Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"What in the Sam fuck is going on?"

Zane's boom made me jump.

"Smith…zoned out," Kira told him.

Was that what we were calling Smith completely disengaging from the room? His eyes hazing over with pain. His departure from the present so ominous the temperature in the room dropped to near freezing as he relived some unknown terror.

Smith hadn't zoned out—he'd time traveled to a place of suffering and trauma.

"Aria?"

Zane had softened his tone and I wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"Yeah?"

"Honey, look at me."

I was looking at him. Straight into a pair of concerned blue eyes.

This wasn't good. Wherever Smith went, Zane knew the road he'd gone down, and he knew it wasn't a good place to be.

"I am."

"No, Aria. See me."

I didn't understand the difference, I was looking right at the man.

"I do."

"Then you're not getting it."

He was right, I wasn't getting it and I didn't have the patience to play whatever mind games Zane was playing. I wanted to understand why Smith's soul had left the conference room. But more, I wanted to know how to make sure that never happened again.

"It was horrendous," I told him.

"I have no doubt."

"It was… painful to watch."

Concern morphed into pain—Zane's pain for a friend. It was shockingly poignant and something that would've warmed my heart if it wasn't frozen solid.

"I'm sure. But you know it was more painful for him, yeah?"

I felt tears threatening, the fuck of it was I didn't know why.

Zane being kind and gentle was part of it but the bigger reason was Smith. Did he have flashbacks to his youth—of his mom and dad doing and saying mean, horrible things to each other, to him? Did our conversation about them last night bring up the bad memories? Did I say something to trigger a memory?

"Was it?—"

"Sorry," Kira interrupted, looking at Zane. "It's Layla, she says it's urgent, and you're not answering you cell."

"If someone's not bleeding or bullets are flying tell her I'll call her back."

"She says it's urgent."

Zane's eyes sparked with menace which in turn had Kira's mumbling, "Right, boss, you'll call her back."

"You should—" I started.

"You're still not seeing me, Aria. This is important, honey, so listen closely. You took this on when you took Smith on. You didn't know it at the time, but you did. You know it now, so you got two choices—walk away or stay and fight. The battle will be long and bloody and it's you who might get chewed up, but this is the part you need to see—really see—I got your back on this."

None of that sounded good.

Actually, it sounded scary and really freaking bad.

"Is it his parents?" I whispered.

Zane reared back and looked down at me under hooded eyes.

"He told you about his parents?"

Oh, shit . Talking about Smith's parents wasn't my place.

"Forget I said that."

"Aria," Zane all but growled. "He told you about his parents?"

"Yes."

Why do I sound so meek? Oh, I know—big scary blue-eyed monster is staring me down.

"You gonna stay and fight or are you gonna tuck tail and bolt?"

Zane no longer sounded like a gentle, menacing giant. He sounded like he was issuing a taunt.

Normally I'd tell him to shove his dare up his butt and best him at any challenge he laid in front of me. But this was different, this wasn't a challenge. Or it was but it was one that had to do with hearts, with emotions, and not just mine. Smith didn't need me jacking him around.

Still, the more I thought about it, the more I ran through the last few days. The way he held my hand in my sleep. The way he looked at me. The way he made me feel sexy and confident. How when he listened to me talk about my business he looked at me with pride. He didn't think my dreams were silly—he understood my vision, he knew why I was pushing so hard. The way he'd been taking care of me, not losing patience, letting me vent and not thinking I was irrational or silly. How he was on the right side of protective, ditto on the bossy. And finally, I thought about last night and him telling me about his mom—the sadness in his eyes that made my stomach ache.

I didn't have time for a man. Not right now, not when I was still hustling to make it. But now that I had him, I couldn't imagine my life without Smith.

But there was one problem.

"He said he wasn't looking for permanent. He made me promise him I knew what we were starting."

"He lied."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he fed you that shit because that's what broken men do. We tell lies to protect ourselves under the pretense we're being honest. We keep women, especially ones who have the power to bring us to our knees, at arm's length. I'd bet my business he took one look at you and his shields went up. I'd bet it took less than ten minutes talking with you and he reinforced those bitches and that's when he started lying to himself. Digging up past hurts as a way to keep himself clear of you."

My chest felt heavy—the pressure Zane's words built made it hard to suck in oxygen. I didn't want to hope but I was. I was hoping so hard Zane was right and there was a chance I could break through, I feared I'd pass out on the floor of the conference room.

"How do you know?"

"Because, Aria, I used to be that man. I saw my wife sitting at a bar and before I said word one to her I knew she had the power to wreck me. I knew she'd be the one who tore down my walls and have me on my knees begging her to fix me. My shields went up but they were useless. That's what happens when a man finds the woman of his dreams."

I heard a swift inhale. Zane heard it, too. We shifted and looked to the door.

Ivy was standing there holding a sleeping baby girl, with a look that could only be described as serene. As a matter of fact, I'd never in my life seen anyone look more peaceful in my life.

"And that right there is why I put up with all his gruff," Ivy teased, then smiled at me.

"Lies. It's because of what I can do with?—"

"Don't ruin the moment," Ivy shot back.

Zane smiled at his wife. It was knowing, it was sexy as all get-out, and it was made so by the heat in his gaze and…dimples. Holy shit, the man had dimples.

"Quick, look away," Kira warned. "Don't let those dimples dazzle you. They're how he tricks you."

Zane looked at Kira and inquired, "Remind me why I like you?"

"Because I'm you in female form."

"Yeah, that's why," he grumbled and looked back at me. "You good?"

No I was not good. I was confused.

"Sure," I lied.

Zane not being stupid knew I was lying. But he didn't call me on it.

"Think about what I said."

Like I'd think about anything else .

With that he turned, made it to Ivy, gave his wife a kiss before he gently pulled his sleeping daughter out of her arms and left the room.

"He is the most infuriating man on the planet," she huffed.

She might've been right, but he also loved her and his kids something fierce. I wouldn't know for a fact since I'd never had a man love me the way Zane did Ivy, and I didn't have kids or a husband to love them, but I figured there wasn't a woman alive who wouldn't put up with Zane-level annoyance for that kind of devotion.

"Where'd the guys go?"

"Break-in at Aria's flip," Kira answered.

"Oh shit, are you okay?"

I shook my head. However, my negative response had nothing to do with the house. My mind was full of Smith. The hope Zane had given me dwindled as fear set in.

"I think I'm falling in love with Smith," I whispered.

"You think?" Ivy whispered back.

I nodded.

Ivy glanced at Kira. Kira looked at me. My gaze bounced between the two women.

"That's crazy, right?" I asked. "He warned me not to. He was totally honest with me. He told me to keep my eyes open and my heart closed."

Ivy pulled out a chair, unceremoniously plopped her rear end into it, then tipped her head to the chair next to hers. I didn't have a good feeling about her inviting me to sit. Sitting meant she was settling in for the long haul. Yet I sat, needing wisdom from women who knew Smith.

"Zane's right," Kira told me.

"Don't let him hear you say that. The man's head is big enough. It's a wonder he can fit through a doorjamb it's so big," Ivy teased.

"You ain't lying, sister." Kira's smile slowly waned when she looked back at me. Not a good sign. "Without breaking confidence or speaking out of turn, I agree with Zane. People like us who have gone through what we've gone through, we build walls. We keep people out. We protect ourselves from the people who we feel the most connected to. The risk is too great. If we let them in, they'll see all the hurt we're hiding. We convince ourselves if they see the hurt they'll abandon us. They'll find us unworthy or unlovable. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Oh, I got it all right. I got it and hated it. I hated it for Smith, I hated it for her, and I hated it for Zane. That was a shit way to live, but I got the need to protect yourself. I just didn't like that they felt that need.

"I get you," I told her. "But what if his walls are too high? What if he doesn't think I'm worth it? What if he doesn't want to let me in because I'm not what he wants?"

"What if he does? What if he's just scared and needs you to break down those walls because he's lived behind them for so long he doesn't know how not to live behind them?"

Smith scared? The mere thought of that was preposterous. At least from the outside it was. But after learning about his parents and witnessing him shutting down the way he did—not so much. I didn't like that thought. I didn't want a man as good and brave as Smith feeling a single moment of being unworthy or unlovable.

"It's worth it," Ivy softly told me. "If every day reset and I had to break down Zane's fortress all over again just to get what you just saw, I'd do it. Because what you didn't see, what you couldn't feel, was the way my husband looked at me before he took Rose."

"What didn't I see?" I pried.

Ivy's beautiful face went soft.

There it was again—peace, serenity, adoration.

"How much he loves me. How he shows me a thousand times a day his world begins and ends with me. How when he looks at our children it's full of amazement and wonder, then he looks at me like I alone made every dream he had come true. He never lets me forget I am his and he is mine totally and completely. That makes every sarcastic, unhinged, insane remark he makes worth it."

I was right, that was exactly what I wanted. Deep abiding love and friendship.

And I wanted that with Smith.

So I was going to put on my steel-toed boots and start kicking down walls.

Or I'd sledgehammer my way through.

One way or another I was going to make Smith understand he was more than worthy. One way or another I was going to show him how he was meant to be loved.

Unfortunately, Zane coming back into the room with a sinister look meant I'd have to delay the planning of how I would execute the herculean task of winning Smith's trust.

"Your dad's expecting a call from you," Zane said with a pointed glare.

Motherfucker .

"You're a rat bastard," I informed him.

"I'm not lying to the man who dropped into a hot zone with RPGs flying to save my ass."

And there you had it. I was right again—my father had saved Zane's life.

"Who's gonna save you when I start shooting?" I snapped. "You didn't have to tell him."

"Fuck yeah I did. If someone was fucking my Rose and I wasn't kept up-to-date on every detail, I'd burn that person's world down."

Ivy grinned at me with a clear, I-told-you-so smile.

"I didn't want him worrying more than he already is," I defended.

"That's not your call, Aria. It's a father's job to worry. Five or thirty-five, it makes no difference, you're still his baby girl."

Well fuck me. Who could argue with a guy when he was being all hot dad?

Still, I was me, which meant I wasn't gracious when I gave in.

"Fine, I'll call him. But you're still a rat bastard snitch."

"I've been called worse."

I was positive he had.

I snatched my phone off the table and prepared for my father's ass-chewing. But I did it with my heart full, firm in the knowledge his anger would come from a place of love. I might've been thirty-five but Zane was right, I was still my dad's baby girl.

And I couldn't be mad at that.