Chapter Eight

I n the days that followed, Abby learned more about the logistics of roundup on Painted Ridge than she wanted to. The whole ranch suddenly revolved around preparations for it. There were supplies to get in, men to hire and add to the weekly payroll. And at the head of it all was Cade, mapping out strategy, tossing out orders as he organized everything from the butane for the torches they used to heat the branding irons to ear tags. At the same time, he was involved with roundup on the other two ranches he had interests in, and in between were cattle auctions, board meetings and a rushed trip to New York to discuss his corporation’s plans to buy a feedlot in Oklahoma.

Abby couldn’t help thinking how sexy Cade looked in his pale gray suit with matching boots and Stetson when he came downstairs with his suitcase in his hand.

“Well, I guess I’m ready,” he grumbled, heading toward the front door. Hank was waiting impatiently outside in the truck.

“You really need something snazzier than a pickup truck to ride to the airport in,” Abby remarked with a smile. “You look very sophisticated.”

He glanced at her, his eyes clearly approving her jeans and pale T-shirt. “I’d rather be wearing what you’ve got on.”

“You’d sure look funny in it,” she murmured wickedly.

He chuckled softly. “I guess I would. Oh, damn, I hate these dress-up things, and I hate to ride around the country on airplanes with other people at the controls.”

“If you fly like you drive—” she began.

“Cut that out,” he said darkly. He checked his watch. “Stay off the horses until I get back, too. I told Hank to make sure you do.”

Her eyes flashed, and she drew herself up to her full height, lifting her shoulders proudly. “I’m not a child.”

His gaze went pointedly to the high, firm thrust of her breasts and he smiled faintly. “No, ma’am, you sure aren’t.”

“Cade Alexander McLaren!” she gasped.

He chuckled at her red face. “Well, you can’t blame a man for noticing things, honey.”

“Hank’s leaning on the horn,” she murmured, glancing nervously toward the door.

“Let him lean on it. Or stand on it. Hank was born in a hurry.” He studied her for a long moment. “I’ll let you kiss me goodbye if you ask me nice.”

She colored even more. “Why do I always have to do all the kissing?” she asked.

“Because you might not like the way I do it,” he said.

“Are you sure?” Her heart pounded wildly and she felt her breath coming hard and fast when she saw the expression that washed over his dark face. He dropped the suitcase with a hard thud and strode right for her.

Before she even had time to decide whether to run or duck, he had her by the waist. He lifted her completely off the floor so that she was on a level with his glittering dark eyes, and she noticed that he was breathing as raggedly as she was.

“Let’s see, Abby,” he said quietly, and tilted his head.

His mouth bit softly at hers in brief, rough kisses that made her blood run hot. Her hands tangled in his dark hair as she tried to hold his mouth over hers, hungry to feel the full pressure of it. Her body felt taut as a cord and she opened her lips to the coaxing play of his. It seemed to be just what he was waiting for, because he took possession then, and she felt his tongue go into her mouth in an intimacy they’d shared only once before.

She caught a sharp breath, but she didn’t protest. Not even when he eased her sensuously down and held her close against his taut body. He forced her mouth open further, tasting it with growing hunger, increasing the pressure until she moaned with sudden pleasure.

One big hand released her and slid up her side to her breast. It hesitated for an instant, and then it engulfed her, his thumb coaxing a helpless response even through two layers of fabric. She moaned again.

He lifted his mouth, breathing roughly, and studied her rapt face. “Look, Abby,” he whispered, glancing down to the darkness of his hand where her body was frankly showing its response to his touch. “See how you react to me….”

“Don’t,” she whispered achingly, pushing his hand away even as she leaned her head against his vest while she caught her breath. Her heartbeat was still rapid, and she felt flushed with embarrassment.

His forehead nuzzled against her soft blond hair. “Don’t be shy with me,” he said quietly. “I know you wouldn’t let another man touch you like this. I don’t think less of you for it.”

Tears welled in her eyes. He was the most tender man she’d ever known; he had a way of making the most traumatic things seem easy, uncomplicated.

“It shocked me a little,” she whispered unsteadily.

“I like the way you kiss me when you’re shocked,” he mused with a faint smile when he lifted his head.

Her eyes darkened as she looked up at him, unafraid. “I tasted you,” she whispered shakily.

His hands tautened like steel around her upper arms and his face seemed to harden even as she watched. “Don’t say things like that to me,” he said unsteadily. “You don’t realize the effect it has, and I’m already late for the airport.”

She looked down at his broad chest. “Sorry. Will you be gone long?”

His hands contracted and then released her. “A couple days. I can’t spare them, but I don’t want the man to change his mind about that feedlot. The corporation needs it.”

She nodded, glancing up at his set features. “I’ll do my best not to foul up your bookkeeping while you’re gone.”

“Melly won’t let you,” he replied. He took a long breath and moved back to the suitcase, swinging it up easily. “Besides, all the bookkeeping we do here is payroll, and you’ll be doing cattle records, not that. Take care, honey.”

“You, too,” she said softly, missing him already. He would take the color away when he left. It had been that way all her adult life.

Hank was blowing the horn again, and Cade shook his head. “He’s afraid the plane will leave me behind,” he said amusedly. “I chewed him out this morning for forgetting to put in a supply order. He feels safer when I’m a state or two away.”

“Don’t they all,” she murmured with a wicked grin.

He tilted the Stetson low over his eyes. “Bye. Don’t kiss any other boys while I’m gone, okay?”

“What’s the matter, afraid I might make comparisons?” She laughed.

“How did you know?” He winked at her and walked down the steps without looking back, yelling at Hank to stop wearing out his best horn.

* * *

Abby spent her time with Melly, learning how to use the computer. It gave the sisters time to talk and get reacquainted, and it gave Abby something to occupy her mind.

Even when Cade returned, she hardly saw him. He was up with the dawn and out past dark, getting everything ready for the roundup and the massive task of moving the cattle up to summer pasture. By the end of the week, Abby could pick out a single registered bull from the herd records, print out the information required and do it without losing a single punctuation mark.

Meanwhile, Cade, in his spare time, dictated one letter after another to Melly and answered the flood of phone calls that never seemed to stop. The next week, Cade was called out from signing letters at his desk by one of the men when his prize-winning bull keeled over in the barn. He went stalking out the door with Abby at his heels. Melly and Jerry had gone out just after breakfast, and Abby was trying to keep up with Cade’s machine-gun dictation and quick temper all alone.

Abby followed him outside with a typed letter in her hand as he took the reins of his black gelding from one of the men and started to swing into the saddle.

“Cade, could you sign this letter before you go?” she called. “It’s about that new hay baler.”

“Oh, hell, I forgot,” he muttered. “Hand it here, honey.”

He propped it against the saddle and slashed his name in a bold scrawl across the bottom of it. “I’ll see if—”

“Mr. McLaren,” one of the new cowboys interrupted, reining up beside them. “Hank said to find you and tell you that the new tractor we just bought is busted. Axle broke clean in half on us while we were planting over in the bottoms. Hank says you want we should call that feller who sold it to us and see if it’s still under warranty? The other tractor’s still down, you know. Billy’s trying to fix it, and we loaned three out to Mr. Hastings and let Jones have one….”

“Oh, good God,” Cade muttered angrily. “All right, tell Hank to check with the salesman and see how long it will take to get a replacement.”

“Yes, sir,” the cowboy agreed politely. “And the hardware wants to know if you’ll want any more butane.”

Cade looked positively hunted. “They can wait until I get through looking at my sick bull, can’t they?” he asked the man. “Damn it, son, that bull cost me a quarter of a million dollars, and the insurance won’t heal my heart if he dies!” He glowered at the cowboy. “Tell Jerry to take care of it.”

“Uh, he’s kind of busy,” the young cowboy muttered, avoiding Cade’s eyes.

“Doing what?” came the terse reply.

“Uh, he and Miss Melly are down at their house, her house, checking paint swatches…”

Cade’s cheeks colored darkly with temper. “You get down there and tell Jerry I said he can stop that kind of thing. I pay him to run this damned ranch, not to go around checking paint swatches on my time!”

“Yes, sir, Mr. McLaren!” He saluted and rode quickly away.

Abby was watching Cade with twinkling eyes. It was something else to watch him delegate. He did it well, and his temper mostly amused the men because it was never malicious.

He turned, catching that gleam in her eyes, and cocked an eyebrow at her from under the wide-brimmed hat. “Something tickle your fancy, Miss Shane?”

“You,” she admitted quietly. “I just stand in awe of you, Mr. McLaren.”

He chuckled softly. “And you thought a rancher’s life was all petting cattle, I suppose?”

“I grew up here,” she reminded him. “But I never realized just how much work it was until I started helping Melly. How do you stand it, Cade?”

“I’m used to it.” He was holding the reins in one hand, but he reached out and drew his fingers down her cheek. “I love it. The way you love the glitter of your own work, I imagine, miss model.”

“I wish you wouldn’t make fun of what I do,” she said sadly, searching his dark eyes. “I’ve worked very hard to get where I am. And modeling is much more than painting on a pretty face and smiling.”

He withdrew his hand and lit a cigarette. “It must seem pretty tame to you out here.”

“Tame?” Her eyes widened. “Are you kidding?”

He frowned thoughtfully, and his searching eyes caught hers. They stared at each other quietly, while the silence grew tense and electric around them, and her lips parted under a wild rush of breath.

His breath was coming hard, too. He dropped the reins as if he couldn’t help himself and moved close, so that she could feel the heat of his body and the smell of the spicy cologne that clung to him. Her eyes went to his mouth and she wanted it so much that she ached with the wanting.

His steely fingers bit into her waist. “Want to kiss me, Abby Shane?” he asked roughly.

“Very much,” she whispered, unembarrassed and unintimidated as she looked into his darkening eyes. “Lift me up, please…”

She felt his hands contract, and she seemed to float within reach of that chiseled mouth. Her hands slid around his neck to the back of his head and she eased her mouth onto his, letting her lips part softly as they touched him.

His head tilted and his mouth opened under hers with a heavy sigh. He didn’t insist, but she could sense his own growing hunger, and she fed it. Her lips nibbled softly at his, her tongue eased out to trace the firm line of his upper lip. And the reaction she got was startling.

All at once, she was swept against the long, hard line of his body and he was kissing her, violently. His mouth demanded in a kiss so sensuous she moaned at the sensations it aroused. She felt his tongue in her mouth, against her lips. A shudder worked its way down her body and fires blazed up in her blood.

“No,” she protested when he tried to lift his dark head. She trembled in his arms as she clung. “Cade, please, just once more….”

She heard the ragged breath he took before his mouth crushed back against hers, warm and rough and forceful for an instant. Then she was back on her feet again and leaning heavily against him, his lips brushing her forehead.

“What do you want from me, Abby?” he ground out.

Your love, she thought miserably. I want you to love me as fiercely as I love you. “I’m sorry,” she muttered against his shirt front. “I like kissing you.”

He was trying to get his breath back, or at least it sounded that way. “I like kissing you, too. But I’m a man, not a boy. Kissing isn’t enough for me anymore.”

Her fingers curled against his shirt, and she could feel the thick hair on his chest through it. She wanted to open his shirt and touch him there. Involuntarily, her fingers moved across his chest and he shuddered.

“No, baby,” he said softly. He stilled her hands, and she wondered dizzily what had happened to the cigarette he’d been holding. Her eyes found it, smoking away in the dirt, where he must have flung it.

She sighed wearily, loving the comforting feel of his hands at her back. She didn’t want to move away from him, but it was obvious that he wasn’t going to let her get any closer.

“I forgot,” she murmured.

“What?”

She drew away and grinned, although her heart was aching. “That you’re wary of us wild city girls,” she said, her light brown eyes sparkling in the pale frame of her hair. “You needn’t worry, Cade, I’m not quite strong enough to wrestle you down in a haystack.”

Her quip should have made him smile, but it didn’t. He searched her face for a long time, touching every curve and line of it with his eyes. “I think we both need to remember that you’re here to recuperate, Abby,” he said after a minute. “This is temporary. You’ve got a successful career waiting for you in New York, but this is my world.” He nodded toward the distant hills, dotted with red-coated, white-faced Herefords. “I don’t have time for casual flings, even if I believed in them.”

She drew away from him as if she’d been burned. “Excuse me for throwing myself at you….”

“Stop it.” His fingers caught her upper arms and held her in front of him when she would have moved away. “A few kisses aren’t going to hurt either of us. I just want you to understand the limits. You’re very vulnerable right now, Abby. You could easily make a decision that you’d regret for the rest of your life.”

He was speaking in riddles, and she stared up at him with wounded eyes, because it sounded as if he were gently rejecting her. Well, she should be used to it, shouldn’t she? And if he could be adult about it, so could she. Damn her breaking heart, she’d never let him see it!

Keep it light, girl, she told herself, keep your pride, at least. She managed a bright smile. “Sensible Cade,” she murmured. “Don’t worry, I promise not to rip your clothes off.”

He tried to smother a chuckle and failed. “That would be one for the books, in several ways.” He touched her lips with a lazy finger. “Abby, I’ve never undressed in front of a woman.”

She could feel her own surprise coloring her cheeks. “Never?” she burst out.

“Look who’s shocked,” he mused. “Have you ever stripped for a man?”

“For you, once,” she reminded him, avoiding his suddenly explosive gaze. “It was an accident, of course, I had no idea you were anywhere near the ranch that night.”

“I know that.” A rough sound broke from his throat, as if an unwanted memory was plaguing him. “I’d better go see about that bull. We’ll be moving cattle into the pens today. If that call I’m expecting from California comes, take the number and call Hank on the radio. He’ll find me.”

“Yes, boss,” she said smartly.

He looked down at her with narrowed eyes. “How did you get so short?”

“I’m wearing flat-heeled shoes,” she said. “And you tower over everybody.”

He grinned. “Keeps the men intimidated.”

“Your temper’s enough to do that.” She laughed. “Don’t work yourself into a stupor.”

“Work keeps my mind off other things,” he returned, letting his eyes run boldly up and down her body. “If it’s pretty tomorrow, I’ll take you on a picnic.”

Her whole face brightened and she smiled so sweetly that his eyes froze on her and she couldn’t seem to move away.

“Down by the river?” she asked hopefully.

“You love those damned cottonwoods and pines, don’t you?” he asked.

“It’s spring,” she reminded him. “I love the color of the cottonwoods when they’re just budding out. The softest kind of green, and the grass is just beginning to get lush….”

“Well, I need to check the fences down there,” he mused.

“You work all the time,” she grumbled. “You can’t even go on a picnic without combining it with business!”

“The ranch isn’t my business, Abby. It’s my life,” he said quietly.

She sighed angrily. “Don’t I know it? You’re married to it!”

His dark eyes narrowed. “What else have I got?” he demanded.

The question startled her. She watched him swing gracefully into the saddle. The rich leather creaked under his formidable weight as he settled himself and gripped the reins.

“Don’t forget about that California call,” he said. “And keep close to the house. I don’t know some of these new men except by reputation.”

“Cowboys are mostly polite and courteous,” she reminded him.

“And some of them aren’t.” He stared down at her hard. “I’d kill a man who tried to hurt you while you were on my land. You keep that in mind.”

He wheeled the big horse and went cantering away, leaving Abby standing in the shade of the trees, staring after him. She hadn’t needed to ask if he meant that threat. She knew him too well. In the old days, when he was younger and much more hot-tempered, she’d seen him give “object lessons” to cowboys who thought they could push him. He was quick on his feet, and he knew how to handle himself in a fight. The men might grin when he blustered around in a temper over ranch problems, but they knew just the same that there was a line nobody crossed with him.

She wrapped her arms around herself and walked back into the house. It was only then that she realized how vague the memory of the attack was becoming. Being here, away from the city, had given her new perspective, healed the mental wounds. She’d be more careful in the future, but she wouldn’t let that one bad experience ruin her life. Her mind kept going back to what Cade had said, about giving the would-be rapist rights over her. Trust him to know the right thing to say.

She wandered back into the den and sat down at the computer. She was glad Cade didn’t have a ranch office as such, like many cattlemen did. The den was comfortable and informal, and she liked its homey atmosphere.

The sudden jangling of the phone made her jump, but she recovered quickly and reached for it.

“McLaren Ranch office,” she said automatically.

“Abby Shane, please,” came a pleasant female voice in reply.

“This is she.”

There was a tinkling laugh. “Well, I’ve run you down at last. This is Jessica Dane, Abby. Has Melly mentioned me to you?”

The boutique owner! Abby’s pale brown eyes glittered with excitement. “Heavens, yes!” she returned, bubbling over. “I was afraid she’d got it wrong and you weren’t really interested.”

“I was, I am, but I couldn’t catch you in your apartment.” Jessica laughed. “Now I’ve got you trapped. Listen, I own a little boutique over the border from you in Sheridan, Wyoming. I’m never going to be able to compete with Saks, you understand, but I have a good mail-order business in addition to a thriving shop.”

“Yes, I’ve heard all about your success from Melly,” Abby said. “She thinks you carry the prettiest leisure clothes short of New York.”

“And that’s why I’m bothering you,” the other woman replied. “Those dresses you designed for Melly are just what I’m looking for to add to my spring and summer line. They’re simple and elegant, they wouldn’t cost a fortune to make and my customers would eat them up.”

“Do you mean it?” Abby burst out.

“Of course I mean it. We could work something out, if you’re interested. I know you make a lot modeling—I broke out of that rat race ten years ago and risked everything to open this shop. Now I’m making just as much as I did in New York, but my feet don’t hurt so much anymore,” she added with laughter in her voice.

“You were a model? Then you know how it is, don’t you?” she asked.

Jessica laughed. “Oh, yes, I know very well. I spent half my time trying to stay out of trouble, and I imagine it’s even worse now.”

“I don’t just go to the parties,” Abby confessed, “and I keep to myself. But then, too, I’m not in that top ten percent. Frankly, I’m sick of it all. I can’t think of anything I love more than designing….”

“Then why not do some work for me?” Jessica pleaded. “At least think about it. I know we could come to an arrangement. You could come down here and look over my business, and I could show you what I have in mind.”

“I’d like that,” Abby said. “I have commitments lined up for the next few months, but come late September, I’m a free agent. Could I let you know then?”

“Fine! Meanwhile, give me your address in New York and I’ll send you some of my catalogs.” There was a smile in the woman’s voice. “Maybe they’ll tempt you.”

“I’m already tempted.” Abby sighed.

“Good. You’ll be easy to convince.” She laughed. “Here, take down my number and call me the minute you make up your mind.” She dictated the digits while Abby jotted them on her calendar. “By the way, Abby, are you going to be at Melly’s wedding?”

“Yes. I designed her wedding dress.”

“Fantastic! I’m invited, too, so we’ll get a chance to meet then. We’ll go off in a corner and I’ll describe some of the new designs I’m looking for. How about that?”

“I can hardly wait,” Abby said genuinely. “Jessica, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the offer.”

“I’m the one who ought to do the thanking. You’ve got great potential, honey. And believe me, in the long run, you’ll make as much designing for the boutique as you will trudging all over New York. And you can do it at your own pace, too.”

“I hope I’m not dreaming all this. Thanks again, Jessica. I’ll look forward to seeing you at the wedding.”

“Me, too, honey. Have a nice day. Enjoyed it!”

“So did I!” Abby laughed. She hung up and stared at the receiver in astonishment. It was like the answer to a prayer. She could give up the long hours and the stress and do what she loved best. She could even come home to Montana!

For one insane moment, she thought about going out to find Cade, to tell him. Maybe it would show him that she wanted to give up all the glitter he thought she couldn’t do without. But as soon as the thought came, she shut it out. He’d just blow up if she interrupted him. And why should he care if she came home? He was letting her stay on his ranch to be near Melly and get herself back together. He might want her—why not?—she was an attractive woman. But wanting wasn’t loving, and he was the world’s most determined bachelor. Marriage wasn’t in his vocabulary—he’d said as much. The ranch was his woman.

Abby sighed and pulled out the herd records she was working on. Anyway, it was nice to have a choice. She could look forward to talking to Jessica about her boutique, and it would pass the time.

The day was a long one, even after Melly came back to help her catch up with the work.

“I’m just tickled pink about Jessica’s offer,” Melly confided as she watched Abby seal a letter. “Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know,” Abby said honestly. “I’d love to come home. But I don’t know if I could bear it.”

“The loneliness, you mean?”

“Being so close to Cade and so far away from him, all at once,” Abby replied. Her eyes showed the wound of loving hopelessly. “I’d rather be hundreds of miles away than practically next door, Melly. If I can’t have him, I’d just as soon not have to see him at all. It hurts too much.”

“For someone who doesn’t care, he sure kisses you a lot lately.”

“He said it wouldn’t hurt either one of us,” she said bitterly. “But he reminded me all the same that I’m here to get over the attack, and I’ve got a career to go back to. You’d think he couldn’t wait to get me off the place.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that he might want you gone for the same reason you’re going?” Melly asked quietly. “I get the idea that he doesn’t think you could give up modeling.”

“It’s not that at all,” Abby protested. “This ranch is his whole life. He’s always talking about how stupid people are to get married, and that he never will. And almost in the same breath, he’ll swear that he doesn’t believe in affairs. I don’t know what to make of him.”

Melly threw up her hands. “I give up. You’re as dense as he is. Okay, show me these records and I’ll help you catch up. When are you supposed to get back to Jessica, by the way?”

“She’s coming to the wedding, and we’re going to talk. What does she look like?”

Melly grinned. “Wait and see. It’ll be a revelation to you. Now, this is where we need to start taking off cattle….”

They worked steadily until supper. Melly went out with Jerry to a friend’s house. Abby had just finished changing her clothes and was telling a persistent caller for the fourth time in as many hours that Cade was still out when he came slamming angrily in the door. His face was rigid, his lips compressed. He was still wearing his chaps and the brim of his wide hat was crushed in one hand.

“Well, don’t just stand there, for God’s sake, hang that thing up and get the liniment,” he muttered, hobbling up the stairs to his room.

“What happened?” she called after him, absently hanging up on the caller before she thought.

“Cow fell on me,” he growled. “Hurry up, damn it!” He went into his bedroom and slammed the door.

Abby rushed into the kitchen to get the liniment. Calla got it out of the cabinet for her.

“Bull again, huh?” old Jeb asked from the doorway as he entered the kitchen.

“He said it was a cow,” Abby volunteered.

“Told him he ought to let the younger boys wrestle them things.” Jeb nodded. “Yep, I told him, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s got more broke bones and scars than any man I ever knowed. Lot of them were from his rodeo days, but he’s got more being bullheaded and doing jobs he’s too brittle for.”

“He never listens,” Calla agreed, nodding her head. “Why I remember one time…”

She was still going strong when Abby left the two of them recalling other incidents of Cade’s intentional deafness.

He had his shirt off when she went into the bedroom. She closed the door behind her, hesitating. The last time she’d been in this particular room was that night when he’d carried her in from the swimming pool in nothing but her damp jeans. It brought back bittersweet memories.

“Open the door if you’re nervous being alone with me,” he growled, rubbing his shoulder.

“Sorry,” she murmured, trying not to appear too interested in his naked chest. Without his shirt, he was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen, bronzed and muscular, with a thick wedge of dark, curling hair narrowing down to his flat stomach.

She uncapped the bottle of liniment and wrinkled her nose. “My gosh, you’d better make your men sign affidavits that they won’t quit if I put this stuff on you.”

“Shut up and rub,” he grumbled, indicating the smooth flesh of his shoulder.

She poured liniment in her palm and began to apply it. Her fingers tingled at the feel of his flesh under them. “How did a cow manage to fall on you?”

“It’s a long story.” He lit a cigarette while she massaged the aching limb, wincing as she went over a tender spot.

“Should you smoke?” she murmured. “We might both blow up if a spark ignites the fumes….”

He glared at her. His hair was tousled over his broad forehead, over his dark, glittering eyes and heavy brows, and he looked impossibly masculine.

“Funny girl,” he mocked.

“Laughing beats crying, my papa always used to say,” she reminded him.

He turned his eyes away and sighed. “I can’t imagine you crying over me.”

Abby blinked, wondering at how stupid God had made some men. “That works both ways. I’ll bet you’re just counting the days until I’m on my way back to New York.”

He didn’t answer her. He took a long draw from the cigarette and exhaled through pursed lips. “Nightmares fading away, honey?” he asked.

She managed a faint smile. “All but gone, in fact.” She shrugged, applying more liniment. “It was so hellish at the time. But looking back, I was lucky. Really lucky. All he did was push me around a little before the bystanders chased him off. It was the idea of what could have happened that was so scary. Gosh, men are strong, Cade.”

“Some men,” he agreed. He glanced at her.

She looked down as he looked up, and her eyes drowned in his dark, intense stare. Her hands stilled on his arm, and time seemed to go into a standstill around them. She was remembering another night, another time, when she’d lain on this very bed in his arms and experienced her first intimacy with a man. But Cade had changed since then. The easygoing, humorous man she’d once known had been replaced by a far more mature man, a harder man. He’d never been easy to read, but now nothing showed in his expression.

He reached out without warning and caught her around the waist, pulling her down on the bed beside him.

“Cade!” she gasped, too shocked to struggle.

He rolled over on his side and one bare arm arched across her body to hold her there while he leaned on an elbow and watched the expressions cross her face. Her eyes dropped to his chest, and she wanted to touch him so desperately that she closed them to resist the impulse.

“Afraid?” he asked softly.

Her fingers touched his hard face, sensitive to the rough texture of it where he needed a shave, to the feel of his cool, thick hair against them. “I’m with you now. I’m safe.”

“Not so safe,” he said with a faint smile. “But protected, for what it’s worth. Suppose I kiss you half to death and then I can grab a bite to eat and go back out.”

“Suppose you just kiss me half to death and forget about going back out?” she asked, tingling all over as she waited to feel that hard, warm mouth over hers.

“Because,” he breathed, fitting his lips slowly, sensitively to hers, “as sure as God made little green apples, Calla’s going to be knocking at that door any minute to make sure you’re safe. And once I’m fed, she’ll want to make sure that I’m too tired to find my way to you.”

“Calla wouldn’t…”

He kissed her slowly, softly. “Calla would. She’s not blind. She sees the way I look at you.”

Her heart was racing. “How do you look at me?” she asked.

His mouth smiled mockingly against hers. “Haven’t you noticed? Hush. I seem to have waited half my life to get you in bed with me like this….”

She felt his lips nibbling at hers, nudging at them with exquisite slowness, and she relaxed, letting her fingers curl into the hair at his nape.

His tongue teased its way into her mouth and she gasped sharply at the sudden intimacy, even as she felt his body moving sensuously against hers. His mouth softened and became coaxing with expert sureness as his chest scraped abrasively, teasingly across her breasts until the tips hardened. She moaned softly and he lifted his dark head to look into her eyes, searching them quickly. “Was that fear or pleasure?” he whispered.

Her lips parted involuntarily. One slender hand moved from the back of his head down over his chest and stroked him, smoothing the curling dark hair over the warm muscles. “I’m not afraid of you,” she said in a breathless whisper, searching his dark eyes.

“I could make you afraid, though, couldn’t I, Abby?” he asked, as if it mattered. “You’re still very vulnerable.”

“You make me sound like a terrified virgin,” she replied.

His warm fingers stroked the long, pale hair back from her flushed face. “I’m doing my damndest to remember that you are one,” he said softly. “It’s hard for a man to make love like this, Abby. To remember not to kiss too hard, not to touch too intimately….”

Her eyes betrayed the surprise she felt at what he was confessing. “Have you been deliberately holding back all this time?” she asked, searching his eyes. “Because you thought you might frighten me?”

He drew in a deep breath, and she felt his chest expand against her breasts. “I couldn’t bear to hurt you,” he said. His voice was like velvet, deep and dark and softly textured. “I’ve treated you like porcelain since you’ve been here. I’ve damned near worked myself into an early grave to keep away…and tonight, I caved in. I kept remembering how you were this morning, how you begged for my mouth….” His eyes closed, his face tautened. “Oh, God, Abby, what am I going to do about you?” he groaned.

She couldn’t even speak. He looked so incredibly vulnerable, as if he were at the end of some imaginary rope. Her fingers stroked his broad shoulders, loving the very texture of his skin. She loved everything about him, every line and curve of him.

“You said this morning,” she reminded him softly, “that a few kisses wouldn’t hurt either one of us. Didn’t you?”

His eyes opened, and they were like black fires. “And that’s the whole problem, little one. I want more than a few kisses.”

Her eyes fell to his chiseled mouth and she felt her body begin to tremble. “Cade…I don’t mind if you touch me,” she whispered.

His face moved against hers, his breath sighing out heavily at her ear. “That could be dangerous.”

With a surge of fearlessness, she caught one of the hands beside her on the bed and lifted it in hers. Before her courage gave out completely, she took it to her T-shirt and eased it hesitantly over the soft curve of her breast.

She wasn’t prepared for the sensations it caused. She drew in a sharp breath and bit her lip to keep from crying out.

Cade lifted his dark head and looked at her, holding her eyes while his hand pressed softly against her. His thumb moved onto the taut peak and teased it. His heart slammed wildly against her with the action, and she could see the desire that was smoldering in his eyes.

“Four years,” he said in a hunted tone. “And I haven’t forgotten a second of it. I remember the way you looked, the way you cried out when I touched you like this.”

“Do you think I don’t remember, too?” she asked under her breath. “I lived on it for years, Cade—” Her voice broke, her mouth trembled as she looked up at him.

“So did I,” he breathed out shakily. He bent again and let his mouth brush warmly against her parted lips. “You were so young. You still are. Years too young, and a world away from me. Abby, are you wearing anything under this?”

She wished she were more sophisticated. She blushed, feeling her body stiffen as he slid his hand under the hem of the shirt and up to find the answer himself. He caught his breath when he touched her, really touched her, and felt the helpless response of her soft, bare flesh.

Her own hands reached up to stroke the tangled mat of hair on his chest. “I used to dream about touching you like this,” she confessed, watching him. “Feeling you…”

“Oh, God!” he ground out, trembling. His free hand cupped her head and held it still while his mouth devoured hers in the static stillness of the room. She felt his other hand moving over her bareness in a long, aching caress that made her arch up and moan with exquisite pleasure.

She protested once, gently, drawing away to breathe.

“Come back here,” he murmured, “I’m not through.”

“I have to breathe,” she whispered as he turned her mouth back to his.

“Breathe me,” he murmured against her soft, eager mouth. His hands smoothed over her back, pushing up the shirt as they swept with warm abrasiveness across her soft skin.

“You told me once that you’d never let another man touch you this way. Did you mean it?” he asked roughly.

“I meant it,” she whispered, her voice trembling. Her fingers were clinging at the nape of his neck, her body arching to give him freer access to it. “I’ve never, ever wanted a man…after you.”

Breathing like a distance runner, he lifted his head and looked down at her where the shirt was pulled up. His eyes darkened with a hunger she could actually see. Against her pale golden flesh, his hands were as dark as leather.

“You can’t imagine how it feels,” she breathed, her eyes loving him.

“Being touched?” he asked, lifting his eyes to watch her rapt face.

She shook her head slowly. “Being with you…like this. Oh, Cade, I’d be embarrassed with my own sister, but I love it when you look at me…this way.”

His breathing, already ragged, seemed to freeze inside him. His thumbs edged up, dragging softly against the rigid peaks, and she moaned sharply, looking straight into his eyes.

All at once he removed his hands and sat up, his big body shuddering with the force of his heartbeat, his eyes reckless and faintly dangerous.

“That’s enough,” he said roughly.

But it wasn’t for Abby, and without even thinking, she followed him, kneeling just in front of him. She placed her trembling hands on his shoulders and swayed close, brushing her body softly, slowly against his hair-roughened chest, watching her own paleness disappearing into the curling hair with awe.

“Abby,” he whispered shakily. His hands moved to her bare back and brought her slowly against him, prolonging the contact, easing her closer with a rhythm that made her tremble all the way to her toes.

His hands caught her hips and ground them against his, and she cried out as she felt the force of his hunger. Trembling, her arms locked around his neck as they fell sideways on the bed. He was beside her, then they shifted, and she felt his full weight evenly distributed along the length of her aching body. She could feel the abrasiveness of his wiry hair against her bareness where they touched, the scent of the liniment becoming as potent as perfume as they kissed wildly, and she wondered at the depth of her own love for him.

Feeling unusually reckless, she began to move. Her hands slid down his back to the base of his spine, and the mouth crushing hers groaned harshly. Against her body, he was warm and hard and she could feel every steely muscle in him. Even all those years ago, it had never been like this between them. The feel of him drowned her in sensation, in need and half-awakened hunger. She wanted to be closer than this, she wanted all the fabric out of the way, she wanted his eyes and his hands to touch her. She shifted restlessly, hungry as she never had been in her life, needing him…!

She touched him with hands that trembled, delighting in the feel of his smooth back muscles. Her fingers moved around to caress the thick mat of hair over his chest, and hesitantly, softly, traced the arrow of hair that ran below his belt. I love you, she thought silently. I love you….

Cade’s big body contracted as if he’d been shot, and all at once he seemed to come to his senses. He muttered a harsh curse and jerked himself away from Abby, rolling over to lie on his back. His body shuddered with frustrated need; his eyes closed, his jaw tautened. His breath came wildly. Watching him, she felt guilty that she’d let it go so far, because they’d both known all the time that Cade wasn’t going over his own limits. Only she’d forgotten, and he hadn’t.

Fumbling, she pulled down her shirt with shaking hands and sat up. She took a deep breath and threw her legs over the side of the bed. “Excuse me,” she said in a barely audible voice, “I didn’t know where the limits were.”

“Well, you found out, didn’t you?” he shot at her.

She got off the bed and glanced toward him. He was pale, and his face was drawn as he sat up and reached for his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” she said unsteadily. “I…I know it’s unpleasant for men to…well…”

“Don’t turn the knife,” he said. His voice was cutting. He dragged a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with unsteady hands. “Damn it, Abby, I can’t handle it when you do unexpected things like that! You knocked me right off balance.”

She tried to smile. “And after I promised not to try and have my way with you, too.”

But he didn’t smile. His face grew harder. “You’re tearing me inside out,” he said, standing. “If I’d thought I could stand Calla’s infernal sarcasm, I would have let her put the liniment on!”

“Next time, I’ll remember that,” she shot back. She whirled, her eyes simmering with anger. “You started it!” she accused childishly.

His nostrils flared. “Yes, I started it,” he said under his breath. “Nothing’s changed. Nothing! I touch you, and we both start trembling. It was that way when you were only eighteen, and I carried you in here, wanting you until I was just about out of my mind!” He ran an angry hand through his thick hair and glared up at her. “But I didn’t take you then, and I won’t take you now. There’s no future in it. There never was.”

“What an ego,” she threw back. “My God, you’re full of yourself!”

“That’s what you think,” he said harshly. “I went through the motions of work all day, but all I could think about was how it felt when we kissed this morning. I remembered your mouth the way a man dying of thirst remembers ice water, soft and sweet. Just how much do you think I can take?”

“Well, don’t strain yourself,” she said, turning away with a hot ache all the way to her toes. “I’ll be gone soon enough.”

“I know that,” he said. His voice sounded hollow. The mattress creaked as he got to his feet. “Sex is a lousy foundation for a relationship, Abby. We’re not going to build on it.”

She flushed in spite of herself, but she wouldn’t turn and let him see it. “Amen,” she agreed. “If you want to call off the picnic tomorrow—”

“No,” he said unexpectedly. “No, I don’t want to call it off. It will be the last time we have together.”

He said that as if it meant forever—that they’d never spend another minute alone—and she wanted to scream and cry and beg him to try and love her just a little. But she clenched her jaw and drew in a steadying breath. “Calla’s going to scream about fixing a picnic with those new hands to feed.”

“We’ll risk it,” he said shortly. “Right now, I’ve got to get back to the barn. That damned bull’s improving a little, but I want to see what the vet has to say when he checks him for the night.”

“I could pack you a sandwich and some coffee,” she offered.

“I don’t want anything.”

She opened the door and paused. “Especially me?” She laughed shakily and ran down the stairs with tears shimmering in her eyes.