15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Andy

I grabbed Seph's ball off the floor and opened the back door. She barreled out, not waiting for me so she could do her business before running back over to me and staring at the ball like it was going to do something amazing.

I gave it a hard throw, and it went about halfway to the fence line, and she took off after it. I barely even noticed, though, because my head was spinning. Jesse had kissed me. And I didn't mean a sweet little brotherly kiss. No. That was the hottest kiss in the history of kisses, like it could win a gold medal if kissing was an Olympic sport. Seriously, all tens.

Of course, then he had to go and ruin it all by saying we had to talk. Nothing good ever came from talking. I let out an exasperated sigh. I already knew where this was headed. I could hear it now.

Your brother is my best friend, Andy. I don't want anything serious, Andy. Firefighting is too dangerous, Andy. You're too young, Andy. Fuck. Why couldn't I just enjoy that super-hot kiss instead of going into catastrophizing mode?

I took the ball from Seph and threw it again, and just to distract myself, I took a good look around. It was a really nice backyard. There was a fairly large tree in the far back corner that I was guessing was either an oak or a pecan tree. I knew a lot about flowers but not much about trees. It provided a lot of shade, though, whatever kind it was.

The grass was nicely kept, which meant someone had to mow it. My money was on Jesse. He looked like the kind of guy who would mow his own lawn instead of paying someone to do it. And better yet, I bet he took his shirt off while he did it.

"There are squirrels in that tree. Seph had a ball out here chasing them yesterday," a voice said from behind me. I turned and saw Jesse, arms crossed, looking all causal as he leaned on the door jamb of his screened porch.

"I bet she did. We were just about to come in. I think she's had enough ball chasing for this morning."

"You don't have to come in while I cook. I just thought it would help us have a better plan for the day if you checked out some of the local dealers before we went car shopping."

"It's fine. Like I said, she was done, and you're right. I don't even know what I want."

"Are you paying cash?"

"Yeah, that's the plan." I still had my monthly allowance from the trust, but I'd been living on my firefighter salary and putting it straight into savings, so I had a fair amount saved.

Not that I hadn't thought about using it for something fun. Maybe a boat or a four-wheeler. Of course I had. But any time I thought about using the money for something frivolous, I thought about all the bad money decisions I'd made back home. Of course, this wasn't frivolous. I had to have a car.

"Do we need to wait for Victor to get back so he can release some of the money from your trust?" he asked.

"No, I'm good. I have some savings. I was actually thinking about getting a truck, maybe. Not a big one like yours, but something mid-sized."

"No Porsche for you, huh?" he asked.

"Nope, I'll leave the showy shit for my brother." Because that showy shit was fast, and I loved speed, and that was the last temptation I needed.

"Okay, so a truck then. Sounds good. We're gonna Texi-fy you yet. All you need is a cowboy hat and a pair of boots." He laughed.

"I'll have you know I already own both."

"Now that I would love to see."

"I have a picture from when Mika and I went to San Antonio for the weekend. Want to see?"

Mika and I had gone to a gay bar that had a Western Night, and he'd insisted we both dress the part. We'd had a great time two-stepping and flirting with lots of cowboys. At one point, we got one of the guys we were dancing with to use my phone to take a picture of the two of us. Of course, Jesse didn't need to know I blew the cowboy in the bathroom before we left.

"You. In boots and a hat. You know I want to see."

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the pictures, looking for it. He stepped closer so he could see, and when I found it, I handed my phone over.

His eyes looked at the phone and then at me, then back at the phone again. "Holy hell, slugger. I'm gonna need to see this in person."

I laughed and looked at the photo again. It was one of my favorites of me. I was wearing a pair of denim short-shorts that fit me like a glove. A red cropped top that was stretched across my chest muscles, and, of course, a pair of bright red cowboy boots. I'd topped it off with a white cowboy hat with a red sequined hat band, and I had to say I looked fucking amazing.

"Maybe I'll wear it for you if you take me out dancing," I teased.

"Take you out dancing. Sugar, I own a club. There's always dancing."

"Your own club doesn't count. If you want to see the boots, you're gonna have to do better than that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

He leaned over and brushed a quick kiss across my lips. "We'll see. Now come shop for trucks while I fix you breakfast. There's fresh coffee in the pot, so help yourself."

I got myself a cup from the cabinet and then went to the fridge to grab the milk. Right there on the top shelf was a brand-new container of my favorite creamer. Damn, I was so screwed if this talk meant Jesse didn't want to be with me because, seriously, he got me my creamer. How did a person go back to nameless one-night stands after something like that? Not that we'd actually done anything more than kiss, but still, I was betting sex with Jesse was going to be off the charts.

I should've thanked him for remembering what I liked, but I didn't know how to say oh my god, thank you so much, please keep me without sounding pathetic, so I just gave him a smile and poured the creamer into my coffee.

The kitchen had a center island with stools on one side, and I propped myself up there and opened his computer. But I won't lie. It was hard to concentrate on trucks when Jesse was bustling around the kitchen making breakfast for me. Not to mention the fact that every time I took a drink of my delicious coffee, it hit me all over again that he'd heard me. I couldn't remember the last time a guy actually listened to me and went out of his way to do something so nice for me. And how pathetic was that? I was all choked up over freaking coffee creamer.

I was only halfway scrolling through various cars and trucks while I watched him batter the bread and put it in the pan. At least, that was the case until I stumbled on a bright orange Toyota Tacoma . The dealership listed the color as Solar Octane, but it was definitely orange. I'd never even considered an orange vehicle before, but this thing was nice.

I clicked on the link to look at the other pictures, and the inside was just as nice as the outside. If this thing drove as good as it looked, I was sold.

"I think I found one," I told him, looking up to catch him feeding Seph blueberries.

"I checked first to make sure dogs could have them," he said defensively, but I just chuckled. I got it. I was shit at resisting her puppy dog eyes.

"She loves them. I think she'd rather have blueberries than t-r-e-a-t-s." I spelled out the dreaded T word because, if she heard it, all her good training went out the window.

"I can tell. She's gobbling them down as fast as I slip them to her. Now you said you found something?"

"Yeah, this one." I turned the computer around, and he walked over to take a look.

"Nice. I wonder if the dealership has that color in stock."

"I don't know. If not, I'll get a rental car and wait cause that orange is electric."

"I bet if they don't have it, they can find you one. I know the dealership here is owned by an auto group with dealerships in Austin and San Antonio."

"Cool. Okay then, truck shopping done. How much longer on breakfast?"

"It's just about ready. And like I said earlier, we need to talk. So how about we take our breakfast out on the screened porch, and we can talk while we eat?"

I tried hard not to let him see how much I dreaded this conversation, but he could tell. It was kind of insane how quickly he'd learned to read me.

"It's nothing bad, baby boy, I promise. Let me finish up the last of the french toast, and we'll head out there. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." What kind of silly question was that? Jesse was the most honest, trustworthy man I'd ever met, and I wasn't the only one who thought so. My brother never would have put up the funds to launch Kirby's if he didn't know he could trust him.

"Good. Now, why don't you set the table for us out there, and I'll be right out with the food."

Jesse

I didn't normally set the table for meals, instead I usually sat right here in the kitchen to eat. But I could tell Andy was worried about what I wanted to talk about, so I thought having something to do would keep him from fretting over it.

I hadn't meant to worry him, but I felt like there were some things we needed to talk about. It was important we were on the same page before this went any further. Because while it was true that we were the only two people in this thing, we weren't the only ones who would be affected if it all went to hell.

Victor mattered to me. I considered him family, so I needed to know Andy was as serious about this as I was before I took this leap. I wouldn't risk mine and Victor's friendship for a fling, no matter how bad I wanted Andy, and I wanted him so bad I could taste it.

By the time I pulled the last piece of french toast out of the skillet, he'd finished setting the table. I put the syrup in the microwave for just a second so it would be warm, grabbed the powdered sugar, a bowl of blueberries, and the syrup, setting them on a tray with the platter of french toast.

I carried it all out on the porch where Andy was nervously waiting. "I thought if we talked while we ate, it might be easier because it would feel more casual. If that was a mistake and you want to eat first or talk first, we can do that."

He looked at me and then inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as he did so. Then he huffed out his breath. "Can I ask a question first before I decide?"

"Of course you can."

"You said it was nothing bad, but I don't know what nothing bad means to you. That might mean, your brother would hate me if I tried to be with you, but the good news is I still want to be friends with you, so, hey, we can be pals. Or it might mean, I want to fuck you, but I don't want anything more than that, but the good news is we still get to have sex. Or it might not be about that at all. It might mean, I know some guy who can get you a good deal on a new truck, so you don't have to worry about getting screwed over . Which wouldn't just be bad, it would be terrible because if you were talking about the truck, that would mean you were either really dumb or—"

"Andy." I stopped him because I could tell he was getting worked up over absolutely nothing. Something I had a feeling he had a habit of.

He sucked in a breath. "What?"

"I meant it was nothing bad as in, I want the two of us to give this thing a shot, and I think there are some things we need to talk about first so we both know what to expect."

"Oh," he said, biting his lower lip. "So you don't want to talk about the truck?"

"Or about your brother. Now do you want to eat while we talk or after? I can put the french toast in the oven to keep warm."

He used a fork to take two slices of toast and then reached for the syrup, pouring a healthy amount on top. "You know, I don't understand why french toast needs both powdered sugar and syrup when that's really just double sugar, but it takes both to make it really good."

I didn't say a word but just watched as he dumped a pile of blueberries on top.

"Okay, let's talk." He cut off a big bite of the french toast and shoved it in his mouth, and I just shook my head.

How we went from near panic to mile-high french toast was a mystery to me, but I guess what I said did the trick. I took my time filling my own plate, using that time to decide how to proceed.

"So, tell me why you like having a Daddy."

"Okay then, I guess we're just diving right in, aren't we? No softball questions first." He gave me a little smile, but at the same time, he shrugged. "I don't know. There's a lot I like, I guess, but what it really comes down to is I'm selfish."

He stuck another bite in his mouth and watched me, waiting to see how I would react to that statement. I thought about it for a second because I knew that wasn't true. He was a firefighter. He put his life on the line to save others all the time, and that wasn't something a selfish man would do.

I decided the safest bet was to ask what he meant instead of trying to figure it out. "What do you mean by selfish?"

"Well, I like the idea of being with a man who puts me first. You know that whole I'd burn the world down for you thing ?" He paused and thought about that for a second. "Well, actually, I guess not that cause I'd have to try to put the fire out, and that would just mean more work for me, but you get the idea."

"I think I do, but I don't think that's selfish. You should have a man who puts you first, Andy."

He stabbed his fork in another piece of french toast and then pointed it at me. "See, that's what I'm talking about. That's a Daddy thought. Most men don't think that way."

I wasn't so sure I agreed, but since I did put my boy first, I didn't see any reason to argue with him. "Okay, I can agree you should come first, if you can concede that it doesn't make you selfish. Now, what else do you like about having a Daddy?"

"I love the idea of having set boundaries. I spent quite a few years there with no boundaries at all, and it would be nice to know what the rules were."

"Okay, have you ever had someone who set boundaries for you?"

"Just my brother, and it felt… safe."

"So you haven't had a Daddy make those rules for you then?"

He shook his head. "No. I guess I should be honest with you here and say that I've only had one Daddy. Well, one guy that I was in a relationship with. I've played with plenty of guys who liked me to call them Daddy, but as far as a relationship, only one."

I choked down my annoyance at the idea that there had been other men he'd called Daddy. It wasn't like that wasn't what I was expecting, and feeling that way made me feel like a possessive asshole. But feeling that way was no excuse to act like one.

"So, what happened with that relationship so that it didn't work?"

"It was back in New Jersey, and I wasn't in the best place, and I wasn't making the best choices. About a lot of things, but especially about men." He ducked his head and mumbled something, but all I heard was use… money… stupid. I had a bad feeling I heard enough to get the gist of it, and I didn't like what I thought I heard, but I wanted to be sure.

"What was that?" I asked gently.

"He was just like everyone else at that time. He was in it for the money. When I realized it, I felt so stupid. We broke up when I cut off the money, and he said I was a spoiled brat and there wasn't enough money in the world to put up with me."

"Come here, baby boy." I slid my chair back and opened my arms.

"I'm okay."

"I know you are, but I'm not. I need a hug. Come over here."

He gave me a little smile, but he got up and walked around the table. As soon as he was within reach, I grabbed his arm and pulled him down into my lap.

"Hey, I was still eating."

I would have felt bad, but the grin on his face told me he wasn't really upset about it, so I reached across the table and pulled his plate over.

"There, now you can finish your food."

"I'm too big to sit in your lap, Jesse."

"Says who? I think you fit just fine. Now eat."

He let out one of those little huffs he seemed to like, but he picked up his fork. "You forgot my coffee." He said it in a haughty tone before shoving the fork in his mouth.

I reached over and grabbed his cup. "There." I set it down in front of him. "Now, I'm guessing this goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway. That guy wasn't worth your time, and I'm so sorry he treated you that way."

He leaned back against me and let his head fall against my shoulder. "He wasn't the only one, you know. I had a whole group of"—he made air quotes—"friends who were there for the money. But they were only able to take advantage of me because I let them. Like I said, I was in a bad place, and I wasn't making the best choices."

"But you're in a better place now?" I asked. I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from him.

"I am. I just… I don't know. I felt anchorless or something. I'd been going to school with this whole idea that I was going to follow in my mom's footsteps and be this amazing fundraiser and party planner, but then she was gone, and there was no one's footsteps to follow. It was like I didn't know who I was or what I wanted."

"And you were there all alone because I asked Victor to move to Texas."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Don't you dare feel bad about that. Victor was a mess when our parents died. He had so much responsibility. He had to plan their funeral and deal with their estate. I swear I could see the weight of it all bearing down on his shoulders. The first time I saw him smile after he got the news was when you called. He needed to leave New Jersey, and he needed something to work for, something to believe in. You gave him that."

"And that's why you didn't tell him you needed him to stay. Because you knew he needed to go." I tightened my grip around him. And to think, a few minutes ago, the boy had called himself selfish.

"You give me way too much credit. I told him I was fine and he should go because I thought I could handle things without him. But anyway, yeah, I'm in a much better place here."

"With Victor to look out for you?"

"That and the job. I know Victor thinks it's a phase or something and that I'll get tired of it. But I love it."

"I'm glad you do. The guys all seem to really like you."

He shrugged again. "They're awesome. Especially Keith. I'd been iffy about if I wanted to find another Daddy or not since my first try went so swimmingly. But then I met Keith, and I watched him. He made no secret of the fact that he was a Daddy. The guys at the station tease him about it all the time, and he made me see that there were good Daddies out there and maybe I shouldn't give up."

"So Keith is the kind of Daddy you would want then?" I liked Keith, but he and I were very different men, and if a man like Keith was what Andy wanted, I was bound to disappoint him.

He turned on my lap so he could look at me laughing. "No, not at all. I mean, sure, he was the one that made me see there were good ones out there, but he's all wrong for me. He's perfect for Caleb, though."

Okay, we were getting somewhere. "So you think Keith's a good Daddy, just not the right kind of Daddy for you?" I asked.

"Right. Keith has the nurturing caregiver thing down, and like I said earlier, Caleb is the most important thing to him, but I would walk all over him. Hell, at the station, I do. Not where work is concerned. He's all business when it comes to being a firefighter, but in other areas, he's easy."

"And you don't want a Daddy who's easy?"

He shook his head.

"Good, because I'm not easy, and trust me, baby boy, you won't be able to walk all over me."

"I didn't think I would. I've seen you deal with some of the brats up at the club."

"And is that what you are, slugger? Are you a brat?"

"Maybe." He shrugged again. "Sometimes."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I like brats then, isn't it?"

"I guess it is."

I leaned down and took his mouth with mine, and his body melted into mine. His mouth tasted like syrup and coffee, and I couldn't get enough, but suddenly, he pulled back.

"We haven't talked about the most important thing," he said, worry filling his eyes.

"What's that?"

"Victor. He still sees me as a kid. He's not going to like this, and you're his best friend. I don't want to cause trouble for you two."

I looked him in the eyes to make sure he was listening. "Victor is fine with it, baby."

"He what? How do you know that?"

"Because I talked to him about it as soon as I knew I was interested in you. I don't play games, baby boy."

"You talked to him. What did he say?"

"I think you should hear it straight from him, but what I will tell you is he didn't have any problems with the idea."

"I can't believe you talked to him, but thank you for doing it. I would've been worried that I was going to cause problems."

"Nope, all good. So, it sounds like we're on the same page. You want to give it a try?"

"I don't know." He stood up and turned around before throwing his leg over mine, sliding back on my lap so that he was facing me. "I might need a test drive before I can be sure."

"Hmm, well, this is an important purchase because there are no returns. If we do this, it's gonna be a long-term lease, so a test drive is probably a good idea."