Chapter 4

My mattress dipping on the side wakes me. I roll over, my eyes fluttering open, and Cash sits on the edge of the bed. The sun shines through the window behind him, and I make out the outline of his baseball hat. It’s bright in here, and I’m still half asleep.

It’s like I’m imagining him, and if I reach out, he’ll disappear. His hazel eyes meet mine, and his lips transform into a sexy grin. The dimples in his cheeks show, and I can’t help but smile. He's the best part of waking up.

After losing him once, I treasure these special moments more. I never thought we’d be back here after he left. I’d only hoped our secret love story wasn’t over.

”Good mid-morning, my Valentine,” he says, his voice as smooth as whiskey. He hands me a large coffee. ”For you.”

”Are you real?” I ask, sitting up, wondering if I’m still dreaming. I”ve been counting down to today since I gave him that key last weekend. I remove the lid and blow on it, noticing the color. ”Black like my soul.”

He chuckles. ”You’re fucking adorable.”

I need to wake up. ”What time is it?”

Cash clicks the button on the side of his phone. ”Ten. Sorry, you probably didn’t get much sleep after your night shift.”

”No, I don’t mind. I got a solid four hours,” I say, yawning, wishing I could pour this caffeine into an IV and insert it into my veins. ”I gotta prepare for Beckett and Summer”s party at seven.”

”Ahh, yes,” he says. ”Were you threatened with your life if you didn’t show up?”

I nod, meeting his gaze, and I love how that smirk plays on his lips. He looks exhausted and stressed though.

”How have you been?” I ask.

”Making it,” he says. ”Melody, my summer intern, arrived this morning. Gave her a walk-through.”

”Yeah? That will be great for you.”

”I think so. She graduated and is licensed, so I might hire her full-time if she makes it past a month.”

I smile, take a sip of coffee, and watch him over the rim. ”Yikes. I hope it works out.”

”I’m a hard-ass. But, anyway, I”ve missed you,” he admits.

We haven’t seen, texted, or spoken to each other since Beckett’s wedding. We”re on two different working schedules. Finding a time to be together without getting caught is already tricky enough, but this makes it more challenging. Plus we haven’t crossed any lines since Harrison’s wedding where I nearly begged for him.

We lost control.

He reaches forward, tucking hair behind my ear, and I grab his wrist. He smells like leather and soap.

Goosebumps trail up and down my arm, and he notices what his touch does to me, what it’s always done to me.

”We need house rules,” I say.

”You’re right.”

”I’m not the same person,” I explain. ”Sometimes I think about all those summers ago and?—”

”It feels like a dream?” He meets my gaze.

”Yeah. How”d you know?”

”It’s relatable.” Cash looks down at his calloused hands. ”There are times I have regrets.”

”About us?” That was an admission I wasn’t expecting.

He glances at me. ”Hell no. Regrets about leaving you.”

”Please don’t do that,” I say. “We agreed to be together for a summer. We stuck to the plan and continued forward with our lives.”

”True,” he states. ”But what did we lose in the process? If one path is chosen, another isn’t traveled. I often think about the life that we could”ve had, Rem. The life we gave up.”

”Cash,” I say his name and it lingers in the air as guilt surrounds us.

I mourned that life for years, wondering if I”d ever experience an intense emotional connection with anyone other than Cash.

Spoiler alert: I haven’t, even though I”ve desperately tried.

I get lost in the past, replaying old memories. I didn’t want him to choose me because I was too risky to be with. I still am.