Chapter 8

Hannah

I 'm still thinking about Matt the day before the game, and the almost kiss. At least I'm pretty sure he was going to kiss me before the knock at the door. He's ignored me since he left my apartment. Nate had been the one to get Lou's lemon bar from the break room instead. Plus he'd come to the Sweetheart Shuffle thing, and while I'd thought it was because Lou dragged him to it, that didn't quite seem right now. Lou didn't need a wingman to try and protect me from my love life, he could do that all on his own.

"Hey Hannah." My boss pops his head into my office. "I want to go over the Sweetheart Game. What are we doing for fan engagement?"

I've already emailed the details to him, and we've been over it in more than one meeting, but Stuart always wants to go over it 'one more time'. Or some other reason he creates to discuss it again.

"Sure thing. We have the fan favorites lined up. Kiss cam, and a surprise proposal during the second intermission?—"

"Did you figure out the secret admirer angle?"

"Well, uh, I'm, uh." I flounder for an answer.

"The kiss cam is great and all, but everyone does that, and they've seen it before. The secret admirer thing? That could be really good for the positivity of the team's brand."

I think for a moment about the purpose of the secret admirer. I'd used it to feel better about my life, and it had definitely gotten me more attention than I thought I'd get. I mean, Matt was actually paying attention to me now, or he was. Would he again if my admirer made another appearance? But what would my admirer say anonymously? And could I keep a second attempt a secret?

"Everyone likes a good secret." I think out loud.

He grins, "You get it. So how do we bring that to the game in the next twenty-four hours?"

An idea starts to form as I think out loud. "We could use fan messages. Put them up on the board and make people guess who it was left for. Or have them send a text during the game if they want to see their love letter to a player up on the big screen."

"Get it set up."

My boss leaves and I now have twenty-four hours to pull this off. I get tech support and marketing on the phone. I swear I've been doing more marketing for this game than they have. I spend the rest of the day getting the submission form launched online and shared to our socials. Tech modifies a form they use for when people want to enter drawings, only no prize for this one. And I'm one of the lucky people that gets to help them test it before it goes live.

My cursor blinks in the comment box, and I stare at the question Tech put in.

What secret do you want to tell the one you admire?

I want to tell Matt how I feel, but I also don't want to get fired. The marketing people can't keep a secret, if I put what I wanted to say it would spread around the building faster than the smell of popcorn during the game.

Instead of saying what I want to say, I type something for Lou, laughing as I do so. Maria will love it. I'm still chuckling over it when Nate walks into my office. He's here late for a pre-game day.

"Nate, what brings you to my door?" I ask him. "Don't you have date night with Penelope or Lia?"

His daughter and girlfriend are two of my favorite people in the world.

He scratches the back of his neck. "I was kinda hoping you could help me with something actually."

"Oh?" My curiosity is piqued.

"Do you have any extra tickets for tomorrow's game? Or maybe the suite?"

Managing PR gave me a set amount of tickets for each game. Tickets I usually gave to members of the community that would help bring positive press to the team. Tomorrow's tickets are already promised to a kid with cancer and his family.

"I've given those tickets out already."

"Can you get them back?"

"Only if you want to call the kid with cancer and tell him."

Nate shakes his head immediately. "No. I won't take his tickets away, but I don't know what to do."

"You could lay it out for me so I can try and help you."

He takes the chair across my desk, and sits down. "I was hoping at tomorrow's game I could get Lia out on the ice with Penelope and propose for real."

I immediately think of the couple already promised that spotlight during the game. There was no way they'd feel special if a second proposal happened the same night.

"Do you want it public or private?" I ask him. "Considering all the press you and Lia have been in lately, I thought the both of you were taking a break."

"We are, it's just, I wanted to make it real in the same place it started off fake."

"That's really sweet." I tell him.

"I also sorta called her parents, and they're coming into town to surprise her. I'd hoped they'd be able to come too."

Tapping the keys on my keyboard, I pull up the tickets section for tomorrow's game on our website. It's pretty much sold out, but there are a few tickets here and there around the arena.

"Well if you don't mind them sitting in another spot, and spending some cash, you could get her parents seats." I turn my computer so he can see.

He selects two seats and points. "Can you make sure they get in without Lia knowing?"

"I'll make sure will-call has their tickets waiting for them."

"Now what about proposing on the ice?"

"How do you feel about after the game?" I ask him. "I could maybe convince her that I need some press photos of you guys after the game. That would also help cut down on the public witnesses."

"That's perfect. You're a lifesaver."

I smile, "Remember that when I call in a favor sometime in the future."

It's the same line I tell the other guys on the team when I help them out. So far the only thing I've ever called in was when I asked one of the guys to swap Lou's water bottle for one I'd super glued shut. He'd ended up squeezing the thing so hard it had exploded during practice. The video is still ranked in the top five fan favorites on the site. Probably because I watch it anytime I need a pick-me-up, but after I showed it to Maria she'd put a QR code to the video up by the lemon bars in her bakery. If someone voted the video up they could get a dollar off their purchase.

"Now does she have a good jersey to wear tomorrow?" I ask him. "I'm guessing you want her to be wearing your name."

"I'll pick up a new one for her and Sweet Pea on my way out."

Nate leaves and I smile at his plans. I'm so happy for him and Lia, but especially his daughter. She is the sweetest kid and I love that she has a dad like Nate.

Packing up my laptop I head home for the night. My plants need to be watered, and there's a special episode of Say Yes to the Dress I don't want to miss.

I'm halfway home when I get a call from Lia. I answer and put her call on my car's bluetooth.

"I need people." Lia pleads.

"Okay?" I say. "For what?"

"The new spa I work at is going to be offering yoga. I'm supposed to go check out an instructor's class, but I didn't read all the details earlier. They gave me four spots in the class. Will you please come to yoga with me?"

"Of course. When is it?"

"It starts in thirty minutes I'll text you the address. You're the best bye!"

She hangs up and I sigh. Guess I won't be relaxing on my couch tonight after all. Instead, I make a quick stop home to change into my workout gear: an oversized tee and dark blue tie-die leggings. The fabric is extra stretchy and feels smooth as butter. The address Lia sent me is for Blissful Bay Yoga Studio, and it's near the bay that the city is named for. I'll be cutting it close, but I should get there in time for the class.

On the drive, I think about the last time I did yoga, and how the instructor kept focusing on the women who looked more fit than I did. Having a few extra inches on my hips did not mean I wasn't capable of exercising. Lou and I would lift weights together regularly, and whenever I was home I went to my mom's Zumba class.

The studio I arrive at has the classic white exterior with a boho-style sign above the glass door. The inside is simply serene. The floors are a dark hardwood, the wall to my left is bare brick while the one to my right is painted white with the studio name's sign hanging above a welcome desk. The wall that separates the reception area from the rest of the studio is covered in green plants that hang down. This is not the typical gym room with harsh lighting and mirrors. No, this studio smells of lavender and sage, and oozes relaxation. I can easily envision it meshing with the spa and salon Lia had started working with.

I am greeted by a beautiful woman with radiant dark skin who smiles warmly. She wears a simple white tank top and black leggings that showcase her graceful figure.

"Welcome," she says, her voice warm and inviting. "I'm Laila, and you must be here for the restorative yoga class."

After signing in at the desk, I follow her around the green plant wall to a serene room. Inside, Lia, Maria, and Charlotte are already sitting on matching dark green yoga mats, looking relaxed and ready. A fourth mat, positioned next to Maria, awaits me.

I settle onto my mat, feeling a sense of calm wash over me as Laila begins the class. Her voice is calm and serene, guiding us through each movement with gentle precision. The room is filled with a peaceful ambiance, making it easy to focus on the restorative poses and let go of the day's stresses.

At the end of the class, Laila leaves the room so we can soak up a few more minutes of calm.

"Oh, I needed this," Maria mumbles.

The rest of us agree. My body feels all loose and warm. I could melt into my mat and take a nap.

"Anyone up for getting drinks after?" Charlotte asks.

"Sorry, I have to get up early," I tell her.

Drinks have never been my thing, and I'll get up early tomorrow whether I like it or not for game day tradition with Lou. We always eat breakfast together on game days. I always whip up the omelets while Lou is put in charge of the fruit smoothie. The man should not be put in charge of a stove ever.

"Same," Maria tells her.

We go our separate ways, and I finally head home.

By the time I get home and water my plants, I have a text from Mary in marketing that the submissions are coming in like crazy. I pull it up on my phone out of curiosity and love that people are finding the humor in the secret admirer angle. There are hundreds of comments already, and several are asking that the footage from the game be shared.

I get an email notification about the game tomorrow and open it on instinct. Some people have work-life balance, and I really should set better boundaries, but as I read through the email my stomach sinks. It's an email from the family Matt asked me to get tickets for so they could come to the Sweethearts game tomorrow. They can't make it after all. Treatment was particularly hard on Noah's little body and he needs more time to recover.

I email the mom back right away promising her that when Noah is feeling up to it I'll have tickets ready for him. I also ask her if Noah would like the team to sign a poster.

As much as I hate the reason Noah and his family can't make the game, thanks to Nate's request, I have an idea for filling those seats. The seats Nate has for Lia and Penelope tomorrow are right by where Noah's family would have been sitting. I know some ladies that I've promised hockey tickets to.

The text I send out to our book club chat is simple.

Me: I have eight hockey tickets for tomorrow's game. Who wants to come?"

Lia: I'm already going with Penelope.

Maria: A chance to see your brother knocked around the ice? Count me in.

Charlotte: Yes, please!

T he five Crestfield ladies are pretty quick to respond as well.

Beth: We were going to do a movie night, but hockey has better popcorn. What time?

Lia: You have to try the nachos!

I shoot Nate a text that I was able to get more tickets so the book club is going to the game now. All I get back is a notification he gave my text a thumbs up. It'll have to do since I don't want to spoil any surprises for Lia.

I also send the link to the form to my friend chat and tell them what I put in for Lou. The laughing emojis I get in response make me pretty happy.

Lia: I put something in for Nate.

Charlotte: Hannah, put something in for your crush!

Maria: Or put something for yourself in there.

Me: I can't do that. The tech guys will know it's me.

Sofie: Scott says an incognito browser should be enough to disguise yourself.

The other ladies quickly chime in with their thoughts, and feeling the pressure, I pull up the form in an incognito browser. I'm debating on what to say when a text from my sister pops up on my phone with a question about what days I'll specifically be in town to help with the baby shower. I text her the days and then mute my phone.

I can't bear to spend the rest of the night thinking about Missy and her baby.

The happiness I feel for her is real, but it's overshadowed by a sharp pang of jealousy. It's a cruel, gnawing ache that settles in my chest every time I think about her perfect little family. I love my sister, but I can't deny the bitterness that creeps in. Ever since she got married, our texts have grown further and further apart. Each living our own lives on paths that only intersect on birthdays and holidays.

Yes, I have a career people would kill for. I have accolades and success, the kind of life that looks flawless from the outside. But every time I reach a milestone, I'm reminded I don't have anyone to really share it with. Lou always tells me I deserve it even when I don't. Mom asks if it'll get me closer to dating someone. Dad gives me a hug if we're in person, or a smiley face emoji if it's in the family chat. Missy likes my text and then talks about how her garden is coming along.

I want the family dream too, with all its chaos and beauty. I want to cradle a baby in my arms and go to PTA meetings when they're older. I'm proud of what I've achieved, but it feels hollow without someone to share it with. Each milestone is a reminder of the dreams I've put on hold, and the sacrifices I've made. I want someone to come home to that will make the hard days worth it, and the good days better.

Instead, I have late nights and an apartment with plants that I forget to water more often than I should. Every time a plant dies I remind myself I'm not ready for motherhood.

As I put my phone down, I swallow the lump in my throat. It's not Missy's fault, and I would never want her to feel anything less than the pure joy she deserves. But tonight, in the quiet of my apartment, I let myself mourn the life I long for, the one that seems to slip further away with each passing day.

Then when I don't want to think about it anymore, and I want to dream and hope for my future, I turn on Say Yes to the Dress. One of the brides is trying on dresses that cost more than my annual salary. Another is having a destination wedding somewhere tropical and has a celebrity parent. As the show plays, my thoughts drift back to Matt and that almost kiss. I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to find out if he really was going to kiss me.