119. Natalie
Chapter 119
Natalie
“I’m gonna take a shower.”He scratches his chin. “Probably trim the beard too. It’s getting itchy.”
I nod as I hang up my jacket in the entryway. “I might make some tea. Want any?”
Luke shakes his head. “I’m good.”
He walks into the bedroom and leaves the door open. And I have to bite my lip when I see him start to strip as he crosses the room.
He drops his shirt to the floor, then he pauses before he kicks it into the bathroom.
When the bathroom door shuts, I drop onto the couch.
Tonight was nothing short of magical.
A fantasy.
And the final straw.
There’s no denying it. I’m madly, deeply, truly in love with this man.
He’s understanding, kind, funny, generous. Sexy to a fault. Stubborn. Demanding.
Luke is my match.
And he’s given up so much for me—his lifestyle, his condo—while at the same time giving me even more.
He’s come with me to public events.
He’s encouraged me.
He’s given me friendship.
I press my hand to my chest as I think about us sitting in the open back of his vehicle, drinking hot chocolate out of a thermos he must have brought straight from the airport.
He’s done so much.
And I’ve…
My throat tightens. I’ve given him nothing.
I blackmailed him into this situation.
I moved into his condo.
I’ve forced him to lie to his teammates and the world.
I made him lie to his mom—the same way I lied to my dad.
I took what would have been a minor PR mess for Luke and turned his whole life upside down.
Guilt seeps into my lungs, suffocating me.
I need to do something for him. I need to give him… something.
My eyes drop to his laptop on the coffee table.
Maybe I can take us back to where it all started. I can take us back to Mexico, and we can relive the weekend, this time as husband and wife.
My laptop is on the chair in the bedroom, so I reach for Luke’s.
He should be a while in the bathroom, but I want this to be a surprise. If he comes out and finds me on the computer, he’ll ask what I’m doing. Because he’s curious, not untrusting.
Plus, I think his practice and game calendar is saved on his computer. I know we can’t leave until the season is over, which is a few months away, but if I have his schedule, then I can work out the whole thing while keeping it a surprise.
I prop the laptop on the couch armrest, then curl my legs to the side and open the browser.
It takes me a moment to remember the name of the resort we went to, but I find the site quickly.
The room I had was nice, but a higher floor with a view of the ocean would be even nicer.
I stop my scroll when I see something called the Princess Suite.
Well, that couldn’t be more perfect.
As I click to see the photos, a text box pops up in the corner of the screen.
When I grabbed Luke’s laptop, I hadn’t considered that it would be synced to his phone. I’m not trying to snoop, but my eyes move on their own.
Jacob: What’s up, dick?
I think that’s his cousin. The one who got married the same day mine did.
I’m too far away to hear if the shower is going yet, but it’s not like I need to reply and say Luke is busy. It’s just a text. Luke can reply later.
I move the cursor to delete the text box.
Jacob: You squared away that mistake marriage yet?
My hand stills.
Mistake marriage.
Not accidental.
Mistake.
Luke: Not yet.
My eyes jerk up, looking down the hall, but Luke isn’t there. He must be responding before getting in the shower.
Jacob: Well, if you need motivation, Molly is back in town. And I heard she asked about you.
A sick, heavy feeling settles across my chest.
Who is Molly?
Luke: Molly?
See, Jacob, no one cares about Molly.
Jacob: Molly… Your first love.
Your first love.
I press my lips together.
We weren’t each other’s firsts. That shouldn’t hurt so much.
And I shouldn’t be reading this.
Luke: Isn’t she married?
I lean closer to the screen.
Please let her be married.
Please don’t do this to me.
Jacob: Divorced.
Jacob: Just like you’re going to be.
Disappointment.
Disappointment in myself, like I’ve never felt before, washes over me.
It sucks the air from my lungs.
Fills my soul with wet, heavy concrete.
Luke: You’re the dick.
Jacob: Have you told her?
Luke: Not yet.
Jacob: Waiting is only going to make it harder.
Luke: I know.
Luke: I’ll tell her soon.
Luke: …
I grip the lid of the laptop and snap it shut.
Waiting is only going to make it harder.
I set the computer back on the coffee table.
Divorced.
Just like you’re going to be.
That sick feeling intensifies.
I bend forward, and my vision blurs.
Mistake.
I feel so stupid.
So incredibly stupid.
My fingers tremble against the armrest as I push myself up to stand.
I can’t believe I was such a fool.
This was never going to work.
I try not to blink.
Try not to free any of the tears dancing along my lashes.
But I fail.
I fail because while I was falling in love, Luke was planning his escape.
I’ll tell her soon.
That phrase alone…
I press my hands to my stomach.
I can’t have that conversation.
I can’t stand in front of Luke when he tells me it’s over.
I’m not strong enough. I won’t survive it.
My hummingbird backs away from the awful feeling filling us and bumps into my spine. Her little legs buckle, and she slides down my vertebrae until she’s sitting, her wings slumped at her sides as she blinks.
We were too hopeful.
Luke spreading his arms, blocking his cousins, and telling us to run.
Luke twirling his finger, sitting in the penalty box, wanting to see our jersey.
Luke keeping his arms around us as he introduced me to his friends.
The kiss on the red carpet.
The ice skates.
Luke… being himself.
He was just being himself.
And we got too confident.
I press my hands over my heart.
“We’ll be okay,” I whisper.
For me.
For my pretty little bird.
For the future.
My steps are unsteady as I hurry down the hall and into the bedroom.
The bathroom door is still shut, and I try my best to quickly gather a pair of pajamas while tears drip down my cheeks.
If I can be asleep before he gets out—if I can pretend to be asleep—then I won’t need to face him.
And I can’t face him.
Because right now, with my heart fracturing inside my ribs, I can’t look at Luke and pretend I don’t love him.