Chapter 12

I lay in bed the following morning, unable to stop thinking about my conversation with Simon.

"Why do you hate your name?"

"Have you ever met a twenty-three-year-old Lucinda? I'm betting not. All Lucindas are, by default, a hundred and twenty years old. How old are you, anyway?"

"Somewhere in the four hundred range."

By all accounts, I should be terrified of Simon. Although, if the last twenty-four hours were any indication, I needed to have my head examined. I shouldn't even be considering the existence of vampires, let alone believing it. But I watched Simon's fangs sink into the server's skin. I couldn't look away while he drank her blood. And he was impossibly strong and… predatory.

I couldn't think of another way to describe him. He was domineering, and everything about him screamed deadly .

He was unbelievably gorgeous, though.

Trying to distract myself, I propped my phone up on the pillow and picked a documentary about the history of the universe. For a while, I let my mind be consumed by information about planets, galaxies, and all the stars in the sky. It was halfway through when a text showed up on my screen. Addie was on her way.

I could hardly focus while I got ready. Without anything to distract me, my mind wandered to fangs, blood, and immortality. The impossibility of it all.

The allure of it all.

I wasn't sure what to say when I met Addie downstairs in the hotel lobby. She wore a black jumpsuit and her red hair was in a thousand tiny curls. Her eyebrows furrowed when I approached and her hands fluttered at her sides, like she was just as conflicted as I was.

"So, where are we going for brunch?" I asked in an attempt to keep myself from screaming vampire at the top of my lungs.

"A favorite of mine, it's called La Favorite ," Addie answered. "They have a salmon eggs benedict that is to die for." I paused in the same instant Addie's eyes widened. She laughed once. "That's a bad joke right now, it seems."

"Maybe too soon." I cleared my throat.

I let Addie lead the way out of the hotel. She fell into step beside me, taking a few deep breaths. I opened my mouth a few times. I had a million questions to ask her, but none felt right. Each time I thought about asking her how she died, a lump formed in my throat so thick I couldn't swallow. Addie glanced at me several times on the metro; I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was.

We made it to La Favorite a while later. It was a bright pink café decorated with thousands of cherry blossoms. The café's name was written in pink neon letters above the door. Addie sat across from me. In perfect French, she turned to the waiter and ordered eggs benedicts and mimosas for the both of us.

"Look at you," I said weakly. "The perfect French girl."

Addie poured a glass of water for herself, then for me. "I'm trying my best."

"You're doing great," I breathed. Again, the question came to the tip of my tongue. How did you die?

Addie rested her elbows on the table. "I'm sorry about yesterday." When I didn't respond immediately, she continued. "How do you believe me? No offense, but that doesn't sound like you."

I straightened. "Did you know the man at the café yesterday morning was a vampire?"

She pursed her lips. "Yes, I did. Why?"

"I went back last night and he was there again. His name's Simon."

"You shouldn't just-"

"Don't give me a stranger danger lecture. I had questions. He answered them."

"I could have answered them." Hurt flashed across Addie's face.

I stared out over the busy streets, bustling with tourists, locals, bikes, and cars. My eyes lingered on a woman walking her two French bulldogs, then switched to a man on a unicycle in a bright red shirt. This city seemed overwhelmingly full of life… and death.

Finally, I looked back at Addie. The words I'd been avoiding all morning finally spilled out. "You died, and you didn't tell me."

Her breath caught; she tapped her fingers on the table. "How was I supposed to? I couldn't tell you through the phone, that wouldn't have been fair—and you wouldn't have believed me, anyway."

She was right, of course. I would have called her cruel in a thousand different ways. I might have even hung up the phone. That didn't ease the sting of knowing my sister had been dead for months without me knowing.

"How?" I asked.

Our server returned with two mimosas. Addie lifted hers and took a long gulp before nodding. "So, you have to die with vampire blood in your system to become a vampire."

I knew that already. "How did you ingest vampire blood?" I pressed.

"That's not important," Addie said. I could have sworn a blush grew on her cheeks, but it faded as quickly as it appeared. "I don't remember much of it. I remember going to Sophie's apartment to drop off Willa's laptop. I have a key, so I let myself in. Sophie and Eliza were there. Eliza was angry, really angry." Addie broke off and shook her head like she was trying to brush away the memory of what happened to her. "When I woke up," she continued, her voice quieter than before. "I was at home with Holland. I was dead—a vampire. As I'm told, Eliza lost control. She snapped my neck."

"I'll kill her," I growled, rage coursing through me. How dare that woman touch my sister. How dare she hurt her, take her life away.

Addie laughed once. "Don't worry, Holland beat you to it about six times already."

"What?"

"Vampires can only die in certain ways. Did Simon explain that to you?" I nodded, ignoring the way she sneered his name. "Any others, and they'll just heal and revive," Addie explained, observing me. "The first time, he suffocated Eliza. The others, he snapped her neck."

I clutched my stomach to keep from being sick. "God, Addie."

"There hasn't been a day since I woke up that I haven't wanted to tell you, Indy. There were so many of them when I just… I needed my sister," she said. "I'm sorry."

I sucked in a breath, unsure what to say. The server returned, placing our salmon eggs benedicts on the table. I felt starved, so I tore into mine immediately, practically moaning at the taste. We were quiet for a few minutes while we ate and I attempted to reconcile with the idea that my sister was dead.

I appreciated that Holland had the same reaction regarding her safety as I did, but rage simmered deep within me. I wanted to tear Eliza to shreds. How did she have the audacity to laugh and joke in the same room as her after what she'd done? How was Addie okay enough to bring whiskey specifically for her?

"What's it like?" I asked finally. "Being a vampire."

Addie licked her lips and lowered her fork. "It's hard."

I jerked in surprise. It wasn't what I expected her to say.

"Everything's louder, brighter. Heat feels unbearable, and the cold is intolerable. I struggle with physical touch more than ever. And don't even get me started on what it's like to be hangry," Addie explained. "Holland says it will get easier, but it's hard to believe him when everything always feels terrible. He's been doing this for two hundred years, and I'm, well, I'm me."

"I'm sorry, Addie," I rasped. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you."

Addie frowned. "You're here now."

I stared at my breakfast for a long moment, unsure whether I had the appetite to keep eating. Guilt weighed heavily on my conscience. I hated knowing that my sister, my best friend, needed me and I wasn't here for her.

Then I came here with my problems and just… expected her to fix them.

I was so selfish.

I rested my face in my hands in defeat.

After a while of quiet, I sat up. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's just enjoy Paris."

The disappointment on my sister's face was impossible to hide, but she tried anyway. "Sure. What would you like to do today?"