10. Iris

10

IRIS

Nothing has changed. At least that’s what it feels like when Trevor shows up at my hotel with a bountiful bouquet of white and light blue flowers.

“This is too much. I’m leaving tomorrow, they’ll just–”

He forces the bunch into my arms. “Well, you’ll have them tonight. And then housekeeping can have them tomorrow and know that a very beautiful woman received more than deserved flowers.”

I shake my head, though I’m smiling. “Thank you, Trevor.” I place them on the table inside the door and grab my white stole. “Shall we go?”

“Let me get a good look at you first.” Trevor steps into the room.

My heart jerks, remembering the last time we were here together, we were tearing each other’s clothes off for a supposed hate fuck that turned into an overwhelming emotional release.

Trevor slides his hands into his pockets.

Under his gray wool coat, he’s chosen a very nice suit for the occasion and dammit , it fits him perfectly.

Suits compliment Trevor’s athletic build, but a bespoke suit? That’s like wrapping caramel in chocolate. Even better. More decadent.

Trevor allows his eyes to peruse me. Not creepy. Appreciative. “Incredible. You look incredible.”

I know I look incredible tonight. I went shopping with Rowan this morning to get the exact right dress. The stores were a wreck, what with all the after Christmas shoppers, but I managed to find a slinky and strappy black dress with a cowl neck. Paired with a red lip and red pumps and a white faux fur, I am the embodiment of old Hollywood glam. With blue hair of course.

“Thank you.”

Our eyes meet.

Trevor breaks the contact first, laughing nervously and rubbing a hand over his fresh-shaven chin. So cute and boyish.

The anxiety is mutual.

“And this, well.” He grabs my stole. “This is very Iris.”

I giggle as he holds the coat out for me. I slide my arms through, trying to ignore the hair pricking on the back of my neck from Trevor’s closeness. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

When I turn to face him, he doesn’t back away from me.

“I’m very happy you invited me tonight, Iris.”

Something bubbles inside me. Nostalgia for the old times. Déjà vu from all the romantic dates Trevor planned for us during our time together. His closeness. All of it. Familiar.

Like home.

All those feelings swirl together and propel me to grab his hands, lean in, and kiss him. On the mouth. The way I would have greeted him if life hadn’t changed in the past six months.

Trevor’s hands tighten around mine as he accepts the kiss.

“Thank you for the tickets and the flowers and…” I laugh to myself. “This feels a bit like a dream.”

Trevor slides his thumb under my lower lip, cleaning up the edge of my lipstick. “Trust me, I know the feeling well.”

I am filled with sparkling excitement. “Come on, we don’t want to miss the ballet. We should get to dinner, right?” I tug on his hand, walking on air out of the hotel room.

“There she is!” Trevor laughs after me.

Yes, there I am. All excitement and anticipation.

With my career, I was able to support myself. Live a life I was damn proud of considering what I’ve been through. Where I came from.

Trevor, though, is loaded, and he is generous with all that hedge fund money. He liked to spoil me. Likes to. Which is how we end up at a Michelin restaurant downtown with a view of the skyline.

I don’t even want to imagine the number of dollar signs that come up next to the name of this place on Google.

Trevor pulls my chair out for me. “You mind if I take the lead?”

As I sit, I give him a sultry smile. “I expect nothing less.”

I never thought a guy ordering for me would be a turn on. It used to reek of control to me. But Trevor does it in a way that accounts for everything I like, and he spares no expense. We split a bottle of Dom, and course after course comes through of the most decadent, albeit small, plates of food.

“Don’t worry, if you’re hungry after the ballet, we’ll pick up some Chicago dogs,” Trevor says after the check is dropped.

I grin. “How did you know I’m still hungry?”

He swipes the bill away before I can even consider grabbing it. “Because you’re Iris, and I know everything there is to know about Iris.”

I pause.

Everything? No, he couldn’t possibly. Not because of the time we’ve spent apart but because…

Because I haven’t told him everything. Almost everything. Everything that really matters, save one big, untenable thing I’ve never told anyone in my new life. My life as a city girl with colorful hair and the silly personality.

Trevor signs the bill, a big swooping signature.

I like to watch the way the muscles in his hand flex elegantly. Hands that have held my own, that have wiped tears from my cheeks, that have pleasured me beyond compare.

Hands I wanted to hold the rest of my life.

Could I again? Is it possible?

Trevor checks his watch, his brows jumping. “Oh, shit, lost track of the time. Come on, we have to go.”

We are all blustering, running to the ballet, laughing.

I can’t keep up with him, and he ends up swooping me up off the ground and carrying me half the way.

I love him. I always will.

But can we go back?

We make it just in time for the lights to dim, our box giving us the perfect panoramic view of the stage.

Trevor pulls my chair back for me and whispers in my ear, “Have I told you how amazing you look tonight?”

“Many times.” I smile, glancing his way so our lips are in close proximity for just a moment before I sit down.

“It’s worth saying a million times.”

A hush falls over the audience as we settle into our seats, excitement crackling in the air.

The orchestra starts up with their overture, and my insides swell with anticipation.

I steal a glance at Trevor, although a steal turns into a linger because, of course, he’s staring right back at me.

He takes my hand and kisses it, eyes in mine.

The soft glow of the stage lights reflects on his face, and I can’t help but smile as something sparks between us.

Something like love.

It feels too good to be true, this night. The fact Trevor and I are able to put everything aside to enjoy each other.

Why pretend we don’t still have feelings, especially when ‘I love you’ was nearly exchanged the other night?

Christmas is an enchanting time, that’s for sure.

The curtain lifts to reveal the beautiful set, children dancing around a big Christmas tree.

“You think there are enough Hawthorn kids to have our own Nutcracker?” Trevor murmurs in my ear.

I hold in a laugh. “They’re not nearly so well coordinated.”

Trevor grins, grabs my hand, and pulls it into his lap. Again, a lingering gaze between us.

But it doesn’t take long for the ballet to capture our attention.

I lean forward with every reveal.

Uncle Drosselmeyer and the Nutcracker, the Rat King, Sugar Plum Fairies, on and on and on. The atmosphere is magical, everyone captivated.

I find myself looking at the audience too, checking if they’re as infatuated as I am.

They are. There are couples of all ages and families too.

My heart softens.

The ballet, we had discussed, would be a tradition we could share with our children. Now I can’t shake the image of a child sitting on Trevor’s lap, rapt at the splendor of everything.

We wanted to share that wonder with each other and then with something bigger than ourselves. A child. Ours.

With each leap and twirl, my heart races not just for the story on stage but for the way our hands intertwine, creating a bond in this magical atmosphere.

I can’t believe it feels like something is beginning again between us.

I don’t know what that would look like, with me going back to Seattle and Trevor here, but…could we do it? Be together? Now that we know that there is still love between us? Still desire?

As the ballet rolls to its conclusion, I realize we are leaning against one another, as close as we can be given our throne like chairs.

“Thank you for bringing me tonight,” Trevor says in my ear, hot breath sending goosebumps across my skin.

“I should be thanking you.”

And though there is magnificence playing out on the stage, the most beautiful leaps and sashays, we are focused on each other.

Trevor’s thumb strokes the back of my hand. “I’ve missed you, Iris.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

The audience erupts in applause, but I can’t be pulled away from Trevor.

The celebration feels like it’s for us.

So, I lean in, and I kiss him.

Trevor’s hand goes to my cheek, stroking my skin like I am made of porcelain.

Music swirls, lights brighten, the audience adulates.

He breaks the kiss, and I hide my disappointment.

I could have kept going and going until our tongues were weaving and hands were groping. I don’t care that we’re at the ballet. I need him.

Trevor, however, is stronger than I am. He laughs, cheeks reddening. “Would I be crazy to say I don’t want the night to end yet?”

“Of course not.”

“Then can I take you home?”

My heart stutters. Home . “You mean…”

“Yeah.” He pushes some hair out of my face, eyes soft and smile sad. “Can I take you home , Iris?”