Chapter Seven

In Which Nothing Goes Well for Anyone

I wake up to the sound of someone knocking on the front door. I pull the pillow over my head and try to ignore it, but the knocking turns into banging, and becomes more and more insistent until I drag my ass out of bed. “I’m coming!” I yell and regret it instantly. I can feel the blood pounding in my head. Thankfully, the beauty of living in a tiny RV is that I don’t even have to open my eyes to make it from the bed to the door.

I squint against the bright light of day as my older brother, Zach, looks me over before shaking his head. “Oh good, I thought you were dead,” he says. “I didn’t want to have to tell Mom.”

“Thanks, man.” My head feels fuzzy, and I’ve got a pounding headache spreading from the back of my head towards my eyes.

“You were supposed to be on shift three hours ago. ”

I run a hand down my face and close my eyes. “Fuck, sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I didn’t have more than a beer last night.”

“Zane said you brought a girl back here. Did she put something in your drink?”

I shake my head and move away from the door, the light outside making the headache a million times worse.

“That was like three hours before closing. It would have to be the slowest-acting drug in the history of drugs.”

“So then why do you look like shit?”

I shrug. “I dunno, because I look like you?”

“Did she steal anything?”

I sit down at the little table and put my head down. “Nollaig’s not that kind of girl. In fact, she gave me something.” As I say that, I realize the coin she left me is still clutched in my hand.

I hand it over to Zach. He flips it over a few times, inspects it closely, then brings it to his mouth.

“You’re not going to fucking bite that,” I tell him, snatching it out of his hand. “You don’t even fucking know why people bite coins. ”

“I do, too. Besides, it was a joke. Geez, you’re testy today. What’d she give you that for?”

I start to tell him about last night, but he stops me just as I describe Nollaig. “Get dressed, get some ibuprofen, and get to work, then tell me. That way you don’t have to repeat it fifty million times.”

“Why the fuck would I have to tell anyone else?”

He snatches the coin from my hand, flips it in the air, and catches it with a grin. “Because your girl left you a fae coin.”

I pinch the back of my neck at the base of my skull and blink, trying to keep my eyes open despite the pain. “What are you talking about?”

He just hits me hard on the back as he stands. “I’m going to call Darla and let her tell you the bad news.”

I’m sitting at the bar an hour later, flipping the coin in my right hand, staring into space when Darla finally makes it in. Randy and Zach stare at me tight-lipped, disapproval on their faces, while Zane ignores us all as he scrolls his phone at my side.

“You said you had a fae problem?” Darla asks them. Zach points to me, and her eyes hone in on the coin in my hand.

“Where the hell did you get that?” she asks, something akin to horror in her voice.

“Get what?”

“That coin.”

I sigh, not looking forward to rehashing that tale for a woman who’s like an aunt to me. Bad enough I need to go hit up the clinic and get tested for everything under the sun because I’m a fucking moron.

“A girl he raw dogged gave it to him,” Zane provides helpfully.

I run a hand over my face, looking around to make sure we don’t have too many eavesdroppers. “Thanks, man.”

He grins. “I’m here for you.”

“Not just any girl, a fae,” Zach adds.

“Tell me exactly what happened,” Darla says, leaning closer to the coin but refusing to touch it.

“Exactly?” I repeat, wondering just how much of a play-by-play she’s looking for.

“Not that part, the rest of it. The PG part, but don’t leave out any details. ”

“The place was dead last night. I sent everyone home except Eddie and Steely. Then a girl walked in dressed all in green.”

Darla sucks a breath in through her teeth.

“She was gorgeous, blonde curls, freckles. She had a bit of an Irish accent. It was slow, and we talked all night. She came home with me, and I must have been on something because we didn’t use protection. And now I need to get tested for everything under the sun.”

“You’re clean,” she says, sounding irritated, but doesn’t explain. “How did you get that? What kind of deal did you make?”

“Deal? I didn’t make a deal.” I stop talking as it dawns on me. “Fuck, she said she wanted to bring her family and plant crops. I thought she was bullshitting. How would you plant crops back there unless you’re–”

“A fae the size of a coin?” Zane offers.

I make a face at him.

“Not just any fae, a clurichaun,” Darla says.

“You mean a leprechaun?” Zane interrupts.

“No, a clurichaun. They’re related. Their men are fond of the liquor and beer, so they can’t always,” she glances over at Zane as if she’s uncomfortable, “participate in activities that would aid in reproduction. So female clurichauns will seduce other creatures when they’re ready to become a parent.”

“You mean they can’t get it up?” Zane laughs.

I roll my eyes. “She was trying to be polite, Gremlin.”

“So you’re saying on top of everything else, I was an unwitting sperm donor?”

She grimaces. “Were you consenting?”

I open my mouth to answer, but Zach cuts in. “She did something to him. He overslept and looked like crap when I went to check on him.”

Darla’s face softens. “Were you coerced in any way to have sex with her?”

I close my eyes and think back on last night, then shake my head. “No. I consented fully. At least I felt fully capable of making decisions when we walked back to my place.”

“Then you can’t exactly be unwitting. I know for a fact Ginger keeps condoms of all varieties in the back, it would have taken you two seconds…”

“I still say she did something to him,” Zach insists.

“Did she issue you a command at any time?” Darla asks.

“A command?”

“Yes, like ‘walk away’ or ‘take me to your bed.’”

I think about it for a moment and realize when it happened. “She woke me up when she was getting ready to leave. We talked for a bit, then she told me to sleep, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open after that.”

Darla nods. “When the sidhe issue commands that go against your will, you’ll obey, but you’ll feel incredibly hung over afterwards.” She turns to Zach. “It honestly sounds like she didn’t have to use any glamor at all. She just came in here and talked him up.”

“So you’re saying Zander’s easy?” Zane huffs a laugh.

Darla gives him a dark look. “I’m not slut shaming anyone. I’m saying he wasn’t taken advantage of and just needs to not do stupid shit like having unprotected sex with the girls or fae he takes home.”

I rest my head in my hands. I deserve the lecture, but there are bigger fish to fry. “What do I do now? I can’t just leave her to raise my kid alone. I should at least, I don’t know…Do fae accept child support ?

Darla snorts. “She made some sort of deal with you. Sperm donors don’t usually get paid. What was the coin for?”

“I don’t know. I told her I wished we could get to know each other. Then she said that this place wasn’t bad…that–” Realization dawns on me. Fuck. “That it’d be a great place to plant roots. I told her I’d love that, and then she gave me the coin and told me she’d be back in three days with her people.”

“What?” Zane asks, looking between the two of us.

Darla huffs a laugh. “Your brother just sold the back lot to a clurichaun.”

“What is she going to do with it?” Zane asks.

Darla smiles. “If I had to guess…I’d say she’s going to move in.”