Chapter 10

Ten

SOREN

“ D on’t tell my family,” I murmured in Cammie’s ear.

We were sprawled on the couch, and she was lying on top of me, so she raised her head and smiled up at me. “Tell them what?”

“That this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

Her cheeks turned bright pink, and she beamed at me. “Definitely in my top five.”

“Top five?” I snapped, pretending to be outraged.

“Well, yeah…I mean, I got a brother-in-law seven years ago, and a niece four years ago, and last year, it seems I also got a sister-in-law.”

A chuckle rumbled in my chest. She’d told me about the scene at the inn right before she traipsed out to my cabin.

“Okay.” I sighed and pushed some of her hair behind her ear. “I’ll concede to those possibly being a better Christmas than this one.”

She chuckled, then laid her head back down on my chest. I felt her mouth curve into a smile, and her shoulders jiggled a little when she giggled. “I’ll be honest with you…if I ever get married or have a kid on Christmas, it will top this one too.”

Everything inside me went still.

I should have known this was coming. I’d warned myself two days ago. But I’d let my dick do the thinking for the past couple of days.

In all the talking we’d done, getting to know each other, somehow the topic of marriage and kids had never come up. Maybe I’d been hoping it never would even though we couldn’t live in this little bubble forever. Though, I’d wished it often enough.

My mind stopped whirling for a second. How was living with her in this bubble forever different from living life with her outside of it forever?

Sure, there were a lot more obstacles, but nothing worth anything was ever easy. The choice certainly wasn’t if Cammie was worth taking the risk for, but whether I was brave enough to do it. I’d never considered myself a coward, but perhaps avoiding love the way I’d been doing for years was the act of weakness, not falling in love.

I thought about the way Cammie infused my body and soul with warmth. The way she made me laugh and feel invincible. How it felt to have her body pressed against mine. Or how I felt when she laughed, smiled, or just fucking breathed.

Well, fuck.

How had I missed it?

I’d fallen in love with her.

I waited for the realization to make me panic, but it never came. Instead, I felt like I could take on the world with her by my side.

Figuring out how to blend our lives was going to be fucking complicated, but the worst thing I could do was to give up without trying.

I smirked at the thought of her wearing my wedding ring. The idea of branding her in any way that I could so that the entire world knew she was taken definitely appealed to me. I’d pester her to take my last name, too.

If she wanted to marry me.

Double fuck.

Here I was, making all these plans for her, and I didn’t even know if this was something she wanted.

“Baby, sit up for a second. I want to talk to you.”

Cammie lifted her head and turned it to look up at me with a frown. “Is everything okay?”

“Almost perfect.”

She peered at me quizzically but scooted off me and sat up on the couch.

I groaned and raised my eyes to the ceiling. “You’ll have to cover up that sexy body if I’m going to think with something other than my cock.”

I heard muffled laughter and the couch cushion bouncing when she stood.

“Okay,” she snickered, and I blew out a relieved breath to see her wrapped up in a blanket.

“Far too easy access,” I grumbled. “But it will do.” Holding out my hand, I waited for her to take it. She didn’t hesitate, and I gently tugged her down onto my lap.

“This is going to sound…” I didn’t know how to describe it. “Especially for someone as practical as me… I’m not sure how to explain…The thing is…”

I stopped attempting to put my feelings into words when Cammie covered her mouth, obviously trying not to laugh.

“I’m sorry,” she giggled. “It was just so cute…I haven’t known you for long, but I’ve never seen you struggle to articulate yourself, and I have a feeling it rarely happens.”

“True,” I conceded. “But this discussion is unfamiliar territory for me, and I’m not sure how to handle it.” I frowned. “I don’t like being unsure.”

“No one does.”

Thinking, I scratched my chin, which had several days’ worth of growth on it now. “Don’t you? Isn’t that what living in an unpredictable life is? Always unsure of what’s next?”

Cammie settled back against the couch and took one of my hands in hers, playing with my fingers as she mulled over her response. “Maybe our definitions of unpredictability in life are different, but I get the feeling that you are just looking at it through a different lens.”

“So tell me what I’m missing. Help me understand.”

“Life will always surprise you. No matter how hard you try to control every aspect, nothing is guaranteed.”

“Agreed.”

“But sometimes those surprises, those moments when you let fate play your hand for you, they can be the greatest moments of your life.”

“Or the worst,” I amended.

“Possibly. Which is why you build a strong foundation. So when an earthquake hits, you flex instead of crumble.”

“Like staying true to your roots,” I guessed, starting to understand.

She nodded.

“And getting a degree.”

Another nod.

“And having a steady job?”

She stared at me, and I added, “With the freedom to choose your own schedule.”

“Exactly. And hiring people you can trust so you don’t have to be a workaholic. And planning for the future, but being open to new ideas.”

“You’re right, baby,” I mumbled, shaking my head.

“I usually am, but to what are you referring?”

My mouth curved in amusement. “I’ve been looking at it all wrong. But I’ve also been living it wrong.”

“I wouldn’t put it that way. Unless you are hurting someone or yourself, I don’t think there really is a wrong way. It’s up to us to decide what makes us happy.”

I cupped her face between my hands and stared into her gorgeous, ice-blue pools. “But I haven’t been living to be happy, Cammie. I’ve been living in fear of it.”

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Fear of being happy?”

“Yes. Because if I was truly happy, there was more potential to experience pain.”

“Pain is how we learn.”

“Sometimes,” I agreed. “And sometimes, we learn from experiencing the happiness we’ve been afraid of.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Soren?”

I kissed her softly, then gazed at her tenderly. “I’m trying to tell you I love you. That it scares the shit out of me, but you’ve made me realize that life isn’t worth anything if I have to live without you.”

Cammie’s mouth parted, and she blinked at me, seemingly speechless.

“I know it’s fast, and if it hadn’t happened to me, I wouldn’t have believed it either. I don’t expect you to?—”

“Soren.”

I stopped talking and held my breath.

“I love you, too. Now shut up and kiss me.”

Air whooshed from my lungs as relief washed over me.

I raised her face up as I lowered mine until our lips met.