Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Magnus

I t didn’t take long for Magnus to finish dinner, but he took more time than he needed in order to compose himself. The afternoon had been domestic in ways that he hadn’t expected. In ways he never thought he could want.

He wasn’t a blushing virgin, but he’d never wanted like this before. His partners in the past had been secondary to his studies and his work. Now, he found himself wishing the thick, heavy winter would last for months, keeping Adam with him.

That was absurd, of course. It was unrealistic and unfair. He and Adam lived very separate lives, and while their jobs had them orbiting each other from time to time, it wasn’t more than that. How could he ask Adam to accommodate him?

And would he be willing if Adam asked him the same thing?

But he was pretty damn sure the other man wanted him. In the store, Adam had stayed in close, guiding his hands when he didn’t need it—and Magnus had happily let him just to make sure his touch lingered. Now, he was waiting for him in the living room with a warm blanket and even warmer arms, and Magnus felt like he was going to tremble right out of his skin .

He was so caught up in his thoughts, he nearly lost his orientation as he made his way into the living room and had to pause in the middle of the room and swallow his pride to ask, “Can you help me find you?”

The tray he was holding with both bowls shifted and he forced his arms to stiffen.

“Here,” Adam said. Magnus heard him rising, heard his socked feet padding across the floor. Then there was a touch on his elbow that urged him to rotate forty-five degrees.

Ah. Okay. He knew where he was now. “Thank you. That doesn’t happen often. Only when I’m distracted.”

“What were you thinking about?”

You . He said nothing as he found the table with the edge of his foot, then set the tray down. “What side are you on?”

“Left,” Adam told him. There was tension in his voice—worry, maybe, that he’d crossed a line.

Magnus hadn’t meant to make him feel that way. “I was thinking about you.”

“I—oh.” Adam’s words were breathy and soft. “Thank you for doing this.”

Magnus snorted as he sat down and felt for the edge of the blanket. It was already warm, and it was very thick and very soft. He scraped his nails along the rougher side. “It didn’t take very much effort at all. Even you can put everything into a dish and bake it.”

“Yes,” Adam said, and the tone in his voice told Magnus he was rolling his eyes. Magnus didn’t actually know what that meant, but he knew what it sounded like when someone did it, and he had a feeling the expression was full of exasperation and maybe a little affection. “I didn’t mean dinner. Well, I meant dinner. But I also meant all of this. Taking me in and not making me feel like a huge burden being all up in your space.”

Magnus jolted with shock because the sincerity in Adam’s words was so profound. Who had made him feel this way in his life? Who thought he was a burden? “I like having you in my space. I would never want you to feel anything other than welcome.”

“ Oh ,” Adam said again. “Thank you.”

Magnus knew this was something that would need to be unpacked, but right now, he wanted food, the comfort of touch, and to listen to Adam tell him all about the film he didn’t give two shits about watching.

“Dig in,” he said. “Isn’t that what the Americans say?”

He heard the bowl scrape across the tray as Adam picked his up. “We do. And sometimes we even get fancy and French and say bon appétit.”

Magnus grinned widely and shifted over until their thighs touched. He felt Adam jolt, then press back firmly. His heart squeezed in his chest. “Bon appétit.”

“Did you just say they kissed ?”

Adam laughed quietly, his arms going tighter around Magnus. They’d managed to curl up together in the corner of the sofa, the blanket weighting them down heavily. Magnus was between Adam’s legs with his head against his chest, bracketed by his thighs. He never wanted to move. Not ever.

“Yep.”

“But they’re…”

“Siblings.”

“Twins, even!” Magnus pulled a face which made Adam laugh harder. “Unless you’re telling me lies instead of spoilers.”

“No, I swear. The lore—which is pretty much just fact—is that the director was planning for Mark Hamill, the guy who plays Luke, to be the main love interest. He expected all the girls to swoon over him, but I’m pretty sure you can’t have a film with Harrison Ford on the screen and not have him literally steal the show.”

“He does have a much nicer voice,” Magnus admitted .

“Mark Hamill has a certain charm to him. I actually like him better—he’s a giant nerd in real life, which you know, relatable.”

“Mm,” Magnus said, turning his head toward the TV. He could remember what it was like to see light and color coming from it, but it was all strange, abstract memory now. “I suppose there’s appeal in that.”

“If that’s a dig at me,” Adam started.

Magnus turned his face up and lifted his hand, stroking a touch down Adam’s jaw. He shivered beneath him. “Not a dig. Trust me.”

Adam let out a puff of warm air. His breath smelled like spiced hot chocolate. “Well, anyway, all the ladies were swooning after Harrison Ford, so George Lucas realized he had to make a change and ensure that there was no way for Luke and Leia to be together. It was the same thing with Darth Vader.”

“The,” Magnus tried to mimic the wheezing mechanical breath. “Him?”

Adam laughed and squeezed him, burying his nose in the top of Magnus’s hair. “Yeah, that’s the one. He was supposed to be the big shadowy bad guy. You know, the boogey-man who had no real backstory. But people were obsessed with him when it came out, so the next thing you know, he’s Luke and Leia’s father.”

“Wait…you didn’t tell me this!” Adam had given him spoilers, but he’d left out that one.

“Sorry,” Adam said, laughing again. His lips closed and though Magnus didn’t want to dare hope, it felt like a kiss along his crown. “Sorry, I forgot not everyone’s seen the whole trilogy. You don’t find out until near the end.”

“Then let’s finish. I want to know the ending.”

This time, Magnus sure the press against his head was a kiss. There was no denying the soft lips and the soft sound Adam’s mouth made. “Okay. So right now, they’re on the ship…”

Magnus started to zone out, lost in the cadence of Adam’s voice, not giving a single care what was happening on the screen. The only thing that mattered was that he was being held .

And that he never wanted it to stop.

He was loose-limbed by the time the credits were rolling, and a little afraid to move. Adam was still holding him tight, almost like he was afraid to let Magnus go. He had a feeling if he turned and kissed him, he would be kissed back.

“Adam,” he said very quietly.

Adam was very still. “Mm.”

He took a breath, then went for it. “I think I really, really like you.”

Adam jolted. “I…oh. You. Okay. Um…”

“More than just a friend.”

“You know, I’m socially awkward, but did kind of pick up on that.”

Magnus grinned as he twisted his body and turned his face up. “I’ve wanted you for some time now. I don’t believe in fate, but I do sometimes wonder if the conscious universe gives us gifts.”

“Like a snowstorm making sure I can’t leave?”

Magnus licked his lips, then touched Adam’s sternum, trailing it down slowly. “Like a holiday we both dislike, at a time we felt most lonely, with a chance that we could both confess how we feel.”

Adam was quiet for so long, and Magnus strained his ears, trying to hear any hitch in his breath, but there were none. He dragged his hand a little lower, feeling for tension, but he couldn’t tell what Adam was thinking.

“Please talk to me. I need that,” Magnus told him.

“I want to do this,” Adam said, and there was most definitely a “but” coming. “But…I don’t know if I can have you and then let you go.”

“Why would you let me go?”

Adam cleared his throat. “You’d want more than this? I know we’re both busy, but?—”

“If we want it enough, we can make it work, yes?” Magnus told him. He leaned in. He could feel the heat of Adam’s face so close to his. He knew if he swayed forward just another inch, they’d be touching mouth to mouth. “I want it to work.” He’d been keeping those words to himself for so long now.

He never thought he’d ever get the chance to say them. Now here they were, and he wasn’t going to fail himself.

“I really, really like you too,” Adam breathed out. “I’ve had a crush on you for so long, it’s embarrassing. I just…I don’t know. I knew you didn’t mind me, but I never thought it was more.”

“I never thought I’d have a chance to tell you,” Magnus said.

Adam moved his hands to grip Magnus’s waist, urging him to turn over, to straddle him. They pressed together through their thick sweats, and Magnus groaned. “I want to kiss you.”

“So kiss me.”

It took Magnus a moment to find Adam’s mouth—his fingers searching, first finding the thrumming pulse in the side of his neck, then the stubble along his jaw, and eventually his soft lips, pliant and parted for him.

He positioned himself and leaned in, letting Adam meet him halfway.

The kiss was careful. It was hesitant, like they were both afraid to get it wrong. But then Adam moaned and something between them shattered. It was like their chests opened up and their hearts connected, syncing each beat.

“Take me to bed,” Adam whispered. “Please. I need you.”

Magnus kissed him deeper, harder, desperately. “Yes.” It was the only word he could think of. It was the only word that was right in the moment. There were thousands more to be said over the next few hours, weeks, days, months.

Years .

But for now, that single one was enough.