Epilogue

EPILOGUE

IRIS

“Thank you so much for doing this last minute. We wanted to make sure we had your segment ready for all the after-Christmas shopping,” Gala Martin, host of a national-level morning talk show, says to me through the computer screen.

I smile, unclipping the mic from the front of my blouse. “Whatever gets the word out. I’m more than honored to be featured.”

“Yes, well, we’re thrilled to have you! My boys love video games, and there’s so much less available that represents my daughter, so I know she’s going to be thrilled to get her copy of Code Red ,” Gala continues.

I resist a cheesy grin.

My first game came together faster than anyone could have anticipated.

With Trevor’s backing, I was able to hire the studio of my dreams, and we released our first game a week before Christmas. Code Red is poised as a mainstream action game with a female protagonist that isn’t all sexed up and high heels. She’s a heroine for girl gamers, and guy gamers are gonna have to catch the hell up.

I was contacted by Gala’s show last night during the Hawthorn LTD. Christmas Eve party. They had a last minute spot open for their after Christmas special and they wanted to know if I wanted a spot discussing Code Red with them.

Obviously, I said yes, even if that meant recording the segment first thing on Christmas morning.

The things we do for our passion projects.

Thankfully, the interview’s over after only half an hour which means Christmas is back on.

“Congratulations on your release and merry Christmas, Ms. Hawthorn,” Gala says.

My insides warm with pride.

I don’t correct people when they address me in the formal way, not because I want to be put at a distance from them, but because I love to be addressed by my new name. The one I share with every person I love.

“Merry Christmas to you too.” I log off, letting out a sigh of relief.

There’s a knock on my office door.

“Come in!” I call out.

The door cracks open. Trevor pokes his head in. “All done?”

“All done.”

The door swings wide, revealing Trevor holding Blaze, our son.

Blaze is three months old, and I’m still shocked by how big he’s gotten.

Blaze’s toothless mouth immediately parts when he sees me, the corners of his lips turning up into a huge smile.

“Is that my baby?” I call out, spinning around in my chair and leaping to my feet.

I go scoop him out of Trevor’s arms and kiss him all over his face, ruthlessly.

Trevor smiles. “He was getting bored of me.”

“Oh, I’m sure not. Did you make daddy feel like he’s boring?” I relish his hiccupping attempt at a laugh. “God, he smells so good.”

Trevor leans on the doorframe. “You can thank me for that. He didn’t smell so good five minutes ago.”

“Ah, my hero.” I step up to Trevor.

We share a tender, short kiss.

Trevor’s fingers tangle in my hair, freshly dyed green for Christmas. “How’d it go?”

“Great. Thanks for letting me do that. I know it’s not ideal, our first Christmas and–”

“I’m never going to stop you from flying. Half an hour on Christmas didn’t kills us, did it? Did it, Blaze?” Trevor twiddles his fingers against Blaze’s paunchy belly.

Another attempt at a laugh.

“He’s so close to getting it!” I bounce my baby on my hip.

“They grow up so fast,” Trevor says without a hint of irony.

We’ve learned in the past three months since Blaze was born just how fast it goes. Hell, the past year we’ve realized how fast it all goes. In a blink of an eye we were exes, then I was waddling around nine months pregnant, and now we have a three month old and a booming video game company that’s being featured on morning shows across the country.

We’re exhausted. And it’s not always easy. But man, is it worth it!

“I like this sweater, Mr. Hawthorn.” I run my hand down Trevor’s burgundy pullover. “Very smart looking.”

Trevor rolls his eyes. “We don’t have time for you to flirt with me.”

“No time for a flirtation?”

“Because one flirtation turns into another turns into me wanting to do things I don’t want to say in front of our child, Iris.”

I laugh. “He can’t understand you.”

“Yet. Can’t understand yet .” Trevor sighs. “Anyway, you ready?”

I look at our son. He’s got big, brown eyes like his daddy and the curly hair to match. “You ready for your first family Christmas, Blaze?”

He places a chubby hand against my mouth.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I say before pretending to gnaw on his hand. The cuteness aggression is so real.

We head downstairs, and I can’t help but feel the presence of our memories as we pass each room. The dining room where we hosted our first family dinner, the living room where Blaze was born in a birthing pool, the kitchen where we got the call that Code Red was being picked up for worldwide distribution, all those things collide as we leave for our first Christmas together as Hawthorns.

The Chicago cold sweeps around us as we step outside. I pull Blaze tighter in my arms, smooching his little nose.

From next door, Oliver, Rose, and Rowan are already making their way down the stairs.

“Merry Christmas!” I call out.

Rose waves her hand at us. “Merry Christmas!”

I grin ear to ear.

She’s gotten so big over the past year, and I love living next door and getting to witness all of it.

Oliver, Rowan, Trevor, and I are our own offshoot of the Hawthorn family. We have keys to each other’s places, pop over to borrow things all the time, have dinner together most nights.

“Is my godbaby enjoying his first Christmas?” Rowan calls out as we exit the gates of our houses and meet up on the sidewalk.

Her hands go to Blaze while mine go to the swell under her coat. “How are you feeling?”

“I can’t believe how big I already am.” Rowan rolls her eyes, putting her hand on mine. “Six months with Rose was completely different.”

We found out Rowan was pregnant when Trevor and I returned from our baby moon when I was seven months pregnant. I was already excited to raise our children together but then to find out Rowan and Oliver were going to have one even closer in age to Blaze had me over the moon.

We pile into our cars and head up to the Hawthorn homestead where celebration is already well underway.

The car ride is far too long for my anticipation.

Christmas carols play on the radio, underscored now and again from a coo from Blaze in the backseat. Each time he fusses, I lean back to check on him.

He’s such a happy baby, so chill, at least as far as babies go. And yet, I can’t help it. The mom instinct is strong just like everyone promised it would be.

“Baby’s first Christmas,” I say with a warm look at Trevor. “Can you believe it?”

He laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Not at all.”

He looks more mature now that he’s a dad, but it’s not a bad thing whatsoever.

Sleep is a luxury these days, which means there’s darkness under his eyes. Other than that, though, it’s not that he’s gone wrinkly or gray. It’s that now he’s a father, he carries himself with a gravitas I never noticed when we were Trevor and Iris. Now that we’re three, we move through life with much more responsibility.

A responsibility that’s the best thing that ever happened to us.

I take his hand and hold it the rest of the way.

When we arrive at the Hawthorns, we are hit with the signature, familial warmth. The feeling that made us want to be as close to them as possible.

The house smells like cinnamon and pine, just like it does every year. But this time, it's different. I can feel the warmth of the fire, the hum of chatter, laughter of children, the clinking of glasses, but my whole world is wrapped up in my arms, snuggled tight against my chest.

Our little boy, rosy-cheeked and bundled in the softest red sweater I could find, lets out a rumbling attempt at a laugh.

It’s a siren’s call for everyone to come greet us in the front hall.

We are engulfed in hugs and kisses, celebratory shouts, and adoring comments directed at our baby.

“Oh, let me see him.” Rye moves in close. I lower the blanket just enough for them to peek at his tiny face, and it feels like the entire room leans in to get a closer look.

“Getting so big!” Ash wraps an arm around Trevor’s shoulders like he’s his own son and pulls him close.

Everyone is so proud of us. Of what we’ve accomplished by bringing life into the world. But that’s not the only thing they’re proud of.

“Aunt Iris, Daddy told me you’re going to be on TV tomorrow.” Piper saunters up to me. She’s getting tall like her father, almost past my shoulder.

I hand Blaze off to Keifer who is eager to give my baby a squeeze and walk with Piper into the family room. “Your dad is right.”

“That’s so cool! I’m going to tell all my friends to watch.”

I laugh. “It’s just a morning program. I bet they’ll all be bored.”

Piper puts her hands on her hips. “Are you kidding? You’re a boss b! Everyone I know got your game for Christmas.”

“A boss b?” I chuckle.

“You know what I mean. I can’t say that word.” Piper huffs. “Will you tell me all the tricks? I want to be the best at it when we play together.”

My cheeks warm. “You want to play the game?”

She rolls her blue eyes. “Duh!”

I hook my arm around her neck. “Am I your cool aunt, Piper?”

“Not when you point it out.” she gives me a playful push and snickers.

The rest of the room is still gaga over Blaze who is back in Trevor’s arms. He’s sitting in a big armchair, surrounded by the rest of the kids who aren’t so little anymore. They’re all looking with curiosity at Blaze. And for three months of age, he’s already the most important person in the world.

He made us a family in a way I never thought possible.

Tears brim in my eyes.

I’m quick to cry these days. Have been ever since I became pregnant. It’s not just hormones, though. It’s that life looks so much more beautiful to me all the time.

Watching the man I love become a dad is the best gift I’ve ever gotten from the universe.

Rowan’s hand rests on my shoulder. “Chin up, Vie.”

I smile at my best friend and lean into her. “Thanks for breaking up with him, by the way.”

She snorts. “Oh, my god, you’re ridiculous.”

It might have been years ago now, a fact that we hardly ever think of amidst the craziness of life, but it’s funny to realize that the domino effect of Rowan breaking Trevor’s heart led us to this place.

Now, we’re a family in a way we never could have foreseen.

We are scuttled into the dining room for Christmas brunch soon after, a swirl of warmth and chaos.

The table is set with a red and green checkered cloth, the plates mismatched but beautiful in their imperfection. As usual, Rye has outdone herself with the flower arrangements, poinsettias, holly, and ivy to the max.

Ash has also smashed it out of the park with his cooking, aided by Dara who made all the sweets from handmade cinnamon rolls to the fresh brioche French toast.

I keep Blaze in my lap most of brunch which gets in the way, sure, but I don’t want to let go of him. Today is so special.

Trevor attends to me the way he always has, making sure my plate is full of food and even feeding me when my hands are too full. It’s mushy and ridiculous and I love him for it, I really do.

Jarred smiles, turning to me. “So, Iris, what’s your next project?”

June whaps his arm. “She deserves to revel in her accomplishment before overworking herself.”

“Well…” Trevor grins. “We are in preproduction for a follow-up to Code Red . And we’re building out the team so that we can have multiple games in development at a time.”

I bite on my lower lip.

I love it when he talks business .

Ash nods. “Not many new businesses make money in under a year, let alone break even. You afraid you’re growing too quickly?”

I take Trevor’s hand on the table. “I follow his lead. If he’s confident, I’m confident.”

“That’s what I was going to say.” Trevor shrugs. “Blind leading the blind over here.”

The table laughs, encouraging Blaze to try out his laugh one more time. This one hits just right.

“Was that funny, my love? Did you laugh ?”

“They grow up so fast,” Dara says with dreamy eyes.

From across the table, Oliver lifts his chin, catching Trevor’s attention. “Gotta start working on the next one.”

“Oliver!” Rowan admonishes him.

Trevor and I exchange a glance.

We’re happy with our one for now. Besides, we have a business baby too that takes up most of our other attention.

But I wouldn’t say no. If one thing led to another, as it seems things are with us...I wouldn’t say no to a sibling for Blaze.

The room is full of the kind of joy that comes from full bellies and full hearts, the kind that makes you sink a little deeper into your chair and linger a little longer in the moment.

The baby drifts off to sleep in my arms, and I let out a slow breath, watching the way the candles flicker and dance against the window, reflecting the lights from the tree.

Everything feels right, in a way I can’t quite explain—like the whole world has narrowed down to this room, this table, and the people I love most in it.

Trevor pulls me away eventually for a private moment in front of the towering glowing Christmas tree.

“I have a gift for you.” He reaches into his pocket.

“Another one?”

Trevor already gave me a gift at our private celebration this morning. A fully-planned vacation for just the two of us in Hawaii. A “honeymoon” of sorts. “Without the baby this time,” he had said with a jaunty smile.

I gave him a pair of sapphire cufflinks, the blue stone representing the month of our son’s birth. And, fine, I have another gift for him later tonight in the form of a flouncy Christmas bow shaped bra and crotchless panties. But that’s a surprise.

Trevor withdraws a rectangular slip of paper, and I immediately realize what it is.

“Ballet tickets…”

“We said we’d make it a tradition.” He pulls me and Blaze into an embrace.

“We did…” It slipped my mind with the release schedule of Code Red and being a new mom.

“So, tomorrow. You, me. The Nutcracker.” Trevor slides his hand through Blaze’s silky curls. Blaze remains asleep at my chest. “And our son.”

I shake my head at the beauty of this moment. “I love you, Trevor Hawthorn.”

“I love you more, Iris Hawthorn.”

We share a kiss, then look up at the tree together, our baby between us.

“Merry Christmas.”

And this year, I really, really mean it.