Chapter Twenty-Four

KACE

My feet feel heavy as I stomp outside to find Lily. Pushing the door open, I step out into the crisp night air, running my hands through my hair violently pulling at it. My breath is so rushed and harsh spittle is flying from my mouth as Lily glides up to me.

"Don't!" I yell at her.

She flinches and looks at me as I pace the back porch. "Kace… I…" she pauses, holding herself as my heart races, and my head is a foggy mess of chaos.

Everything I've done, all the lives I've taken, they've all been innocent players in this fucking game that my mother, of all people, has been playing.

"Fuck! Lily, don't you get it? My life… everything… it's all a fucking joke."

She steps forward, and I take a giant step backward. Her eyes gloss over with tears as I continue to pace around the back porch. My fists come down to my sides clenching so tightly my knuckles crack with the force of the squeeze as they turn a ghostly white.

"It's okay. We can make this right," she whispers.

"Ha! Can we? Wow! Can you fix government corruption? How can you fix a country that's irrevocably broken? How can you fix… me?"

She reaches out for me again, but I pull back not wanting her to touch me. If she does, I might taint her, or worse, I might hurt her because I'm so wound up. "Kace, let me help you through this."

"No." I put my hand up and shake my head, my face stern, my body shaking with anger and resentment. Not toward Lily but toward the fuckers who have been in charge of my life for so long and have now effectively destroyed it. "You have to go. You have to leave, you can't stay with me. I'm too dangerous, the darkness has consumed me, Lily, and I can't dig my way out this time."

She shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes. "Kace… no. Without you by my side, I'm an open target. I need you. You're my light, Kace, don't you get that?"

Her words shoot a pain straight through my chest, but it doesn't ease the shudder running through my spine and the anger seeping through my soul.

"Lily, I know you think you're better off with me, but I'm an assassin who's responsible for countless lost lives. Women, children, men, the elderly, who were all fucking innocent, I killed them, Lily. Without hesitation. Without remorse. I'm lethal. I'm deadly. And if you stay with me, you're going to die, too."

She swallows hard and shakes her head. "Kace, I'd rather die by your side than out on my own at the hands of your team."

Anger seeps through my every pore. My fist clenches tight as I bring my hand up and crash it into the wall smashing through the wood paneling. She jumps as I groan out loud in almighty frustration.

"You don't get it, Lily, I want you gone. I don't want you with me!"

She steps back from me, her bottom lip trembling as she shakes her head slightly, her eyes watering so much, a tear falls down her cheek. My chest tightens so painfully tight, I can't breathe watching her as she cowers away from me.

"You're only saying this ‘cause you're scared!"

My teeth grind together, and my nostrils flare as I glare at her. "You're damn right, I'm scared, Lily. I'm going to kill you. I don't want to, but with my history of killing innocent civilians, somehow you're going to end up dead, and it's going to be all on me. So you need to leave. You need to run. Get as far away from me as possible because I can't be held responsible for another innocent dying because of me. The evil is swallowing me, Lily, it's swallowing me whole, and I can no longer escape… this is where I belong. But you, you're the good in the world, and you don't belong with someone who's so unconscionable as to have committed all these atrocities not only to humans but to America. I love this country, Lily, and I'm no better than a motherfucking terrorist. My soul is black, and you can't be a part of that."

"Then let me help you, Kace. Let me bring you back from the depths of your despair. I know how hard this must be for you—"

"Do you? Do you really? I don't think you can truly grip just how fucking unbearable this is for me, Lily. Because right now, I want to take a gun and shove it in my mouth to make myself accountable for all the sins I've committed. But that would be the easy way out and not punishment enough for the heinous acts I've completed. I need to suffer, and the only way to do that is to see the faces of my victims in my dreams, to remember each and every waste order as they begged for mercy while I stripped them of their life without a second thought. Because that is the guy you are trying to save, Lily. A cold-hearted murderer. Do you really think I'm worth saving now?"

Her face hardens, and she storms to me with harshness in her stride. It stuns me to the spot as her hand comes up, her open palm colliding with my cheek as my head swings to the side, the vibration of the slap stinging right through my face. I turn my head back to her with a glare as she stands tall and strong.

"Don't you dare, Kace Colt! Don't you make yourself out to be a bad guy. You were doing your job, and you thought you were taking out the very bad of the bad. If you knew those people were innocents, you wouldn't have touched them. Hell, you would've warned them and set them free. I know you, Kace, better than you know yourself it seems. And you're not a calculated cold- hearted killer. You are a protector, a savior, and a survivor, and you will get through this. You will claw your way out of that endless pit to find the light, even if I have to break the fucking window and shine that motherfucking sun down on you myself. Do you hear me?"

I raise my eyebrow slightly in awe. Her light is trying to slowly creep in, but the darkness still swirls and surrounds me with suffocating control. I can't seem to shake the dread and angst I feel invading my senses.

Exhaling, I shake my head turning from her with a huff and run my fingers through my hair. "In theory, you're right, but the truth is I still killed them—all of them. My father was murdered, my mother is a murderer and responsible for the terrorist attacks on America, which has caused the downturn in our economy. That alone has resulted in so many people going bankrupt and losing their homes and businesses, all so a few greedy bastards can line their pockets."

I shake my head letting out a long, slow breath. "I always thought the money Mom had was a result of Dad's life insurance policy. I never questioned the fact that she had gorgeous houses, cars, and designer clothing. That and the fact that her job is high-paying. Why didn't I look into it further? Why did it take me so long to question the authority? Why did this happen? How did this happen? I have so many questions, Lily. How can I trust anyone? How can I trust myself? Can I trust my team? Did they know what was going on? We're no better than the terrorist themselves."

I hear her exhale, but she doesn't try to approach me. I breathe harshly, I'm seething as I watch a sweat bead run down my nose and drip off. I'm so hot, and every muscle in my body is tense from pure adrenaline.

"Kace, we can get those answers, but we need to do it together. You need someone to ground you, to remind you why you're here."

I turn to face her and raise my eyebrow. "Why am I here, Lily? I thought I knew, but everything is a lie."

She steps closer to me and half-smiles. "You're here to serve and protect your country. You're here to make this right. You know what's going on now, and instead of wallowing and sinking, you have to rise up, be strong, be bold, and fucking fight. You need to find out what's happening and get things back to the way they're supposed to be. You need to fight for the innocent civilians, Kace. You need to fight… for me." Her hand reaches out and touches my shoulder. I flinch and back away from her.

She shouldn't touch me.

I'm dark.

I'm drowning in darkness.

So much so, I can't see any glimmer of hope right now.

"Kace?" Lily questions.

"Don't touch me, Lily."

She steps in front of me, her beautiful face lit up by the silver moonlight showing me her perfect dimples and furrowed brows. "Don't tell me what to do!" she demands.

"I've dragged you into this, you should hate me."

Her hand comes up, and she caresses my cheek tenderly, her soft fingers rub gently up and down my skin making some of my numbness seep away.

"Like I could ever hate you, Kace. You risked your life to keep me safe. You went against your friends, your family. I can't ever repay you for that."

Looking into her eyes, despair still sits in the pit of my stomach, but I need to focus on what's important. Lily is and always has been my light. And as I look at her now, I know I have to do everything to keep her in my life, to keep her safe. She grounds me, keeps me sane, she stops me from drowning.

"Let's find somewhere safe to sleep, get cleaned up, and order some food," I suggest, and she smiles leaning in and embracing me.

"There he is! Welcome back," she says.

I smile, wrapping my arm around her and start to head back to the car.