Chapter 13

Thirteen

HANNAH

S omeday, I would have to thank Jake’s mom for making sure he could cook for his wife. Even if I only held that title for a short time.

The pasta, creamy sauce, and garlic bread were all foods I’d rarely eaten over the last ten years. Now that I wasn’t ice skating competitively or professionally anymore, I didn’t have to feel any guilt for the delicious meal.

Jake was surprisingly quiet throughout dinner, but I had a feeling he was just gathering his thoughts. I couldn’t avoid this conversation like I’d hoped. It could only lead to pain and I wished he would recognize that so we could enjoy each other during this brief interlude, then go our separate ways.

After we finished, I helped clean up, then sat on the couch and watched him make a fire. I could so easily imagine having more nights like this. Cuddling up in front of a roaring fire and reading or watching a movie. Content to just be together.

Eventually, he stopped poking and prodding at the flames and sauntered over to the couch. I expected him to sit next to me, but he caught me off guard when he picked me up and took my spot, settling me on his lap.

“You know I want you, Hannah,” he stated in no uncertain terms. “I want to make this work, to be your husband and, hopefully, someday, the father of your children.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I blinked several times, trying to stop them from falling. “It won’t work, Jake.” I stared into his bright blue pools and willed him to understand. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. “I can’t live the life you want.”

He frowned and shook his head. “You don’t want to be married? Or have kids? Is that it?”

“No, no. I would love those things. But not with you.”

His expression fell, and his entire body locked up.

Shit! I hadn’t meant to say it that way. “No! I mean, I didn’t mean it that way! Crap!” I turned around, straddling him, and placed my hands on his cheeks. “You will be an amazing husband and father, Jake. And if I thought for one second we could blend our lives together and make this work, I’d be willing to try. And no one has ever made me want that. Except you.”

The tension leaked from his muscles, and I mentally sighed in relief.

“If it’s not me, then what is holding you back?”

I blinked away more moisture and finally told him the truth. “I can’t be married to someone I never see, Jake. It would tear me to pieces to love you so fiercely and be constantly saying goodbye. And if I let myself, I would love you. I would love you so much that I’d try to make it work, then someday, I’d grow to resent our life and I can’t bear to think of such beauty turning ugly.”

He took my hands and clasped them in his, holding them against his chest. “You won’t have to say goodbye to me, Hannah,” he murmured, his expression gentle.

“You don’t understand. I don’t want to live that life anymore. Even though I absolutely love figure skating, I’m tired. I’ve spent my whole life in a constant state of tension and I’m exhausted. I want to explore new directions, but I want to do it with my feet on the ground, not constantly flying from place to place.”

Jake smiled brightly, confusing me. “You are retiring?”

I nodded.

“Hannah,” he sighed. “Baby, if you had just taken even one of my phone calls, we could have avoided the misunderstandings and pain of the last year. But that’s the last I’m going to say on the matter, because I don’t want to dwell on the past.” He looked at me with naked tenderness and traced my jaw with one finger, sending a little shiver skittering down my spine. “I was prepared to follow you anywhere, Hannah.”

“I couldn’t ask you to give up your dreams and?—”

Jake laughed and tapped a finger on my lips. “Baby, you need to stop talking, stop thinking, and just listen.”

I pressed my lips together and gestured for him to go on.

He smiled and kissed my nose, sending butterflies fluttering in my tummy.

“I set things in motion long before I knew I’d been chosen for the last Olympic Games. Whether or not I made it, this was my last year as a pro. I officially retired as of January first. That’s when it will be announced.”

Stunned, I blurted, “You were already planning to quit before we ever met in Vegas?”

“You can ask Lincoln or my coach. They’ve both known since I made the decision almost two years ago.”

“So you were planning to retire and travel around the world with me?” I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact that I’d been such a complete and utter idiot. I’d acted like a coward and went running off without all the facts.

“If that’s what you want. Although, I would prefer to settle down. Caleb and Raven are building a new training facility at the resort, one that will be fit for Olympic athletes to train at. They asked me to manage the coaching staff, and I’ve already had a few Olympic hopefuls reach out to me. They are looking to make a change and asked me to be their new coach.”

“Seriously?” I squealed, clapping my hands. “What an incredible opportunity. You’re going to be freaking amazing!”

He grinned, and I almost fell off his lap when his cheeks turned just the tiniest bit pink. How could anyone resist this man?

“Do…do you really think we can make this work?” I wondered, trying not to get too excited. “I mean, this started as a drunken mistake. You didn’t make a sober choice to marry me…”

Jake grasped my chin and met my gaze with a fierce one of his own.

“I don’t know what gave you the idea that I was too drunk to know what I was doing, Hannah,” he murmured, his blue eyes full of emotion. “Or what made you think I would let you out of it without a fight?”

I frowned. “What did you say?”

“I’m not letting you go without a fight.”

“No.” I shook my head, trying to clear it. “About not being drunk?”

A smirk appeared on his sinful mouth and he winked at me. “Baby, I was barely tipsy. I knew exactly what I was doing when I baited you into marrying me.” He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, studying me in a way that made me feel like he could see into my soul. “Are you really going to try to tell me that you didn’t use the excuse of being wasted to say yes?”

I’d never let myself contemplate that night. Probably because I knew I’d have to come clean to myself…and like I’d already admitted, I was a coward. But, if Jake could risk being so open with me, he deserved for me to be the same. “No,” I said sheepishly. “I wanted to marry you.” My face heated to a million degrees when I confessed the rest. “I knew it would give me an excuse to sleep with you, so I didn’t feel like a tramp for going to bed with you the first night we met.”

Jake tossed back his head and laughed uproariously, closing his arms around me and hugging me tight. “Damn, I love you,” he chuckled.

I popped up and stared at him in complete shock. “You what?”

He sighed and shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe I was asking the question. “Baby, do you really think I would fight this hard for you if I didn’t love you? Before we met, I thought love at first sight was pure bullshit. I can’t say it was instantaneous, but sometime in those two days we spent holed up together, somewhere between fucking, laughing, and just being together, I fell madly in love with you.”

My heart felt like it was about to explode and I took several deep breaths to calm myself because it would suck to have a heart attack and die seconds after the man of your dreams professed his love.

“I’ve been lying to myself about a lot of stuff,” I admitted. “But, I promise, I’m not going to hold back anymore. I love you, too, Jake Ashley. And I’d really love to celebrate our anniversary tomorrow.”

Jake’s smile was filled with so much happiness and love that I knew I’d never make a better decision than the one to be with him.

He winked and grabbed my ass, yanking me forward so our bodies were plastered together. “How about we recreate our wedding night?”