Chapter Twenty-Six

Niles sat beside Julia the next day as a variety of outdoor games were set up on the back lawn. Lucas and Penelope, with the questionable "help" of little Philip, the Jonquils' eldest boy, were in the midst of setting up the pins for a game of lawn bowls. The group would have enjoyed themselves either way, but having Julia there—Julia and the little boys—made them feel complete again. Whole.

Julia had joked the evening before that she was the one "in charge" of the Gents and their ladies, but there was actually some truth to the assertion. She wasn't the leader of the group—there really wasn't one—and she didn't in any way dictate what they all did—everyone was granted full and intentional autonomy—but in the two years since Julia had married Lucas, she had come to be the thread that wove through them all, tying them together, much like Stanley had been.

"I must say, Niles," Julia said, "I didn't know quite what I would find when finally meeting Penelope."

"And now that you have met her?" Posing the question made him a little nervous.

"I think she is wonderful. I deeply enjoyed talking with her last night. She fits so well and so easily in this group, which is decidedly a point in her favor."

Relief trickled over him. "I am glad you like her. She was quite worried that you wouldn't."

"Truth be told," Julia said, " I was worried that I wouldn't. The most recent letter I received about the situation here led me to think our Puppy was growing a bit smitten. What was I to do if I arrived and discovered an adventuress had ensnared you?"

"What would you have done?" he asked, suddenly very curious about the answer.

"Tossed her out on her ear, probably. I can get away with that, you know. The Gents have to behave when interacting with a lady, but I am under far less obligation to do so."

"When have the Gents ever actually behaved?" He shook his head at the absurd mental image that conjured of them acting like sophisticated gentlemen.

"Never, I daresay," she answered with a grin. But her expression turned almost immediately contemplative once more. "Early in my marriage, when I was drowning in rejection and dismissal and a future in which I felt certain I would be all but forgotten, the letters that you and the other Gents sent me were like my first lungful of air in ages."

I don't think the men of this country realize how chronically starved of air the women truly are .

"You gave me reason to hope," Julia said. "And you helped Lucas and me find our way. I would never, could never stand idly by while any of you was rendered unhappy. I would try everything in my power to help you as you all helped me."

At the time, he was ashamed to admit, he'd thought Julia was being a little petulant, not recognizing that Lucas was trying so hard and wanted things to be happy between them. Only after talking with Digby, who had been entrusted with Julia's side of the situation, had the Gents realized how little of Lucas's intentions and thoughts and feelings had been communicated to her . Niles had, to an embarrassing extent, blamed Julia for not being able to read Lucas's thoughts. She had been left to guess, and when one was required to fill in gaps after one had been deeply hurt, filling them in ways that protected against future pain was entirely understandable.

Niles's significant misjudgment in that matter had only added to his reluctance to accept a marriage of his grandfather's arranging. How very wrong it could all go, and he didn't want himself or his future bride to be as miserable as Julia had been by the time she had nearly given up on Lucas.

"Mama!" Philip's little voice drew Julia's attention. He was toddling toward them, Lucas close behind. Philip toppled onto his backside a few times, but with his parents' encouragement and a bit of assistance from Lucas, he continued his slow journey through the short expanse of grass between himself and his mother.

Penelope skirted the little family and stood by Niles. He stood when she reached his side.

"I suspect this will not be the most competitive bout of bowls either of us has ever participated in," she said.

"For my part, I intend to make certain Philip ends this game knowing how much better I am at it than he is." Niles managed to keep his tone entirely serious right up until the last word, when Penelope's silent laughter undid him.

"You intend to utterly trounce a one-year-old in lawn bowls?" She laughed all the way through the question.

"The sooner he learns to recognize my athletic superiority, the better."

She bumped him with her shoulder. "How very cutthroat of you, Niles."

"Intimidated?" he asked.

"On the contrary." She offered a charmingly pert shrug. "I am now feeling extremely motivated to best you soundly."

They lined up beside Lucas, Julia, and Philip as the game began. Their littlest competitor was delighted with literally everything any of them did but quite obviously didn't understand what was happening.

Several throws into the game, Philip attempted to push the bowl and toppled over. Whether in frustration or surprise, he started to cry. Lucas scooped him up, kissing his round cheek, and encouraged him to try again. Julia watched the two of them with a look that spoke of absolute and utter peace.

My first lungful of air in ages. Julia had nearly missed out on this life she and Lucas were building because Lucas hadn't recognized nor prioritized what she'd needed to be and feel safe, loved, valued, seen.

If I lose Fairfield, I will be holding my breath for the rest of my life.

Penelope needed Fairfield. She needed the life there she'd been fighting for so many years to claim. That need had driven her to press her brother to keep looking for a husband who would agree to what would allow her to feel safe. It had pushed her to cross England on the chance that her runaway groom would see value in her. It had given her the courage to remain behind when her brother had abandoned her because she was determined to not lose herself to the version of her that Society wanted to impose upon her.

If I lose Fairfield . . .

She needed to build her life at Fairfield. She needed to fill her lungs every day with the freedom it offered her.

But he wouldn't be fully happy if he abandoned the life he'd been fighting for. He was quiet and overlooked, required for far too long to bow to the dictates of others, wanting to make a difference for others who were far more voiceless than he. He'd spent a decade studying the intricacies of Parliament and cultivating political connections so that he could one day be effective in that body.

Their dreams were in conflict. Watching Lucas and Julia's struggles, he'd seen the way losing dreams, feeling dismissed and discarded, ate away at even tender and loving connections.

"You look pensive." When had Lucas moved to stand by him? The ladies were a bit away, assisting Philip.

"Do you realize I have wondered over the years if I would ever fall in love? If maybe there was something inherently wrong with me that I didn't feel a pull to anyone when everyone else seemed to have their heads turned quite regularly?"

"Do you know what Stanley would say to that if he were here?" Lucas asked, then answered his own question. "‘This careful and thoughtful approach is the way your heart chooses to love, Niles Greenberry, and there is nothing wrong with that.' And then he would applaud your heart for having chosen as well as it has now."

Niles's gaze remained on Penelope, who was now spinning in a circle with Philip in her arms. The sight made that careful and thoughtful heart of his skip a beat even as it dropped to his feet.

"And what would Stanley say once he realized how impossible this actually is?"

"What do you mean? I thought you'd decided she was to your liking after all, even if your grandfather did choose her."

"She is more than to my liking. She is... I couldn't imagine..." He pushed out a breath. "I have not ever been an orator. Perhaps I ought to remember that when I think on my parliamentary ambitions."

"For one thing, not all parliamentarians give speeches," Lucas answered firmly. "For another, being unable to put into words how deeply you love someone is a sign of sincerity, especially for one who is, as you said, not an orator. Rest assured, Puppy, I have seen your feelings for her written all over your face."

"And what is written on my face right now?" He sighed.

Lucas studied him. "Heartbreak." He sounded surprised. "Why is that? She is your match, and you are hers, and she looks at you with the same expression of besotted tenderness with which you look at her. You ought to be elated."

Julia and Penelope were so engrossed with helping Philip that they weren't paying the least heed to Lucas and Niles. That was for the best.

"She needs to keep ownership of Fairfield. I didn't fully understand that until recently, but it's crucial to her. Julia needed you to be nearby, to not leave her behind, to not make plans without her, which you didn't fully appreciate at first."

"That is an understatement," Lucas acknowledged.

"Building a life in which she didn't have that would have been miserable for both of you."

"True." He nodded.

"That is Fairfield for Penelope. It needs to be hers in every real and tangible way."

"Sign the original marriage settlement, and it will be," Lucas said.

"Without property of my own, I would have to abandon what I have worked my entire adult life to achieve."

"The bout with the Bath Butcher will allow you to address that. Even the loser's purse would put you so close that you'd be months from claiming your own land."

"Away from Fairfield," he pointed out. "Representing an area of the kingdom where I don't make my home would not merely be unsatisfying; it would feel like selling my soul to become one of those MPs who doesn't actually care and doesn't do any good."

Understanding was dawning in Lucas's expression and with it, the same worry Niles had been feeling.

"I couldn't live apart from the lady I marry," Niles said. "I don't want that kind of marriage. I refused to accept it when the time came, and I can't resign myself to it now."

"But marrying Penelope and living with her means one of you loses what you've fought for."

"It makes me feel selfish, saying that those ambitions are important enough to interfere with... love. Admittedly, I am operating with no experience whatsoever, but poetry and theater and literature all insist that ‘love is not love which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove.' Abandoning love over something like contradictory residency requirements feels shallow."

Lucas shook his head. "You're not speaking of a mere preference for different counties. As things stand now, to move forward together, one of you has to abandon something that rests at the core of who you are. Either of you requiring that of the other is not mere alteration or a disinterested remover choosing to remove. I think the Bard would not mind if we added to his list that love is also not love which requires one person to disappear in the shadow cast by the other's pursuits."

"It's impossible, then?" Niles hadn't wanted to admit that to himself.

"Me ever regaining Julia's trust, that was impossible." Lucas looked over at his wife and oldest boy, both laughing together. "That's what miracles are for, Niles, for when crucial things feel impossible."

Penelope rushed over, her broad and beautiful smile restoring Niles's hope every bit as much as Lucas's reassuring speech. "It is your turn to bowl, Niles." She took his hand. "You are currently losing to Philip, so I suggest you do your very best." Still holding Niles's hand, Penelope looked at Lucas. "That son of yours thoroughly enjoys being the center of attention."

"I would say he gets that trait from his mother, but everyone knows that's not true." Lucas walked with bouncing step to his wife and son, taking the little boy in his arms and swinging him around.

"They are a very happy little family, aren't they?" Penelope said. "And they clearly love baby Layton every bit as much as Philip."

"Love is woven into the fabric of the Jonquil family." Niles looked away from them and directly at the lady he had fallen so completely in love with. "That's worth fighting for, don't you think?"

"I do."

He slipped his arm around her. "And do you believe in miracles?"

She set a hand softly against his cheek and whispered, "More every day."