Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
H ester and Otis were considerably less thrilled. ‘You want to do what ?’ Hester’s screech was high-pitched enough to make a passing Labrador stop and jerk towards us. Its owner tugged its lead and they started moving again, but the chubby dog continued to swing his glossy head around and stare at her.
‘Stealing is a better idea than this,’ Otis said. Genuinely surprised at his words, I raised my eyebrows. His cheeks coloured. ‘Alright,’ he muttered. ‘I didn’t mean that. But there must be a better way.’
‘We’ve dealt with vampires before,’ I reassured him.
‘ You ’ve dealt with vampires before,’ Hester said. ‘My ethos – and it’s one that I’m proud of because it’s kept me alive up until now – is to avoid them at all costs.’
I wouldn’t let her dampen my enthusiasm. ‘I’ve studied this. In the late-twentieth century, most cities – Edinburgh included – suffered extensive vampire infestations. The authorities tried to bring their numbers under control but they didn’t make any real headway in reducing the fanged population until vamp spray became popular a few years before the millennium. Before that, they relied on vampire hunters.’
‘Vampire hunters?’ Otis looked dubious.
‘Yep. There was a reward for anyone who brought down a vampire.’ I crossed the street and nodded at the small police station on the corner. ‘I’m pretty certain it was a good reward, too. You simply presented yourself at a police station with evidence of a dispatched vamp and you received a reward.’
‘That sounds like a recipe for getting killed,’ Hester said.
I nodded enthusiastically. ‘Oh yes, it was a terrible idea. From what I remember, more hunters were killed by vampires than the other way around.’
‘And that doesn’t tell you something?’ Otis asked. ‘That you should run away now and forget you ever had such a foolish idea?’
I tapped my temple with my index finger. ‘I’m smarter than the average vampire hunter.’
‘I doubt that’s true,’ Hester said.
‘Well, I’ve got more experience.’
‘Probably not true either.’
‘I’ve got lots of magic.’
She sighed. ‘That you can barely control at the best of times.’
‘And there’s Gladys.’ I touched the sword at my side.
‘You won’t change your mind, will you?’
‘Nope,’ I said cheerfully.
‘We’re going to die,’ Otis said mournfully.
I grinned. ‘Not today, I promise.’
I marched into the police station, shoulders back and head high. I meant business. A young, uniformed police officer was standing behind the desk. She smiled at me. ‘Good afternoon. I’m WPC Hurst. How can I help you?’
I blurted out before I could stop myself, ‘ W PC? ’
Her smiled dimmed slightly. ‘Woman Police Constable.’
I raised an eyebrow. Surely the ‘woman’ bit was clear? I tried to rearrange my features into a blank expression. Alright: 1994 wasn’t all good.
‘Uh, my name is Daisy,’ I said. ‘Daisy Carter. I’m here because I want to enquire about the vampire hunting programme.’
Constable Hurst stared at me. ‘Seriously? You don’t mean?—?’
‘I want to know what the reward is for bagging a vampire, what proof you need, and how long it takes to receive the reward.’
‘I’m not sure that’s a very good idea.’
‘It’s a fabulous idea,’ I told her. Better than fabulous.
She swallowed and picked up a black phone. ‘Wait a few minutes,’ she said. ‘I’ll get someone to come down and explain the process.’
I’d barely settled onto the blue plastic chair in the waiting area before an older and far more grizzled police officer appeared. Unlike the WPC, he made no attempt to be pleasant; he didn’t even introduce himself.
‘So,’ he said, without bothering to sit down, ‘I hear that you want to bag a vamp and make a quick buck.’ He pointed at the door. ‘You should turn around and get out of here. You need to get those sorts of foolish thoughts out of your pretty little head.’
The brownies immediately flew to the door. ‘Okay, then!’ Otis trilled.
‘No problem!’ Hester added.
I ignored them, stood up and faced the officer. ‘What is the reward for killing a vampire?’
He gave me a long look that left no doubt as to his opinion of me. He tapped his foot and raised his eyebrows; only when it was clear that I was going to stand my ground did he answer. ‘Five hundred pounds.’
Bloody hell. That was a lot more than I’d been expecting.
The police officer gave a sharp laugh at my expression. ‘Yeah. But there’s a good reason why the reward is so high. Hunting vampires is dangerous – you’re far more likely to get killed and give someone like me a pile of extra paperwork to complete than you are to bring me their fangs to prove their death.’
I didn’t miss a beat. ‘That’s what you need? Their fangs?’ I frowned. Extracting a vamp’s teeth would be messy but it was do-able.
‘Listen, girlie.’ He sighed heavily. ‘You might think you can kill a vampire but you can’t.’
This was getting tiresome. ‘I’m an elf. I’ve got magic.’
‘So? Two high elves were killed by vampires last month. Being an elf won’t make a bit of difference,’ he sneered. ‘Neither will magic.’
For the first time I hesitated. ‘Two high elves? Really?’ That was unusual.
‘A normal vamp would be too much for someone like you – and the vampires out there are worse than normal. They’re brutal. They’ll show you no mercy. And they’re intelligent,’ he added dourly.
Nah: 2024 vampires were stupid and I didn’t doubt that 1994 vampires were equally dumb. ‘When do I get the money?’
He rolled his eyes. ‘You don’t. You’ll only get dead.’
Hester somersaulted and returned to my shoulder. ‘No, she won’t,’ she sniffed. ‘This is Daisy Carter and she’s amazing. No vampire can kill her.’
She’d changed her tune. Hester didn’t like being told no, and she didn’t like anyone who disparaged me. I suppressed a grin and nodded. ‘Exactly. Once I come back here with the vampire fangs in my hand, how long before I get paid?’
He clicked his tongue. ‘Payment is immediate.’
I knew not to bother asking if I could use PayPal. ‘Uh, by cheque?’
‘If you want.’
‘Can I have cash instead?’
‘ You will not kill any damned vampires.’
I folded my arms.
He sighed again. ‘Yes. If you bring vampire fangs to prove a kill, a cash payment can be arranged.’
Brilliant. I smiled and curtsied. ‘Thank you so much for your time.’
‘Don’t do it.’
My smile grew as I headed for the door. ‘Bye!’ I threw the word over my shoulder. ‘I’ll see you first thing tomorrow morning! Make sure that money is ready and waiting.’
If the police officer replied, I didn’t hear him; I was already on the pavement, rubbing my palms together in glee.
‘You need to show that policeman what’s what,’ Hester said in my left ear. ‘Show him that Daisy Carter is strong and powerful, and far more capable than he is.’
‘You need to abandon this foolish idea immediately,’ Otis said in my right ear. ‘There are other ways to make money.’
Not fast enough to serve our needs there weren’t. I waved them both off and scanned the crowds in front of Waverley station. When I spotted Tracey sitting in the spot I’d vacated, I sighed with relief and made a beeline for her.
‘Spare any change, love?’ she asked. She looked up, saw it was me and pulled a face. ‘Oh, sorry. ’
I glanced at the coins in front of her; she’d done better at begging than I had, but not much better. ‘I need your help again, Tracey,’ I said. ‘I’ll make it worth your while.’ Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. ‘It’s all legal,’ I assured her. ‘All above board.’ I hunkered down beside her. ‘I only need your witchy skills, nothing too complex, I promise.’
She still looked wary but she didn’t tell me to piss off. ‘Go on,’ she said.
‘Can you get hold of some wild garlic?’
‘It’s getting a bit late in the season for this part of the world, but yes – I know where to get some.’
‘If I get some holy water, could you combine the two ingredients with a spell to ward off vampires?’
Tracey did a double-take. ‘What?’
My understanding of witchery didn’t go beyond the basics. ‘Uh, some kind of defensive thing that could be put into a spray bottle and used against a vampire. Could you manage something like that?’
‘You’re not seriously planning to try and kill a vampire, are you? I know people who used to think they could do that.’
‘Where are those people now?’ Otis asked.
Tracey’s response was flat. ‘Dead.’
Otis shot me a pointed look. ‘I think this vamp spray thing might work,’ I said, avoiding his gaze.
She shook her head. ‘Lots of people have tried holy water and garlic.’
‘Sixty percent holy water, forty percent wild garlic – and it has to be wild. If those ingredients are bound together by the right witch, I reckon they might just do the trick.’ I paused. ‘Add a touch of thyme too.’ I didn’t know what effect the thyme had, but I knew it made a difference.
Tracey still didn’t look convinced. ‘If you try to go up against a vampire, you will die. ’
I grinned. ‘I’ve been hearing that a lot today. Trust me, this will work. I’ll go hunting for vampires tonight then collect the reward in the morning from the police. I’ll give you fifty percent of whatever I make.’
She raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘That sounds like a lot, but we both know that fifty percent of nothing is nothing.’
‘You’ve got nothing to lose.’
‘No, but you’ve got everything to lose.’ She glanced at my expression and sighed. ‘Fine. I’ll give it my best shot.’ She was easier to persuade than the police.
‘Thank you. I’ll go and find some holy water. Meet you here in two hours? Will that give you enough time to harvest the garlic?’
‘Should do.’ She gnawed at her bottom lip. ‘But listen. There’s more to life than money. Cash is not worth risking your life for.’
I waved a hand to suggest airy confidence. ‘With your special vamp spray, there won’t be any risk.’
Otis snorted sarcastically. ‘Yeah,’ he said, under his breath. ‘Right.’
I turned to him. ‘The only risk will be to the undead.’
‘This isn’t you, Daisy,’ he said mournfully. ‘You don’t take unnecessary risks and you’re not usually over-confident.’
‘It’s not over-confidence, Otis. And it’s not risky. They’re only vampires, they’re not that big a deal.’ I smiled and repeated, ‘They’re only vampires.’
His bottom lip jutted out. ‘I wish Hugo was here.’
So did I, desperately. But I didn’t need him for this. Even without his help, bagging a few vampires would be easy: undead easy.