14. Bella

14

BELLA

T he way River holds onto me frightens a small part of me. One that missed him and his hands and his mouth because he always made me feel good when he wanted to. His mouth demands without being crushing. And I succumb to it, softening with the memory of how I felt worshiped when we were together.

He swipes his tongue against my lips, and I open to him. I taste the alcohol on him, yet the heat of him seeps through. Maybe that's due to the circle of his arms or those big hands spread between my shoulder blades and along my hip. Somehow, he's gotten gentler. With everything Marcus told me about what's happened between the last time I saw him and now, I'm surprised he's not rougher.

With his forehead pressing to mine and our mouths falling free, River reaches up to cup my face and peer at me. Galaxies burn in his eyes, and the kiss he gives me has me falling through the floor, holding onto him to stay upright. My fingers curl into his shirt, and the energy between us shifts.

My body turns molten in his hands as he slowly touches my neck, my shoulders, my waist and ass. I sink a hand into his hair now that it's grown out a little, and when I tighten the strands in my grip, River groans. It vibrates through me.

That old need spears me. I want what River can give me, and I want to give him a few moments of peace. Even if I haven't forgiven him for leaving me behind. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

But I can do this.

River swings me around in his arms, tumbling me back onto the soft leather couch. I use that momentum to make him fall under me, but he doesn't let an inch of me go.

Thighs spread over him, I sink against the hard length of him. He takes two handfuls of my ass and helps my hips move, accentuating my small thrusts. When another groan escapes him, his mouth drops to my throat, sucking and nibbling on every sensitive spot I have.

Those thick fingers and wide palms slide under my shirt, peeling it free of my skin and electrifying me. God, I need him inside me. I help him strip my shirt off before I work on his, yanking the front up until he reaches behind and pulls it off in one fluid movement.

I marvel at the shape of him, the strength, the heat.

River captures my mouth again, but when I spread my hands down his chest, I'm surprised by the differences. His skin is rougher, darker, but more than that, it carries what he's been through these last eight years.

I lean back as my touch spreads down the front of him, tracing the map of scars across his body. Dear God, it looks so much worse than what Marcus told me. How many times did he get shot, get torn through by shrapnel, and who knows what else? How on earth did River survive it all?

His hands fall to my thighs, thumbs tracing the seam of my jeans like he's waiting for me to find him lacking, to push him away because he's broken. But I won't push him away tonight. That won't be the reason I pull back later.

I drop a tense kiss on him to show him that the way survival has marked his body doesn't bother me. It doesn't make him any less than. I wish that—if anything—I could take that away from him.

Maybe I can for a little while.

Letting my hands trail lower, I wrap my hands around his fly and tear it open. River changes immediately, grip twisting at my own waist before he rolls me under him on the cushions. He's got my pants off before I finish bouncing, and my soft laugh has him pausing. Soft light shines behind him, putting him in shadow, but I can make out his small smile before he yanks the fabric free of my ankles.

Then I'm overwhelmed by his touch, how he cups my calves and thighs, traces my underwear and where it meets my skin. He's slowed down completely, like the mere sight of so much of me has him captivated. Reverent.

River's mouth dips to spread across my stomach, his nose pressing in like he can't get close enough. The way he looks up at me when he tugs the waistband off my hips silently asks me if this is okay.

"What's taking you so long?" I ask to spring him into action.

I don't need to be vulnerable with him. I just need to feel him, and vice versa.

He grins and shakes his head before dropping more kisses across my hips. "You make me feel drunk."

"You are drunk."

A half laugh rumbles against my skin, and I laugh a little, too. "What are you doing down there?"

"Mmm." He finishes tugging my panties off and spreads my knees. "Getting a taste of what I've been craving for years."

River descends and covers my bare folds with his mouth, sucking my clit until I cry out before exploring every inch of me with his tongue and lips and teeth, all of it teasing me into a frenzy that has me writhing under him. He was always a fan of this move.

" River ." Exasperated and horny, I dig my hand into his hair to urge him on to the first course.

After a few more teasing seconds, he sets to work, and I moan low. Pleasure spikes with each swipe of his tongue, and I swear his fingers tighten on my thighs at the same rate my core tightens around his tongue.

I'm melting in the middle. Shaking. He doubles down when I pant his name. A fluttering mess, I come against his moaning mouth. There's no way to tell if I'm wet from his mouth or my pleasure as he kisses along my thighs.

Then his warmth is gone, and I'm flashed back to a cold I've felt since he left. Since he told me not to wait for him.

But he's crawling back on top of me a second later, his pants disposed of, and I yank him down to me with all the aggression and hurt I've built up for years. Time to make up for it, River. At least for tonight.

Hovering above me, River smooths the hair from my forehead and peers down at me for a few long, penetrating seconds. What does he see when he looks at me now? Not the same, foolhardy and in-love girl I'd been.

Whatever he sees, he seems to like it, because he dips down to kiss me softly and whisper, "Beautiful girl," against my mouth.

I don't know why it sends a pang through me, but I wrap myself around him to pull him closer.

He hums against my throat as he drops his hips into mine, sliding his hard shaft across my wet folds. Every stroke reminds me of how badly I want him inside me, and I whine in his ear. "Don't tease me."

We shift at the same time, and he slides into me, all heat and pressure—pleasure. I gasp against his mouth, and he grins. Eyes closing, his forehead dips to mine.

"I'm still sleeping because this is a dream. There's no way you're under me again, and it feels so much better than I remember." River swivels his hips, and the resounding pang in my core has me wondering the same thing. Did it feel like this back then?

I bear down around him. I can't help it.

River swears, his voice hoarse with concentration. He thrusts slowly, rolling against so many sensitive spots.

My hand sinks into his hair as I curl up, watching him stretch me open, tracing his flexing muscles, cataloging every little scar. He's entirely new terrain with a few well-worn paths. We fit together at the wear marks.

I dip a finger over one long, puckered scar. It's one among many. So many.

His movements pause, and he's looking at where my touch landed. River suppresses a shudder and nuzzles my neck.

"What's this one from?" I shouldn't be asking, but I need to know if he'll tell me. I need to know just how much this really means to him.

He delivers a short nip to my shoulder and blows out a breath. "Shrapnel from a bomb. Afghanistan. Fourth deployment."

I caress it, trailing up the web of scars that spread up his chest and shoulder. I press a kiss to one before turning my face toward his. "I didn't say stop."

River’s laugh is like a balm to my heart, but his moan when I move myself over him is a flame to my desires. He springs back into action with a bit more gusto this time, and I can hardly smother my own cry. This River is also stronger than the one I was with eight years ago. The power of his thrusts takes my breath away.

A smile presses against my mouth, and I suck in a laugh before I'm lost on the razor's edge of bliss. But even like this, he plays with my pleasure, keeping me there like he could all night. Which, Christ, at this point, he might.

I cant my hips forward, and we slam together noisily. It pulls me back from the edge a little so that I can play in return. Who can make the other come first? It's not a game I will win, but I do love to try.

The way his hands grip my shoulders means I've made an advancing move. It backfires as he increases force, making his own adjustments that send a wave of fluttering through me. He grunts above me from the effort, his skin growing slick, but I can barely hold on.

"About to give in?" he grumbles in my ear.

"Yes." The word echoes under my breath until I shatter.

His thrusts stop, but he rocks into me. That fraction of an inch in movement is still too much. I can't stay still beneath him, writhing and coming and shaking from the force of it all mixing together.

The sharpness dulls enough for me to relax, murmuring when he shifts and presses his groin to my clit to yank a small, weak moan from me.

"Okay?" River asks, pulling back enough to check for my confirmation.

I nod, lifting a hand to brush my thumb over his bottom lip. His skin is rougher than before, even with the recent shave. For a second, it feels like the past has been placed over the present, and I swear we're never going to truly be two people again.

Swinging me up in his grip, he kisses me with fervor. My back leaves the couch and finds a blanket on the hardwood floor. More space means more control. More angles. More access.

I giggle as he spreads kisses across my skin, giving me the same reverent treatment, soothing and riling me up simultaneously. Being the center of his attention was always my favorite place to be. Mouth surrounding my nipple, he sucks nearly my full breast into his mouth, and my back bows. Need throbs in my clit.

How does he manage my body so well? My pleasure?

He slowly releases my breast and takes in the other until my feet are scrambling against the smooth floor.

"So tender and sweet." River encases my waist with his hands, so big around me, fingers kneading my skin. His nose presses into my sternum, soft kisses along my ribs. "How did I survive so long without you?"

That tight emotion regroups in my chest. He can't mean that the way it sounds.