Chapter 1

Chapter One

SLOAN

H olly Grove.

The most magical place I’ve ever experienced during the holidays. It’s most easily comparable to a Hallmark village. Twinkling lights, soft snowflakes blanketing the ground in a soft, leisurely descent, and a cool peppermint hot cocoa breeze that swirls through the air.

Alex and I arrived a few hours ago, only having forty five minutes to meet his parents for a quick dinner before they had to go to bed. They had to be at the church early the next morning, so they wanted to call it an early night. However, I got the impression they were using that as an excuse to hide from me. They made it abundantly clear within the first five minutes that I’m not their favorite person and that their son deserves far more than what I’ve got to offer. I’m not the perfect church-going girl they were expecting. Alex set me up for failure the moment he lied to them, which I didn’t find out until we were at dinner and in person, sitting face to face with them.

He’d warned me beforehand that his parents were the strick, stuck-up pastor and pastor’s wife duo, judgy and unforgiving with their words. Then again, that’s not abnormal for Christians, especially those from a town as small as this.

Holly Grove is similar in structure to Hallow’s Grove, where Alex and I live, but it’s so much more festive here. The holiday spirit is embraced by the people here, and I will be the last one to complain about jolliness, even if I have to put up with Alex’s parents for a few days.

They oversee the only church in town, and by the looks of their fucking massive estate, they take a hefty cut of the tithe. Almost everyone here are devout church-goers, all giving at least one-tenth of their income to the church. The wealth overflows into Alex’s pocket, which benefits me, so I also can’t complain about that. I’m not one to go to church anyway, so the harsh reality is that I don’t care what happens to the tithe. I think it’s wild that people give so much of their money to one of the most brainwashed systems.

The judgment poured from their expressions the moment their eyes locked on me. Because of what Alex told them prior to our arrival, they were expecting a quiet good girl who dresses modestly and definitely does not have bright red hair. My natural color is a light brown, but after doing a color match on myself, I knew reddish-orange was the color I was meant to live in. It brings out my best qualities, and to be honest, I look hot as fuck in it. Everyone’s into the cowboy copper look these days, anyway.

I’ll admit that my choice of attire probably could have been better, but I assumed Alex was being dramatic when he told me how old-fashioned they are. My blue dress has long sleeves, but it’s low cut and ends on the upper half of my thigh, accompanied by translucent black tights and thigh-high boots. Yes, to the wrong crowd I may have looked a little bit like a stripper, but I thought I was in good company. I thought I’d be at least somewhat safe from judgment with Alex by my side, but I was wrong.

Completely and utterly wrong.

Alex hadn’t come to my rescue when their perception of me became obvious. They lost even more respect for me─although I’m not sure they had any to begin with─when they began asking about the future, and I told them that if Alex and I ever have kids, I don’t plan on quitting my job as a hairdresser to stay home with the kids. That’s not a life I’ve ever envisioned for myself. Sure, I don’t mind kids, but they’re not really my favorite, either. I’ve never been the motherly type, so why would I give up my career for them when I can pay a daycare to help me? Plenty of women maintain their careers these days. Having children does not have to be a death sentence to a woman’s career.

“Well, you won’t have much of a choice, now will you, dear? Alex’s time will be consumed by the church as he prepares to take over for John, and it’s your job to raise the children. You can’t pay someone else to do it for you. It wouldn’t be right,” she’d said as I sat across from her, judgment dripping from her snippy tone.

When I began to challenge her way of thinking, Alex had stepped in, and for a split second I thought he was going to be on my side. He wrapped an arm around me, drawing me close to him, but then his poor choice of words had my jaw clenching tight.

“Sloan will do what is best for the family if the time comes,” he smiled.

His mother was quick to respond. “Which will be to stay home.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but Alex cut me off before I could, making me shrink back in my chair. “Correct,” he nodded at his mother. “We aren’t even engaged yet, so let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.”

That had Grace glancing down at my bare ring finger, staring blankly at it as though she was imagining a ring on my finger, and then her lips turned down, forming a disgusted frown. She didn’t hide how repulsed she was by the thought of me marrying her only son. Admittedly, I’m equally grossed out by the idea of her becoming my mother-in-law and grandmother to my future children.

Alex’s father was quiet for most of the dinner, shoveling a plate full of food into his mouth, but his silence told me enough. He didn’t like me either, but he couldn’t bring himself to waste his breath on me, which is almost worse in some ways. That’s how far I am beneath him.

After dinner, Alex and I didn’t speak much. I was too hurt. How could he side with them like that? What happened to “my body, my choice”? What happened to the man who stands up for himself and doesn’t let people walk all over him? Not in a million years would I have guessed that he’d bend over and be a little bitch for his parents. That’s not the kind of man I want. He should have spoken up for me and stood by my side. Boyfriend or not, that’s what any good person would have done. It didn’t help having the people sitting around us in the restaurant listening in on our conversations. They were so invested in our exchange of words that they didn’t even hesitate to avert their eyes when I’d made eye contact with them, trying to make them uncomfortable enough to look away and mind their own fucking business.

Tears welled in my eyes as we left the restaurant. I’d barely picked at my plate, feeling too nauseous and uncomfortable to eat. Grace would have probably judged me even harder if I would have eaten more than a few bites, anyway. There was no need to make it worse for myself than it already was. The guy I’ve been falling for over the last two months might not be the headstrong, confident guy I thought he was, and now only two or three hours into our vacation together, I’m questioning everything.

Alex keeps trying to grab my hand as we walk through downtown, but I keep rejecting his advances. I don’t want to be touched by him right now. I’m sickened with his blatant lack of respect and inability to set clear boundaries with his parents. All I want right now is to walk through the twinkling holiday lights, take in the decorations, and forget about how horrible dinner was. And how much I don’t want to see his parents tomorrow. We’re staying at their family cabin not far from the main house, so there’s no way to avoid them. The whole point of this trip was to get to know them and become part of the family. The thought of being even remotely related to them has tears welling in my eyes again.

Small flakes of snow fall around us as we continue down the sidewalk, taking in all of the sights. I let my eyes flutter closed for a brief second as I inhale the sweet scent of peppermint hot cocoa, feeling the euphoria of holiday magic.

It’s just a bad day, I remind myself. It’s not a bad life.

It’s dark now, but the town is lit up by tall poles wrapped in red and white fabric, making them look like giant candy canes. The trees lining the road are bare of leaves this late in the year, but they’re covered in twinkling white lights. Downtown feels surreal, like Santa himself could stop by at any given second and give me the gift I’ve longed for since I was a little girl.

A love that conquers all. A lust so strong it can’t be contained.

Sometimes I feel like I have that with Alex, but there are weird moments like this when I try to envision our future, and my mind draws a blank. It’s like it’s so far-fetched that my own imagination can’t create even the slightest glimpse of what it could be.

Shaking my head, I try to get out of my own thoughts. I’m letting myself get too worked up over one bad dinner. Maybe tomorrow they’ll be in a better mood and once they get to know me, perhaps they’ll accept me for who I am, rather than who they want me to be. Or they’ll learn to tolerate me eventually. I can live with that.

“What’s your fucking problem?” Alex snaps as I pull my hand away from his for the umpteenth time.

I glance over at him, stopping in my tracks. He’s never talked to me like that, and I’m not one to let anyone talk to me like that. “I’m sorry?” I ask, hoping I heard him wrong, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t.

“How could you act like that in front of my parents? And now you won’t even let me touch you. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me? The people in this town know who I am, and you’re not even acting like you care to be here with me.” There’s venom laced in his low voice as his head dips toward me. He doesn’t want to draw attention.

Pulling my head back, I look up at him. His eyes are dark and strained, and I almost don’t recognize him. Blinking a few times before responding, I finally manage to say, “It’s not my fault your parents are the most uptight, ignorant people I’ve ever met. I didn’t have a chance with them from the moment they laid their eyes on me. You said they were strict, but this is beyond anything I could have imagined. They’re horrible people, Alex, and I did my best to stay calm. I thought I handled it better than most people would have given the situation you put me in.”

Alex’s voice raises slightly, making a few heads turn in our direction. “The situation I put you in? What fucking situation is that, Sloan?”

I narrow my eyes, shocked and in complete disbelief that he has the audacity to talk to me like this, yet he couldn’t be bothered to be my voice of reason while his parents were on the attack. My tone is smooth and well-balanced as I watch him struggle to maintain control of himself. “Just because I’m not the virgin Mary herself doesn’t mean I can’t make you happy. I thought we’ve been happy, but now I don’t know if any of it was real. How could you sit there and stay silent while they tore into me? What kind of man does that? You act like your parents own you, and it disgusts me.”

Alex loses control, striking me. His hand slides across my cheek as he slaps me, forcing my head to jerk to the right. My skin was already ice cold from the frigid temperatures, making the sting of his hand hurt that much more.

My eyes are wide in disbelief as Alex stands tall, sending huffs over me with his hands now clenched into fists at his side. My jaw drops, and I suddenly have no words. It’s like my brain went into overdrive and overheated, and now I’m stuck here waiting while it restarts. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s never even come close to laying a hand on me before now, and at this moment I’m not sure one slap was enough for him. He looks like he wants to rip me in half. If looks could kill, I’d already be dead.

His medium brown eyes are bloodshot, making him look even more pale than normal. Running a hand through his disheveled dark brown hair, his fingers shake with rage. I want to step back and put space between us, but I don’t want to give him the impression that he had an ounce of power over me. Holding my ground, I stare up at him, waiting for him to calm down.

Alex sees the look in my eye and tries to relax his shoulders, rolling them around while he closes his eyes and stretches his neck. He sighs loudly, releasing his clenched fists before he finally speaks. Raising his fingers to my sore cheek, he grazes them along my skin, making my bottom lip quiver with fear. “I’m so sorry I hit you,” he says before meeting my eyes. “But I care so much about how they view me. They judge every aspect of my life, constantly watching my every move. I can’t disappoint them. I won’t disappoint them.”

I don’t respond, and instead I just listen, waiting for a better apology.

Alex continues when he realizes I have nothing to say yet. “My parents have built a name for themselves in this town, and I have to live up to it. The people here have expectations of us, and if I don’t meet them, I’m out. Gone, like I never existed.”

I sense there’s something he’s not telling me, like he’s left some words unspoken, but I don’t press him. Not when he’s so close to losing control.

Alex wraps his arm around my shoulders, drawing my body into his. He’s warm against me, yet feels so cold at the same time. His touch is the farthest thing from comfort.

Using my cold hands to push against him, I force distance between us. “I don’t want you to touch me right now.”

The rage ignites in his eyes once more, making me shrink back as I anticipate his next strike. Alex moves his hand like he’s going to hit me again, but then a small child runs past us, screaming and laughing with his parents running behind him, yelling for him to stop. Alex’s hand changes course, moving to my upper arm instead. He grips me harshly, and I’m already wondering if it’ll bruise.

“You’re hurting me,” I hiss under my breath, remembering we can’t cause a scene. Not here. Not in public like this.

Shaking my arm sharply, he elicits a whimper from me before he lets go. “Find your own way back to the cabin. I’m going for a walk, and your attitude better be significantly better by the time I get back,” he spits before turning and walking away.

I hadn’t expected to find myself trembling with tears in my eyes. This was supposed to be fun. This was supposed to be a bonding experience that would bring us closer.

Instead, I’m feeling lost. Broken and alone.