escaped from her throat was incoherent, and she knew it. Closing her eyes, she thought back to that split second as he'd kissed her stomach – combined with the feeling of his lips now on her jaw as he continued to whisper to her.

"I want to taste your skin, touch every inch of you, and…"

"Oh mercy," she managed to strangle out. "I want that too…"

Her whole world spun as her knees were knocked out from under her, landing bodily against something soft. She opened her eyes, realizing that she was lying on the bed as Noah stood there above her. He was beautiful, fierce, and so incredibly sexy as he stared at her for a moment before drawing his T-shirt over his head in a slow manner, revealing every inch of his abdomen, his torso, and his shoulders before tossing it onto the floor.

"Nothing is wrong with you," he began hoarsely. "I think you are exquisite."

"I'm just me," she countered and waved her hand at him. "And you are… whoa buddy , you are something . Do they even make words to describe all of this ? I mean, those shoulders? I never thought I was a shoulders-sort-of-girl, but I would officially like to start a fan club. Sexy shoulders? Seductive shoulders? Succulent…?"

"I'm not a cactus, sweetheart. Cacti are succulents. I'm just a normal guy," Noah chuckled as his lip turned upward in that classic smile that was so him – and reached for his belt, pausing.

Her eyes followed his movement, her heart clamoring in her chest. She was pretty sure she couldn't breathe correctly anymore as her eyes rose to meet his. This beautiful man - both in body, heart, and soul - was hers, and she was never going to let him go.

"You are anything but ‘normal,' Noah."

"I want you to love me," he began hoarsely, reaching for her. "… Because I love you, Madeline."

She held out her arms as words failed her.