Chapter 17

S alem came home feeling both tired and apprehensive. He'd not been able to contact Gregori most of the evening, mostly due to one emergency after the next at work. He'd barely had the sense to order takeout before leaving work. Frankly, he didn't have a ton of brainpower to spare, but he was determined to fix things with Gregori.

Normally, he barely got to the door before Gregori pulled it open. Something about dragon hearing letting him know the second Salem was near. Tonight, though, he had to open it himself. It took some maneuvering to get the door unlocked and himself inside while holding a large takeout bag, but once through he realized the lights weren't on.

Was Gregori not home?

No…wait. This wasn't his home.

A chill went through Salem when the realization hit. This wasn't Gregori's home. His home was on a beautiful beach on a completely different continent. He was only here because Salem was here. No other reason.

If Salem rejected him hard enough, Gregori wouldn't stay. He'd leave. It was as simple as that. The thought impacted him like a punch to the gut, panic quickly chasing it. Salem had resolved to try and trust Gregori, but he couldn't very well do it if Gregori had finally gotten sick of him.

A pained breath escaped him and he looked around frantically for some sign of Gregori still being there. Surely their argument earlier hadn't been the breaking point. Not when Salem had regretted it so, so much. Ugh, dammit, he couldn't even blame Gregori if it had been the tipping point. They'd fought so much over the past month; today's incident could very well have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Salem wouldn't even be mad at him for it.

The doctor in him, the one trained in emergencies, kicked him into gear. First, put the food down, then canvass the apartment; he might very well be in the bedroom, it wasn't like Salem could see through to the room with the door shut. Don't panic just yet, he could just be out getting dinner or?—

"Salem?"

He whipped around, spotting Gregori coming out of the bathroom, sleep pants on and nothing else, damp hair loose around his shoulders. Relief sucker punched him in the sternum so hard he bent a little under the force. Still here. Gregori was still here. Thank fuck.

The takeout boxes hit the table a little harder than he intended as Salem dropped them. He also didn't care. Reaching this man was the absolute priority.

Salem more or less threw himself at Gregori. The dragon didn't expect it, rocking back on his heels, almost losing his balance. Salem locked his arms around Gregori's waist and held on tightly, face buried against the bare skin of Gregori's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He wanted to speak louder, but Salem's throat was so tight with emotion it was hard to force anything out. "I'm so sorry."

Those large, warm hands pulled him in, Gregori wrapping himself around Salem.

Normally Gregori was effusive and talkative, so this silence from him was strange.

Panic made Salem babble. "I didn't think of it as flirting. I was trying to de-escalate the whole thing without pissing him off. You know how men get when they're rejected, most don't take it well, but I didn't think of how it looked from the outside. I'm not interested in him, but I should have been clearer on it. More firm, I guess. I'm so sorry. Next time this happens, I'll shut it down immediately."

He could feel it in Gregori's body language when he accepted it and settled.

"I'm sorry—" Gregori breathed.

"What?! No, don't you dare apologize. This wasn't on you."

"Still—"

"No. Okay? No. This really, truly isn't on you. This was my screwup. Hell, if our roles had been reversed, I would have done more than yell."

A hint of a smile lurked in Gregori's voice. "Is that right?"

"I'm the bad tempered one, this is established, you know damn well I'd have been throwing something. Hands, tables, something."

Something of a laugh might have come from Gregori before he impossibly tried to hug Salem harder.

There was something about this moment. Some sense of foreboding. Like something was out of place but Salem couldn't put a finger on it. There was a sense of desperation in Gregori's grip, and he wasn't saying much, when normally he'd make the first move and not shut up. This whole thing felt very, very wrong.

Had Salem screwed up so badly? Was that it?

And why had Gregori come out of the shower? It was kind of the wrong time of day for it.

Salem's doctor brain kicked in. Was Gregori sick? Could dragons even get common colds?

Leaning back, he put a hand to Gregori's forehead. No, temperature felt fine. Breathing sounded fine, too.

Gregori caught his hand, smile more genuine. "I'm fine, doctor."

"You're damn fine, but that's not my concern right now. You're acting kind of off. Why are you coming out of the shower? Are you feeling cold, or?—"

Gregori shook his head, smile increasing a little. Like Salem's concern pleased him. "I went for a flight earlier. I was washing off the sweat."

All right, that sounded plausible on the surface. It could very well be the truth. Still, his doctor sense insisted something was very wrong. It just wasn't readily apparent. People took longer hot showers if they were battling loneliness or depression. The heat and water helped allay the symptoms. Was that the other reason for the shower?

Gregori had never lived outside of his clan. Never been this far, for this long, away from other dragons. He had to be feeling homesick, at the very least. But he wasn't complaining about it. Shouldn't he be complaining or at least commenting on it?

Ugh, Salem really was an asshole. He should have been monitoring Gregori's condition better than this. He knew it was uncharted territory. Gregori didn't feel confident confiding in Salem, probably afraid of showing a weakness Salem could use in an argument, which was also on him.

He kicked himself a few more times. Stupid asshole. Why did he have to be such an asshole when Gregori had been great this entire time?

"If you're feeling sick, or even just off, you have to tell me, okay?" Salem hadn't been the best listener before now, but he was damn well changing this immediately. "Don't bury it, talk to me."

"Well, right now, I feel hungry." Gregori straightened enough to look toward the table, his nostrils flaring in a dramatic way. "I smell favorite foods."

All right, Salem would let this go for now, but if Gregori thought the conversation done, he was very mistaken.

"I picked up some favorites on the way home. You didn't have plans for dinner, right?"

"Uh, no, I didn't." Gregori dropped a kiss on his forehead before releasing him, heading for the table. "Good thinking, too. This smells delicious."

Salem played along because forcing someone to talk never really went over well. He fetched plates while Gregori took packages out of the bag. He kept the conversation light and easy as they sat around the table and ate.

For all that Gregori said it smelled good, he didn't really eat much. Salem was accustomed to Gregori eating a good three times what he himself would eat—shifting, flying, and using magic all consumed calories—but tonight he ate the same amount Salem would. Which was a very telling sign. Gregori was not feeling well, but whether this was physical or emotional was hard to discern without his patient talking to him.

Patient. Ha. Even his brain didn't know how to describe Gregori. Were they boyfriends? Mates? Something else entirely? And sadly, it was entirely Salem's call. Gregori would agree to anything as long as he got to stay with Salem. Even trying to have a Define the Relationship talk wouldn't work because Gregori would agree to anything but breaking up.

Ugh, so frustrating.

"I'm dead on my feet." Salem shot Gregori a quick side-eye as he rinsed his plate, prepping to put it in dishwasher. "How about we watch TV and unwind?"

"Sure. Anything you want to watch?"

He had to give Gregori something. Anything. "Wasn't there a show you recommended? Because you'd read the book."

It took Gregori a second. "Oh! Yeah, Apothecary Diaries . I read the manga for it. I haven't had a chance to watch the anime, which is just sad."

"Let's watch it, then."

Gregori gave him a puzzled look. "I thought you don't watch anime?"

"I've never tried it," Salem corrected. "I don't know if I'll like it or not but I'm willing to watch it."

For a second, just a second, Gregori looked his usual self, delighted Salem met him halfway on something. It was just for a second before he went back into the exhausted state he was trying to hide behind a smile.

"I think you'll enjoy it. It's definitely not for kids."

"Pull it up, then. Er…what app?"

"Crunchyroll. It's fine, I've already added it to your TV."

He had? Since when? Granted, Salem didn't watch a lot of TV.

They piled onto the couch, Gregori with the remote in hand. He loaded the show and started it, insisting on keeping the Japanese and having subtitles. Which was fine; Salem didn't mind subbed shows.

The first episode in and Salem was hooked. This really was pretty good. And Gregori was right, it wasn't a kid's show, clearly meant for teens and adults. Too much politics and adult themes for it to be okay for kids.

By the second episode, Gregori had gone from sitting upright next to him to leaning against his shoulder. By the third episode, he was lying on his side, head pillowed on Salem's thighs. Salem carded fingers through Gregori's long silky hair, giving him some affection and comfort.

This man clearly wasn't feeling well. He also wasn't going to admit it to Salem.

Salem couldn't press, either. Well, he could, but on what grounds? As a friend? As a boyfriend? Or, as Gregori so dearly wanted, as a mate? It was hard to push forward when Salem didn't know how to commit to a certain path.

In a medical sense, he could do—and had done—an exploratory surgery to find the root of a problem. If only Salem could do so on his own heart and emotions, that would be smashing. Dammit, this was why he avoided relationships; they got messy and he had no idea how to handle most of it. Hookups were so much easier.

For Gregori, though, he had to figure this out. What they were doing right now was not sustainable.